As much as I despised the hospital coffee, I had no choice than get it here because I couldn't make myself one at home. I was in a rush to see Amara that I barely dressed and had to put everything on in the car as Levi drove.
Levi said it was like I am obsessed but I just want to see Amara. I miss her like crazy, I miss her voice, I want to look into her eyes again and tell her how much I'm in love with her. Only if she could wake up sooner.
Seeing her in this condition is like a kick to the gut, a stab to the heart. The more I see her laying unconscious, the more I feel guilty and the more it fucking pains me. I want to switch places with her so fucking bad but I can't. I want to kiss her and feel her kiss me back but she can't. She doesn't deserve it.
"Baby" I say as I hold her hand again, kissing it. Her skin is not as pale as it was yesterday which brings a small smile of hope to my face. She would wake up soon enough, right?
"I'm sorry I had to leave last night. I just wish everyone understood what I feel inside and not coach me on how I should behave in this situation. I'm incredibly worried about you, I'm hurting and I need to be by your side each second of the day but there are just so many people who want to share you with me." I sigh and watch her chest slightly move up and down. She still has a breathing mask on her face but I remember Dr Ferguson say something about removing it soon.
I noticed there were more drips attached to her now which made me frown. The blood drip was thankfully removed, it kind of made me feel somehow.
"I wish you were awake love, I miss you so much." I tell her again, not knowing if she can hear me or not.
"If I could take everything back, I swear I would." My voice started getting shaky and broke at the end. I was failing. I was feeling to keep up a strong front for her. She's currently not strong enough and I needed to be strong for her but my emotions were getting the better of me. It just hurt me and broke me to the extremes watching her in this state, I never meant for any of this to happen.
None of this would've happened had I done something about Bianca's return. I should've done something or said something that would stop Bianca from going with her that day, maybe she would've listened to me and we would not be dealing with this now.
"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am cakes. I really am, you don't deserve this." I lay my arm over her lap and caress her. I want her to say something back to me. I want her to tell me how much she's pissed at me for shooting her, how much she hates me for bringing her pain, how much she loves me above all.
"You have to wake up cakes, seeing you like this..." I suck in a breath "I can't-"
"Good morning Mr Hazard." I clench my teeth and try to stop myself from saying the rudest thing I can possibly say to the doctor. Why does he always have to show up whenever I want to be ALONE with my girlfriend? There's so many people wanting to share her with me and I hate it. I don't even care if he's the fucking doctor, I still hate it.
"You're here so early in the morning." He says and I roll my eyes. Of course he'd state the obvious.
"How's her condition?" I might as well ask.
"Well, I'm here to remove her breathing mask as she won't need it anymore. I must say, she's doing so well, better than most patients who've had a similar case."
"That's good news" I find myself smiling slightly as I look at her.
"Do you know if she can hear when I speak?" I ask and he nods
"She can, which I think is the reason for her speedy recovery. She just has to gain her consciousness now and we can go over a few things before we discharge her."
Something takes over me and I smile more. Wow, she was hearing me all along?
Dr Ferguson notes some things down and removes her mask before looking at me.
"I'm just saying that she's a lucky girl to have a fiancèe like you." I'm taken aback by the lack of professionalism from the doctor but find myself smirking. However, it vanishes as I suddenly remember why we are here in the first place. How am I good for her when I'm the one who has landed her in this hospital bed?
"I mean, you seem to be genuinely worried about her."
"Of course I am, I love her." I counter rudely and he nods, not seeming to take offence.
"I can see that." He states and then brushes off Amara's hair from her face. This got me angry, was he really taking the fucking piss?
I immidiately feel a hundred times more protective over my unconscious girlfriend than ever before.
"What the fuck!?" I exclaim, I see the way this fucked up so called doctor looks at her...and he keeps asking about our relationship...and then now he just touched her face.
"Don't you dare touch her!" I find myself walking towards him and by the look of horror on his face, I know I am pretty intimidating.
"Fucking touch her inappropriately again and I will-"
"Calm down Mr Hazard. I was just doing my job."
"Your job consists of you removing strands of hair from my girl's face?" I growl and hear his breathing shake. He quickly shakes his head before moving away from me, retrieving his file and exiting the room.
I was uncomfortable all along with having him as Amara's doctor because he was young and inexperienced but it gets to the fucking point of him looking pervertedly at my girl!!?? And touching her!!!?? That's a whole new level of complicated shit and we are going to have a massive problem.
I try to stop myself from finding him and punching the living lights out of him.
