💐بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم💐
(In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)
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{قُل لَّوْ كَانَ الْبَحْرُ مِدَاداً لِّكَلِمَاتِ رَبِّي لَنَفِدَ الْبَحْرُ قَبْلَ أَن تَنْفَدَ كَلِمَاتُ رَبِّي وَ لَوْ جِئْنَا بِمِثْلِهِ مَدَداً} [سورة الكهف:١٠٩] ♡
{Say, "If the sea were ink for [writing] the words of my Lord, the sea would be exhausted before the words of my Lord were exhausted, even if We brought the like of it as a supplement."} [18:109] ♡
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I just wanna scream out
'Til my voice breaks
Even if the tears fall
And my heart hates me
I just wanna know how I can save me
Even if these three words choke and take me
Baby, I love you.
- Little Mix♡
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Camila's P.O.V.
I've done a lot, and I mean a lot of thinking this past week, and at the end, I decided that the best thing I could do was to be honest with myself and stop being a coward. Because this is exactly why everything came crashing down; because I wasn't honest with myself and with Shawn from the beginning. I lied to him, I kept secrets from him, which resulted in me breaking both of our hearts. And for that purpose, I'm gonna try and fix things with him, and I don't care what Austin has to say about that.
I know this makes me seem selfish, but really, I'd be selfish either way, so it doesn't matter. If I didn't tell him the truth, it wouldn't be fair to him because he's always been extremely honest with me and now I'm not being the same. And if I went against what Austin said and I'd be putting him in danger, and while it might seem cruel coming from me, I just... don't give a fuck anymore.
I've been in this state for way too long, and no amount of pills or medications could make me feel at peace with myself enough. I mean, sure, they lessen the pain, but they don't remove it. And so I decided that the only way to remove the pain completely is to let it out.
I haven't been able to speak to anyone about this at all, and the only other person who did know what was going on wasn't around as much anymore. Becky's been strangely busy lately, at least that's what she'd tell me when I call to ask her if she wanted to meet up. But I never really questioned her about it in fear of pressuring her if she didn't want to tell me.
And so, I kept everything locked inside, and God, it felt terrible. But now, I'm finally gonna be able to let it all out, all while staying honest with Shawn and with myself about everything. I just don't care about anything anymore, all I know is that I just need to tell him.
I texted Shawn earlier and today and told him that we needed to talk, he asked me if I wanted him to pick me up and I told him I'd just come over. And afterwards, I kept my phone on silent to avoid to talking to anyone about anything and distracting myself, and I'm still keeping it on silent so that I can really talk to him without any interruptions. Everything else in my life can wait, now, I have to try and save our relationship, or what's left of it.
And so here I am, standing outside his house after ringing the doorbell, waiting for him to open the door as my heart races a mile a minute.
Why do I suddenly feel like this is a really bad idea?
But before I can further think about it, the door is opened, revealing him, in a simple, plain, navy blue T-shirt and a pair of black jeans. His brown hair is a little messy with a lock of it falling over his forehead (which I for some reason find very attractive) and his hand is deep inside his pocket as he stands there at the door. His chocolate eyes hold a hopeful look in them, and his mouth is pulled up at one corner in a half smile.
I take a moment to appreciate the work of art that he is. I always thought he was absolutely flawless and looked incredibly handsome in whatever he had on. I'm not even ashamed of saying it, he's really hot, and one look from him can still make me want to melt into a puddle on the spot. I'm definitely lucky. And while that was a bonus, I really liked his sweet nature so much more. Because most attractive guys are total douchebags. Not him, though. Because he's not most guys, and he actually cares about me and other people and doesn't have a facade on like Austin does. And I think that's one of the things that I love about him the most. How he's always so true to himself.
I snap out of my trance as soon as I see a hand waving in front of me, and I shake my head a little and blink a few times before looking at Shawn, who's raising a brow at me.
"Camila, are you okay? You kinda zoned out a bit." He says and my cheeks instantly heat up and I look down at my feet before nodding. "Y-yeah, I'm fine."
"So, are you gonna come in or are we just gonna stand here all day?" He asks and I simply acknowledge him with a glance before stepping into the house.
As soon as I'm inside, I take in my surroundings for a second. It's been a while since I've last been in here, and I'm not gonna lie, I missed hanging out at his house. As I walk into the living room, I recall us sitting on the couch once a few weeks ago, kissing and laughing and eating, then Aaliyah came downstairs and fake gagged at us, calling us both 'sappy lovesick teenagers' before going into the kitchen to grab a snack.
I find myself giggling as I remember that, we all knew we were secretly her OTP.
"What are you giggling about?"
I turn around to look at Shawn walking in behind me. "Oh," I shake my head at him. "Nothing."
He doesn't push it further, and simply points me towards the sofa set and I take a seat down on the armchair as does he on the couch.
"So, do you maybe want something to drink?" He asks me and I shake my head. "No, I'm good, thank you."
He nods and we sit in silence for a moment, as I'm getting all my thoughts together and trying to think of a way to initiate this conversation properly. But he beats me to it.
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Shawn asks me and I look up at him blinking a couple of times. "Oh, right, um," I tuck some of my hair behind my ear as I sigh and internally pray that I don't blow it.
"So, um," I start. "There are some things that happened these past few weeks that you're... unaware of," I tell him. "And, well, it's... it's actually a lot more complicated than you think it is and... God, this is so difficult for me to talk about." I exhale and try to calm myself down a little.
"Hey," Shawn says and my gaze immediately rises up to his eyes. "Look, take your time with it, I'm not pressuring you, whenever you're ready, fire away."
I smile at him a little, grateful for how understanding he is without even knowing what's going on, then I take in a breath and pull the pieces all together before finally getting to it.
"So, um, what I'm about to tell you is an explanation for all of my actions as of lately, and, well, it's going to get a little deep and I don't even know if I'm gonna make it until the end, but I hope that you can be patient with me while I say this, please."
Shawn nods immediately. "Of course."
"Thank you," I smile at him slightly, then draw in one last breath of preparation before finally proceeding with this.
"So, um, a few days after the Fourth of July party, I woke up in the morning and Sofi wasn't there." I tell him and he furrows his eyebrows but lets me finish. "I looked all over the place for her, but she was nowhere in sight. And eventually," I sigh. "I found a note on her nightstand that said, 'Missed me?' and under that, were the initials 'A.M.', almost immediately I knew they belonged to Austin, and I called him to see if he knew anything about Sofi. Turns out, he did, and she was with him when I called."
Shawn's eyes get as big as saucers upon hearing that. "What?" He almost yells. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"
I almost regret going through with this because I knew I'd get this kind of reaction from him.
"I was scared, okay?" I defend myself. "And I knew if I called you, something bad would happen and I didn't want you to get hurt."
"But-"
"Shawn, please," I cut him off. "Just let me finish and then say whatever you want, if don't get this off my chest, I'm not gonna be able sleep tonight."
He sighs in defeat and nods for me to continue as he sits back on the couch, frustration still evident in his features.
I take in yet another breath. "So," I start again. "Austin told me that if I wanted to see Sofi again, I'd have to meet him at an address he was going to send me at 10:00 p.m. And so I went along, and when I got there, he showed me a few rooms at that place, one of them contained a ridiculous amount of weapons, handguns, machine guns, you name it, it was there. And another one had screens lined up on the walls, screens that viewed us, as in all of us. You, me, Becky, Hailee, Ariana, Madison, and everyone else. There was a screen viewing each room of every one of our houses and tracking us all move by move."
