Don't play song yet!
Emari's POV
After a few hours of sobbing in the alley I finally gained enough strength to start my way home. I felt a slight drizzle of rain fall on my arm making me groan out of annoyance. With that rain picking up it was kinda hard to try to figure out where I was.
The road was dark with a single street light in the middle of the road. All you could see was streams of rain falling into the lights view. This area looked completely foreign to me leaving me wandering, alone, at night.
Perfect.
I came upon a small convenient store but it looked as if it belonged in a horror film. I walked a little quicker past it completely forgetting the pain I felt amongst my body. I couldn't wait I to have a hot shower and be able to go to bed and completely forget everything that happened.
And what's the best way to forget things? Alcohol. And more alcohol.
And more.
As I kept walking down the road I realized how insane I must look. I had my small crop baggy shirt on with my shirt shorts with white long socks on my feet. I never was able to find my shoes so here I am walking barefoot. Then of course we have the blood all over me from the man I left in the abandoned motel.
I heard tires screech making my body freeze instantly. The car pulled to the side of the road and I heard the car door slam shut. Without hesitating k began to ran as fast as I could the opposite direction.
"Wait Stop Emari!" The voice shouted I came to a pause as the voice sounded all to familiar.
Lisa.
I slowly turned her way only to be met with her standing frightened as she took in my appearance. "Baby wh-what happened to you?" She asked getting choked up. I walked slowly to her tears beginning to brim as the incident from the night replayed in my head.
"Em sweetie please te-tell me what hap-happened?" She trembled along her words. "I-I He ra-raped me I-I tried to st-stop him but I en-ended up kil-killing him." I stuttered my words. My hands were shaking and my legs were becoming weak as this was the first time I was actually saying this out loud.
Lisa's hand covered her mouth in shock as she walked me to her car. "I'm gonna take you to the hospital Emari you need to get looked at." "No! No no no please no hospital I can't take repeating everything over and over again. I can't take this anymore Lisa it's killing me." I sobbed letting everything go. "Please can you just take me home? I-I just wanna be home." I whispered but still sobbed as I buried my face into my hands.
As we sat in the car Lisa wrapped her arms around me pulling me into a tight hug. I tensed a little knowing Lisa wouldn't hurt me but it was out of instinct. She pulled away not wanting me to be uncomfortable.
"Emari you need to talk to the police about this. You can't just live on as if nothing happened." She said while a few tears sneaked their way out.
I nodded as a way to let her know I knew. But I just couldn't bare to relive that moment I for sure was not ready to do that. "Lisa I understand want you want me to do and it's the right thing and all but I just can't this moment. I can't sit in an office for hours talking about what happened. So I beg you just please take me home."
She looked at me for a moment as we stopped at a red lightly and eventually nodded her head. "Did you know the man?" She asked as she began to drive when the light turned green. I shook my head no while I crossed my arms over my body.
"No but apparently he knows Grayson." I mumbled out but she still was able to hear me. She hit the brakes and looked at me with a shocked expression. "He KNOWS Grayson?" She asked with a hint of anger. I nodded my head once again and continued to stare ahead of me.
She remained quiet as we sat in the middle of the road with the pounding sound of the rain hitting the car. "I don't Grayson had anything to do with it though. I think someone else from the inside knows about me and Grayson's relationship and wanted to get back at him and I was the only thing they could use against him." I said as I played with my fingers.
Lisa shook her head and gripped the steering wheel harshly causing a ghostly white color to form along her knuckles. "How is Grayson Emari?" Lisa asked in a small defeated tone.
I took a deep breath in preparing myself to talk about the one person I wish was with me in this moment. "I honestly don't know Lisa. They won't allow me to see him anymore due to what happened the last time I went to see him." I answered honestly.
She brought her head up and gave me a confused look. "What happened last time? She asked with concern. "We uh kinda kissed while I went to visit him and the guards don't accept that kind of behavior." She took a long breath in and exhaled slowly as if she were looking for the right words to say.
"He won't allow us to see him. But I completely understand why he wouldn't. We basically kicked him out of our lives and look where that led him." My heart aches for Lisa. She wanted her son back but Grayson wouldn't allow it. But then again I can understand why Lisa and Sean had to do what they had to do. Grayson was acting out and doing what he was doing and they had enough.
They had to do what any parent didn't want to do. Ever since they kicked Grayson out I'm not sure if they had any sort of contact with him. "I'm sure home misses you guys though." I told Lisa as I rubbed her back in a soothing way.
She gave a small smile and rubbed under her eye taking away a tear that fell. "Uhm lets get you home yeah?" She asked as she put the car back in gear and drove towards my apartment.
I don't live in the same place anymore I had to move. I tell Lisa as I noticed she was heading for the city. "Oh did you lease run out?" She asked and I just shook my head not wanting to tell her I wasn't able to pay for it anymore. "Uh yeah. I hate leases." I forced a small laugh out.
