TWO YEARS LATER
•••
Writing is something I never thought I'd fall into.
I guess I only became lucky enough to be able to turn the deep flow of emotions in my heart into words. Words that don't make any sense but...when you actually think about them, they do.
While everyone else is in college, writing is how I make money and it actually became one of my favorite things to do. I started a year and a half ago but the fame I've since received is unreal. The overwhelming part is where people say I've had an impact in their lives by helping them get through some of the worst times of their lives.
Better than I thought, my life turned out. I've had time to get through the most difficult part of my life these past two years. It was difficult but the crying, the blaming, the hatred got less as months passed.
I'm now a man believing that life has it's ups and downs. And even though we sometimes have the downs more than the ups, there's still no rainbow before the rain. I have no control over what happens tomorrow. I had to understand that and stop blaming myself for her passing.
Everything changed these past two years. Her passing was like a reminder to everyone that life is too short and can go at any given moment. It was hard to adjust and continue life without her. Incredibly. Levi and Leah got more serious with their relationship a few weeks after Amara's funeral. Even when Leah had to leave for college a few months later, Levi waited for her and is still waiting but he's happy that she came back for Christmas this year.
Kate and Henry broke up, not that they ever dated but they separated and she has been single since then, although I don't know much about her now because she went to college too.
Everyone kind of separated two years ago. I remained in my parent's house for a few months, the most difficult time of my life. I was grateful for the support I received from Levi, Nick and my parents even though I never showed it that time.
Also two months after Amara died, Daisy Banks turned herself in after not being able to be found. The police reported that she seemed to not be in her right state of mind and looked like a person with mental issues so they took her to an asylum, where Bianca was too.
When I heard about this, the anger I felt towards those two people only increased. They should've been locked up in jail instead of some mental facility. One kidnapped Amara and the other killed her. I was more than angry then but what I feel now is just...numbness. I haven't fully made peace with it yet but for my sanity, for my continuation of living, I turned numb.
The first year without Amara was the hardest. I visited her grave almost everyday. I was looking for a way forward, and found it when one day, in my room at my parent's house, I turned the letter she wrote into a book.
I wrote my first and only book about us, using different identities but it was all us. How we found each other, fell in love, faced hard challenges, how life tricked us, the incidents in which we were able to trick life back...and how we couldn't avoid the inevitable by her dying in the end. There were multiple life-ending events in her life, she's survived all...only for her to die a little later. Only for her to die still so young. She had her whole life ahead of her.
Anyways, I have written another book now, an aftermath of the last, which will be out a week from now. How my life...or in the book, Elias's life changed after his first love, Allison died.
"Mr Justin Hazard, good to see you again." I'm taken out of my thoughts by Edward Griffiths, the CEO of Sundown Publishing.
I rise from the chair I've been sitting on and shake his hand firmly. "I'm surprised to see you working on Christmas eve, Mr Griffiths."
He laughs "Well what can I say? An old man doesn't have a life but his work."
"I don't think so. I think he should spend more time with his family, especially around this precious time of the year." I counter and he chuckles.
"I have to say Justin, Never Was Bad is still making waves. People love the book. In fact, more people are purchasing it now more than ever." He says as we walk on the marble floors to his office.
"That's amazing news, but this new book is going to take everybody by storm." I reply, walking into his office and sit on the leather couches.
"Your fans will love that. Sundown Publishing is really lucky to have you on board." He grins and his telephone goes off. "One second, please." He says and I nod.
"She's here? Okay let her in please." Mr Griffiths says into the speaker before putting the phone down.
"I'm sorry to cut our meeting short but Ms Yolanda Haines is here, probably to discuss the events of the book release next week." He announces before sitting behind his desk. I stand up from the couch. My book is the one being released on Wednesday next week.
"You can stay for the meeting though if you want. It's your book release after all." He offers.
"No, it's fine. I have to go home to my family now. It's Christmas eve after all, Mr Griffiths." I say and shake Mr Griffiths' hand. He grins and I leave his office.
My life this year has been consumed by writing, that's the way in which I survived. I feel like I have only one person to thank. That person being Amara, my love from afar yet so close. She lives in me, I need her all the time. I might have moved on from the heartbreak and grief, but I haven't and won't find it in me to move on romantically anytime soon. Every time I come across a female species wanting to pursue more than an appropriate relationship with me, I look away. My heart still loves Amara and will love her forever and maybe one day I'll find someone but they'll never be able to replace her.
I drive in my new car, a black BMW i8 to my house in New York. I got that car just to spoil myself, the money I got from Never Was Bad was good and selling the old apartment also contributed a little.
I live alone in New York but my parents have visited this season. I would've went to them but there's just so many things to do here with the release day function being so close. I'm sort of a 'busy guy' one might say.
I park my car in the driveway and head inside. The house smells like food and I know my mother has cooked.
As I head into living room, I'm surprised to see a certain blonde sitting on my couch, flipping through channels on my tv.
As if to sense that she was no longer alone in the room, her head turned back and her eyes landed on me.
"Tiff, what're you doing here?" I ask, awaiting an explanation.
"What? Can't I visit my best friend on Christmas eve?" She replies, with a cheeky smile.
These past two years, I developed a friendship with Tiffany. She was the last person I expected to be there for me when Amara died. I didn't even expect her to care because she's only met Amara once. However, she forced communication with me and would always force me out of the house. She was quite determined to take me out of my 'misery' even when I was completely off and rude towards her.
She just never gave up and as time went, I finally accepted her as my friend. I think it's safe to say we've been great friends since then.
"Couldn't you at least tell me you were coming?" I ask, annoyed at her unexpected arrival but relieved because I'm not gonna be spending the entire Christmas with just my parents. My parents are great, but someone around my age to hang around with is much better.