Shawn raises a brow at that, but doesn't say anything.
"You cannot even imagine how terrifying it was to look at all of that, to know that he's watching us all the time. I myself couldn't even believe my eyes when I saw it, it was almost just nonsense. And he even cracked through the security system, for God's sake!"
"Wait, so, you're basically saying that the bastard was stalking us this whole time?"
"Yes," I tell him. "That's exactly what I'm saying, and I suppose that's how he got to Sofi. He knew my parents were going away, and when he realized he was in control, he decided to take advantage of me."
Shawn's eyebrows draw together in confusion. "What do you mean?"
Here it goes.
"He said that... he had a C-4 bomb, which I have no idea where he even got, and told me that he'd drop it on us if I didn't do what he said."
"Which was?"
I close my eyes, and take a deep breath, before opening them again to meet his hazel eyes, not knowing if I have enough strength to really tell him this.
"He said that he was going to hurt you if... if I didn't break up with you and be with him instead."
Shawn raises his eyebrows, I can tell it's getting a lot easier to shock him. "What? And you believed him?"
"What else was I supposed to do?" I defend myself. "He fired a goddamn machine gun at a dummy and told me that you'd replace it if I didn't do as he said. And he wasn't just going to hurt you, he was going to hurt all of us, me, Sofi, my parents and everyone else! He'd already gotten through the security system, which was unbreakable, there really weren't any limits to what he could do."
"And so you just let him have his way simply because gave you meaningless threats?" Shawn asks me, clearly growing upset.
"I had no other choice," I tell him, my hands already starting to shake as I speak. "He sounded really serious, and then there was the cameras he had and the fact that he got to Sofi, I just... I didn't know what to do, I was really, really scared." My voice cracks at the end.
"And I was not about to put any of our lives in danger," I continue. "Especially since he was going after you in particular, risking your life was the last thing I wanted to do. And so I had to do what I did. And I'm so, so sorry for that." I shake my head as unshed tears start to swim in my eyes.
Maybe this was a bad idea after all.
"Why didn't you tell me this from the beginning?" Shawn asks, but I remain silent, not knowing what to say to him at this point.
"Answer me, Camila," His voice comes out a little harsh, but still nothing from me. "Why didn't you tell me that Austin had Sofi the second that you found out?" He asks again, but I don't say word.
"You promised me, Camila," He says as I keep my gaze down on my lap, not daring to look him in the eyes and see his disappointment in me after all.
"You promised me you'd let me know if anyone at all tries to harm you, especially him, so why didn't you tell me?" He gets up and moves to stand over me. But I still keep my gaze down, my stomach twisting into a knot as I try to keep my cool.
"Look at me, Camila," He says, and I slowly raise my eyes to meet his, seeing just how upset with me he actually is. I stand up as well, so that I'm standing just under him as we speak.
"Do you trust me?"
He asks, his voice low as he towers over me and I nod, without even thinking about it because I know I do. "Of course I trust you."
"Then why did you lie to me?" He asks. "Why didn't you tell me the truth from the beginning?"
When I don't reply, he continues. "If you did trust me, you would've told me everything from the beginning and I would've known how to deal with Austin. You know that all I ever care about is keeping you safe, so please, let me do that. I told you before that if there ever was something that was bothering you that I'm the first person you should go to. But I really don't know just why you don't trust me enough to do that."
"I do trust you, I just-"
"Am I not a safe zone for you, Camila?" Shawn cuts me off. "Do I not make you feel safe enough for you tell me when stuff like this happens? Because if I don't, then I'm clearly not doing my job."
I shake my head as I look at him. "Shawn, please, just listen to me-"
"I thought this was what we were basing this relationship on, " He cuts me off again. "love and trust. You said it yourself that day, and I trust you, Camila, but if you can't trust me, then I don't know how we'll ever be able to make this work."
"Shawn, you have no idea how dangerous he-"
"Yeah, but he's not dangerous enough to go against me," He interrupts me yet again before sighing. "At least when it comes to you."
I bite my lip and look down again.
"Did you really believe him when he told you about this 'C-4 bomb' he had?" Shawn asks me. "How do you know that he wasn't lying about it to scare you? I mean, he is a compulsive liar after all."
I remain quiet as I keep my eyes on the ground, biting my lip and realizing how stupid I actually was. But I still don't know for sure if he really does have a bomb or not. My head is pounding like crazy as I'm standing there in front of him, and suddenly, I regret going through with this.
"Did he show it to you?" Shawn pushes. "Did he show you he had a bomb? Or did you just believe him upon hearing him say it?"
When I don't respond, he shakes his head at me in pure disappointment.
"So this is how much you really trust me then, huh? This is the trust that you talked about that day." He chuckles dryly. "And on top of that, you lied to me, all while you knew you didn't like it when I lied to you!"
I look up at him, trying my best to hold my tears back as I'm speaking.
"You have no idea why I'm still wearing this, do you?" My voice cracks as I hold up the locket he gave me, which I have not taken off since the day he gave it to me. He glances down at it but says nothing, his gaze blank, and his expression emotionless.
I shake my head at him in disappointment as my eyes overflow before looking away from him.
"I need to go to the bathroom," I whisper before walking around him and crossing towards the bathroom on the other side.
I twist the doorknob and step in, slamming the door behind me. I take in a breath as I lean against the sink, unable to stand straight any longer. My heart hurts with every sob that escapes my lips as I hold onto the edge of the sink so tightly, my knuckles turn white.
I knew it was a bad idea to tell him. I knew I should've just stayed quiet, and I knew that he'd react this way. But a part of me kind of thought that he was going to understand my reasons for this, but it turns out I was wrong. And to be honest, I don't blame him, I really don't.
If I were him, I would've reacted the same way probably. And the fact that I don't like it when he keeps things from me but still keep things from him makes me feel like a hypocrite. As if I don't already feel terrible for breaking his heart. Maybe I should've just been honest with him from the beginning.
I've seriously never felt more broken and lost in my life than I do now. Maybe it's just the disappointment I felt when I thought he would understand but he didn't. I know he wanted to protect me, but I also wanted to protect him, and in order to do that, I had to lie to him.
They say that if you really love someone, you would do anything, anything to protect them, even if it meant breaking their hearts. I thought I was doing the right thing by doing that, and maybe I was, but now, I feel like that was the biggest mistake I've ever made.
And to be honest, I don't even know what is wrong and what is right anymore, what I have to do and what I don't have to do, who I'm hurting and who I'm not hurting, I just have no clue where I should go from here. I'm just so lost right now.
With a breath, I slowly open eyes, and extend my shaking arm towards the tap as my chest heaves and turn it on, then run my hands under the water. I fill up my hands once and wash my face, the cool water soothing my overheated skin. As soon as my face dries a little, I exhale and grab a cup from the side of the sink and fill it with water, before opening my purse and pulling out the white bottle of pills, which I have grown addicted to. I stare at it for a few seconds, before unscrewing the cap and pouring what looks like ten to fifteen pills or probably even more onto my hand.
And without another thought, I shove it all into my mouth, chasing it down with the water. Almost instantly, I start to feel really dizzy, a lot dizzier than usual. I look up and the room spins around me, my vision goes blurry and I try to shake my head and blink a few times to clear it up but it only gets worse. The pounding in my head gets a lot more intense than it was before. I try to reach for the sink to hold myself up, but my hand slips and I trip over myself and end up on the ground as water overflows from the sink and starts to fill the bathroom floor.
