Dear Sophia,
I love you.
You’ve really made me what I am today. I hope you could see the difference in me. I got in yesterday and decided I had to prove something to myself. And to you too. I decided that when I went to bed I’d leave the backdoor unlocked. Not completely open so the wind could blow in as that would have made the house freezing. Just unlocked. Usually the backdoor’s locked the whole time. The key just stays in the door and I never go in or out that way so it always stays locked. When I got in yesterday I decided to turn the key and leave it open. I managed to get through the whole night without getting up and locking it again.
I focussed on taking deep breaths when I got in bed. I felt calm. I actually slept a bit too. Probably more than a bit actually. It’s always hard to know how long you’re actually asleep for. I felt fine this morning though. The snow had even gone a little bit. The walk down to see you wasn’t any easier because the pavement was all sludgy where the snow was melting but I felt better knowing it was going away.
It was funny when I saw you. It was the first time in ages I’d noticed all the Christmas decorations. They’ve been up so long they’ve just become part of the background. I don’t even find them annoying anymore. I just don’t notice them. I don’t really get what the point in having them up is if by the time it’s Christmas nobody notices them. It means the closer it gets to Christmas the less Christmassy it feels. I don’t care either way it just doesn’t make sense really.
It only dawned on me today how close to Christmas it is. I guess you’ll have some time off over Christmas. That’s a good thing though. It’s nice to have a break every now and then. You don’t want your life to revolve around work. I don’t mind at all. I know that’s what people need so I’m not too worried about it at the moment.
I’m just excited about the new year anyway. When you’re back after Christmas we can finally sort out you moving in. It will be our year. Not the year where we fell in love but the year where we’re always together. The year where everything falls into place.
Now I’ve proved I’m not scared of anything it means I don’t have to worry about not seeing you over Christmas. I just want you to have a nice relaxing break and get ready for how exciting next year is going to be. I don’t want you worrying about anything over the next couple of weeks.
I love you.
Yours,
Andrew