tw panic attack
tw torture
flashback
"Regulus, here. Take it.", Sirius whispered, handing Regulus a piece of mirror in the hallway.
"What's this?", Regulus hissed. "It's a two way mirror. James and I have one, this one is just for you and me. Use it to talk to me, when you need something.", Sirius nodded, before joining with his friends.
Sirius slipped the mirror in his pocket, as it clinked with the other one.
room of requirement
"What's wrong, Moony?", Peter asked, walking towards him. "I- I have to go to the Ministry.", Remus said, trying his best to keep his voice from quivering.
"For what?", James asked, confused. "Er- Remus needs to get registered.", KIngsley said, his voice low.
"Registered? For what?", Peter asked. Sirius stared at Kingsley, comprehension dawning on his face.
"Professor, can we go with him?", Lily asked, looking at McGonagall.
"No, no, go with him.", Professor McGonagall said, shaking her head.
dorm
"Moons?", Sirius asked softly, touching his shoulder.
"I'm fine. Promise.", Remus admitted, shaking his head. Lily opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off.
"I didn't do anything wrong. It's not fair.", Remus said softly, not looking at any of them. "You didn't. This isn't your fault.", James said, clenching his jaw.
"What if you didn't have to go?", Peter asked suddenly, "You could hide."
"I'm tired of running and hiding, Worm, besides, it won't be too bad.", Remus said, looking down.
"Remus, I think it's time to go.", Lily said, a small frown on her face.
dumbledore's office
"Remus, I see you're taking your friends?", Dumbledore asked, nodding at them.
"Yes, sir.", Remus said quietly. "Sir, what exactly does branding mean?", James asked, looking the professor right in the eyes.
"They want to mark you, to be able to identify you. The actual process, I am unsure of.", Dumbledore said, waving his hand towards the fireplace.
ministry
The five students walked up to the front desk, where a receptionist looked over her glasses at them.
"What are you here for?", she asked.
"W-werewolf registration.", Remus said.
"What was that?", she asked. "Werewolf registration.", Lily said firmly. The receptionist sniffed, pointing them to a room in back.
"Go to the back. A worker will see you shortly.", she said, staring at the group apprehensively as they walked pass her.
"You okay, Moony?", Sirius asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. Remus nodded, not saying a word as they walked into the room. It looked like a regular hospital room, with a single cot.
"We'll be right here, Remus.", Lily said comfortingly. Remus nodded, closing his eyes as he leaned on Sirius.
The worker walked in, holding a clipboard. He had a badge that read the name Harold.
"Where is it?", he asked, looking at the five students. "Where is what?", Peter blinked.
"The werewolf, of course.", he said.
"He is right here.", Sirius fired back.
"Do you have any questions?", Harold asked, ignoring him.
"Will it hurt?", James asked quietly. "Yes.", he said grimly, "Quite a lot.".
"I need you to know that you are binded to a magical contract. You may not stand up from the chairs until he is done, no matter what. If you try to, you will be knocked down.", the young man said.
"There is also a chance of death during this process.", Howard added.
"Death? That wasn't mentioned!", Sirius roared.
"You are binded.", Howard shrugged.
"I am legally required to tell only the friends the process, not the werewolf.", Howard said, ushering Remus away from them, performing a silencing charm around himself and the students.
"First, I'll give him a pill, made of silver. When he swallows it, it will burn his throat, and all the way to his stomach. It will make sure he it- he is a werewolf.", Harold said, "Next, I'll take a silver needle, and with my wand, I'll make a tattoo. One on his neck, the other on his shoulder.".
Lily let out a noise of astonishment, glaring at him. "This is the hard part. The silver might kill him, but if he passes out, he will die. You can't tell him, or else he will be tense. If you try to tell him, then the contract won't allow you.", Harold finished.
Sirius glared at him, resisting the urge to punch him. James flipped him off as Harold removed the silencing charm.
Sirius walked towards Remus, grabbing his hands. "What's going to happen?", he paled.
Sirius opened his mouth, feeling the magic bind his lips as he tried to form the words. "I- It's a contract, I'm so sorry, it won't let me. Just-", he said, his voice cracking on the last word.