I drop the bottle from my hand, and the pills spill on the wet floor as the bottle rolls across the tiles to the other side of the bathroom. My mind is so clouded right now, I can barely see or think or breathe. And despite my efforts to get back up, the pain gets the best of me and I surrender to it, closing my eyes and letting it all go, as the last thought that crosses my mind is him and how I hurt him.
...................................
Shawn's P.O.V.
She lied to me.
She didn't trust me.
She kept secrets from me.
And not just any secrets, big secrets, like, really big and significant secrets that I should've been the first to know about. I knew there was something off when Sofi said that she thought Austin and Camila were 'together', because despite her breaking up with me, Camila's not stupid, and she wouldn't have gone back to him if he was the last person on Earth.
As soon as Camila leaves for the bathroom, I collapse down on the couch, running my fingers through my hair as I sigh in frustration.
I think what hurts the most about all of this, though, is that she didn't trust me enough to be able to protect her from him. She shouldn't have worried about me, I can handle myself and Austin is the last person I'd ever be afraid of. And if he really did have a bomb like she said, he would've dropped it on me a long time ago, and not blackmail her with it.
I get that she was scared and that she was trying to make sure I was safe, but she didn't stop to think once how I would feel about her lying to me, when she herself cried the night that I lied to her. I feel terrible for making her feel this way, because she was just trying to protect me and everyone else, but I can't say that I'm not mad at her for lying to me.
I knew that when Sofi told me that Austin and Camila were together and then the same night, Camila told me she loved me that something was not right, but I didn't give it much thought then; I was too caught up in the fact that she still felt the same way to be bothered by anything else. But now that I have thought about it, I realized that something fishy was going on, but had no clue about it whatsoever.
I was gonna ask her to talk about it and find out what's going on, even though I knew she probably wouldn't tell me anything, but then she reached out first, and I saw it as a chance to really know what's happening with her, and maybe, just maybe, be able to fix what we had. But then this happened, and here we are.
And to be honest, I don't think anyone can blame me for being mad, if it were her, she would've been the same. And I might be in love with her, but that doesn't stop me from being mad that she lied, in fact that, that's the exact reason why I'm even mad in the first place. Because lying to someone you love, and someone that loves you for that matter, is not okay.
When I realize that Camila's taking a little too long in there, I flick my gaze over to the bathroom, and see water seeping from under the door out of the bathroom into the living room, carrying what looks like... pills?
What the hell?
I instantly turn my head in that direction and furrow my eyebrows before standing up and crossing towards it in three strides. I knock on the door three times, making sure to sidestep the water whenever I can.
"Camila? You okay in there?"
When I get no response, I knock a little harder as I start to grow anxious.
"Camila," I say a little louder, hoping she'd hear me over the sound of the water flowing.
"What's going on in there? Why's the water flowing so much? Is everything okay?"
Still no response. I knock a few more times, hoping to at least get some sort of sign that she's alright, but still, nothing. Eventually, I lose my patience and open the door, and the sight I see in front of me is shocking, if not full-on petrifying.
The tap turned on and the sink overflowing with water and filling the room as Camila lays there on the wet floor, eyes closed, not moving a muscle, her skin paler than ever. My eyes widen as my heart almost stops at the horrific sight, and I waste no second rushing over to her and picking her up.
"Mila, Mila," I hold her face in my hands and shake her a little, trying to get her to wake up somehow. "Mila, are you okay? Wake up, God, please just wake up." I shake her a little more, but she doesn't respond, causing me to grow more anxious with every second that passes.
"Camila, wake the hell up, you're scaring me!" I panic as I keep shaking her, and she furrows her eyebrows and moans a little. I sigh in relief once I realize she's awake before darting my gaze around the room, my eyes landing on a white bottle spilling pills on the floor just a small distance away from her.
I furrow my eyebrows and pick it up, wondering if Camila took any of these. Inspecting it, I see that it's a bottle of pain killers, specifically Morphine. Oh, no.
"Shit," My eyes widen upon realizing what it is and I toss the bottle away before turning back to Camila.
"Mila, how many of these did you take?"
"Hmm," She only hums as she moves her head to the side a little.
"Mila, tell me, how many of these pills did you take?" I say, my voice a little louder and more troubled.
"I don't know, maybe a handful," She mumbles and my jaw drops. "A handful?"
Oh, crap.
I flick my gaze over to the now-empty bottle again, and curse the moment she picked it up.
"Shit, shit, shit," I help Camila sit up and support her back with my arm. I run my fingers through my hair, wondering what to do, before finally figuring out how I can get the pills out of her.
"Look, Mila," I say. "Right now, I'm gonna need you to cough as hard as you can when I tell you to, okay?"
She nods slightly, her eyes still closed and her posture still dependent on mine. I hold her up and wrap my arm around her stomach.
"Now."
I press down on her abdomen as she starts to cough loudly, repeating the process a few more times until she coughs all the pills out. I sigh in relief once all of them are out as Camila coughs again uncomfortably.
"Come on," I help her up and lead her towards the sink, before helping her rinse her mouth and drying her face with a towel. I set her back down on the floor at a dry corner, wrapping a clean towel around her, then quickly clean up the mess before sitting down next to her.
"Morphine pills? Seriously?" I say, but she keeps her eyes on the tiled floor, not uttering a single word. "How long have you been taking them?"
She stays silent for a few seconds before shrugging. "I don't know, a few weeks maybe." She mutters.
"And how many did you usually take?"
"Not more than three, every day."
"Three pills, every day?" I raise my eyebrows and she nods hesitantly.
"Wait," I shake my head as I try to process her words properly. "why did you even start taking them in the first place?"
She doesn't say anything, only keeps staring at the floor as she picks at the edge of the towel, her eyes glassy and dark, pain evident in them.
She lets out a soft sob as tears begin to fall from her eyes and roll down her cheeks, breaking my heart into a million pieces.
There's nothing I hate more in this world than seeing her cry, no matter what situation we're in. See her cry is like having a thousand knives pushed into my chest all at once, and worse yet, I always feel like it's my fault that she's in this state, even if I haven't even done anything. I feel awful whenever she cries in front of me, just plain awful. And I could do anything to make that feeling stop, to make whatever she's feeling that's making her cry stop.
"You have no idea what I've been through these past couple of weeks," She croaks. "I was hurt, okay? I was so hurt, I could barely even breathe. I cried multiple times every day, and I couldn't sleep most nights, and God, I just felt awful." She explains. "And if I didn't find these any sooner, I would've probably lost my mind a long time ago."
"Yeah, but do you have any idea how dangerous these pills especially can be if you take them without prescription?" I cup her cheeks gently as I turn her face so that she's looking at me. "You could've almost killed yourself. And I can't lose you like that." My voice drops to barely a whisper at the end as I shake my head at her, her face only barely a few inches away from mine.
"You can't do that to me, it's not fair." I continue, and she lets out another painful sob before nodding. "I know, and I'm sorry." She croaks and I shake my head again before bringing my lips down to hers, feeling her reciprocate almost immediately.
Her arms wrap around my neck, her finger twirl in my hair, as one of my arms locks around her back, pulling her in and holding her body close to mine, the distance between me and her almost nonexistent. She tastes like love, passion and sweetness, all bundled into one, simple kiss. Her hands drop from my hair, and trail along my chest, shoulders and arms, cupping my biceps, and causing my skin to burn.
I lose myself in her touch as I forget about everything that's happening or that has happened. It's like everything around us has disappeared with her body against mine, and it was just me and just her and just us in this moment. Just... this.
