***2 years later
Emari's POV
I grabbed the bottle of Jose Cuervo from the counter that was still half full and brought the warm substance to my parted lips. The liquid immediately burning my throat but I still continued to chug it. After I drank almost the whole bottle I dropped it next to me letting it roll towards the fridge.
Everything seems so fucked. I quit college. I stopped talking to Grayson. I stopped talking to Grayson's parents. I pushed Mark away even though he tried so hard to help me. I stay in my new apartment now, which is a hell of a lot more unpalatable. But I was able to afford it.
I worked at a local gas station full time and on the night shifts to help pay my bills. Alcohol became my best friend since I was lost everything that mattered to me. It helped me cope with the loss.
I slowly stumbled to my feet taking my time as I walked over to my panty. The door creaked open as I pulled the string down causing the light to spark a bit before shining a dim yellow color inside the pantry. Normal people usually keep food and supplies in here while mine is stocked with bottles upon bottles of alcohol. From the liquor that's strong to the weak shit such as wine. But that's when I was on a budget.
I grabbed a different bottle this time. This time it was just UV blue raspberry vodka. I turned the top hearing the cracking of the lid separating from the bottle. I grabbed a glass from the second shelf putting some ice in it and pouring the blue liquid straight into the glass not bothering to mix it.
I gulped it down rather quickly and poured some more into it. I took my glass along with the bottle and walked sloppily towards the maroon stained couch. I sat on the end of it setting the bottle on the small table. My mind wandered drunkenly back to the day that brought me to this point.
Flashback:
"I think I love you Emari?"
I remained silent but on the inside I was...
Angry? I was angry we had to be in this situation for him to just now tell me. I was angry we haven't seen each other in months and whenever we did see each other it always needed in nasty arguments.
I chuckled manically at his words earning a look of confusion from him. I laughed harder and harder gripping my aching stomach. Tears were running down my face at this point as my laughing continued.
"What do you find so funny Em?" He asked whilst gripping my hand. I stopped laughing immediately removing my hand from his.
"Wow. You even used the old nickname." I said sarcastically. His eyebrows furrowed but then brought his head down. "I'm sorry for everything, I truly am. I want to start fresh with you Em, I-" I stopped him by holding my finger up insisting he shut the fuck up.
"You're telling me, that you want to restart everything? And how do you propose we fucking do that Grayson? YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER HOW WE LEFT OFF!" I screamed at him causing my face to heat up.
He bowed his head shamefully and rubbed the nape of his neck. "Don't you think I don't know that? I'm sitting here, willing to try Emari I want to try. For the past few months you have been stuck in my head. When I wake up, when I go to bed, when I'm sitting in the office, when I'm about to make a deal, ALL THE FUCKING TIME EMARI!" He yelled back at me standing from his chair. Still going on and on but I was no longer listening anymore.
He paced in the room which I noticed he does a lot when he's stressed. I looked at him closely noticing how much he had changed. His arms and hands now fully tattooed, the lip and nose piercing that was placed on his face followed by the 'damaged' tattooed above his eyebrow.
Although I loved him. I couldn't stand to be around him anymore. The way he treated me, how he had nothing to do with the babies. How his drugs came before everything else.
His rambling continued for another ten minutes before he started to shake his hand in front of my face trying to gain my attention.
"Hello where you even listening to me Emari?" He asked in a annoyed tone. I stood from the bed slowly considering I was still sore from the surgery. "Emari sit down you can't ju-" I cut him off by pressing my lips against his.
He was shocked at first but eventually started to kiss me back. I wrapped my hands around his neck to pull him closer to me. His lips molded mine perfectly. His soft warm velvet like lips moved against mine in a synchronized pattern. It wasn't a kiss that held lust or need nor want. I was kissing him goodbye.
One of his hands traveled down my back tracing my spine through the hospital gown while the other held the side of my face. He moved his body closer to mine as if it were possible.
I dropped my hands from his neck to his chest pushing him away slowly. "W-what was that for?" He asked as he tried to catch his breath.
I closed my eyes and placed my head on his chest. He brought me into a tight embrace and proceeded to comfort me.
This was the Grayson I missed but could no longer live. He changed far to much and I knew he was only forcing himself to fall for me and I couldn't be one to allow that. As much as it pained me.
I had to let him go.
I had to move on.
I had to forget him like he forgot me.
I knew it wasn't his fault he forgot me and he couldn't do anything about it. I just figured he deserved much better. He deserved to move on with his life and not have to worry about me.
