[Amara's P.O.V]
"You should probably go home now and get some sleep, you are drunk as fuck." I tell Justin playfully and he returns a lazy smile my way. I know he's not as drunk as he was earlier when he walked in, he looks much better now than he did then despite the tiredness evident in his actions.
Considering the late hour, I'm surprised I didn't pass out due to the incredibly large amount of medication I'm constantly being fed here but waiting for Justin most of the night pretty much kept me awake.
Everyone left not so long ago and I'm left with Justin.
I still can't believe that I suffered a panic attack. I never experienced one before...I think. I can't be sure because maybe I unknowingly experienced one during my time with Ben. I really shouldn't be thinking about my uncle right now, it will lead to me going over all the things that happened because of him and to him... I don't want to think about all of that now.
"I hate being away from you, not after tonight." He admits. I know that Justin fears that something might happen again while he's not here, I need to assure him that I will be okay.
I grab his hand in mine "Nothing will happen. You have to go." He has to take care of himself, I need him to. And besides, the last thing I need is a stinking boyfriend once I'm out of here. I softly laugh to myself at the thought.
Justin raises his head to look at me, his slightly red eyes quizzical "Why is it like you're kicking me out?"
"What? No I'm not. I'm just saying that you need to shower, eat and get some sleep. It shouldn't be this hard to convince you to go home, you know." I sigh.
"Why shouldn't it?"
"Because it's Sunday today and I'm being discharged tomorrow, we'll have more time to ourselves than we do here." I answer his quick question and he smiles sweetly as the thought visits his head, and hopefully stays there.
"Okay fine I'll fuck off now." He gets up from the chair and plants a kiss on my cheek.
Justin has not kissed me on the lips all night and I really can't stand it so when he tries to pull away, I quickly slide my arm to the back of his neck and I pull him closer to me.
I don't give him a chance to react and press my lips against his, immidiately tasting the strong alcohol along with a faint taste of orange. How much did he have to drink?
After a few more seconds, Justin pulls away and stands up completely after placing one last kiss on my forehead. His hand rake over his messy hair before he shoves it in the pocket of the dark jeans that really look so tight on him.
"I'll see you later, okay? In the afternoon because I've been dodging going to my mom's house lately and she's been pestering me about it."
I'm caught off-guard at the unexpected mention of Justin's mom...his adoptive mom. It's unusual hearing him talk about his adoptive parents because he never mentions them at all...or at least not with me.
"Your mom...as in like Nick's mom right?" I don't know why I asked that because I already know the answer to it. Justin told me long ago about him and Nick sharing parents so I don't know why I pushed that question out really.
"Uhm yeah." He answers shortly after and I can't help but notice that something seems off with him now and he's avoiding my eyes. I feel guilt settling in me, knowing that I've caused this sudden change of mood in him. I shouldn't have asked that question. He's getting distant now and there's nothing I hate more than seeing it happen. I now take it that the topic about his adoptive parents or the fact that he's adopted is a touchy subject to him. Is this because he genuinely misses his...biological mother?
"Sorry I don't know why I asked because you told me bef-"
"It's fine, Am." He calls me by the nickname my friends call me. It sounds plain strange coming from him because he never ever calls me that. He calls me cakes, baby, love, or even my full name sometimes, he never once settled for what everyone else calls me, even when we first met.
"Don't call me that." I frown but he ignores it. I feel my heart about to shatter once again as I take in his nonchalant behaviour.
"I have to leave now. I'll ring a cab once I'm outside." He tells me and goes for the door. I'm about to call him for I don't know what reason but he's already disappeared down the corridor before the words can come out of my parted lips.
I stare at the blank wall for at least another hour, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time, until my eyelids start getting heavy.
***
[Justin's P.O.V]
I hate coming back here only to painfully realize that I'm about to spend yet another night in this fucking apartment, alone.
I check the fridge first for something I can feed my rumbling stomach. The fridge is almost empty and the only contents that occupy the space are empty packets of shit. I curse as I shut the door, using more force than necessary. I'm well aware that it's two in the fucking morning but I'm hungry as a motherfucker and looks like I'm gonna have to go out now for something to eat.
I almost put a fist through the wall when I realize that I don't have my car with me...and even if I did, I'm still too intoxicated to drive or to actually focus on anything constructive.
As if I need another reason to get even more pissed, Amara is coming back tomorrow and this place looks like shit. Dishes fill the sink, the floor is dirty, there are still empty beer bottles in the damn living room that fucking Levi left the other night... Couldn't he just toss the shit in the bin or something?
Amara is coming back tomorrow and I can't have this place looking like this. I'm under no ability to clean the mess myself so I find myself ringing Levi.
He answers after I've waited long enough. "Justin, what the? Why you calling me, it's like two in the-"
"I know what the fucking time is thank you."
"Okay then is everything alright?" His sleepy ass voice asks and I hear some shuffling.
"Yeah I just need you to come clean up my apartment before Amara arrives tomorrow. She'll be mortified to find this place looking like this." My eyes rake over the place again with a disgusted look.
"What the...are you fucking serious? You're actually calling me at two in the fucking morning to tell me about cleaning your apartment?" He gives me a disbelieving tone. "You are obviously still drunk."