I force myself to forget how she lied to me, and I remember how much I love her instead, how my love for her is stronger than anything, no matter how cliche that sounds.
The amount of passion we both put into this kiss is unlike any other we've had. It's like this will be the last for some reason, and we're giving it our all as if we believe that. I've never wanted her more than I do now, everything about this moment feels sacred. Every touch, every breath, every second that passes with her lips on mine feels special and different. I don't want to ever believe this could be the last time I kiss her like that, like it was just us in a dark and empty place, alone, but alone together. I want to savor this moment for all it's worth, to really feel everything with her. And for some reason, the longer it lasts, the closer I want her to be. I feel a drop of water drip on my hand, and that's when I come to the realization that it wasn't water, it was a tear. Camila's tear. She's still crying.
I don't let her go, and try to hold her as close to me as possible, hoping it will somehow make her feel better and safer. But her tears keep dripping, and she clings onto me a little bit more, her nails almost grazing my back, and I have the urge to tell her that it's okay and that I'm right here with her, but I'm too scared of this ending too soon.
I've never felt closer to her than I do now, and I don't think that I've ever experienced anything that can compare to this, that was so perfect and so special yet so broken and lonely at the same time. The need for each other that covers the pain we both keep inside. The love we show compared to the scars we hide. The moonlight that illuminates us, tainted by the thickest clouds on the darkest night.
Maybe we showed everyone we were so perfect, but on the inside out, we were scared of losing each other like this. I guess we both just had that inside of us, but we never showed it or talked about it to anyone, even to each other. There will always be a hole inside my heart with all that we've been through these past eight months, but nonetheless, the amount of love I hold for her inside my heart will only keep increasing.
We soon pull away, resting our foreheads on each other as we breathe heavily due to the lack of oxygen. Another tear rolls down Camila's cheek as she breathes, but she doesn't wipe it away or even move from the position we're in.
"I meant what I said that night," She says and I look at her eyes, a complex look in my own, wondering what she's talking about. "When I had that nightmare and I woke up and you were there," She clarifies, and my brain instantly takes me back to that night, which was not more than a few days ago.
"I remember, by the way," She grins slightly. "I remember everything. I remember what you said to me, and I remember saying it back. And... I meant it."
"Say it again," I command her. "I want to hear you say it."
"I love you." She whispers.
"Again."
"I love you, Shawn." She repeats, a little louder.
My own eyes start to cloud up as I look at hers, my voice breaking.
"Say it again, Camila."
"I love you so fucking much, Shawn Mendes, and I'm not afraid to scream out to the world how much I do."
I waste no second connecting our lips once again, pushing her down on the bathroom floor as her arms wrap around my back. I disconnect our lips for a moment to look at her under me. Her hair messed, her eyes puffy and red and her cheeks stained with tears. She looks so vulnerable and open when she's crying in front of me like this. I can feel everything she's feeling just by looking at her eyes, as if she's silently telling me how she feels. And even when she looks like that, she still looks absolutely beautiful in my eyes.
"Camila," I breathe as she looks up at me, her eyes holding a pure and soft look in them as she stares at me expectantly. And I don't even hesitate to say the words.
"I love you, too."
She doesn't say anything after that, only smiles widely before pulling me down to her lips and kissing me again. This feels like the very first time I said those words to her, even though it's about the millionth time. I'm instantly taken back to the night I first told her I loved her, and I have the same euphoric feeling I did that night right now. And even with everything that happened right now, I still feel thankful for every moment in my life after I met her. And maybe somewhere down the line, we'll realize that this is what made us who we are.
And as for the moment were in, nothing has ever felt so pure and so right in my life. And I've been with her for eight months, yet this might as well be the only moment that I truly felt connected to her, where we both just give in to love and feel each other's feelings and just be there, the moment that will stay as a highlight of our story in my mind for the rest of my life.
The moment of our surrender.
........................................
Austin's P.O.V.
As I stare at the screen viewing Shawn and Camilla in the bathroom getting all cozy together, I clench my fist as anger rises inside of me.
I knew I shouldn't have trusted this bitch. She wasn't allowed to see him anymore and she should've respected that. I should've just told her I'd drop the bomb anyway. I had a feeling she was going to go against my word and run back to him eventually. I just knew it. But silly me thought I should give her a chance, she was already scared and there was no way she was going to put her Prince Charming's life in danger. Turns out, she's just plain stupid. And she's not gonna see what's coming her way after this.
Fed up with watching this, I turn around, grabbing a handgun from the wall at the other side of the room before leaving, pushing Alex and Rob out of my way as soon as I go out into the hallway.
"Woah, Austin, where are you going with that?" Alex asks me but I don't bother stopping to look at him.
"Paying the Mendes residence a little visit."
Just then, I hear some sort of explosion sounding from the other side of the hall and I stop in my track before finally turning to look at them.
"Did you guys here that?" I ask.
"Yeah, what was that?" Rob furrows his eyebrows and I shake my head. "No idea."
Suddenly, thick smoke starts to cloud up the hall and I get even more worried that something has happened. What the hell?
My feet lead me in the direction where the smoke is thickest, and I cough as I fan the smoke away from me, Rob and Alex following close behind.
Soon, we get to the room down the hall that is the source of the smoke, the electricity room. Assuming that it's maybe just a blown fuse or something, I grasp the door handle and try to open it to check what's going in inside, but here's the funny part: it doesn't open.
"Hold up, I have a key," Alex says before pulling it out of his pocket and inserting it into the lock.
"That's strange," His eyebrows furrow as he keeps trying with the door. "The key won't go into the hole."
"Are you sure this is the right key?" I ask him and he nods. "Yeah, I'm totally sure, I used it the last time I tried to open this door."
I shake my head as I keep fanning the smoke away. "This isn't gonna work, step aside." They both do as I said, and I forcefully push the door, breaking the lock in the process.
And what I look at inside, is the definition of surprising. Smoke billowing up into the air from a glass container connected to the electricity control board as sparks ignite every few seconds, only this close to setting the whole place on fire. Oh, shit.
"Crap, what the hell is all this?" Alex asks as he walks in behind me, coughing and fanning away the smoke.
"I don't know, it looks like a bomb or something." I say between coughs. Then suddenly, I remember that I have important business to get done.
"You guys take care of it," I say to Alex and Rob. "I have to go to Mendes' place to finish an important job." I turn around to exit the room, but Alex stops me.
"Why? What are you gonna do?"
I shove the gun into my pocket before pulling my hoodie over my head.
"Something that I should've done a long time ago."
(A/N: Okay austin's pov is trash i know, but i did it on purpose because i hate him lol. that being said, please proceed. sorry for the inconvenience.)
...................................
Becky's P.O.V.
As Hailee and I are both hanging out in my room, Hailee is lying on the carpet eating strawberries while I'm on my bed digging into a my third bag of Lay's today. Because like Camila says, when boredom strikes, you eat. And this exactly how we've been the whole day.
But just as I pop another chip into my mouth, an idea comes to my head. I sit up in my bed and grab my laptop, logging in and starting the camera system program to see if the cameras caught anything today.
I check each one and see nothing wrong in any of them, but when it comes down to the one we placed in the control room to view the screens, I literally drop the chip from my hand at the sight in front of me and gasp.
"Oh. My. God. Haiz," I say and she sits up as she bites into a strawberry. "Hmm?"
"Come look at this."
She furrows her eyebrows before getting up and moving to stand over me, peering into the laptop screen. And when she sees what I'm looking at, the word 'surprised' is a very mild way of describing how she looks.
