Matt
I stretch out, reaching for Nova to find nothing but empty sheets. The sun hasn't come up yet and I wonder what the time is. I turn to grab my phone and tap on the screen, groaning, "Jeez, only four o'clock."
I lean on my elbows to search for her and see a light shining from under the bathroom door.
Expecting her to return soon I let myself fall back into the pillow and drift back into sleep when my eyelids become heavy again.
I'm chasing Nova in a green field filled with sunflowers. Her contagious laughter spreading through the sweet-smelling air when I catch her waist and spin her around to let my lips find hers. She pushes me against the chest and the next moment I lay in bed with Nova on top, making love to me.
I noticed I'm unable to move my hands when I want to touch her. Angling my head to see why I discover that they are strapped to the frame of the bed.
A heartbreaking cry makes my head snap towards the right. The face is blurry but the shape of the body tells me it's a woman sitting in a chair. A shadow behind her holds her head and forces her to look at us. Her hands and ankles are tied up with rope and she struggles wildly to free herself.
Suddenly, the weight and movements on me feel differently. I keep staring at the woman in the chair, though, trying to figure out who it is and muttering to Nova that she needs to stop. How can she not notice the woman crying and fighting for her freedom beside us?
Nova kisses my chest to demand my attention back. I shift my gaze to tell her again to stop, but my breath gets stuck in my throat when I see the woman on top of me.
"Alita!" I struggle to get her off me, but without my hands I'm helpless. My panic and erratic movements only seem to pleasure Alita more, continuing to ride me, while throwing her head back with a loud moan.
Uncontrollable sobs turn my whole body rigid, snapping my head back to the woman in the chair. The shadow is still holding her head, but the face isn't a blur anymore. Gut-wrenching cries are taking over the sobs when my eyes lock with Nova.
My heart rips apart seeing her devastated face. I pull as hard as possible on the straps, but they don't give in. I hear myself scream my lungs out while the devilish laughter from Alita hurts my eardrums when the shadow tilts the chair backward and pulls her out of my sight into the darkness before my body falls into nothingness.
My body jerks hard, waking me up. The sheets cling to my body and sweat is dripping down my temples. I rub my face and swear into the palms of my hands.
You are an ass, Matt!
The guilt is eating me away, only because I didn't have the balls to tell her. Hoping I didn't wake her, I turn and realize Nova is not in bed. What is she doing in that bathroom? Mustn't have been a long dream if she is still in there. I wait for a couple of minutes and she doesn't come back, neither do I hear movement.
I check the time again and shoot straight up. It's half-past six!
Slowly turning the knob, I push the door open and stand still to gaze at the beauty in front of me. She has fallen asleep in the bathtub, her chin dipping in the water. I quietly make my way to the tub and sit on the edge, contemplating how she blows little wrinkles on the surface.
Suddenly I feel heavy-hearted. How can people cheat on each other and don't feel guilty about it? This was just a dream and I loathe myself for what I did in it.
She flutters her eyes open when I stroke her cheek, murmuring, "Mmm."
"What are you doing in the bathtub in the middle of the night?" I ask wondering what made her leave the warm and comfortable bed.
"Nightmare," she whispers, staring at the liquid that is hugging her body. "I thought the warm water would soothe me a bit."
I can hear myself swallow with her answer. I know why I had a nightmare, but what is hunting her nights? Is it because of me or whatever happened in the lavatory with Alita? Unsure if I want to know why, I ask, "Want to talk about it?"
"Not really." she sighs, looking up at me with the same exhausted look in her eyes as when we went to sleep, asking me, "Why are you up?"
"I missed you in bed," I answer quickly, brushing my hand through her hair to avoid her gaze.
She closes her eyes and leans her head against my thigh, relinquishing the feeling of my fingers combing through her soft locks. A deep sigh warms the skin on my upper leg before she softly says, "I'm gonna rinse myself and join you back in bed."
Nova's teared-up face shows up every time I close my eyes, making it hard to fall asleep. I guess her nightmare is still haunting her too laying awake with her head on my chest, drawing circles with her index finger.
