Dear Sophia,
I love you. It’s slowly starting to dawn on me just how much you’ve changed my perspective. You give me purpose. It makes me look in new ways at things I’ve seen a million times before. It makes me want to listen to every song I like with you right next to me. I want to watch every film I’ve ever seen sitting on the sofa with you.
When I was younger I used to be obsessed with Donnie Darko. I don’t know if you’ve seen it. I watched it for the first time in ages this evening. I still like it lots but I think I see it differently now.
You make me feel lucky to be alive. I feel lucky to have you. I love you. I used to watch the film and think he decided to die for everyone in it. I guess I thought it was kind of like the story of Jesus. I used to wish I had something I felt like that about. Something I was willing to die for. I think I used to want to feel like I could decide to do something really important and that I was really special. Now I finally have something I love and something I’d be willing to die for and it means the last thing I want to do is die. I want to be alive with you every day.
I think the film used to always make me feel really sad because I thought Donnie Darko was lots like me. In the background they play lots of songs I like too so it sort of felt like it could be me. I’m not so sure about that anymore. Maybe I’ve grown up a bit and become a bit more mature. Or maybe I’m lots more realistic now. I don’t feel lonely anymore and I don’t want to be sad anymore. I don’t dream of meeting a girl like he did. I don’t need to. I have you.
The thing in Donnie Darko I thought was really interesting was the way it had more than one universe happening. I think it used to give me hope. In one universe he might be feeling really really sad but there is also another universe going on where he is feeling other things. I used to like the idea that however bad I felt I could be feeling good some other place. I still think it’s interesting but now I have you I don’t feel that anymore. Time travel and stuff like that always sounds interesting but after a while it just gets a bit boring.
Sometimes I get interested in things that give different ways of looking at things. I’ve never taken the kinds of drugs that really mess up your brain. I’ve read lots about them though so I pretty much get how they work. I read once that computers can do more than drugs now anyway. It said computers will get so clever and complicated we wouldn’t be in charge of them anymore. I didn’t really understand it. A computer couldn’t do everything I do. A computer could never love something like I love you.
I still felt kind of sad watching the film to be honest but not in the same way I used to. It just made me want to be with you.
I love you.
Yours,
Andrew