She chuckled "First of all, nice suit there Jus, and secondly, I don't need to inform you when I'm coming. In fact, you should be happy to see me."
I sighed "Okay fine. What're you watching? And where are my parents?" I asked as I took off the jacket of the suit and threw it somewhere on the couch. I adjusted my tie and rolled up my sleeves.
"Your mom went to the mall for some missing ingredient and your dad is in the bedroom or something." She finally let go of the remote after putting the tv on some reality show.
She exhaled loudly before turning her head to me. "So am I invited to your book release next week Jus?"
"Don't you have work to get to?" Tiffany works part time at a bakery that her mom owns while she's studying in Juilliard.
She gasped "So you were not gonna invite me because you assumed I have work? Well, it's my mother's place so I can take a day off anytime, it's not like she will fire me or anything. And I wouldn't miss your book release for the world, incase you don't know that already."
I rolled my eyes playfully "I wonder why that is."
She poked my arm "Because you Jus, are the best author I know."
That time I only have one book out so far.
"Yeah whatever. I need to go shower now." I utter before standing up.
Tiff laughs before turning her attention to the television when I leave.
I head upstairs, into my bedroom before using my bathroom to shower.
My body feels much more relaxed and more appreciative once I'm done. I wrap my towel around myself before exiting the now steamy room. I put on some dark gray sweatpants and a white long sleeve Calvin Klein t-shirt that Tiffany got me for my twenty first birthday earlier this year. It's very cold and snowing outside but the thermostat keeps the house warm so sweaters aren't really necessary.
My eyes catch the big framed picture I put on the wall of my room. A picture of Amara and I. There's one next to the desk too, where I mostly sit and write. Her picture is close by, stuck to the wall because I like to think about her whenever I write. I don't need a picture to remind me of her but having it there is just for me to see her in front of me.
I hear a soft knock on the door before it pushes open and Tiffany walks in.
She has been in my bedroom countless times before which was to mostly pester me.
"Your mother is back and guess who's here too. Nicholas."
"You can just call him Nick."
"Yeah but Nicholas is much better. Besides, I don't like shortening people's names." She counters and I laugh. This girl has to be out of her mind.
"That's actually funny because you shorten my name and you once asked me to call you Tiff instead of Tiffany."
She smiles "Don't believe everything I say, for half of my speech is false."
"Stop quoting my book."
"Hey that's a pretty phenomenal line Elias says there."
"Let's just get out of my room now, I need to see my brother." I say and gently push her out of my bedroom.
The night is spent with us having dinner, laughing at some jokes and watching some movies together before going to sleep.
******
"Jus! Jus wake up! It's Christmas!"
Maybe I was dreaming, but feeling my shoulder constantly being shaken shows that I'm definitely not.
"Go away Tiffany, Christmas comes every year." I groan before tucking myself in more under these warm blankets.
"No you have to wake up now. We have to open the gifts." She says and takes the blanket off my body. Cold engulfs me.
I sit up and glare at her.
"What the fuck? I'm still sleeping Tiffany, you're not four to be jumping on my bed this early Christmas morning. Seriously, grow the fuck up." I say feeling annoyed before getting off the bed and shutting the door once I'm in my bathroom.
My sleep is gone so I run the shower, feeling something on my chest. I take more time than necessary and when the water starts getting cold, I turn it off.
The heaviness in my chest still hasn't gone away once I finish showering.
I really don't know why I'm feeling this way but I feel so empty right now.
When I enter my room, Tiffany is still seated on the bed. I hear light sobs coming from her and I frown.
Did I make her to cry on Christmas?
I walk over to her and gently place my hand on her shoulder. She tenses and I see her hand quickly wiping her face.
"You're crying?" I softly ask.
"No. I wasn't. I should probably leave and give you space to change." She notices I'm only wearing a towel when she turns and gets off the bed. I hold her wrist when she begins to walks away.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier. I'm just feeling not in the mood, the fact that it's Christmas is setting me off."
She turns to look at me with concern. "Why?"
I sit on the bed "I miss her so much. I never even got to spend just one Christmas with her. The universe took her away from me before I could have that feeling of sharing Christmas with her, or more days than the ones we've spent together."
Spending any holidays was hard because they are a time to spend close to those you love. I don't have her with me anymore.
Tiffany's hand rests on my shoulder as a tear escapes my eye and I quickly wipe it off. I hate breaking down.
"She's still with you even though you can't see her. Remember?"
I nod.
"I'm just saying I miss her so much. I'm gonna miss her all my life." My voice sounds like a whisper.
Tiffany wrapped her hands around my neck and sat next to me, pulling me to her. We stay like that for a while until I start feeling cold.
"Just know that she's missing you too." She mutters and I chuckle.
"Yeah, I'll be alright."
I move from our position before getting up to get dressed. I walk into the closet and wear some warm clothes before getting out with an extra sweater.
"Okay I'm all ready for all the Christmas duties and what not." I say and hand Tiffany my sweater. When she wear it, it's too big on her but she looks cute. She loves oversized clothes anyway, most of her clothes don't fit her.
She smiles brightly "I have this amazing gift I got for you, wait till you see it. You'll love me forever Jus." She says excitedly as we walk out of my room to the living room where everyone else is.
The room is warm, not in terms of temperature but in terms of love as everyone hugs and wishes each other a merry Christmas. I love my family, I love Amara, and I love my life now.
It was shit in the beginning, but now it's sort of making up for all the things it put me through, except it can't bring back my only love but I'll live.
You know when they say that there's light at the end of the tunnel? I think I'm in that tunnel now.
* * * * * *
Thanks to everyone for reading. You deserve a freaking gold medal for getting through this story and I hope you enjoyed it. Ily.
-Jass.
❤