Matt
It saddens and makes me happy at the same time. Weird how feelings can contradict like that.
It's Sunday evening and the sad feeling is more on the surface, knowing that this is the last evening of her living here. I wish she would say, she is willing to stay.
But I'm aware that living here is hard for her. She misses her own space and Hannah. Nothing here is hers. That's a thing that could be easily fixed, but the distance from home to her work and back, can't.
On Thursday she gave me the finger when I told her to get that hot ass out of bed. Can you believe it! She gave me the finger.
I poured her a bath, while she refused to get out and murmured she would call in sick. I was tempted for a moment to give in to my selfish thoughts.
Sadly, I remembered we are adults and how hard it sometimes maybe, we have responsibilities. When the tub was full I picked her up and threw her in.
Yes, with pj's and all. She gulped, screamed, and cursed at me when her body touched the cold water. But hey! In my defense, it worked.
She screamed. "Godverdomme." I think it means something like, Goddammit. Her breathing was fast and jerky when she turned her gaze at me. Her eyes burned with anger when she hissed. "Idiota retrasado." I got the idiot part.
Her intense stare was short and she slowly started chuckling, erupting in a laughing fit.
I helped her out of the tub and made it up under a hot shower. I washed her hair, sitting on the stone bench, with the warm water cascading over her back, and massaged her with Rituals Dao shower oil.
She let her head rest against the nature tiles, looking relaxed and tired at the same time.
I shouldn't keep her awake every night. Sunday's experiment was intense and I think I drained her more than I intended. Monday, I forced her to play video games with me. Tuesday, again, I couldn't keep my hands off her, and Wednesday on Thursday we barely had four hours of sleep because I kept on talking.
I know it's selfish, but I want to spend every minute awake this week. Suck in her presence, her scent, the way she tastes. The faint sound of her bare feet walking over the hardwood floor. Her sitting on the kitchen counter when I cook.
In the evenings we walked on the beach and watched the stars. I love her giddy side when I do nothing special at all and she blushes like a ripe tomato.
The way she seems to want to vanish in me when we sit on the couch. It could feel suffocating, how she snuggles so close that we almost are one person. But it doesn't, it's the opposite. It feels like part of me is missing when she is not by my side.
Her idea to ask each other five questions every night turned out to be a lot of fun. Well after she told me about her sister Luna, it became fun.
It amazes me how strong she is. She had a hard time moving to America. Leaving the city to trade it for the countryside. Too young to rebel, too old not to understand the consequences of moving.
And the last eleven years her world got turned upside down more than once. Being there when her sister died. The guilt she feels toward her parents. Because, just maybe, when Luna hadn't picked her up from practice, she would still be alive and they wouldn't have to go through this never-ending heartbreak.
The guilt she feels about lying to them when Dean forced her. The guilt that she moved here, to get away from him and leave them with yet another heartbreak of a child that is gone.
That feeling I know all too well. Not being able to be there in a snap of the finger when something is wrong with them. But I also know that my family supports me and that they are proud of me for chasing my dreams. I can't imagine that they hold a grudge against her for moving here and finding the peace she needs.
She told me she wants to go visited her parents and I took the opportunity to say I would gladly join her to meet them.
With the appointments I have, we decided to delay the visit and take extra days off work in January. We are gonna spend Christmas and New Year with my parents and on the second of January, we fly back to stay with her.
Depending on how this week went, we were supposed to decide to stay together or not. And I don't think she realized that we made plans for the future.
I didn't found weird habits. Ok, maybe the facial mask. I guess it's a girls thing? Yet none of my girlfriends faced me with one. She scared the crap out of me, looking all pale white like that chick from The Grudge.
She forced me to take one too, smearing hers all over me and I didn't mind it. I made her believe I did, but I round it relaxing and my skin was as soft and smooth as a baby's butt when she washed it off.
I smile to myself. The fact that she feels comfortable enough to do silly things, tells me that we have grown more toward each other than a could have hoped for.
No one ever made me put on a facial mask. That is something strange, she managed to make me do things I wouldn't think of doing.
Like that evening she insisted that she vacuumed the first floor. I have a housekeeper for that! She did it anyway. I watched her vacuuming and dance at the same time as the music turned up high. It was a really silly dance and when she caught me staring at the door opening, she wouldn't let go of me before I danced with her.
I should have run. Yes, I know. I want to take a dance class with her and that's for a good reason. I can't dance! No serious. I can climb a mountain, ride a motorcycle, jump out of an airplane and even ride a horse if I have to, but when the words, dance with me, float through the air, I get stiff as a board.
She pushed me and we had our first dance.
It wasn't the way she dances in the club, but the love in her eyes showed me that that was ok. That I don't need to be that guy to make her happy.
"Are you ok?" Nova says lying with her head on my lap, reading a book.
"Yes, why?
"Because you keep on frowning, scrunching your nose, and smiling."
"I was thinking about you."
She smiles wide and the dimple on her left cheek shows. I noticed that that dimple only shows when she is genuinely happy.
"Oh, and what were you thinking then?"
"I was skeptical if we could make it work when I asked you to stay here."