He looked down, trying not to cry. Peter took over, "Moony, you'll be okay. Just don't go to sleep, alright?".
"O-okay.", Remus whispered.
"James?", Remus gasped. James was crying. He opened his mouth, a strangled noise coming out. "Sirius?", he asked, his eyes flickering to his boyfriend.
"Just don't go to sleep, Moons.", Sirius swallowed. "Lily?", he asked, looking at her.
Lily looked down, before wrapping her arms around him.
Harold told Remus' friends to sit down, waving his wand, creating a barrier around them. He waved Remus towards the cot, watching, as he sat down, gripping the edges tightly.
"Take off your shirt.", he instructed. "Do I have to?", he reddened. Harold nodded, as Remus pulled off his shirt, trying his best to cover himself.
"Swallow this.", the man said, handing Remus a pill and a glass of water. Remus stared at it, before looking at his friends, and then gulped the pill down.
There was fire in his throat, burning the edges. He couldn't breathe, clawing at his throat. "Please.", he whimpered. There were cries coming from his friends, but he couldn't open his eyes. He coughed, the pill coming back out, with blood all over it.
Harold waved his wand, sending the pill into a glass bottle. The room was spinning as Remus tried not to close his eyes, gritting his teeth. His head was about to explode.
"Can I go?", he cried out, biting back tears. "We've barely started.", Harold said, almost apologetically.
"Lift up your hair.", Harold said. Remus obeyed, lifting his hair up. He felt the cool air on the nape of his neck
"I'm going to cast a spell, it will make you stay still.", he said, "This will hurt."
"Okay.", Remus said quietly, hoping that it would be over fast. Harold waved his wand, and Remus felt a searing pain in the bacl of his neck.
Remus yelled out, as he felt the burning in the back of his neck, he couldn't stop screaming. His eyelids were heavy, and he felt like he was going to pass out.
"It hurts, please, stop it.", Remus whimpered. He heard a choked sob come from Sirius.
"Sirius?", Remus muttered, feeling dizzy and confused, "Why're you crying?"
"I'm fine, Moons, don't worry.", Sirius said, his voice thick.
The four of them could do nothing but stare as Remus as he begged again and again.
"Just stop it!", Lily pleaded loudly.
Peter closed his eyes, and James felt sick as he heard Remus yell out for mercy again and again.
"Where are you?", Remus sobbed, unable to move.
"We're right here, Remus, I promise!", Sirius said, banging on the barrier with all of his strength.
"Help me, please, make it stop.", Remus begged, and then a beat passed, and Remus was quiet.
"Remus.", Harold said loudly, shaking him, "You have to wake up.".
"REMUS!", Sirius cried, trying to wake him up, his voice echoing
Remus heard the yells of his friends again, and he heard someone crying.
Don't cry, he tried to say, but it came out as an incoherent mumble.
Harold waved his wand, and Remus felt his limbs loosen up. He could move again.
"Are we done?", Remus choked out, a lump rising in his throat. Harold shook his head, lifting up a finger, "One more time."
"I can't do this.", Remus cried, his eyes searching Harold's face for any trace of emotion. "You have to.".
Remus protested quietly, the feeling of calmness washing over him. The cries of his friends echoed, getting quieter and quieter.
Go to sleep. It's easier, a voice in his head said.
Remus closed his eyes.
Remus felt a sharp slap on his cheek, his eyes springing open. "You need to stay awake.", Harold said gruffly, yells from his friends following.
Remus touched a hand to his stinging face, shocked. His head was pounding.
Just one more. Then it's over.
Remus sat down on the cot stiffly.
"Show me your shoulder.", Harold said, pulling his wand out.
Remus obliged, clenching his jaw as he moved closer. Remus closed his eyes, yelling out again as Harold waved his wand, the needle piercing into his skin.
This time, he let the tears slip down his face. "Please, Harold.", he begged.
Harold ignored him, staring in concentration.
"Harold, I can't take it, please, I'm begging you.", Remus said, slurring his words together.
"Stop it!", he heard one of his friends cry.