The camera views Austin staring at a screen somewhere in the middle, viewing both Shawn and Camila at his house in the bathroom. But that's not even the scary part: He clenches his fist in anger as he looks at them, before moving to grab a handgun from the wall and heading out of the room.
We both gasp loudly at the sight, and Hailee's hands race to her mouth as I rub my eyes, think that this is maybe just a dream or something.
"The bomb, Becky, the bomb! Start it right now!" Hailee yells and I quickly reach across my bed for the drawer beside it, opening it and pulling the electricity control switch out then sitting up straight against the headboard.
With a deep breath, I flip the switch and turn it on, just as Hailee checks the electricity room camera. Smoke starts to fill the room, just as planned, to the point where we can barely see anything anymore.
"Call Mila right now, and I'll try with Shawn." Hailee orders and she moves to grab her phone from the floor and I nod and reach for mine from the nightstand then quickly dial Camila.
I tap 'Call' and press the phone to my ear as it rings, simultaneously moving to the camera that viewed the screen showing Shawn and Camila. I spot her phone on the bathroom floor, but it's far away from her, so she can't see me calling. And apparently, she can't hear it either.
"Shit," I curse under my breath. "Mila's not picking up, her phone's on the floor but I think it's silent or something."
I look up at Hailee and she shakes her head and pulls her phone away from her ear. "Neither is Shawn, and his phone is never on silent."
She then sighs and shoves her phone into her pocket. "We have to go to Shawn's place right now."
I nod and quickly get out of bed, shoving my phone into my pocket as Hailee slips her shoes and jacket back on. I swiftly grab a black pair of Vans and put them on before heading for the door behind Hailee.
"Wait," She stops at the doorway. "Get the laptop, we'll need it to keep track of Austin." I nod and go back to grab it, not bothering to grab its case as we're in a hurry.
By the times we get downstairs, we're breathing like we ran a whole marathon, but neither of us cares enough about anything now other than getting to Shawn and Camila and keeping Austin away from the both of them.
"Shit, I forgot my car keys!" I curse loudly as we go out to the porch before handing Hailee my laptop and telling her to go the car then going back in to get the keys from the entryway table.
As soon as I have them, I go back outside and unlock the car then toss the keys to Hailee, telling her drive before grabbing my laptop from her and climbing into the passenger seat. Hailee gets in and starts the car as I open my laptop again, breathing heavily as my hands shake and my heartbeat increasing in fear.
"How far is Shawn's place from here?" Hailee asks as she pulls out of the driveway.
"Not far," I say as pull my phone out and type in the location on Google Maps before putting it on speaker mode and check the cameras on my laptop, seeing that Austin has left the situation at the electricity room for Rob and Alex to take care of, which clearly means the bomb has failed to perform the job it was designed for which was to keep Austin himself busy if something happens.
"Austin just left the warehouse, he's heading over to Shawn's," I inform Hailee and she speeds up a little more then curses once we get to a red stoplight. Hailee bumps her head against the steering wheel and groans before lifting her head up and sighing and as she runs her hand through her hair.
"Let's just hope that we actually get there before he does."
........................................
Camila's P.O.V.
As were sitting there on the bathroom floor at his house, my head against his chest and his arm wrapped around me as we don't speak a word, content with the silence for once, I slowly lift my head up to look at Shawn above me.
"Shawn?" I say, my voice barely coming out as a whisper.
"Hmm?" He glances down at me, his eyes soft and relaxed, unlike how they've looked every time I looked at them this past month.
"Uhm," I hesitate as I look away from him, unaware of how I'm supposed to say this. "About what happened with... you know, everything, I just..." I sigh and close my eyes for a second. "I don't even know where to start, I-"
"Then don't."
I look up at him, confusion evident in my eyes, silently asking him for an explanation.
"What has happened, has happened. And... I don't think we need to talk about it anymore."
"So you're not mad at me?" I ask him hopefully, and he sighs and looks away, which clearly means that he is.
"I can't say that I'm not," He tells me. "It wasn't exactly the best thing you did, but I'll get over it. I have a question for you, though."
I nod. "Of course."
"Do you trust me?"
He asks once again. And even though I do, I don't know if the answer 'yes' will satisfy him. He heard it before, and I'm sure he's not gonna believe it so easily.
"If I say 'yes', will you believe me?"
"Depends."
"On?"
"You keep me posted about everything that Austin does, and you let me know immediately if he ever tries to hurt you again."
My eyebrows draw together at that. Again?
"Wait, how did you-"
"Sofi told me," He cuts me off. "It was clear that she noticed something was wrong, and she trusted me enough to tell me about it. I don't see why couldn't do the same."
I look away from him as I realize how worried Sofi actually was about me. And even though I told her I was okay and tried to keep things at bay after the talk we had, she still decided to go do something about it. I didn't want her to get involved in this, I really didn't, I didn't even think she'd have any idea what's happening at all. And now, I feel really guilty about having her dragged into this mess. I feel guilty about giving her something to worry about at this young age.
"She was really worried, you know," Shawn tells me. "She told me that she saw him hit you and tell you horrible things, which made me even more upset that you didn't tell me."
She actually saw what happened?
I bite my lip, keeping my eyes away from his. "Look, I'm so, so sorry for... for lying to you about something like this, but I was just... I didn't even know if you wanted to see me at all, let alone speak to me. I mean, I was the one who broke up with you that night. And I know how you felt afterwards, and I'm honestly surprised that you don't hate me for it."
"Mila, I could never hate you, okay?" He tells me once again. "Never. No matter what happens or what you do to me, I just cannot hate you. And you should know that."
"But I didn't," I argue. "I thought you were mad at me for breaking up with you for no legitimate reason, so I didn't think you'd be willing to speak to me after something like that. And that was stupid of me, I know it was. And just so you know," I turn to face him, his hazel eyes looking straight into mine.
"When I told you that night I didn't love you anymore, that was the biggest lie I've ever told anyone in my entire life."
Shawn shakes his head at me. "And I guess that's why it hurt so much. Maybe I always knew it was a lie." He smiles softly, and I find myself smiling a little as well.
"Well, I'm glad you did."
Just then, I hear someone walk into the bathroom, and I flick my gaze over Shawn's shoulder to see Austin out of all people standing behind him, a gun in his hand. What the...?
I gasp loudly, but before I can say anything, he speaks.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing with my girlfriend?"
Shawn turns to face him, his face turning as white as a ghost as his eyes land on the gun in Austin's hand. He stands up, and I follow suit, my heart threatening to beat out of my chest.
"Austin? Wh-what are you doing here?" I stutter as I ask him.
"The real question is what are you doing here with him?" He asks back.
"I...I-"
"I thought you'd know better than to go against my word, but turns out, you're just as stupid as I thought you'd be, and now Prince Charming is gonna pay for it." Austin points the gun at Shawn, and he pushes me behind him, out of Austin's sight.
"Mila, stay behind me." He orders me and I nod quickly as my breathing picks up.
"Austin, what are you doing? Put the gun down." He says.
Austin chuckles humorlessly. "You're the last person who can tell me to do anything," He tells him. "All along, it was you she looked at," He flicks his gaze over Shawn's shoulder to me. "Even when she was with me at the beginning of the year, and it made me sick to my stomach. You had everything I could never have; popularity, respect, a pretty girlfriend and all the attention you could ever ask for. And it seems like all that wasn't enough for you, so you decided to ruin my life as well."
My jaw almost drops at every word that leaves his mouth. Wait, so he's straight up just lying now?
