Nova
"Angel, let me love you."
He says it with a voice sweet as honey and before I can think, his lips brush mine again. I close my eyes and let myself get carried away by his gentle approach. The way his fingers caress my neck and his other hand massages my thigh.
My hands don't react at all and he noticed it too. "Don't you want me to kiss you?"
Do I? Is this what I want, what I need. And what if it isn't. If I turn him down, again. How will Dallas deal with it and with me?
He takes my chin between his index finger and thumb, forcing me up, and looks straight into my eyes. "Angel, tell me what you want?"
If I don't give him a chance, how do I know what I want? I look from his eyes to his mouth and he takes in a sharp breath of air. My lips crash against his and he moves fast, picking me up under my but and laying me at the top of his bed.
There's hunger in the way he acts, placing himself between my legs and kissing me deeply. I pull off his shirt and let my fingers trace along with the muscles on his back to the front, while he sucks on my neck.
It's different. Different from the way Matt would touch me. My fingers slide down his stomach and trial his v-lines. I love those lines on Matt and how he reacts when I touch him there. Dallas moves down to my stomach giving me small goosebumps. I close my eyes to enjoy the feeling more and Matt's face clear as day stares back at me.
Goddammit Nova, stop thinking about Matt. He is in Lapland and you are here, laying in bed with a gorgeous man.
Annoyed with my thoughts, I take control. Dallas is moving too slow for me. We need to speed this up or I'll back out. I take off my sports bra and pull him up from my stomach. He stares at my boobs like it's the first time he saw some and his cheeks turn deep red.
"Are you blushing?" I ask playful and kiss his embarrassment away.
I open my mouth slightly and bite his lower lip when nothing happens. He growls and grabs my but, pushing himself against me. I expect him to grind me or something, but all I can feel is his arousal and that his hands are shaking, badly.
He isn't nervous, is he? C'mon Dallas, you need to let your inner beast out and devour me to the point I can't think straight anymore. I need it.
He leans his forehead against mine and sighs. "I can't think straight."
"Why's that?"
"Because it's you."
I snigger a little. "Because it's me?"
"Yes, you have no idea how long if been waiting for this. I want it to be special. I want you to feel good and I want to be... good. It's a lot of pressure."
I feel a twitch in my stomach. For me, right now it's only sex. A way to get over Matt. A way to move forward with my life without him. I need to do this.
I take his face in both hands and give him a small kiss."Stop thinking. Dallas, it is just me. Nothing can go wrong. It will be fine. Take a deep breath and just blow my mind." I smile at my last statement.
He lets out a small laugh. "It's that easy, huh."
"I think it is, yeah."
He kisses me back and smiles. "Let's blow your mind then."
I giggle aloud when he licks my neck out of nowhere. But stop immediately when his eyes meet mine. They are darker than normal and I gulp for air.
It's no game anymore. No more pulling and pushing. No way back. No more Matt when I do this.
He moves down over my body kissing my curves until he reaches the top of my shorts. He takes the waistband between his teeth and lets it snap against my skin.
I laugh at the mischievous smile playing on his lips and fake whine.
"Patience angel, patience."
I push my hips up for him to take my shorts off and he pushes me down again. Biting the inside of my tight.
Goddammit, Dallas. If you don't do it, I'll do it myself. I remove my shorts, leaving my thong on. He looks surprised at my eagerness and even more when I push him on his back. I give him a passionate kiss and see in his eyes that it makes his mind foggy.
I don't want to waste more time and I pull his PJ trousers down and sit on his pelvis. His eyes are all over me, but his hands stay still on my thighs. Careful to not touch my healing leg.
I slide my hands over his abs and higher, followed by my body until I'm next to his ear. "Touch me, Dallas."
It's like he needed the words to come out of my mouth, suddenly flipping me on my back. His mouth is everywhere, biting and licking. And his hands, he finally uses his hands and he's not only good in massages, I can tell you that. I moan slightly when he pushes himself between my legs and instantly feel guilty.
Stop it, Nova!
I link my fingers behind his briefs and pull them off, removing them whole with my feet. I don't dare to look and swing my legs around his waist.
His breathing becomes heavier, rubbing himself against my heat. I buck up my hips, by clenching my legs harder around him and he growls in my mouth. "Easy Nova."
I silence him with another kiss and dig my nails into his buttock, pushing him even more against me. "For fucks sake Dallas, take me!"
He laughs and says "You're a greedy guts angel, you know that?"
His words hit me right in the gut. That's what Matt said to me, the first time we made love. He took care of me and I never felt that good before. I even cried happy tears.
I can't do this. It's not right. My stomach makes a roaring sound and I feel the bile rise. I try to swallow it away and it comes back with double force. Cinnamon and mint are combined with a bitter taste.
I hold my hand over my mouth and push him away, rushing to the bathroom. I hear him call after me but if I say one thing, he's gonna have a terrible reeking alcohol smoothie on his floor.
