17| It All Starts With Lightsaber Chopsticks
"CHINESE food," Logan said. "We have chow-mein, fried rice, a couple different kinds of chicken, and since I'm not a professional and don't know how in the hell to make fortune cookies, we have regular cookies with fortunes on the side."
"I wrote the fortunes!" Jeremy exclaimed.
"We all knew Logan didn't," Cayden added.
Logan glared at him. "I am perfectly capable of writing down some bullshit fortunes."
"And that," Cayden said, pointing at Logan, "is exactly why you're incapable of writing fortunes. You don't even believe in them."
"Of course I don't believe in them. They're just pieces of paper," Logan argued.
"They're magical pieces of paper, and if you hold onto them, they come true," I added.
"True that," Tyler agreed, which surprised me a little. I hadn't expected him to be a fortune-cookie believer. "I keep all my fortunes, well, all the ones I don't lose, in my wallet."
"I guess you could say you're pretty fortunate," Noah said.
We all stared blankly at him.
"Jesus. Tough crowd."
We all grabbed plates and piled on the food. Almost everyone walked over to sit on the couch because we'd turned on a movie not long ago. It was a random movie on Netflix that no one knew anything about. I stayed back while Tyler got his food and then his eyes lit up.
"I just bought the perfect thing for this!" he exclaimed, turning around and opening one of the kitchen drawers. A second later, he turned back around, holding up a pair of chopsticks, but not any regular chopsticks.
"Lightsaber chopsticks!" I exclaimed, eyes brightening. "Where did you get these?"
"That weird supply store. I'm telling you, they really do have everything," Tyler said, opening up the package and holding the chopsticks, then immediately furrowing his eyebrows. "You know, I don't know why I actually bought these. I don't even know how to use chopsticks."
"You don't?" I asked, and Tyler shook his head. "Do you–? I can show you, if you want."
"Really? I don't think I'll be able to, but you can sure try."
I gestured him over, and Tyler moved over to stand beside me with his plate of food. He handed me the chopsticks and I placed them in between my fingers like I knew how to.
"The only reason I know how to use this is because my friend Gracie taught me," I said, remembering my senior year when Gracie and I had just started to date. I made reservations at her favorite Chinese restaurant on her birthday, and she practically scolded me (in a nice Gracie-fashion) when she found out I didn't know how to use chopsticks. Really, it wasn't as hard as I'd thought it to be after she showed me.
It felt a little weird showing Tyler now, considering I was basically passing on exactly what Gracie had taught me. But if anything, it made me smile even more, knowing that the little things Gracie had taught me were things I could now take into this little relationship-thing I had going on with Tyler. And maybe, if I was lucky, this unsure thing between us would become more sure.
Maybe it all starts with lightsaber chopsticks.
"Your ex, right?" Tyler asked.
I nodded, not surprised that he knew. Cayden, as much as I trusted him, was also terrible at holding in too much information at once. He was good with secrets up until a point. There was some threshold-type-thing that when he reached it, things would just spill from his mouth.
"Do you still keep in touch with her?"
I shrugged. "Every so often I text her, or she texts me. I love her to death," I said, then caught myself. "I mean–not like that, obviously. I just–I pretty much love everyone ever, all the time. So–" I groaned and shook my head. "Okay, I didn't really mean that to come out that way, either, because I don't love you or anything, right, because that would be scary, and we just kind of re-met, and so obviously that's not the cast, but I–"
Tyler chuckled and touched my arm, which shut me up. "You're rambling, and you don't have to ramble. I know what you mean," he said, then poked my hand. "Chopsticks?"
I let go of a smile. "Chopsticks. So, uh, they're kind of like this." I took Tyler's right hand and placed one chopstick between the ring and middle finger, resting the base on his thumb, and the other in between the index and middle finger. "You hold this one like you would hold a pencil, and it's the only chopstick you actually move. So just think of it as writing, but with two pencils."
"Writing with... two pencils," he repeated, nodding slowly.
"Yeah, except you wouldn't really write with two pencils. So if someone put two pencils in your hand and said to write, but you had to keep the second pencil, you wouldn't use it. You would use this one," I touched the one in between his index finger, "while the other stays completely still."
"So, I move the pencil I would write with. How exactly?" Tyler asked.
"Have you seen Friends?"
"Well, I don't live under a rock."
"Okay, so you know the episode where Ross gets that huge sofa and him and Rachel carry it back to his apartment? And then they get Chandler involved and try to get the sofa upstairs, and the entire time, Ross is yelling–"
"–pivot," Tyler finished, smiling. "Yeah, I fucking love that episode."
"Me too!" I exclaimed. "So that's the movement of the pencil. It's just like a pivot. You pivot with this finger while the other stays stationary, and then bam! You can pick up a heap of noodles and eat like you've never eaten before!"
"I guess that kind of makes sense," Tyler said, then sighed.
He moved his hand, trying to use the pivot technique, but he couldn't quite get it. It took him a minute, but he finally picked up one singular noodle, then let it drop and looked up at me with a grin.