Her eyebrows furrow and she sits up straight, with an uncertain look on her face. "What are you trying to say?"
"Well... It could break or make this relationship, with the trust issues and all."
She bites her lip and her eyes turn glossy. "And... did I break it."
"No, silly. Sunday, I was lost for a moment though. Right after you woke up, I saw the hesitation in your eyes. Like you distanced yourself from me and I knew if I wouldn't be able to puncture through that, we would be lost from the start."
"The moment I cornered you, the hesitation disappeared and I became optimistic when I was able to make you uncomfortable with only words. You took the bait and I needed a lot of self-control to resist you." Her cheeks turn deep red and she looks down at her hands. I take her hand in mine and squeeze it.
"I thought I made a mistake bringing you to the circuit because you froze in the car. Now I know I did." I feel awful knowing what she went through. Maybe she was scared to death. "Nova, I never would have brought you there if I knew about Luna."
"It's fine Matt, I enjoyed it after a few laps. "She smiles weak and winks at me." I am not afraid of speed as you noticed, as long I'm in control."
"I know you always want, no need to be in control. That part of you made me terrified. That it would mean you would be unable to lose control and never let me see the real you."
Her body becomes tense and this isn't the way I want her to feel, because I'm feeling the opposite of what she thinks I'm thinking.
"Babe." I pull her on my lap and she buries her face in my neck. "After Dallas left, you acted like we met each other that day and I was in two minds. Go through with it, or stop."
I push her out my neck and take her face in both hands. She is on the verge of crying. "I'm so glad I didn't bring you home. I have no idea what happened in that head of yours. But you opened up to me in a way I could never imagine. You allowed me to see you."
"The bubbly, captivating, vulnerable, understanding, and most of all carefree you. Your mind seems always clouded with demons. This week I never had the feeling that they were present. You seem to be at peace here."
Her face slowly relaxes when I brush my thumbs over her cheekbones. "Nova, I feel so much for you and it only increased. You feel like the blessing I don't deserve. I love that you are a bit goofy and can take me out of my comfort zone with it. The feeling, that you trust me and I trust you. That's everything I wished for eight days ago and I got ten times more. I want to keep you here with me, I know that are selfish thoughts"
She smiles sadly. "Matt.."
"No, let me finish. Hannah is gonna marry on the first of September and when Jaimy and Hannah come back from their honeymoon. She is gonna move in with Jaimy, right?
"Yes."
"Don't answer right away, you have ten months to think about it."
"Okay, promised."
"When she moves out, I want you to come live with me."
She nods and I look for something in her eyes, her face, a twitch or a shiver that is gonna tell me I scared her with this. Nothing happens and I feel myself drown in her eyes, her mesmerizing green eyes.
"I love you, Matt"
Being captured by her eyes, I was sure I made it up.
"I love you." She says again.
My eyes widen. She said it without hesitation looking straight into my eyes. I smile like a freaking idiot, or like she would say, idiota retraced. " I love you too, Nova."
She pushes her body against mine, placing her head on my beating heart. "What do you think, should we make this last night memorable?"
"I think we should. " Picking her up by her thighs, she wraps her arms and legs around me and I get a déjà vu. This is actually how she clung to me like a koala bear a week ago. Walking the same way to my bedroom, feeling the desire spreading through my body.
The scene is the same, but everything is different, though. I sit on the edge of the bed with Nova wrapped around me, kissing the side of my neck.
"Matt."
"Mmm"
"I wanna make love to you."
"Yes, I got the hint downstairs. " I snicker.
She pulls herself away, to look me straight in the eye. "No, I wanna make love to you. I want you to do nothing, let me take care of you."
Goosebumps run over my spine. "Ok, can I touch you?"
"Yes"
"Can I look at you?"
"Yes." she smirks wide " and now you can shut up and enjoy."
I grab her hand when she reaches for the light on the nightstand. "Don't dim the lights, I want to see it all. Wouldn't wanna miss a moment"
*
Panting and sweaty, her body is draped over mine. Damn, she is flexible and has stamina. She didn't hold back and I lost count of the positions she bent herself in.
She shifts and lays her head on my chest. We are boiling, but I can't resist the urge to hug her.
I can hear her breathing become shallow. Selfish me don't want her to drift off.
"Nova?"
"Yes." She lets out a big yawn, folds her hands on my chest, and leans her chin on it.
"You got me all messed up. I'm gonna miss this when I wake up in the morning."
She gives me a lazy smile "I'm gonna miss this too."
We stare at each other until her eyes become heavy. I turn us on our side "Go to sleep babe. You deserve it."
She snuggles her nose in my neck and lets out a satisfied sigh when I pull her body closer to mine and whisper.
"I don't want anybody else but you Nova, you ruined me. Nobody but you."
_________________
Hi loves,
Sorry, this time you had to make up the steamy scene yourself!
Bet you didn't have any problem with that.
I was wondering. Who do you think should play Matthew?
Next chapter a new character reveals herself, leaving Nova with mixed feelings.
It's not Dean 😉. He will show up or not...
Please leave your love and tap the star.
❤️Lots of love❤️
Gabriella