Omniscient
"I'm just going to be honest with you, she might really be tired for good. This is a whole human that you may have coming into this world by another woman. This is not to at all to discourage you or anything because I do think this therapy is good for you." Angela calmly spoke to Chris. This was their second session and they were back in the same setting. The dark room with the one light hanging from the ceiling.
"It's been 3 days since I got the paternity test and the results should be arriving at my house as we speak. I don't think I'm the father but really only lord knows." Angela wrote something down, glanced up at Chris, then looked back down to finish her thoughts.
"Well I hope it works out for you guys but we still need to get to the bottom of everything and bring it to the surface. Now last time we left off at you saying how she was ready for a relationship and you weren't."
"Yeah, we made it official I think about 4 months after we met each other. 3 months after she gave me her virginity. When she gave me...that, that's when the shit kind of started I guess. She wanted us to be more than just what we were at the time-."
"And that was?" Angela cut in. Chris scratched the back of his neck and looked up with a confused look on his face.
"I guess you could say fuck buddies. I don't know, we were having sex daily but I had other women still that she knew about. Then I guess she was tired of sharing and expressed to me that she wanted to advance from that. There was one time where we got in a big argument about that and we stopped talking for a good week. Then about 2 weeks after that is when we got together." Angela nodded and made sure to take her notes.
"Tell me about the argument." Chris nodded and folded his arms while leaning back.
"We were chilling in my crib for a couple hours till she brought it up..."
"Chris" Brooklyn mumbled as she traced circles on his bare chest. The TV played quietly as the two of them comfortably laid on Chris's long red couch in the living room. He had his right hand behind his head with his legs extended. Brooklyn laid on his left side with her body curled against him.
"Wassup." Chris said, barely audible because he was focused on the TV. Brooklyn didn't want to seem annoying but she was tired of him ignoring her or changing the subject when she brought this up.
"What are we doing?" Chris sighed, already over the conversation before it really even started. Brooklyn rolled her eyes at him, this was what happened all the time and she was over it.
"We chilling, I don't get why you keep trying to force something more when we good." Brooklyn sat up and looked at him like he was crazy, though he was barely paying her any mind.
"So it would be okay if I went and messed with another nigga right?" Chris eyed her, basically daring her too. Brooklyn threw her hands up on frustration because she didn't understand his mentality. He thought it was okay to mess with any and every girl but when it came too Brooklyn and another man, he got angry and possessive.
"Stop talking crazy." Chris said, sitting up and looking at her. Brooklyn smacked her lips and flicked him off.
"With all the other girls you mess with, you don't give a crap who they mess with if it's not you. But when it comes to me you act like it's a sin for me to mess with anyone that isn't you. Yet at the same time you refuse to make this official and you continue to do what you do." Chris tuned her out, staring at her and waiting till her mouth shut.
"Talking all this shit but you still here right?" She hated when he got like this, she felt like he did it on purpose and it was an early act of manipulation. She wanted to walk away for good, but she was already developing strong feelings for him which is something she told herself not to do repeatedly.
"...Do you even care about me?" Chris groaned and stood up, doing a little stretch and adjusting his hat before walking to the kitchen. Brooklyn scrunched up her face and followed him. Chris rolled his eyes, hearing her light footsteps.
"You're following me why?" Chris asked with his back turned to Brooklyn. He looked through the fridge for nothing in particular, he just wanted to taunt her even more.
"Can you stop ignoring and trying to maneuver your way around this topic?! Do you want to be with me or not because you're wasting my time for your own selfish wants. Then if I go to someone else, you get angry and feed me more bullshit." Chris chuckled to himself.
"All I gotta do is kiss on your little neck and you back like you never left. Don't act slow now Brooklyn, you the one that keeps coming back to me-."
"After I try to leave and you come and tempt me each time!" Chris raised an eyebrow at her and leaned on the kitchen island across from her.
"And whose the dumbass that gives in each time?" Brooklyn blankly stared at him. "Exactly."
"I swear you're such an asshole for no damn reason. You want nothing serious with me yet won't leave me the fuck alone." Chris shrugged and grabbed a Gatorade. He walked from across the island and up to Brooklyn. He grabbed the small of her back and pulled her close to him.
"You wouldn't dare leave this asshole alone though." He smirked, leaning down to smugly kiss her cheek. Brooklyn attempted to push him off but he was much stronger than her.
"Can you fucking move, I do not want anything to do with you so get away from me." Chris chuckled again, this time actually backing away from her and putting his hands up in surrender.
"The door is that way." He pointed. Brooklyn ignored him as she went to the living room to grab her purse. She got her belongings and left out of the house without another word.
"Let me guess...you found your way back there to tempt her and she fell back under your little spell again?" Angela asked, already knowing the answer to her rhetorical question.
"Yeah, I popped up at her crib one day because I kind of missed her. She wasn't having it at first but it doesn't- well didn't take much to get her to crack. Like I said before, she was easy as fuck. She wasn't certain with her words, she said them but always backtracked and ended up doing something else. I've heard plenty of 'I hate you' and 'we're never getting back together' with her and that clearly didn't happen." Angela pursed her lips and took her notes while Chris watched.
"So basically from the beginning her words were empty to you, meaning you didn't care about them. She let you get away with so much stuff and threatened you but never went through with it. Think about the most recent thing she's said in terms of the two of you getting back together....do you or did you not believe her?" Chris placed his right hand under his chin in thought.