The sun is up when my eyes open with Nova draped over me. She put a t-shirt on after her bath. I pull it up and stroke her bare thigh, letting my fingers trail over the lines of her scar. The tattoo is beautifully done. Half wolf, half woman. If you don't know that there is a scar, you won't see it.
"Good morning," she says, with such a hoars voice that you would think she partied all night long.
She pushes herself up to sit on top of my midsection, gently brushing her hands through my already ruffled hair with a lazy smile displayed on her lips. I let my eyes trail from her lips to her green orbs, back to her addicting mouth and lower, adorning the way how her hardened nipples show against the white fabric of her t-shirt.
Something in my peripheral vision makes me look up and freeze. What the!
"Nova, arms up," I demand.
She does it half-awake, mumbling, "Why?"
I grab her t-shirt and tug it over her head, my eyes widening at the view in front of me.
Bloody, shit.
She is covered in bite marks. You can see where I put pressure on her throat and where I dug my fingers into her hips.
"Nova, you can't let me hurt you like this!" I breathe out in horror.
She looks at her own body, murmuring, "Ohh..."
Her fingers wander over a red mark, probably caused by ripping the negligé off of her. I cringe at the thought of last night and the pain I must have caused her with the ignorant way I acted.
"I'm serious, Nova. You have to tell me to stop!"
Is this why she had that dark look in her eyes? Did it make her relive the gray past she has suffered from Dean? I grunt loudly in my hands, and admit, "It looks like you got attacked."
She pulls my hands away from my face and leans down to plant a feather-light kiss on my lips. "It didn't hurt," she responds, igniting anger inside my veins.
"Don't lie to me, Nova!" a lump forces itself in my throat with the disdain I feel towards myself and my raw emotions are noticeable in my voice when I rationalize, "I hurt you! Something I swore never to do. I bloody hurt you, love."
"You didn't hurt me, I promise," she states and gives me a smirk. A freaking smirk!
"It's not funny, Nova!" can't she see that this is tearing me apart? I'm not a hair better than...
"Did I hurt you last night?" she asks, taking me out of my inner rant.
"What? No, of course not." yeah, she was kinda rough, but not to the point of harm I brought upon her.
She raises her eyebrow at me. "You sure?"
I look at her with a frown, not understanding what she is hinting at.
She smirks again and explains, "I got you pretty good too. There." pointing with her finger at my neck. "and there." leaning in and taking my lower lip between her teeth, pulling softly. "And I'm sure I saw a nice bruise on your ass from hitting the floor."
She gives me my phone with a smile. Turning it on selfie mode I discover that there are very clear scratch marks on my neck and an effusion of blood on my lower lip. "You little..." I'm lost for words.
Biting on her nail, she tries to suppress another smile.
I laugh at her, asking in disbelief, "You're proud of it aren't you?"
"Nah, I would not say, proud." shaking her head. "We both inflicted some... damage on each other and this is the aftermath. Some bruises on cuts, but in the heat of the moment it didn't hurt. So let's call it a tie and forget about it.'
Looking at her pleading eyes I guess it's better to leave it for now. I do still wonder why she was so rough and I think we need to talk about it.
I pull her into a hug and enjoy her skin against mine. "Nova, you will tell me if I go too far, won't you?"
She sighs loudly, "For the last time, Matt. You did not hurt me. And can we please get breakfast now? I'm starving here!"
We ordered a big stack of pancakes with ahorn syrup and fresh strawberries. My phone starts to vibrate when almost everything is eaten.
I see it's my mom and put her on the speaker to greet her, "Good morning, mom."
"Hi sweetheart, how was the premiere?"
"It went well I haven't read the reviews yet, but I'm sure you have." I entwine my fingers with Nova's and she gives me a little encouraging squeeze.
"What kind of mother would I be if I didn't?"
She stays silent for a moment, forcing me to ask, "And..."
"Oh sweetheart, everything I read was positive. It's a real success," she exclaims with excitement. "You and Alita can be proud of it."
Damn, that was the last name I wished to hear today. I look at Nova, who is suddenly very preoccupied with the little leaf crown on the last strawberry.