"Done.", Howard sighed. Remus could barely open his eyes, staring at his shoulder through the blurry haze of tears.
Wolf 63
Under that, was a bar code, the skin outside it red. Howard left the room, closing the door. Remus stared at it, his head spinning, as he crumpled to the ground.
The magical ward fell, and his friends rushed to Remus, practically falling down next to him.
Sirius didn't say anything, but he grabbed Remus, hugging him tightly and sobbing into his chest.
"I can't breathe.", Remus said weakly. "Sorry.", Sirius said, swiping at his eyes.
He looked up at his friends, who had tear tracks on their cheeks.
"Sorry.", Remus said, looking up at them. "Why are you sorry?", Peter asked.
"That-- You must have seen a lot more than you expected.", Remus said bitterly, wincing.
Sirius shook his head. "Stop it.", he said, firmly.
"Remus.", James said, "We were more worried about you."
"That was-- that was horrible, Moony.", Peter said, his voice quavering.
"Pete, I'm fine, look.", Remus said, wincing as he tried to stand.
"You need to rest.", Lily said, wiping her eyes.
"It hurts.", he swallowed, the pain shooting up his neck.
"Fuck. It really hurts.", he breathed. "Come here.", James said.
"C'mon, jump on.", James said, turning around. "James. I can't get on your back.", Remus hissed, biting back tears.
Sirius threw off his shirt, handing it to Remus, who gladly wrapped it over his shoulders, his fingers shaking as he buttoned it.
"What about you? It's freezing."
"I've been worse.", Sirius shrugged, "Besides, this way, you get a nice view of my abs.", he said, at which Remus offered him a weak smile
"Why can't you get on my back?", James asked.
"They'll-- they'll say something.", he said gritting his teeth.
"I don't care.", James said. Remus nodded, and Sirius helped him onto James' back as they walked out of the room.
"You're James Potter, are you not? Fleamont's boy?", a Ministry lady asked. James nodded, balancing Remus' weight on his back.
"Why are you carrying a half breed on your back?", she hissed.
Remus closed his eyes, just wanting to leave.
"Don't call him that.", Sirius snarled at the lady, making her sniff and walk away.
dorm room
Sirius was asleep in Remus' bed, staying awake until he was sure Remus had fallen asleep. He kissed the top of Remus' head softly, before laying down on his own pillow, closing his eyes.
dream
"Sirius! Help me, Sirius, please, where are you?", Remus pleaded.
"Remus! I'm here, I'm here!", Sirius yelled, looking around for him.
"Please, stop, I can't, I can't.", Sirius heard.
He looked around wildly.
"It died during the branding.", Harold said gruffly.
dorm
Sirius woke up on the ground.
"No, no, not now, please.", he pleaded.
He mumbled something, opening the dorm room and sitting on the ground of the Common Room.
Sirius couldn't breathe, it felt like the air was closing in on him.
One. Two.
Remus hates you. It's your fault.
Regulus hates you, for leaving him.
"No, stop it.", he muttered, pulling at his hair.
"Sirius? Sirius, what's wrong?", he heard someone ask.
Sirius didn't respond, he started shaking.
"Sirius. Sirius, look at me.", Marlene said firmly.
"Put your hand on my chest.", Marlene instructed, taking Sirius' hand.
"What do you feel, Sirius?", she asked.
"Heartbeat.", he muttered.
"Count them with me, Sirius.", Marlene said.
"One. Two. Three. Four.".
"Are you okay, Sirius?", Marlene asked, after Sirius calmed down. Sirius nodded, not looking her in the eyes.
"Come here.", Marlene said, pulling him into a hug, letting him cry.
"Sorry.", Sirius said gruffly.
"What is up with you, always apologizing?", Marlene snorted, slapping his head lightly.
Sirius grimaced, ignoring her.
"Look, Sirius, what happened?", Marlene asked.
"Panic attack.", he said bluntly. "I know that, you git. I mean what triggered it?", she asked quietly. "Er.", Sirius stuttered.
"Nightmare. Just the war, that's it.", Sirius said, swallowing.
