31| 5 Friendly Cups of Coffee
MY leg could not keep still no matter what and honestly, it was so fucking infuriating. My brain, for some reason, wasn't sending the signal to my leg that said, "Hey, stop fucking shaking, you absolute pain-in-the-ass!" So here I was. Leg shaking as I sat on the rooftop café of my apartment building, waiting ever-so anxiously, for a certain Alexander Taylor.
Yep. That's what was happening. And I was totally and entirely calm about it.
Yesterday had been a whole ordeal. From going to the concert with Clay to realizing Cayden had set us up because he didn't trust me to telling Clay the truth to confronting Cayden ... Yeah, it was a lot. And to add an extra layer to the already complicated mess, not only had I been tricked into going to Alexander's concert, but he'd texted me earlier that day to literally tell me he was performing in Atlanta. It was the text I'd ignored when I decided that all I wanted to do was prove Cayden wrong and spend the day with Clay. So the one time I decided to ignore Alexander's text since beginning to talk to him again, I'd actually missed a key piece of information that would have stopped the whole surprise-ex-boyfriend-concert situation.
I mentally slapped myself about 20 times.
It wasn't until after I got back to my apartment from being with Clay and confronting Cayden that I realized another text had appeared from Alexander; it was him saying that he'd seen me at the concert. For a split second, he'd seen me, and he'd probably seen me run away, too. So after an awkward jumble of texts where I couldn't explain myself, we made plans. And now, he was meeting me at my apartment complex on the rooftop café.
And yes, Clay knew about this impromptu meeting. As promised, I was being more honest and open. And I wanted to tell Clay about Alexander. I wanted him to know that agreeing to meet with Alexander didn't mean anything more than me simply wanting to catch up and have a friendly cup of coffee.
I'd already had maybe 5 friendly cups of coffee, and he hadn't even arrived yet.
The caffeine maybe wasn't my best idea. That's probably why my leg wouldn't stop shaking, and why I kept tapping my mug of coffee with my index finger. And then I kept ordering coffees on impulse, just to keep my mouth busy and try to distract my mind from the fact that my ex-boyfriend who I once loved would soon be sitting across from me, and I hadn't really seen him seen him in years.
My phone lit up and started buzzing, Alex's name popping on the screen. I looked around the rooftop to make sure I didn't see Alexander, and when I could confirm he wasn't here yet, I answered the phone.
"Is he there yet?"
"No, and if he was, I wouldn't answer the phone because I know you'd find some way to embarrass the hell out of me," I said.
Alex groaned. "How many coffees have you had?"
"5. Going on 6 in a minute."
I heard her whispering, probably to Jesse, "He's had 5 coffees! Yes, 5! Ty, Jesse wants to know if you're sane."
"I'm never sane," I said. "But if we want to look at the bigger picture, then I'm saner than I've been in weeks."
"Oh. Well, that's great. Why so sane?" Alex asked.
"Because, oh sister of mine. Not only have I not had to see Zach's dumb face, I've also been able to open up to Clay a little, and you know what? It would usually be freaking me out a lot more, but it wasn't so bad telling him about Alexander," I admitted. There was still a lot of baggage I hadn't told Clay about, but maybe, I hoped, we'd get there someday.
I didn't want to mention anything about my fight with Cayden to Alex and Jesse. Mainly because I didn't want to dwell on it. I said what I needed to say last night, and so did Clay, and that was it. What Cayden did was shitty, and I wanted to forgive him because I knew he was a good person, and he legitimately cared, but I couldn't just forgive him after what he did. That was a step too far.
"I'm glad, Ty. We're both really happy for you," Alex said. "Anyway. Is he there yet?"
"No, and stop fucking asking. Let me do this, alright? I'll text you about it after."
Alex groaned again. "You know that I'm nosy, and this is a huge moment!"
"It's not that huge–"
"This is your ex-boyfriend. Wait. Our ex-boyfriend," Alex said, and I rolled my eyes. "He was basically monumental for you, and you can't be acting like this is just some meet-up with an old high school friend. This is Alexander we're talking about."
"I know who we're talking about, Alex, shit," I said, running a hand through my hair. "You don't have to remind me who it is, you know? And we don't have to make a big deal about it because yes, I know it's a big deal, but I wish it didn't have to be. I want to be with Clay, alright. Not Alexander."
"Wait, you want to be with him–"
When I looked up, my heart did a little flip. Alexander was right there, and he was walking over to where I was sitting. It dawned on me that I hadn't been fully prepared to see him, even though I thought I was. He was, shocker, almost exactly how I remembered him. I mean, okay, I'd seen him on Instagram and shit because there was no way I didn't do the occasional insta-stalk, but like ... seeing him in person, in the flesh, was a whole other thing. His smile was the same when we locked eyes, his hair had grown a little longer but was just as perfect, and everything about him seemed nearly unchanged besides his level of fame.
I realized I was still on the phone with Alex, who was blabbing something in my ear. I had accidentally tuned her out the moment I looked up and saw Alexander.
"He's here, shut up, goodbye," I mutter quickly, hanging up the phone and setting it down.
I then realized I'd also been staring at Alexander as he walked over, so I had to literally tell my brain it was time to stand up, put on a smile, and say something. Preferably words that came out normally and not jumbled. It wasn't time for my brain to disagree with my mouth, for some dumb mix of 'hello' and 'greetings' to pop out and hit Alexander with the smooth and subtle, "Grello".