At that point, I can't take anymore of this, so I step forward, although Shawn tries to keep me behind him, but I successfully dodge him, laughing dryly and shaking my head at Austin.
"You can't possibly be serious right now," I throw my arms up in the air then drop them. "It's not Shawn's fault that you're nothing but a jealous, self-absorbed jerk. And as for 'ruining your life', that's something that you have to work out with me, because it was entirely my idea, and Shawn had nothing to do with it."
He tries to say something, but I'm quick to stop him.
"Don't," I hold up my hand, and sure enough, it shuts him up. "I'm not finished yet, and you're going to listen to everything I have to say because I've been quiet for way too long and I'm just fed up with everything."
I take in a shaky breath before continuing. "Have you forgotten all the things that you've done to me? That you've done to the both of us? Or have you always just been the victim?" I ask him.
"Have you forgotten about how you were stalking me for months before we met? How you tried to use me for my family's money? How you were cheating on me the whole time with Jessica? How you conspired with her against Becky and I? How you hurt Becky's feelings? And how you even tried to hurt Shawn for some stupid flash drive you knew he didn't have?" I bombard him with questions.
"That's a whole list of things right there, have you thought about all that? Or even considered that we, in return, have done nothing wrong to you on offense? It's not our fault that you have issues with your personality, that's a problem you have to solve with yourself, not with us."
I can sense his fear, although he tries to hide it, I can see right through him, and I know that he's afraid because he knows that I'm right about every single thing I said.
"I should've just ended you both a long time ago."
He holds the gun up and points it at me.
"No!"
Shawn quick steps in front of me and tackles him, causing him to drop the gun on the floor.
"Who the hell do you think you are to hold a gun up to her like that?" Shawn grits his teeth as he shoves him against the ceramic wall.
"I swear you don't have a drop of blood in your body! You think that I don't know what you did to her? You think I'm just gonna let it pass like it never even happened?" He fists his hand into his shirt.
"Hitting a girl? Seriously? God, you are such a coward." He shakes his head at him. "If you have a problem with me, you come and solve it with me. You don't go and take it out on my girl, and if there was anything inside that head of yours, you'd know I'd be right behind her, and no matter what you did to her, I'd know about it and I'd take you down. And trust me you do not want to know what I do to anyone who tries to mess with my girl."
My gaze flicks over to the gun on the floor, and I quickly move to grab it, my hand quivering a little as I pick it up, it's a actually a lot heavier than it looks. I breathe heavily as I look down at the weapon in my hand. I never thought in my life that I'd ever hold a gun in my hand.
Austin only smirks at Shawn, chuckling lightly as I look up at them once again. "Maybe that's how it looks like in your head, but reality is different, my guy. And for your information, you don't scare me." He shakes his head before lowering his voice a little bit.
"Oh, and by the way, she's not your girl anymore, she's mine."
At that, Shawn's face gets red, and his eyes hold nothing but pure rage, he just overall totally loses it.
"You son of a-"
"Stop!"
I shriek, holding the gun up at the both of them. They turn their attention to me, their eyes widening when they see that I have the gun as they pull apart.
"Both of you, just stop it!" I continue, directing the gun at Austin, as my eyes cloud up, my heart beating a mile a minute as I try to keep my grip steady, even though my arm is shaking.
"Camila, what are you doing? Put that thing down!" Shawn yells, but I shake my head. "No."
"I've had enough of all of this, I've had enough of everything and everyone and it's all his fault." I refer to Austin, keeping my eyes intently on him. "All along it was him that was plaguing me, and I couldn't live my life like any other person because of him. But now, I'm going to end that."
Deep down, you know that you can't do this, Camila. You know you can't shoot him.
The voice inside my head keeps getting louder, but my thoughts and the pain I feel drown it out. I've had enough of it all. I'm just fed up with him and his lies and everything he did. A person can only take so much, and I've reached my limit a long time ago. I don't even know how I'm still going on right now, I've even gotten to the point where I'm feeling so much that I just... don't feel anything at all. And I know that this isn't even half the stuff that some people go through in this world, but I think that these are the kinds of things that break me personally.
As I'm holding that gun up to Austin's chest, trying my best not to drop it because of how much my arms are trembling, I replay the events of this entire past year in my head. From the moment I walked into MIMA to this very second that I'm standing here right now.
I never thought that, coming to this school, my entire life would turn upside down. And I'm not gonna lie, my life has changed a lot since I started attending MIMA. I had a few difficulties during my first months, but I managed to make more friends than I ever had in my whole life. And not just any friends, real friends. And then I met somebody, and I thought he was the one for me, but I was wrong, and I was stupid and I didn't listen to any of my friends when they told me that he was no good, and I temporarily lost them because of it. But then I realized my mistake and tried to fix it, and thankfully everything worked out.
And then, there was someone else, someone who happens to have been the person who stole my first kiss at age sixteen at sunset behind the academy. Someone who, through everything that we've been through and all the heartache I might've caused him, has never given up on me once. Even now. Someone who makes me hate myself and love myself at the same time. He made me hate myself because I didn't deserve to be with someone like him, and I still don't. He deserved so much better, yet he still chose me. And that's really kind of what makes me feel even more guilty about lying to him and breaking his heart.
It made me feel like I was taking his love for granted, when I never intended to. I always treasured the relationship I have with him, and I sort of believed that we'd be together for the rest of our lives, even though that was probably a little too fast, and I never took it for granted and I stand by that. I knew how much he loved me, and I knew I didn't deserve that much from him, and I never ever thought of it as something simple or insignificant. And I think that's why it really hurt to have to break up with him for no legit reason.
But he also made me love myself, because he told me every day that I was beautiful and that I deserved the entire world, when I knew that I didn't. He took me as I am, and he never tried to change anything about me, and neither did I with him. More so, he understood me like no one did, as if he knew what I was feeling before I could tell him. He was always there for me, and he always made an effort to try and make me feel better about myself, because he knew how insecure I was and still am at times, and even though he'd tell me that I was stronger than I thought I was, he knew I still needed that reassurance.
He was a fucking fairytale.
Like, I swear he's not real. There's no way that someone like him could be human. He was so good to me this past year, too good. And I'm not even gonna lie, these past months with him have been heaven to me. Just pure heaven. I only thought that stories like ours were only in fairytales, but he's... he's real. He's so real, it almost feels like he's not. No matter how crazy that sounds.
But then, everything we've been through led us to this point. This point where everything is just downright fucked up. And I don't believe it was either of our faults. Because it was Austin's.
"Mila, please just calm down," Shawn tells me. "You don't know what you're doing! Trust me, you're going to regret this!" He says but I don't listen to him and simply shake my head as my gaze doesn't move from Austin's eyes.
I'm going to end this bullshit right now. I've been through too much, and I just... I can't take it anymore. It's too much to put up with.
"Camila, look at me," Shawn orders, but my eyes still remain on Austin's. He stares back at me, as if he knows that I know I'm not strong enough to do it, and his lips slowly curve into a smirk.
"Camila, look at me, please," Shawn repeats. "If you love me, you wouldn't do it."
I close my eyes, and take a moment to think about that. To think about how much I love him. The love I have for him that will never compare to his love for me. And I realize that this, what I'm doing right now, will do me no good, but will harm not only me, but everyone I know.
"Think about your parents," Shawn continues. "Think about Sofi and all of our friends, think about your life, your future... think about me."
At that, I open my eyes, and finally decide to look at him, lowering the gun as a tear rolls down my cheek. I shake my head as I bite my lip, trying to keep myself from just full-on breaking down right there, although apparently, I'm failing at that.