"I kind of did that!"
"You kind of did," I agreed.
"Except I totally didn't, also." Tyler set the chopsticks on his kitchen counter and stood up, brushing past me to grab a fork. "You're a good teacher. I'm just unequipped to use any utensil that doesn't involve scooping or stabbing."
"You could stab with the chopsticks. It would just be really weird," I said, and Tyler laughed.
He opened up his fridge and pulled out a Mike's, then offered me one. I took it even though I hardly drank; I was a sucker for fruity drinks, and Mike's grape-flavored was my all-time favorite.
Tyler nodded towards the back door that led to his massive patio. "Wanna eat out there? Just you and me?"
I felt something like bubbles raising up through my body, bubbles of excitement.
"Yes, definitely."
✿✿✿
When I went inside to get my third Mike's, Noah and Logan were just starting a basketball competition with my new arcade-like addition. Logan was exclaiming every time she got a basket, rubbing it in Noah's face while he rolled his eyes. Cayden and Jeremy were watching whatever movie they'd turned on and sneaking more snacks from the kitchen.
"Fuck yeah! Suck on that, Noah Locke!" Logan yelled.
"I already do every night, anyway," Noah replied, and I whistled from the kitchen while I pulled out another Mike's from the fridge. Mango, this time.
I walked over to the back of the couch and bent down, sticking my face in between Jeremy and Cayden's heads.
"So, she's super competitive," I said.
"Don't get us started. You saw her at volleyball, and the more you put any sort of competition or challenge in front of her, the more you'll release the monster," Cayden said.
I laughed and stood up, heading towards the back doors. I opened up the door and stepped back onto the patio. Clay was sitting down on the ground now, different from where I'd left him, with his legs slipped through the bottom bars of the patio railing, dangling in the free air. There was a slight breeze, but it was otherwise super warm for being almost 10. The sun was completely down, but the warm pendant lights on the patio offered plenty of light. Besides, the city below was still lit up.
I went to sit beside him, dangling my legs off the edge of the patio. I opened the bottle and took a sip while I stared out at the Atlanta skyline, still amazed by how different the view was from back home in California. There was more beach back home, and now, it was all an expanse of the city. A part of me obviously missed the beach, but a bigger part of me was excited to have this new area; my feet dangled free above a city I had yet to completely explore, and I sat beside a guy who I was beginning to realize was really fucking great.
"Do you like Atlanta so far?" Clay asked, his head turning in my direction. I felt his gaze on me, but I couldn't bring myself to look back at him as I spoke; I'd never been good at being real and keeping eye contact with people. Especially when the topic of conversation shifted to something that wasn't just small-talk.
"It's had its ups and downs, but I've really liked it," I told him. "I think the thing I miss most about home right now is my little brother, Ethan. My parents, too, but you know. I'm just really close with Ethan."
"How old is he?"
"He's, uh, almost 10 or something," I said. I was kind of shit at remembering ages. It was only easy to remember Alex's because we were born on the same day. "He's the best little dude ever. We always played video games together, and he's just got a great sense of humor. He's funny all the time. But under all his humor, there's a real big heart. He's always been my number one supporter in basketball and shit."
"Your number one fan," Clay said, and this time, I looked up at him and caught his smile.
"Yeah, always," I said, looking back out towards the city. "I miss my sister, too, but she's not in California anymore, either, and she lives with her boyfriend."
"The, uh, sugar daddy?"
"Ah shit, Cayden told you," I said, shaking my head while Clay laughed. "You jealous of my sugar daddy?"
"No, but he does have great taste in apartments," Clay said, and I leaned into his side with my shoulder.
"Shut up," I muttered.
"Tell me about your sister."
I looked up at him, eyebrows raised. "You really wanna know?"
"Duh," Clay said. "This is kind of my thing. Knowing people."
"And what makes you think I want you to know me?" I teased.
"I don't know if you do," Clay said, which caught me off guard. "But I want to know everything that you'll tell me, and maybe someday, you'll want me to really know you."
Damn.
That was a little deep.
I didn't say anything for a moment, just caught up in looking into Clay's eyes. I could tell that by his statement, he wasn't judging me. He was just being honest. And in totatility, he was completely right. Because I was pretty shit at letting people know me to a full extent, and I always kept my inhibitions high. Clay wasn't saying that to scrutinize me, he was too nice for that. He was just... real.
And I was so bad at being real.
I took a breath and looked away. Being real scared me, but it was just Alex we were talking about. I could talk about my sister without getting on some super deep existential level.
"Alex and I have always been close, I mean, we're twins. Fraternal, obviously."
"You were in... in a frat together?"
I smiled and shook my head. "No, uh... So there are identical twins, right?"
"Right. The ones that look alike," he said.
I nodded. "And then there are fraternal twins. Have you seen Star Wars?"
"Well, I don't live under a rock," he said, repeating my words from earlier, which made me smile.