With my knees on the tiles and my head above the toilet, I let it all out. I feel him pick up my hair and rub my back and he stays with me until there's nothing left inside me and I'm only gagging.
"Here."
I keep my eyes on the toilet bowl, afraid he is still totally naked. In the corner of my eye, I see him crouch down beside me and he rubs my back again. "Angel, I have water and a shirt for you."
With a shaky hand, I reach for the water and rinse my mouth. Dallas helps me up and I'm glad he put on his briefs. I feel psychically and mentally ill when I pull his shirt on. It smells after him, a woody scent, masculine and fresh at the same time.
I wrap my arms around my body, shaking like a leaf and Dallas brings me in for a hug.
"I'm sorry," I whisper in his chest.
"Shush, it's fine. It was bound to happen with all the alcohol in your body."
Yes, of course, it was the alcohol. I'm not spilling my guts for weeks nows.
He picks me up and takes me back to his bedroom, placing me gently on the sheets. "Let's try to sleep, okay."
I nod and he lays himself beside me, inviting me to rest my head on his chest. He falls asleep in record time, hugging me tighter against him. I can't sleep at all with the consuming guilt I feel.
The night feels like a week and the sun already begins to shine when my eyelids finally become heavy. I wake up with the smell of coffee and eggs and I have to run again. Only bile comes out and soon enough it's back to gagging. I'm so sick with this, literally and mentally.
Dallas peeks his head through the door when I rest my head on my arm, leaning on the bowl. "Little hangover, Hunny bunny."
I frown at him. Hunny bunny? Oh no, he doesn't think we're dating now, is he? He takes my hand and brings me to the kitchen. "I made you tea and toast." Placing it on the table and leaving a small peck on my forehead.
I'm able to hold my breakfast in and Dallas suggests that I go take a refreshing shower. I lock the door behind me to be sure he won't come in. The water feels good on my skin, rinsing my sweaty body from my vomit attack.
What have you done Nova? You're taking everyone down in the bad decisions you make.
My hand brushes over my bloated stomach.
And what is wrong with you, huh! You want me to eat and then you want me to get rid of it.
Dallas is sitting on his couch when I leave the bathroom, all fresh. He gives me a bright smile. "Feeling better?"
"Yes, thank you for taking care of me."
He rises and takes me in his arms. "Don't have to thank me, Angel." He kisses the top of my head and sits back on the couch, patting the spot next to him.
He pulls me against him as soon as my butt touches the couch. "I know you're a hugger, but you're overdoing it now."
I feel him stiffen." What do you mean." He asks carefully.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes before looking at him and his mouth forms an oh without sound. "I'm sorry, I thought you knew I'm not ready for a new relationship."
He recovers himself quickly "No, I know."
I frown."Are you sure? Because it felt like you thought we're a thing."
He shakes his head. "No, I didn't think that and I know Nova. I know you need time." He brushes some wet hair over my shoulder, trailing his fingers down my arm. "Last night was a good start until you.... you know. We can take it, slow angel. I can take it slow. You set the pace and I'll follow."
I nod and leave it for now. I don't have the guts to tell him I want to stay single for a while, or maybe forever. Yes, I know, I'm a coward.
He agreed to meet up with some friends at the gym and brings me home at noon. Hannah eyes us through the kitchen window when we say our goodbyes. Not that there is something juicy to see.
I walk into the living room and right away she jumps on me. "You two did it, didn't you!"
"For Pete's sake, Hannah! Try, Hello Nova. How are you feeling after being attacked by your ex, Nova."
She rolls her eyes and places her hands on her hips. "Okay, Hello Nova. How are you feeling after being attacked by your ex, Nova? And did you fuck Dallas or not, Nova!"
"No, I didn't, Hannah!" I huff.
"Don't believe you."
I stay silent and she barks at me. "Nova!"
"Okay, Okay. We almost."
She frowns. "What do you mean, almost?"
"I felt guilty and threw up, just before the actual deed," I say very softly.
"Can't hear you, Nova!"
Oh God, mother Hannah is in the house.
"Nova!" She agitates me again.
"What do you think happened, Hannah. I felt guilty and threw up, just before...Ugh "I'm now literally screaming at her.
"That's it, Nova. I know you don't want to hear it, but I don't believe you have a stomach ulcer at all. We're going to buy a pregnancy test and you're going to take it. Today!"
"What? Hell no, I can't be Hannah." That can't be the reason, right?
Hannah's voice softens. "Chica, I did some research and I think it's possible. The timeline matches the last weekend you and Matt spend together. And it's normal to be sick if you are pregnant for that long."
No! That's not the case. I count back in my head and panic when I can't remember my last period. Fuck!
"How long do we have to wait?" I ask, sitting on the edge of the bathtub.
Hannah reads the paper again. "The instruction says five minutes." And sets the timer on her phone.
Five minutes of hell.
Her phone chirps a happy tune and she picks up the test from the counter, checking the result with the instructions.
She gives me the test and says muddled. "Congratulations chica, you're pregnant."
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Xoxo Gabriëlla