Dear Sophia,
I love you. I’m so sorry. I’m really angry with myself. I’m so stupid sometimes. I’m an idiot. I don’t deserve you. Please let me explain. I hope you can understand. I really hope you didn’t need me today.
I didn’t realise the clocks had changed. I know that’s no excuse but that’s really it. I just don’t keep track of things like that. It always seems so long since it last happened I always forget it’s going to happen again. I’m not one of those people who thinks it’s a big deal when we’re going to get brighter mornings or an extra bit of sleep or anything like that.
It was so cold today. I think winter must really be here now. I guess that’s why they change the clocks. I think I don’t feel quite right either and that hasn’t helped anything. I hope I’m not getting ill. I don’t really get ill.
I didn’t have breakfast this morning. I knew I’d need to get something warm to eat at some point to keep me going. I wanted to wait until you came though to make sure I didn’t miss you.
It got to one on my watch and I started to think maybe you weren’t working today. I got a bit worried. I decided I’d walk around for a bit just to check if I could see you anywhere. I walked round the front bit of Starbucks for a while. Feeling lonely made me feel even worse and I knew I needed to get something warm inside me to calm down a bit.
I went over to Duke Street. I was walking really quickly. I nearly bumped into a bunch of people. I wasn’t feeling right. I don’t normally like eating food from over there. It was just the closest place I knew had something hot for cheap. I couldn’t face the queue in McDonalds at lunchtime.
I don’t even know which chip shop I went to on Duke Street. They all look the same to me. I swear they all have the same stuff anyway. I just went to the nearest one. All the food looked really weird. It doesn’t look like food. It can sit out for days and look exactly the same. That’s not right. I realised maybe alcohol doesn’t always make people sick. Maybe it’s the slimy kebabs they get at three in the morning that people can’t handle.
I asked for chicken and chips. It was only two pounds. The chips were soggy and stuck to the cardboard box at the bottom. The chicken was making everything so greasy it was difficult to hold. There was another lump of meat in with the chicken too. The guy said it was a free hot wing. I took a bite and it was really hot but it didn’t seem to be meat. It definitely didn’t look like a wing. I don’t like to think about what it really was. It put me off the chicken completely before I had even got to it. The chips didn’t help either. I had a few and then threw everything away. It was just making me feel worse.
There were a couple of kids in there with open cans of beer in their hands. I think they were kids but for all I know they were my age. I just feel like anyone wearing a full tracksuit looks like a kid. I’m not sure why really. It was the middle of the day though so whoever they were they should have had something better to be doing than drinking. One of them asked the guy at the counter the time and he pointed at the clock on the wall. It said it was quarter to one. I didn’t think anything of it as I just figured they probably had a broken clock.
As I was walking out I realised what might have happened. I realised what had happened. I checked my watch again. If my watch was an hour fast I might have walked out just as you were coming in. I ran back to Starbucks but I couldn’t see you anywhere. I waited around the rest of the afternoon just in case. I should have known better than to leave. I should never leave somewhere where we’re both meant to be.
I really hope you didn’t see me hurrying away towards Duke Street. I hope you didn’t think I was trying to get away. I can’t imagine how that would have looked. I’m so sorry.
I know I need to get better at keeping on top of things like that. I will. I promise. I’ll be there really early tomorrow and not leave until I’m sure that you are ok.
I love you.
Yours,
Andrew