"You sure?", Marlene asked perceptively. Sirius nodded. "Thanks.", he said thickly.
"I'm here for you, boyfriend", Marlene laughed. "Don't remind me, McKinnon.", Sirius groaned.
"Was I that bad of a kisser?", she giggled. "Yes.", Sirius said, a small smile appearing on his face.
"That's not what Dorcas says.", Marlene smirked.
"I should go, Sirius, before they look for me. But I'm here for you, alright?", Marlene said.
Sirius nodded, watching as she walked away.
"Sirius?", a voice said from behind him.
"Pete? What are you doing?", Sirius asked, yawning.
"Couldn't sleep. I kept seeing Remus.", Peter admitted. "Me too. I had another one.", Sirius said gruffly.
"Oh.", Peter said, flopping down beside him. "Sirius, don't--you're not weak. You're one of the strongest people I know.", Peter said softly.
"Really?", Sirius whispered. "Yes, you idiot.", Peter laughed.
"Come on, James and Remus will be worried.", Peter said, helping Sirius up.
"Where were you two?", Remus asked sleepily. "Sorry, Rem, I didn't mean to wake you.", Sirius said softly.
"M'fine. What happened?", he asked, rubbing his eyes.
"Nothing.", Sirius said shortly. Peter looked at him concernedly.
"Sirius, you have to--", Peter tried. "Peter.", Sirius said determinedly, crawling onto Remus' bed.
"What happened?", Remus asked quietly. "Panic attack.", Sirius said, making sure not to look at Remus. "Sirius.", Remus sighed, "You need to tell me, love. I can help.", Remus said.
Sirius nodded, yawning. "Rem.", Sirius whispered.
"Pads?", Remus asked sleepily.
"I- I got this for you.", Sirius said sheepishly, pulling out a ring.
"Whoa. Sirius--", Remus gasped, looking at it in shock.
"It's not-- it's not a proposal or anything. It has a star. My star. Sirius.", he rambled nervously.
"You can use it to contact me. I have one with the moon on it.", he finished. "It's stupid, but--", Remus cut him off, pressing his lips to Sirius'.
"I love it.", he whispered.
tonks safe house
Andromeda was awoken by an owl tapping on her window. She opened it quickly, reading the letter. "Who's it from, Drom?", Ted asked sleepily.
"Er. My sister.", Andromeda whispered, "Not Bella, don't worry.", she said hurriedly. "She wants to talk to me.".
"Is that safe?", Ted asked, after a pause. "She wants me to bring Nymphadora.", Andromeda said, after scanning the bottom line quickly.
"I don't think that's a good idea.", Ted whispered. "Yeah, I don't either, but maybe she's changed?", Andromeda asked weakly.
"What if I come along-- I won't be in sight, I promise. Then if anything happens, I can get Nymphadora to safety. Not that anything will.", Ted suggested.
Andromeda looked at him apprehensively. "Are you sure?", she asked. Ted nodded. "There's no address, though.", he said, pointing to the letter.
"I know where to go.", Andromeda said determinedly.
sestry garden, russia
The family apparated quickly, carrying a sleepy Nymphadora. Ted hid behind a bush, Andromeda performing a cloaking charm on him quickly as she took Nymphadora's hand.
"Stay safe, Ted.", Andromeda whispered, guiding Nympadora to the narcissus flowers. "Now, darling, we're going to see Aunty Cissa. I need you to be on your best behavior, and if I say to run back to Daddy, you need to listen, alright?", Andromeda asked, looking her in the eyes. Nymphadora nodded, her eyes wide.
"Cissa.", Andromeda said, as she saw her sister apparate.
"Hi.", Narcissa breathed, staring at her.
"What, that's all you're going to say? You haven't talked to me in six years and all you say is 'hi'?", Andromeda asked, her voice raising.
"Shhh. Look, what was I supposed to do? I'm risking so much, just being here.", Narcissa said, in a hushed voice.
"This was a bad idea, Cissa.", Andromeda said, "Come, Nymphadora.".
"No, wait. I'm sorry.", Narcissa said, reaching out to grab Andromeda's hand.
Andromeda turned around, her face stony.