"I'm sorry, Shawn." I whisper and he sighs and shakes his head dismissively. "It's okay, just... just calm down."
Austin rolls his eyes at that. "Oh, cut the crap, you two." He steps forward in my direction then quickly takes a hold of my hands and raises the gun up, pointing it at Shawn.
My eyes widen at that, and I try to pull my hands away, but Austin has firm grip on them.
"Let me go!" I yell, my voice echoing inside the bathroom, as I try with all my might to pull my hands out of his, but he only holds onto them tighter.
"Say your last goodbye," Austin smirks as he places his finger over mine on the trigger and my eyes get impossibly wider as my breathing picks up and I shake my head, tears running like streams from my eyes as I look at Shawn, who looks just as terrified as I am as he's frozen in his spot in front of us with nowhere to go.
Still, "Mila, calm down, everything will be alright, just... just don't be scared okay?" He tells me but I don't respond, and simply try to pull my hands out of Austin's as my tears don't stop for a second. How the hell can he be worried about me right now?
"Mila, listen to me," He continues. "You are so brave and so strong, and nothing can ever stand in your way, okay? And no matter what happens, I will always, always be there for you. I promise you that."
I shake my head as more tears fall from my eyes.
Why is he talking like he knows what's going to happen?
"I'm so, so sorry, Shawn." I tell him. "About everything. Lying to you, not trusting you, just... everything. I'm just really, really sorry. Please forgive me for everything."
He shakes his head at me, his eyes glassy, as if he's holding his tears back. And at that very moment that I look into his hazel eyes, I see just what he was talking about all these months. The reason why he loved me.
He loved me because he saw something when he looked into my eyes, just as I did when I looked into his. He saw someone inside me that was dying to come out, but couldn't because I was so scared of letting her out. He saw that person inside of me, he knew she was there. He knew that there was a Camila in me that was brave, fearless, confident and unstoppable, and he brought her out of her shell. And he fell in love with her. He fell in love with me.
He was the person that had the most effect on my personality this past year. He changed me in the best way possible, he made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. And while it might seem cliche, it's true.
I could never be who I am today without him. He's five months younger than me, and is still sixteen to this day, yet he taught me so much about myself, more than I could've ever learned. He showed me sides of who I am that I never knew. He showed me how beautiful love is, with all its ups and downs. But most importantly, he taught me how to love. He taught me to trust in him, in us, that we can pull through anything if we can just believe in ourselves, our love and in each other.
But I guess I forgot that when everything happened earlier this month. I forgot how much it meant to him that I trusted him so much. I forgot how hurt he'd be once he found out the truth, and I let the thought of wanting to keep everyone safe blind me from that.
And I won't say that what I did was inconsiderate, because I was doing the right thing by trying to protect everyone, but what I did wrong was keeping it from him. And I think that's why he was so upset about it.
It's like I was just throwing everything this relationship was built on out the window. All of our promises, our deep late night talks, our love, just... everything. And I hate myself for doing that to him. I hate myself for keeping him up at night thinking about what he did wrong that I broke up with him. For hiding the truth from him for weeks. For getting us to this point.
Yet through all of this that's happening, I can't help but thank him internally. I'm thanking him because he was the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life. Because he believed in me and thought I was special and different. Because he saw me as who I really was and gave me a chance to be that with him.
I'm thanking him because he loved me.
And even in the situation we're in as of this moment, with my heart threatening to explode and my entire body shaking with fear, he manages to slowly tug the corners of his mouth up in a soft smile as he looks at me with the most pure and loving look in his chocolate brown eyes.
"Already have."
I shake my head again as I keep trying to pull my hands away from Austin, but he's still persistently squeezing my hands between his.
I've never felt so powerless in my whole life. I've never felt so weak and so helpless and just... incapable of anything. I told myself before that I would stop anything bad that's coming Shawn's way, and I thought I was doing a good job at that. But this just shatters everything. Everything.
And then, it happens.
Austin's finger presses over mine, pulling the trigger, and sending a bullet straight to Shawn's side, and I let out a piercing scream. A scream so loud, it's almost enough to shatter glass. The ear-splitting sound of the gunshot echoes in my ears over and over and over again. And that is when my entire world just stops right there.
He didn't just....
Austin finally drops my hands, and the gun falls to the floor as I stare in pure shock and disbelief at Shawn collapsing down to the ground as blood leaks from where the bullet went through, soaking his shirt in deep red.
.................................
Becky's P.O.V.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me!"
Hailee curses loudly as she throws her hands up in frustration, and I look up from my laptop at the road to see us getting to a traffic jam at the street just outside the neighborhood that Shawn lives in.
I furrow my eyebrows and try to look over all the cars to see why the street is so jam-packed and spot a few police cars up ahead, an upside down truck and a smashed car.
"Shit," I curse as I turn to my right and see a few people heading out of the scene up ahead in our direction. As soon as they pass by us, I pull my window down.
"Hey," I yell and one of them turns to look at me. "What's happening over there?" I gesture with my head at the road up ahead.
"There's been an accident," He replies. "Both drivers are badly hurt. The officers say the street will be jammed for about another hour until they get the cars out and the drivers to a hospital."
"Seriously?" Hailee groans and bangs her head against the steering wheel.
"Okay, how else can we get to fifty-sixth street?" I ask the guy.
"You go back from here then turn right and take the next exit and you'll be there."
I nod. "Thanks, bro." He nods back and I roll up my window before turning to Hailee.
"You heard him, right?"
She nods and proceeds to get out of the jam, thankfully, there aren't any cars behind us.
"How far is Austin?" Hailee asks me as we get to the neighborhood and I look down at my laptop to see that he's already at the house and with them in the bathroom.
My eyes widen. "Crap, he's already there. Speed up, Haiz."
Hailee nods and goes faster, not giving a damn if she's going over the speed limit. "What's happening?"
I look again to see Camila holding the gun and pointing it at Austin. My eyes get as big as saucers and I gasp loudly as soon as my eyes land on her.
"Camila, she's... she's gonna shoot Austin."
"What?"
"She's going to fucking shoot him! Hurry the hell up, Hailee!"
"I'm almost there! Only a few more streets..."
Sighing worriedly, I run my fingers through my hair, praying to God that Camila doesn't do something stupid. I don't even know what's happening or how we even got to this point for God's sake! Why was Camila even at Shawn's house in the first place when she knows that Austin's was gonna go after her if he found out? She's not stupid enough to forget that!
This just completely destroys everything Hailee and I have built. We had everything figured out and we were so close to finally taking him down, but this... this just ruins everything.
Eventually, we get to Shawn's house, and see Austin's car parked outside. Cursing, Hailee pulls over, and we both quickly get out of the car and charge towards the open front door. I glance at it for a moment to see that Austin apparently broke the lock when he got in, but I don't give it much more thought as we have something much more important to worry about.
But just as we reach the doorstep, a deafening noise echoes from inside the house, making us stop in our tracks, loud screams escaping both of our lips. I cover my ears and screw my eyes shut as the sound rings painfully in my ear, making my head pound torturously. I take a step back, but I miss the floor and almost fall over, but before I do, Hailee catches me.
"Woah, B, are you okay?" Hailee asks as she helps me stand up again and I nod as I try to regain my balance, rubbing the side of my forehead in attempt to ease the throbbing a little.
"Yeah, I-I'm fine," I assure her before letting out a breath. "That... that noise, it was... it was terrifying."
Hailee nods, a fearful look in her eyes. "I know. But it's not just any noise, Becky, it's a gunshot."