I told Lisa the directions to my new apartment and we drove in complete silence. Not that it was uncomfortable or anything it was, peaceful.
I leaned my head against the door watching the small smears of rain slide against the window. It was soothing. My eyes began to feel heavy as I slowly started to fall asleep.
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Play Song
I was walking through an old abandoned house trying to find my way out. I looked through every door but still wasn't able to find the exit. I looked down seeing my clothes were ripped up and blood was stained on my clothes.
What the hell?
I continued through the house only to be stopped when I heard the floor boards creaking behind me. When I turned around no one was there which led panic to set in.
"Hello?"
I called out but got no answer in return. Once I went to turn a hand gripped my throat and threw my into a room.
I couldn't see his face as it was too dark to see. But from what I could see a smile was evident on his face as he walked towards me. Thunder crashed loudly outside causing lightning to light the room.
The lightning was bright enough to where I could tell who the man was. My heart thumped loudly and my chest tightened as I stared at my once ago lover.
"Grayson?" I asked my voice trembling with terror. "What sweetheart? What did you expect? For us to be happy all over again? For us to pick up we're we left off? ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN EMARI!" He yelled as his fist came in contact with the wall behind me. I yelped in fear cowering away from him.
This isn't Grayson. This isn't Grayson.
I kept repeating to myself. This couldn't be Grayson there was no way. He wouldn't do this to me would he?
"I have a visitor for you Emari. You actually met already. I mean you even killed the bastard. Now he can haunt you in your fucking dreams." Grayson said as he got close to my face cupping it tightly.
Tears stained my cheeks as I tried to remove my face from his hand. "Grayson please don't do this! Please don't!" I sobbed as I noticed the man stepped inside the room. Grayson had a look of satisfaction on his face as if he accomplished something.
"Have some fun Chuckie." He said as Grayson patted his back and left the room. "NO! Grayson please! GRAYSON!" I screamed as the guy tossed me on the bed ripping my clothes from my body.
He hovered over me as I sobbed loudly. "Emari." He said as he stroked my face. "Emari!" He yelled louder.
"Emari!" He shouted once again and began shaking me violently.
"EMARI!" I shot up kicking and screaming at whoever was yelling at me. "Emari sweetie your fine your ok!"
Lisa.
My breathing slowed some and I took in a big breath and released it shakily. "Lisa I-I'm sorry." I cried. She pulled me into a tight hug while rubbing my back. "Emari there is nothing to be sorry about." "There is! I should have never met Grayson or Ethan. Ethan would still be here. Grayson wouldn't be in prison. You're family would be all happy together. It's all my fault Lisa don't you understand that?"
"Everyone would be better off without me." I cried to myself. "Emari don't you dare say those things! We may have had our differences in the past but that doesn't mean I hate you. I love you as if you are my own. I will never take the place of your mother but I do love you and claim you as my child Emari."
I listened to her words but I wasn't taking any of them in. I didn't care about anyone's feelings nor their words. Nothing really mattered anymore. I was alone.
"Thank you Lisa it means a lot." I lied. I gave her a tight hug as if I was saying goodbye.
She hugged back and whispered "everything will be ok." I nodded lightly as I jumped out of the car and waved goodbye as I walked in my apartment not bothering to ever lock the door.
***Sensitive Content
I walked to the pantry grasping the biggest bottle of alcohol I could fine. Which ended up being my best friend tequila. I sat on the floor of my kitchen and drank from the bottle. The liquid burning my throat at first but I quickly got used to it.
After a while sitting on the floor consumed by my thoughts, well by the alcohol, I was really thinking about the meaning of life. Why would someone put us here and is having to go through all this pain? Why do we have to suffer when we give our all?
The bottle was almost empty and I could barely function anymore. But did I care?
Hell no.
I chugged the rest of the bottle and tossed it to the side of me letting the sound of glass rolling on tile filling the room. I somehow managed to stand on my feet walking towards he bathroom.
Once I walked inside I turned the light on and looked in the mirror. All I saw was a broken, fragile, blurry figure staring back at me. I rested my hand on the mirror trying to figure out what I did to deserve this life.
But then again maybe I do deserve it. Maybe I deserve all the bad things to happen to me. Maybe I'm just a fucking waste of space low life alcoholic that deserves to rid themselves.
I open the medicine cabinet only to be face with my old anxiety medications I got after I had lost the twins. I held the bottle tightly in my hand as I popped the top I dumped some pills in my hand and looked at them.
Did I really want to do this?
I lost Grayson. I lost Ethan. I lost my parents. I don't have contact with Lisa and Sean. I have no friends.
What do I really have to lose?
I threw all the pills in my mouth and drank from the sink so I could swallow them. I began to let the tears flow once again as I went for another bottle to drink as much as I could.
This was it. I was ready though. More than ready.
Cheers to the fucked up times.