"Lucius proposed to me.", Narcissa said, showing her the ring.
"Oh! Do you love him?", Andromeda asked sharply.
Narcissa nodded, a blush creeping into her cheeks.
"Hi Aunty Cissa!", Nymphadora piped up, a big smile on her face.
Andromeda sighed, picking her up. "This is Nymphadora.".
"Hello.", Narcissa said, a small smile creeping on her face as she shook Nymphadora's tiny hand.
"Cissa, I'm sorry too. I just-- I couldn't do what they wanted me to, it's wrong. Muggles aren't bad, or lesser.", Andromeda said hurriedly.
Narcissa opened her mouth to say something.
"Cissa! Look who I found!", a shrill voice shrieked.
"Bella, what are you doing here?", Narcissa asked, shocked.
"Ted! Let him go, Bella.", Andromeda said angrily.
"Now, why would I do that, dear sister?", Bellatrix asked, levitating Ted in the air higher.
Ted shot a Stinging Jinx at Bellatrix, performing the cushioning charm as he fell, springing to his feet.
"Daddy!", Nymphadora cried. "How could you?", Andromeda asked, staring at Narcissa.
"I didn't know she was here, Andy.", Narcissa said.
Bellatrix cackled. "Cissa, don't doubt me. I've been following you."
"We're leaving.", Andromeda said. "Like hell you are.", Bellatrix snarled. Before Bellatrix could make a move towards them, Andromeda grabbed Nymphadora and Ted, and apparated.
Bellatrix rounded on Narcissa. "How could you, Cissy?", Bellatrix growled.
"Sorry. Moment of weakness. That's all.", Narcissa said meekly, twisting the ring on her finger.
"Good. I won't tell anyone. It better not happen again.", Bellatrix said.
hogwarts
"Christmas holidays start tomorrow, and I highly advise you to use your time wisely, studying for your NEWT exams.", McGonagall said, making the students groan.
"Here are some parchments, these are for all of your classes. They tell you exactly what you need to know, so please study them!", she said, passing them out before dismissing them.
"Yes! Finally, Christmas break!", Sirius cheered, jumping out of his seat.
"Full moon tomorrow, though.", Remus said dryly.
"Don't worry, Moony, we'll be there.", James said nonchalantly.
"But-- you lot wanted to go to Slughorn's party.", Remus protested.
"Blech, Moony, we don't care.", Peter said, miming throwing up
slytherin common room
"Where does he go? And why don't the teachers say anything?", Severus growled, staring at his books.
"Who?", Regulus asked. "That Lupin boy.", he said, looking up at Regulus.
"I'm not sure what you mean.", Regulus said, his heart speeding up.
"He's gone so much! He's always sick, too, and the teachers don't care.", Severus said thoughtfully.
"Do you know?", he asked, his eyes wild as he turned to Regulus.
"No. Why would I associate with them?", he scoffed.
"He is your brother's boyfriend.", Severus said, his voice laced with disgust.
"I don't have a brother, not sure what you mean.", Regulus said, keeping his cool.
Severus made a noncommittal noise in his throat, before looking back up at Regulus.
"He's gone every month, isn't he?", Snape asked.
"I think my brother will get jealous, with you obsessing over Lupin.", Regulus said coolly.
Severus glared at him. "Where does he go?", he wondered out loud. "I should speak to the Dark Lord about this.", he said.
"He has better things to do than to come here because of a student.", Regulus scoffed. "A student, yes. But not a werewolf.", Snape muttered.
"A werewolf? Severus, please. What kind of old fool do you think Dumbledore is?", Regulus said, laughing.
"Hmm. Maybe not the Dark Lord. Werewolf blood-- it's very useful for potions.", Severus whispered, staring at his potions textbook.
"Even if he was a werewolf, you couldn't get his blood. The werewolf would overpower you.", Regulus said dryly.
"Couldn't I?", Snape asked, a mad look in his eyes.
"Fine. Go to the Whomping Willow, touch the knot. He'll be there. You won't be able to do it.", Regulus smirked.
"Whomping Willow, you say.", Severus said quietly.