"You left your beer bottles on the floor of my fucking living room." I remind him. One of us have to clean up the mess and I don't think I'll be the one to do it.
"Listen I'm hanging up, I gotta get back to sleep, you should probably do the same and stop worrying about a dirty apartment at two in the fucking morning, geez man." He hangs up before I can think of a come back and I groan.
I place the half full glass of water I've been drinking on the kitchen counter and walk up the stairs. As always, I don't get into my room but get into Amara's room and close the door behind me . The bed is unmade from the last time I slept in here but I feel my body getting heavier and heavier. I throw my body on it and I pass out once my head hits the soft pillow that smells just like the girl that stole my heart and hopefully never intends on giving it back.
***
My cellphone is vibrating non-stop from my pocket when I wake up. I almost laugh when I realize I didn't even take it out before I fell asleep.
I pull it out and see that I have four missed calls all from my mom. I groan and toss it somewhere on the bed before going back to sleep.
The sun is burning through the curtains when I wake up. I lazily reach for my cellphone and realize that it's a few minutes past midday now.
I hear the front door being pounded on and I curse. Who the hell is it knocking on my door like that?
I get up from the bed and feel the headache seeping in. I almost trip over my own feet when I walk downstairs to answer the intruding fucking, stupid motherfuc-
"Justin, open the door."
Shit it's my fucking mom. Holy shit.
This place looks like a mess. I'm frozen for a bit until I realize that I literally don't have anything to do except open the door and welcome her.
She storms in once I open and her eyes take the place in. She doesn't look at all pleased but she thankfully doesn't say anything, I don't need to be reminded of how this place looks really messy.
"I've been calling you all morning Justin. You were supposed to come to the house like four nights ago." She says, accuses...
I nod and walk around her to sit on the stool. She follows but doesn't sit and I take in her white dress...okay I don't blame her.
"I've been...busy." I immidiately hate the words as soon as I said them.
I was not 'busy' seeing Amara. I shouldn't be 'busy' visiting my girlfriend from hospital. I've been visiting her because I love her and care about her and worried about her. It's not just something I've been 'busy' with.
"I mean...I've been visiting Amara from hospital."
"Amara? Amara Hart? The girl that was in the news...that you apparently shot?" Her face changes and her eyes flash with hurt.
"That article was fucking fake and I'm gald that it's off now. Yes I'm responsible for all that shit but just not in the way it was put. And I explained everything to dad, didn't he tell you?" I ask, tired of being reminded of this shit, my mistake, everywhere I go.
"Well he did but I've been wanting to hear it from you... I didn't know that you have a girlfriend." She says with so much gratify, slightly shifting the topic to a much lighter version.
"Well, I am." I reply but I'm more like telling myself this.
"You really could have told us sooner, like when you met her. We could've had countless dinners with her by now and get to know her better." Her face is beaming "I can't wait to meet her! When is she getting out of hospital?"
"Tomorrow mom. I think we should wait a little until she completely heals before you can suffocate her with your constant need to be in her presence." She remains unphased by my words or if she was, she didn't let it show.
"I just mean that you should give her space to heal before I can officially introduce her."
She sighs "Yeah you're right. I just hate that I've been oblivious to almost everything that happened in your life ever since...ever since you moved away after the Bianca nonsense. I'm really glad that she moved away after that, and I wish she didn't come back at all." Her tone is now weary, a complete opposite of how it was seconds ago.
"Mom my life is fucked up, it has been that way for as long as I can remember. However, I feel like some things are starting to make sense to me now that I have Amara. I don't know it's like she's transforming my life for the better and she doesn't even realize it."
"She sounds like an extremely nice girl, your dad and I can't wait to meet her." She clarifies.
"She is an amazing person and sometimes too mature to be her age. I consider myself extremely fucking lucky to have her. She's a really amazing person which pushed me to want to be like her and at least attempt to be good. I left the fucking gang for her mom because I'm trying to give her a life she deserves and in the same time, she made me believe that leaving the gang will actually be good for me and I'll be able to start on a clean sheet with her. She's already gone through major shit and I'm literally no better or a fucking angel but I can try to change my life and my insight of life to be able to keep her with me. She left me once and that was the most painful two fucking days of my entire life." My voice is low when I finish my long ass speech. Mom surprisingly enough looks understanding and her eyes are glossy as she tears her eyes away from me to wipe her face. I unknowingly reach for her hand.
"You have no idea how happy this makes me Justin. It's...it is every mother's joy to witness this kind of transformation happening to her own son, especially when I once made peace with it that your life would remain that way forever."
Really fucking amazing.
I let go of her hand, shocked that she just admitted that she had lost all faith in me.
"Wow mom, thanks." I annoyingly say as I get up and walk towards the living room and she follows me. Her eyes widen as she takes in the mess made by Levi.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way." She tells me while fairly looking rueful.
I sigh, I can't blame her. It's not like my actions months ago were like of a person planning to move on with his life and try to make it better, so I don't blame her and father for assuming that I was a lost cause. Although being told to your fucking face that people who were the closest to you lost hope in you rips all determination of moving forward out, but I refuse to let it budge me. I can't let it.
******