Chapter 33
I went home with Zayn to his flat at probably two in the morning. Emily went to Harry and Louis's flat along with Eleanor. I swear we were barely ever at our apartment. Luckily, the rent is low. Zayn gave me a t-shirt of his to borrow leaving out pants on purpose. I managed to sneak into his drawers and borrow a pair of boxers though.
"You disappoint me," Zayn joked when he noticed my bottom half was covered.
I giggled and put my hands on my hips, "Sorry, but I prefer to wear pants then no pants."
Zayn laughed and picked me up setting me down on the bed. He snuggled up to me and we lay there till we fell asleep.
When I woke, Zayn wasn't lying next to me. I traveled to the living room and saw Zayn outside on his balcony. He was leaning forward on the balcony, his arms resting on the railing, and his bum sticking out. He had something small in his hand. I looked closer at the object and realized it was a cigarette. He brought it his mouth then took it away letting a puff of smoke escape his lips. I stood there a little dumbfounded. I had no idea he smoked. I didn't know how I couldn't. I mean I wouldn't have see pictures or something wouldn't I? I honestly wasn't a big fan of people who smoked especially around others. I mean couldn't they have some decency. I just didn't know how I felt about Zayn smoking though. I love him but I hate smoking.
I took a few steps and quietly said, "Hey."
Zayn jumped a little in surprise and glanced at me. He quickly dug the cigarette onto the railing on the balcony and let it fall down to the street below.
"Hey," He said as he motioned for me to come out there with him.
I obeyed. When I got up to him, I went on my tippy toes to give him a good morning kiss. As I was about to kiss his pink lips he turned his head so I kissed his cheek. I knew why. He didn't want me to taste or smell the cigarette.
I decided to play dumb and act like I didn't see him with the death stick.
I fell back on my heels and gave him a confused look.
He smiled weakly, "I love you," He said and kissed my forehead.
Zayn walked back inside leaving me in the cool, brisk morning air. I was shocked. He really wasn't gonna tell me. Was he ever going to tell me? He can't hide this from me forever. I was debating whether or not to talk to him about this. I thought I should and shuffled back inside. Zayn was in the kitchen preparing a bowl of cereal.
I sat at the table ready to talk. I was about to bring it up but Zayn started to talk before me.
"So are you going back to Chicago for Christmas?" He said as he dug through the drawer for a spoon.
I nodded, "Yeah, I'm heading back in like 2 days."
Once Zayn found one, he joined me at the table, "It sucks we won't be together." He took a spoonful of Lucky Charms into his mouth.
I played with a loose thread on my shirt, "Yeah, but I think it's important I go back. I mean with my dad and everything."
Zayn looked at me worried, "Is he going to be with you guys?"
I shrugged, "He might be. I'm not sure."
"I can come-" He started to offer but I interrupted him.
"Zayn, I think I can face my dad without you. I don't need you there all the time. Besides, you need to spend time with your family. Can't be all about me." I shook my head at him as I reassured him.
"I know but it just worries me. I mean he could have killed you. I honestly don't think he should be out of prison." He argued.
I let out a sigh, "Can we just not talk about this right now. I really don't want this to be the way I start my morning." I ran my hands through my hair stressfully.
Zayn's voice lowered, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to."
I shook my head, "It's fine. I'm just gonna go shower." I said and got up to go to the bathroom.
I finished showering and put some fresh clothes on. I always kept a bag of clothes at Zayn's considering how much I stay there. I went out into the living room. Zayn was sitting on the couch also dressed watching TV. I went over to him and sat on his lap, placing my legs on either side of his hips.
"Well, hello there," He smiled cheekily
I giggled and put my arms around his neck interlocking my fingers together, "Hi."
Zayn kissed me tenderly. He must have brushed his teeth. We pulled away after a few moments.
"So you're gonna be here for New Years right?" His eyes full of hope.
I nodded, "Yep, and the week after that I start my classes." I grinned excitedly.
Zayn bit his lip, "Hey, I wanted to ask you something."
I wrinkled my eyebrows together, "What is it?"
Zayn rubbed my sides as he thought about what to say.
"Zayn tell me." I shook his shoulders gently.
"Well, I want you to come out on tour with me."
I let my mouth fall open. He was not asking me to go on tour with him. I had to go to school. Does he know how important this was for me?
"What?"
"I want you-"
"No, no I know what you said. I just can't believe it." I got off his lap and started to pace.
"Why? Don't you think it'd be great?"
"Zayn I have school!" I shouted at him.
"I know. I was thinking maybe you could start after or you could even take online classes." He suggested.
"Zayn! I'm can't take online classes for photography. I'm going to school to become a photographer. Do you know what this means to me?" I questioned.
"Stella, we're gonna be away from each other for a long time. I want you to be with me." He stood up and his voice rose as well.
"What, so I can watch you live your dream out? I have dreams too, Zayn. Dreams I can't achieve unless I go to school. I don't wanna be stuck backstage or stuck at some hotel while you do your job. That doesn't sound like fun. And that won't get me anywhere in life!"
"Stella, I don't think you realize how long we're gonna be away from each other. This tour is 4 months."
"And I don't think you realize how much this hurts right now, Zayn. You're telling me to leave school, leave my dream while I watch you live out yours! I can visit you throughout the tour when I have time. We can Skype, we can call each other. I'm not leaving Zayn."
"Stella, please just think about this. I want you to come. You can go to school afterwards."
"No! Why can't you understand! Zayn, I'm not leaving London. I am going to school. I'm not gonna follow you around like some puppy."
Zayn ran his head through his hair as he tried to think of what to say.
I shook my head in disbelief, "I can't believe what just happened."
Zayn just looked at with me sad eyes.
"I'm leaving." I said and walked towards the door.
Zayn chased after me, "No, Stel stay."
I opened the door and looked at him, "So now you want me stay." I said sarcastically.
"Stella," He sighed.
I waited for him to say something but he didn't. So I did, "Oh, and thanks for telling me that you smoke. Glad we keep secrets in this relationship." I slammed the door behind me and went to get a cab home.
****
I walked through the door my apartment and shut the door behind me. I rested my forehead on the door and shut my eyes. I felt like crying but no tears came.
"You alright, Stel?" A deep British voice asked me behind me.
I turned around and saw curly head Harry behind me, "Yeah, fine." I replied.
Harry gave me I-know-you-aren't-fine-tell-me-what's-wrong face.
I sighed and sat down on the couch. Harry followed.
"Zayn and I got into a fight because he wants to me go on your with you guys but I need to go to school. He's upset I don't wanna go."
Harry took my hand and put it between his hands. He rubbed it soothingly.
"I'm sorry Stella."
I sat back, "What am I supposed to do?"
"Do what you think you should do. No one else's opinion matters but yours."
"I really think I should stay. I want to stay."
"Then that's what you do."
"Okay, I'm staying." I smiled proudly.
Harry chuckled, "I hope by the time we're back you're a world known photographer."
I laughed, "Yeah, okay. I'll try."
Harry pulled me into a hug.
"Thanks Harry," I said.
Harry pulled away, "Glad I could help."
"Is Emily here?" I asked.
"No, she went to get stuff for dinner."
"Oh, I am I going to ruin some romantic dinner date?" I giggled.
Harry chuckled, "No, you aren't. It's just some dinner and a movie."
"Ohh, maybe I can be the third wheel." I joked.
"Only if you want to."
"Mm, I think I'll pass." I laughed, "I'm gonna go pack for Chicago."
"Fine! We'll have more fun without you!" Harry called jokingly as I went down the short hallway.
I laughed and shouted back, "I'm sure you will!"