"So Luke and Leia are fraternal twins. Luke is a boy, Leia is a girl, and they don't really look alike or have any weird similarities like idential twins often do. They're just brother and sister, but they were born on the same day. That's me and Alex. Actually, our birthday's coming up, and she'll be coming out for that," I told him. "Anyway. Yeah. We've been close because of that, but I think we've been closer than ever for the past couple of years."
"What changed?" he asked.
"To make us closer?"
Clay nodded.
A fucking lot, was the answer. For one, she found out I was gay. Then, I stopped being a complete asshole. Then, I stopped hating her boyfriend out of petty reason. There were reasons beyond reasons in between each of those that made Alex and I closer, but a lot of it dove a bit too deep.
No existential deepness, Tyler. Keep it moderate. Push yourself only a little.
"Uh, well, on one note, we went through kind of a period of secret-keeping. She wouldn't tell me that she was secretly talking to her boyfriend, Jesse, because I didn't like him. Like at all. And I wouldn't tell her why I hated Jesse per se, or why I was angry all of the time," I admitted, and it felt like setting a part of myself free with the wind. I hadn't admitted that to anyone, really, besides the people involved.
"Turns out, I was just angry because there was a lot going on in my mind that I couldn't really let out. But we don't have time to unpack all of that," I said. In the wise words of John Mulaney, of course. "But I don't know, Alex and I grew really close after our Junior year. She started actually coming to my basketball games, even though she still doesn't understand the sport, and I started not hating her boyfriend and not being such a little bitch to her."
"I can't imagine you being a–a little bitch," Clay said.
"Trust me," I said, "you wouldn't have wanted to know me in my Junior year. I was the biggest dick in all of dickland."
"Well, you seem great now. You are."
Clay's hand landed on top of mine, and I didn't flinch. I liked that he didn't try to convince me that I had never been a little bitch, and I liked that we could leave the conversation at that. He didn't pry me out of my comfort zone anymore, and a part of me guessed that he could probably sense I was hesistant to be completely open, which was why he didn't push me. And for that, I was really fucking thankful. Simultaneously, I felt really lucky to be with him right now; he was such a good genuine person, and it was impossible to believe that I deserved this moment.
"You said your birthday is coming up. Yours and Alex's. When is it?" Clay asked.
"The 18th of July," I said. "Yeah, Alex and Jesse, her boyfriend aka my sugar daddy, are both flying out for 2 days. I'm really fucking pumped to see them, but I don't even know what we'll do. I'm not good at plans, so we'll probably just go with the flow."
"What if you had a party?" Clay said, and I met his gaze. "I, uh, I don't want to be weird or anything, but I plan things for a living. It's my job. And what if I helped you out with a party?"
My eyes widened. "Wait, really? You'd do that?"
"Of course I would," Clay said, so sincerely that it pulled at a string attached to my heart.
"I–yeah, I'd fucking love that," I said, squeezing his hand and grinning.
"It doesn't have to be anything crazy, but I would like to help you out. And it'll be fun," Clay said.
"You have no idea how much I appreciate you right now. I appreciate the shit out of you," I said, meaning it wholeheartedly. "Let me, uh, let me go grab my phone real quick. So I can text Jesse and tell him what's up. He can help brainstorm, and it can be a surprise party for Alex, she'll never see it coming."
I leaned over and kissed Clay's cheek, pulling away and catching his ever-apparent blush. "O–okay," he said, and I stood up to head inside.
I stepped into the apartment where Noah and Logan were still going head-to-head, and Cayden and Jeremy were cuddled up on my couch watching the same movie. My phone was plugged in the kitchen, and I walked over, a somewhat neverending smile on my face.
Clay's offer was so genuine, and so good. He was willing to plan a birthday party for me and my sister; me, who he barely knew, and my sister, who he didn't know even remotely. At the moment, he seemed like the best person I'd ever met.
When I clicked on my phone screen and it lit up, though, my heart plummeted and then seemingly restarted when I saw what was on the screen. If Clay was currently the best person ever, then the second best person I'd ever met was lighting up my phone screen.
Alexander had responded to my text.
I took a deep breath to compose myself because I couldn't deal with that at the moment. Despite my guards up, I wanted to be with Clay tonight. I wanted to be all there with him. If I entertained Alexander's text, yeah, well... it would pull me into a completely different realm.
I made a mental note to text Jesse later, and I flipped my phone over and ignored it. I could push away the slight panic and excitement and confused cocktail of feelings due to Alexander's name on my homescreen, and instead, focus on the really great (too great) guy sitting outside on my balcony.
✿✿✿
PIVOT!
I think about that a lot.
HEY YALL WELCOME BACK. HOW YOU DOIN. I didn't upload again yesterday for 2 days in a row, but I thought I'd upload TODAY just so that y'all got the extra content I said I might give. So here we areeeee.
I am Tyler in this situation; I don't know how to use chopsticks and by god, I probably never will learn. I just can't do it, I swear. It's impossible for my brain to understand. I'll stick with forks, I suppose.
Okay so we've got cuteness, and... a little drama on the horizon.
GO ENJOY YOUR OWN LIGHTSABER CHOPSTICKS. Period.