My mother takes my silence as an encouragement to continue. "I saw on your Instagram that you confirmed your new-found relationship with the public. I know that you are head over heels and yes, she is very pretty. But, Matthew, sweetheart, I don't understand why you won't give Alita a second chance? You two make such a beautiful couple and her mom told me... "
"Mom, you're on speaker!" I quickly hiss before she makes it worse. Yet, I'm too late. Nova releases my hand, grabs her shirt from the floor, and hurries towards the bathroom.
My mother sounds guilty when she speaks again. "Sorry, dear. How could I know?"
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I inhale and calm myself to speak without any form of animosity. "Mom, I love you. I respect you. I value your opinion. Nonetheless, you have to give up on the idea of me and Alita being a couple again, please."
You can almost hear crickets at the other end of the line, without my mother answering my plea.
"Mom?”
She sighs in dismay. "Alright, Matthew. Can we at least talk about it when you come over for the holidays?"
I look up to the ceiling, acknowledging that it's going to be a tough job to convince her. "We will, mom. However, there isn't much to talk about. I'm in love with, Nova."
"Okay, dear." she answers with disappointment. "She does have a beautiful name. Nova. It suits her."
"She's really beautiful, mom," I confess, smiling stupidly. "I hope you give her a fair chance when I bring her to London. You will see she is amazing. She has a big heart."
"I will give her the benefit of the doubt, Matthew. That's all I can say for now."
My stomach contracts, hearing the bitterness in her voice. This is going to be even harder than I reckoned. I choose to ignore it and say, "That's all I'm asking for, mom. Now, if you don't mind. I'm going to Nova and do some damage control. I will call you next weekend."
Nova comes out of the bathroom before I can get out of bed, wearing ripped jeans and a red top. Her face shows nothing. Someone told me you can read women like an open book. They didn't meet Nova when they came to that conclusion.
She sits next to me on the sheets and asks with a bright smile, "What are we going to do today? I have six hours before I have to be on the airplane. Maybe we could ride a bike through Central Park? Or we could go to the M&M store..."
"Or." I cut her off. "We could talk about what you know and how you feel about Alita."
She purses her lips. "Can't we talk about it when you're back in LA?"
"You want this to hover between us for five more days?" is she serious? "I can't cope with that, Nova. I want it out of my mind. It's eating me away."
"What's with the sudden rush? You didn't feel the need to tell me about it before you left. So what are five more days added to six weeks." she announces emotionless, and it gives me the impression that this is the calm for the storm. Hell is gonna break loose, I'm sure of it.
My mind runs a thousand miles per second, trying to formulate my next sentence. The only thing I can come up with is to apologize. Yet Nova beats me to it.
Her eyes are focused on her jeans and her hands fiddle with the ripped parts. "Do you want to know what I know? What you didn't tell me. What I had to hear from Chriss?"
Of course, Chriss has no filter on his stupid mouth. Only if I had known she would come.
Some strings of hair make it hard for me to see the whole expression on her face. I wish I could, though, because her voice gives nothing away.
"I know she is your ex-fiancé, but I don't know who broke up with who. I know you tortured me under the eye of Alita, but I don't know if you just wanted to touch me or make her jealous. I know she wants you back, but I don't know if it's mutual."
"Nova, please. I can explain..."
She snaps her head my way, boring her darkened green eyes into mine, hissing in bitterness, "Don't, Nova me!"
Her eyes fill with tears and I know that this time it's my fault. Not the demons that haunt her. Not her insecurities, but all mine. A lonely tear rolls down her cheek and I move to wipe it away with my thumb.
She smacks my hand away, a sob escaping from her mouth. "Don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me, Matthew? Do you have any clue how I feel right now?"
"I'm so sorry, Lo..."
"No, you are not! Don't you fucking lie to me, Matthew!" she yells, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. "I felt the need to run away yesterday when Chriss slipped up. However, he convinced me to stay. You can thank him for that." she laughs humorously. "I'm happy he did slip up because otherwise, I would have been oblivious to why Alita came at me the way she did. Then you do what you did under that table! Asking myself why? Matthew, you know she was staring at us."
She looks at me, expecting an answer from me. All I can do I look back at her with my mouth agape, while my mind is unable to form the words to answer her.