"Hey," is what I ended up saying, mentally thanking myself for not being an idiot.
"Ty!" Alexander said, and when he reached me, he pulled me in for a hug. I don't know what I expected; a handshake would have been weird, a high-five would have been even more weird, but for some reason, a hug hadn't been expected. Yet, here we were hugging. And it was nice. I hadn't realized that maybe this is what I needed right now. Just a hug. Like, hugging Clay was phenomenal, he gave the best hugs. But hugging Alexander held its same familiarity, and I must have been missing this more than I led on.
He pulled away and we both sat down. I couldn't possibly go for another coffee after I finished the one I was on, so when we got the opportunity to order next, I'd need to get water. My liver would probably thank me.
"Holy shit, it's really you," Alexander said.
"It's, uh ... it's really me," I said, then motioned to him. "And it's really you."
I suppose the awkwardness had been inevitable. We were catapulted into a ridiculously awkward silence, looking at each other, both of us not sure what to say. Alexander shook his head, letting out a strained laugh. He was clearly nervous, just like I was.
"Sorry, it's just ... it's been a while," he said. "I just ... It's really lovely to see you."
"It's good to see you too," I said. "And now I have no fucking clue what to say."
Thankfully, Alexander took the reins. "I'm really glad you texted me, Ty. I just thought I needed to say that because," he paused and shrugged, "there have been a lot of changes in my life I've wanted to tell you about, just because I've missed talking to you. And I'm sure there are a lot of changes in your life, as well, ones you haven't told me about over text."
I laughed a little. "Uh, yeah. Stuff is new for me. I can't even imagine how much your life has changed besides what you've already told me."
"It's a journey, that's for sure. And there's more I'd love to tell you," Alexander said. "And I'm sorry for springing this on you. I didn't realize you would be at the concert without seeing my message, or I would have done something to let you know earlier."
"Nah, I mean, that's not your fault. That's on me. But not gonna lie, you definitely caught me off guard a little," I admitted.
"I know. I suppose it's a talent of mine," he joked, shaking his head. "And when I saw you at the concert, I assumed you'd seen my text and hadn't had the time to respond yet. Until, obviously, I saw you leaving."
"Right. Yeah. That must have been shit for you. I–I don't want you thinking that I didn't want to see you or anything, it's just–"
"Ty, I don't think that. It must have been shit for you, too. I'm assuming you didn't realize I was playing that night."
I scoffed. "Yeah, you better believe it. It's way complicated. The tickets were a gift, and Clay said it had to be a surprise, so I really didn't know you were playing. And then I was just caught so off guard that I completely freaked out."
"Clay is the one who was with you?"
I nodded.
Right, I hadn't mentioned Clay to Alexander before, much like I hadn't mentioned Alexander to Clay. I mentally rolled my eyes at myself for that one. How stupid. I could understand now why Cayden and probably others who knew about my situation with Clay and my texts with Alexander would have thought that maybe I still had feelings for Alexander. Because I'd neglected to tell Alexander that I was kind of possibly seeing someone else, and I'd neglected to confide in Clay about Alexander. I wanted to fix both of those things. I didn't want anyone getting confused.
If I had secret feelings for Alexander, ones that I'd repressed and denied even through the course of texting him for the past few months, they would have resurfaced right now. They would have shown themselves as Alexander was sitting right in front of me, as he hugged me with those familiar arms that I knew all too well. But no feelings had sprouted up to the surface.
There were no repressed feelings for Alexander. I loved him, like I always would. But I didn't love him in the way I once did. It wasn't like that anymore, and I knew it even more than I did when I'd been sitting with Clay yesterday talking about it all.
"Are you two together?" he asked.
The technical answer was no, not really. Or maybe kind of? But I didn't want to say no, and if I said kind of, then that'd be kind of a dickish thing to say. Clay didn't deserve a half-assed answer like that, so what I ended up saying was along the lines of what he deserved, and what I was realizing I really wanted:
"Yeah, we're together."
It felt good to say it. Like a weight off my shoulders. But there was still a little weight there, because I needed to know.
"Is that ... I mean. Is that an okay thing? For me to admit to you?" I asked.
Alexander smiled, every bit of it as genuine as ever. "Yes. More than okay, really. It's a part of all the changes in my life, just like yours. I'm happy you've found someone, and I can't wait to hear more about him, and tell you about ... about my stuff, as well."
I smiled. "Yeah, me too."
It seemed like he was going to say something else, but he was holding back. I would have pushed to get him to tell me what it was, but I chose not to.
"Let's eat, I'm fucking starving. And if there's one thing I know hasn't changed, it's that Alexander Taylor has a soft spot for breakfast pies."
✿✿✿
A slightly shorter chapter, but ALEXANDER HAS ARRIVED. AND HE IS HERE TO ~momentarily~ STAY.
I think we got some clarity here. Tyler does want to be with Clay, and Alexander doesn't... appear to be interested in Tyler anymore. Do y'all believe that or do you think there's more to the story?
I mean, since I'm the one writing this, obviously I can confirm that there is more to the story. But who knows in what way? Besides me. Heheh.
God, I love the power I hold.
There will be more of Alexander, more drama, more loooove, and all things great. We're almost to the halfway point with this one!!! AHHHH. ILY ALL.
RUEL/ALEXANDER GIF