I furrow my eyebrows as I look up at her, worry and fear building up inside me. "Do you think Camila-"
"I don't know," She shakes her head. "Let's go in and find out. for ourselves."
We turn back to look at the door, and I quickly push it wider and go in, heading towards the ground floor bathroom where Shawn, Camila and Austin are supposedly all at, Hailee following suit behind me.
Just as were approaching the bathroom, my eyes land on Austin inside there, a red liquid, supposedly blood, making its way to where he's standing. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion as soon as I spot him. I thought he... Okay, now I'm seriously confused.
But wait. If he didn't get shot, then that means... Oh, my God, no, no, no, no, please, please, PLEASE, no.
Austin's head turns our direction, and his eyes get wide as soon he spots us coming, but before we get in, he gets out and swiftly walks right past us.
"Hey! Where do you think you're going?" Hailee turns around and pulls him by the back of his shirt to stop him, but I pull her away from him by arm.
"Let him go, Hailee, we can worry about him later, Camila's hurt!" I say as I tag her behind me towards the bathroom. And when I go in, the sight I see I front of me is all but absolutely petrifying. I stare at the scene before my eyes, not finding the words or even the strength to even describe what I'm seeing. I just stand there, utterly shocked and bewildered, the only words falling from my lips being...
"Hailee, call the paramedics, now!"
..................................
Camila's P.O.V.
My heart nearly stops as I watch Shawn collapsing to the ground like that after he takes the bullet, and my feet don't waste a second leading me towards him. I drop down to my knees, holding his face in my quivering hands as I keep shaking my head in disbelief.
This can't be happening to us. This just cannot be happening right now.
"Sh-shawn..." I stutter, my voice cracking, still incredulous of what I'm seeing before me, and my eyes persistently shed bitter tears. My gaze flicks over to his wound, and I bring a shaking hand over to it, placing it over where the bullet went, somehow trying to stop the blood from leaking out.
The feeling of his blood in my hands, of him like this under me, reminds me of the nightmare I had the night of that party I went to with Austin. It was the exact same as this. Every detail of what this is, is identical to what I saw in my sleep that night. And now, I'm living it. I knew that dreams came true, but I had no idea nightmares did too. I thought I was going to protect him forever, but seeing him like this makes me feel like I wasn't even protecting him at all. It makes me feel like I did this to him.
And I did.
I shot him.
I avert my gaze back up to his eyes, his beautiful, soft hazel brown eyes, and he looks at me, his body shaking and his chest heaving as blood leaks onto the bathroom floor, regardless of my hand pressing on the bullet wound.
I don't stop crying once, my chest heaving as painful sobs escape my lips every other second, and I look back at the wound and press harder in a useless attempt to keep the blood inside. But even in the state that he's in, Shawn extends his hand, placing it over mine and pulling it away from the wound. I look back at his eyes, and he shakes his head at me, his face pale and his eyes exhausted and his forehead sweaty as he fights to stay.
I try to say something but he shakes his head again as he takes my hand in his, trying to intertwine our fingers together. I do it instead, holding his hand as tight as I can, as if it can somehow keep him alive.
"I'm... s-sorry," He whispers before coughing loudly, his voice barely there. And at those particular words, more tears come out of my eyes, and I shake my head at him.
"No," I whisper. "Please, Shawn, just don't."
If anything, I'm supposed to be the one apologizing to him. It wasn't Austin that got us to this point. It was me. It was me this whole time. And I realize that now. I seem to be dragging trouble behind me wherever I go, and I always end up pulling Shawn into it no matter how hard I try not to, now look where this got us. Look where I got us. Look what happened to him because of me.
Look what you did, Camila.
There's blood in both of our hands as they tightly hold on to each other, as if silently expressing how much each of us means to the other. And for some reason, I see the blood on our intertwined hands as a sign of how messed up we actually are.
Maybe everyone thought we were perfect because of what we showed on the outside, but on the inside we both knew we were scared of losing each other like this. Of losing each other at all. What we have is complicated and hard to explain, because it took us a lifetime to figure it out ourselves, and when we both did, we were content, or at least we thought we were.
There was always that dark place in my mind that reminded me of how what we had was more than just what it was. It was more than either of us could fathom, even though we're sixteen and seventeen. It looked so perfect on the outside, it was like that to everybody that saw us, but what nobody saw was how broken we both were. That's why we needed each other. I needed him just as much as he needed me because we both had our fears and insecurities and we both understood each other enough to know how to make them go away.
But I brought it all down when all of this started. I knew he could help me, he always told me he was there to help me but I took that for granted and now here we are. And that's why I'm blaming myself for what just happened. That's why I'm blaming myself for the blood on our hands. The little scars on our hearts that blemish that beauty that was our love.
Through everything, a soft, barely-there smile slowly draws itself on his face, and his lips part slightly, as if he wants to say something, but before even a single syllable can leave his mouth, his eyes slowly close, and he gives in. Just. Like. That.
"Sh-shawn?" I bring my hand up to his face once again, staining it a little with his blood. I shake his head a little in an attempt to make him look at me - but he doesn't. He doesn't even move.
"Shawn, Shawn, please, look at me," More tears stream down my cheeks and I shake him crazily, trying to get him to open his eyes. I'd give anything just to look at his eyes staring back at mine again. Anything at all.
"Shawn," I say a little louder as I keep shaking him and my eyes flick over to his wound then back up to his own eyes, not having a clue what I should do at this point.
And that is when it hits me like a ton of bricks.
My eyes widen in realization as I shake my head, still refusing to believe that it's true. But reality has other plans.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! JUST NO!" I yell as I bang on his chest, letting all hell just break loose. This can't be. This just CANNOT be!
He's not dead. He can't be dead. He promised me he wouldn't leave, and he told me he was going to keep that promise, how could he?
Tears still keep streaming down my face as I try to convince myself that he could never break his promise, and they never stop, not when my clothes, face and body all get soaked in his blood, not when my voice is too weak for me to keep screaming his name, not when Becky pulls me away from him, and most certainly not when they take him away.
I can't breathe, I can't speak, I can't feel anything. Anything, except pain and regret. I don't even move my eyes from where he was after they take him. My body feels so fragile and so weak, that I think I might break if someone knocks me over even slightly. My heart feels so heavy right now, heavy with regret, heavy with pain, heavy with the love that it will always carry for him.
This is not how our story was supposed to end. This is not how everything was supposed to go down. I had another vision for us, another life. I saw us somewhere together in the near future despite everything that happened. I saw us with a real chance to turn everything around and make this work. But this... this just ruined everything I had imagined.
As I sit there on the bathroom floor right after they take him, I look down at the necklace he gave me a few weeks back, running my thumb over it as I remember that night, and remember what this necklace meant to him: Happiness.
I ruined that, too. I ruined his happiness with all the stupid, reckless things that I've done. It could've been the one thing I kept, but with him... gone, that happiness could never stay. This is what the necklace meant to me too, it meant the amount of happiness I felt when I was with him, when I thought of him and knew that we'd always have each other, when I looked in his eyes and told him those three words that feel so empty and so pointless to me now. This is what I felt when I realized that this was meant to be, but now after everything, after this, I don't feel anything at all. I just feel numb. I'm physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, and I'm just way too tired to feel anything anymore.
Everything around me is so distant, so far for me to feel or even see anymore. It was just so much to take in at once... too much. And even though he told me he did, a single thought ghosts into my mind repeating itself louder and louder, over and over and over again.
He will never forgive me.
....
To be continued...
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