She shakes her head in disappointment and her gaze shifts back to the frayed fabric between her fingers. "Do you want to know what happened after? I got verbally attacked by Alita in the lavatory, telling me she wants you back and all other sorts of shit! That's what happened."
Again, she wipes her tears who seem unable to stop flowing down her cheeks with her sleeve, and continues. "I planned on giving you a hard time and not give in to sex. I tried... The weak person I am, I couldn't. Then you kept pushing me to go faster." her eyes find mine and I see the hurt in them when she whispers, "I just needed to catch my breath, Matt... I just needed to catch my breath."
A deafening silence infiltrated its way between us, putting more weight on my behavior last night, and the spineless decision I made of not telling her about my ex and the fact that she's still a part of my life.
"I'm sorry, Matt."
Her apology makes the hairs on my neck stand tall. It's the one you hear before a heart is shattered into uncountable pieces. "No, love. Don't..."
"Please, let me speak." her voice is more fragile than a thread of a spider's web. "I'm sorry about last night. I should not have acted like that, but Alita popped in my head with her denigrating voice, planting doubt in every corner of my mind. Screaming inside my brain, you're not feisty enough! He will come back to me, you don't fulfill his needs. He wants a woman who puts him in his place..."
She pulls her knees to her chest and buries her face between them. Her body is shaking and I want to hug her, comfort her. Afraid she will refuse my touch I let her be for a moment.
She inhales deeply, forcing the air into her lungs to stop her sobbing, and leans her chin on one of her knees to confess, "I was so mad at you all of a sudden. I don't know... maybe you were thinking about Alita last night when we... I felt not good enough to be with you..."
The dark look in her eyes comes back to my mind. She acted that way because she was mad. Thank the lord. Yes, I like it a little rough. But the way she yanked my hair and dug her nails in my neck, that was too much. Maybe I allowed my frustration to speak through my actions last night and with the words Alita put in her mind, she felt the need to act the same. That's not what I want, never.
She is still shaking when I carefully place my hand on her lower back. Happy she doesn't tell me to go fuck myself, I pull her against me. She lets out another sob and I feel tears land on my bare chest.
God, I thought my dream made me feel horrible, this is a thousand times worse.
I decide to fetch her a glass of water when it seems that she has calmed down a bit and put some shorts on. Her body is stirring with each hiccup pushing its way up her throat when I sit back next to her, contemplating the fragile state she is in.
She declines the glass of water and another heartbreaking sob pierces through my skull the moment I took my eyes of her to place the glass on the nightstand.
My soul can't take it anymore, carefully picking her up to place her between my legs. I cover us with the sheets, cradling and stroking her back, hopeful it will soothe her.
She inhales deep to get her breathing back to normal and presses her wet cheek against my chest. I hug her tight against me and lay my chin on the top of her head, knowing that it's time for me to come clean now.
"Sweety, I'm a fool for not telling you. The moment I wanted to tell you, I backed out. Afraid you would freak out and say goodbye."
I hoped she would say something, but nothing. She presses herself harder against me like she wants to vanish in me. It gives me the courage to proceed with my confession. I mean, even if she isn't responding to anything I say, she isn't running away either.
So I continue. "I have an idea what Alita may have told you. I would like to hear from you what she said, but let me tell you that eighty percent of what she told you is a lie. Yes, we were engaged. No, I don't want her back. And I surely don't want a girlfriend that is rougher than me between the sheets. I touched you because I couldn't wait to feel your bare skin under the tip of my fingers. She wasn't on my mind last night and she will never be. Love, don't let her get into your head. Please..."
I choke on my last words, feeling like someone grabbed my heart, and squeezes it when she looks at me. The look in her eyes makes me lose all hope. It's unbelievable how desperate I am for her love. I feel like I can't live without her anymore. It will destroy me if she leaves me.
"Babe, please... don't look at me like that. I misjudged how strong you are. I realize now that it's not you who was too insecure to face the truth. It's me. And the truth is that I'm afraid of losing you... I love you, Nova. More than you will ever know."
_______________
Hi loves,
Will they be able to sort this out or will Nova break his heart?
Oh and please don't forget to vote 😉
❤️ Lots of love ❤️
Gabriëlla