I sit down again and hold Amara's small hand in mine. I bring it up to my lips, kissing it lightly. I seem to be doing a lot of this gesture quiet often. I miss her so bad even though she's right in front of me. It's not the same because she can't respond to me or kiss me back, or at least looking into her eyes and telling her I love her.
"I'd do anything for you cakes." I quietly tell her, looking at her chest moving up and down as she breathes, a positive sign of life. I'm still pissed over the doctor shit but just looking at Amara like this brings back my senses, slightly wiping away the anger but the sick feeling of guilt resurfacing.
I still couldn't believe she's lying here because of me. I know Levi said it wasn't my fault, but I know it is. I didn't mean to put her in any kind of pain but I seem to always do so, emotional pain at least. God I'd never think of hurting her physically on purpose, the thought alone is absurd, that's why I'm beating myself up about the fact that she's in here because of me.
I sit beside her and don't go anywhere for the remainder of the day. Dr Ferguson doesn't show up, only some nurse does.
"Sir I think you should go home. It's after eight now and-"
"Do your fucking job and stop bothering about my presence." I cut the stupid nurse off and she looks away when I throw her a glare. She was older than me, way older but I didn't fucking care. Maybe if Amara wakes up, only will I maybe consider going... Maybe... although I know considering leaving when she's actually awake will be a million times more resentful.
The nurse walks out and I'm alone with Amara again.
"It would help if you stopped cursing doctors and nurses Justin." A female voice sounds and I tense before looking back.
My eyes land on Daisy and I immidiately stand up to face her, glaring as I do so.
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
She opens her mouth to speak but I don't let her. "Get the hell out of here Daisy. You're lucky you're not behind bars like your daughter."
She winces like I just said something hurtful but I don't give a fuck. "Justin just listen to what I have to-"
"Say? Listen to what you have to say!?" I'm aware of how loud my voice has risen. "Why don't you go to your psycho bitch of a daughter and leave me and my girlfriend the hell alone yeah?"
Her eyes widen and before I can see what she's doing, her palm connects with my cheek. "Don't you dare call my daughter that. If anything, you should be thanking me."
If she wasn't a female, God knows what I would have done.
"Put your hands on me again and I'll lay an assault charge against you." I threaten and she glares at me.
"I didn't come here to fight with you Justin."
"How did you even know I was here?" I'm under a lot of stress right now and I don't need the mother of my crazy ex-girlfriend who tired to kill my current girlfriend stalking me and following me around.
"Where else would you be?"
I sigh "Just get out Daisy. You have ruined the last bit of relationship we had. When Bianca moved two fucking years ago, I forgave you and spoke to you but you go and hide her pregnancy? Wait, is that child even her real child or did you guys plan that as well? Most of all and what angers me most is that you didn't do anything about the stupid plan Bianca and Ben had."
"But I told you in the end didn't I? I told you that Althea is not yours and also about the plan. I'm sorry Justin, I don't know what has gotten into Bianca. She's just not in the right state of mind like literally and she doesn't deserve to be jailed. She needs help, her brain damage is getting to her, making her do all these bad things."
I ball my fists "Are you fucking kidding me!? Bianca does deserve to be in jail and that's where she'll be! How can you excuse her behaviour because of her mental health? According to what I've experienced, once you have a gun in your hand, you know exactly what you're fucking doing and no form of mental issues can excuse that!"
I notice the tears that have started falling down her face but I don't even care about that.
"Please Justin. She doesn't deserve it. I'm apologizing on her behalf. Please just...once Amara wakes up..." I clench my teeth "...please convince her to drop the charges."
I see red and have to really stop myself from pouncing on her.
She's a woman...She's a woman.
"That's the-" I'm cut off by a loud sound coming from the machines. My eyes go wide as I see Amara's body starting to shake. I feel like all oxygen has left my lungs as I look in horror, barely processing what was happening.
I begin to push Daisy out of my way and shout for a doctor or nurse on the corridor. I rush back in and look at Amara before shouting for help once again. Her body was shaking more now and the sound was higher than it was before. I don't even see what's happening around me, all I'm focussed on is the girl I love and trying to dismiss the thought of her slipping away from me so fucking easily.
I'm suddenly being pushed outside the door and I can't even find strength to fight off the nurse as the door closes in front of me, my only sight being from the square see-through blocks on the door.
My eyes are wide and I bring my hands to my head, hoping that Amara will be okay but I still deeply fear for the outcome of this.
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A/N:
Literally wrote this in class haha.
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