"When she said it this time it actually hit me to be honest. It was like a shift I guess, usually I would be hurt for the time being but expect for her to eventually just take me back. This time it didn't feel like that, it felt like she was really done with me. I don't know if it's because I'm looking at her in a different light due to our session, or because she may actually be serious."
"How does that make you feel...that she may be serious that this is the end of the two of you forever."Chris felt like there was a huge lump in his throat, the thought of her really being done made him sick to his stomach.
"It hurts...and I've tried to keep my mind off of it but when I do think about it that shit is painful. 5 years with her down the drain because I couldn't recognize my issues earlier is something that's hard to process. These past couple days I've been hurting and it's a new feeling to me. Nothing close to the way I imagine she feels, but I know I haven't been feeling good." Angela tapped her nails on her desk.
"What have you been doing to cope with that?"
"I only know how to express deep and raw feelings through my music. I've wrote and recorded some songs to her and some songs about myself and my thoughts. One specific song that I wrote is called 'Girl of my Dreams' and it's kind of a rare type of song I record I guess. I don't know but I do want to give that to her or possibly perform it for her in front of some people or something." Angela smiled to herself, her eyes twinkling.
"That's sweet and I know she'll appreciate it....hopefully. But anyways, it seems to me that in the past at least you looked at her as your property or you were at least possessive over her. When you were telling me the story, there was a part where she tried to mention messing with someone else and you shut it down almost instantly." Chris dropped his head, realizing all of this stuff and all his fucked up actions being brought to light made him disgusted in himself.
"Thinking about it now, I think I did see her as more of my property since the beginning. That's another reason why I think when she would ever threaten to leave, I didn't take her serious. I had this mentality that she was never going to leave because I had this hold over her...but really it was just me being possessive."
"Do you believe that you're in love with her or love her." This is where Chris's palms began to sweat. He rapidly bounced his legs, suddenly feeling a wave of pressure and a sense of nervousness.
"I- I think I am...in love with her." Once the words came out of his mouth, Chris blinked. "I'm in love with her." He repeated to himself, more like he was reassuring himself.
"Does that make you nervous?" Chris looked up at Angela and all he could do was nod. No words were coming out of his now dry mouth.
"Do you have water?" Angela looked at him concerned, hesitating to grab a bottle from the water case in her office. She handed Chris a bottle which he wasted no time in guzzling down.
"Why does that word make you so nervous...or those words?" Chris cleared his throat.
"Because I don't think I know how to love. I mean I say it because that's what I think I feel but the shit I do to that girl...you don't do that when you love someone. Whenever I'm in love or loving someone, I end up hurting them. Physically with my ex and with Brooklyn I've done just about everything." Angela removed her glasses and put her notepad down.
"Love has no definition, there's nothing to tell you when you love or are in love with a person except for yourself. If you feel that you can't live without that person and you feel something deeper than love then it may be more than that. For all we know she can be your soulmate. It's a big word and commitment but I have a feeling she is." Chris was taken back, he didn't know what to say, think, or feel.
"Well then yes I- I am in love with Brooklyn." Chris whispered, playing with his fingers.
"Make sure you get it in your head, repeat it to yourself." Angela said, smirking.
"I am in love with Brooklyn." Chris repeated, this time with a lot more confidence in his voice. Angela smiled and nodded.
"If you had to explain how to treat someone you're in love with in your own words...then what would you say?" Chris thought about the question, looking up to think.
"I would say to just treat that person right. Never allow that person to feel like they're worth less than you know they are. Always remind them how beautiful they are, how amazing they are, how strong they are, and especially how much you love them. Be their support system, whatever they accomplish always remind them that you're proud of them. Listen to their feelings, allow them to trust you and vice versa. Don't step out on them ever...no matter what. Don't risk a dollar for a penny." Chris said out loud, his thoughts guiding him. Angela wrote down all of that and nodded.
"Well it seems to me that you know exactly what you need to do."
*
Chris felt refreshed coming from that session, though it wasn't all too long it was helpful. He didn't know if he was overreacting, but he felt a switch in him since he started seeing Angela. He was honestly trying and learning daily.
Chris looked at his kitchen table, seeing his mail there. He took a deep breathe and walked over to the island. He flipped through everything with his eyebrows furrowed until he got to The package. He was tempted to open it, but thought of another idea. He hesitantly grabbed his phone and pressed on her number. He was sure she wouldn't answer, but it was worth a try.
"Come on, come on." He mumbled to himself. The ringing finally stopped and Chris sat silently for a second, waiting to hear her voicemail. He pulled the phone from his ear once he didn't hear it, except he heard soft breathing on the other end of the phone.
"Please don't hang up on me. I won't be long, I just wanted to tell you I got the test results. This is risky but I wanted to open it with you. I just want you to be there, I don't know what it's going to say so I can't warn you. Please just send me one message to let me know if you'll come or not. It can be at our private little area. No matter what happens I want you to know that I love you a-and I'm in love with you. Um have a goodnight, you and the twins....and again I love you." Brooklyn sat on the other end of the phone, nibbling on her bottom lip once she heard Chris pause. She heard him sigh and hang up the phone.
"I love you too." She whispered to herself being that she knew he already hung up. She stared at her phone for a little while, having a mental battle with herself. She picked up the phone and typed a space then sent it. No context, just a message.
Chris picked up his phone once he heard a notification. Seeing that it was from Brooklyn, he went straight to the message without hesitation. Though it was no actual words, it was still something.
Chris replied with a heart and made sure to give her one last 'I love you' before shutting his phone off.
*
My updating>>>