I had tears streaming down my face knowing I'd lose yet another person. He cupped my face bringing my gaze to meet his. "I'm so sorry baby." My heart pinged at his words. I pulled his hands down and backed away from him slowly. "Grayson I can't. I can't do this. You deserve someone so much better. You deserve to move on and forget about me completely. All I did was hold you back from everything. So I beg you please just go." I cried softly.
He took a step towards me looking at me with hurt evident in his eyes. They were still red from crying previously but new tears were still coming down from his face. "Are you serious right now?" He asked with his voice cracking a bit. All I could do was nod my head as I turned away from him.
"Em please I-" "STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THAT GRAYSON! Just please stop. You don't actually love me! You just think that you love me. You haven't spent any time with me, you treated me like shit since you were in the hospital, just fucking leave me alone. I don't love you like I used to." I told him honestly.
His hands dropped down causing them to slap his thighs in defeat. His eyes darkened and his nostrils flared in anger. "Well fuck you to Emari, can't say I didn't fucking try." He said as he slammed my down shut. I backed into the wall and started letting everything out.
End of flashback
I chuckled lightly to myself remembering back to that day. I went to take another swig as I realized I almost drank the whole bottle. I was beyond wasted. I knew if I were try to stand up I would for sure lose my balance.
"Cheers to you Grayson Dolan." I laughed lightly to myself as I took another long drink straight from the bottle.
I somehow managed to stand... no crawl to the bathroom. Once I did my business I stood up nearly falling into the shower. Once I looked into the mirror I saw how I really let myself go. I couldn't tell if I really looked the way I did or if the alcohol was really messing with me. My hair was definitely longer again but not as tamed at I once kept it. My cheekbones were more noticeable now than before considering I hardly ever ate anything. Dark rims were held under my eyes from the numerous nights I laid crying my eyes out. It's been two years. Two years since I lost literally everything I had left.
After I washed my hands I took some medicine knowing I would wake up with a headache. I trudged my way to my room quickly finding my bed and snuggled deeply into my blankets.
As I laid in my room all I could seem to think about was that day. Well, that's all I thought about for the last two years. I wondered what Grayson was doing. I wondered if my life would have been better if I had given him the chance. I even wondered if he thought about me. I can't say that I don't miss him. Because I do. I miss everything about him. Even if he changed into some badass I still missed him.
I felt my eyes grow heavier and heavier as I finally drifted off to sleep.
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
The bright light of the sun shined horridly over my face making me wake up. My head was pounding even though I took medicine last night before I went to bed. I went to turn on my side but immediately regretted it. Nausea came over me as I went to run to the bathroom. I began to throw up all the alcohol I had consumed causing the pressure to become worse in my head.
When I was finished I laid next to the bathtub on the cool tile using the fuzzy rug I had in the bathroom as some sort of pillow. My body felt as if I were in a boat in the ocean during a rough squall. My vision seemed to lag as I would open my eyes occasionally looking at my surroundings. Once I felt well enough to stand I went to the medicine cabinet and grabbed some nausea pills and took them. I looked at the time seeing it was already 3:18pm.
I looked at the calendar to see what day it was and noticed I didn't have to go back to work until Tuesday and it was Saturday.
I guess I can have a drink.
I walked back to the pantry to grab another bottle when I came across the mess I had sprawled out all over the counter. It was nothing but bottles of alcohol on the counter along with bills ripped open everywhere and take out boxes laying wherever I would throw them. I sighed to myself as I walked to the fridge and grabbed my Coca-Cola and rum bottle. I made my way back to the couch plopping down and turning the tv on.
I came upon the Pineapple Express playing on HBO. I sighed annoyingly knowing that was mine and Grayson favorite movie to watch together. I played it anyway knowing there wasn't anything else to watch.
After the end of the movie was approaching I was half way done with the bottle and I was finding everything either funny or have small arguments with the tv.
"HA! Fuckingggg dummmbbass." I slurred as I continued to watch the movie. I poured more alcohol into my cup no longer mixing the coke in the glass since I've gotten used to it. The movie then came to a part me and Grayson would always die laughing at but I didn't find myself laughing this time.
I felt something slide down my cheek so I brought the back of my hand to it feeling a wet sensation on my hand.
Am I really fucking crying?
I rolled my eyes at my actions but tears still fell. My emotions got the best of me as they always did. I grabbed the more than half empty bottle and sailed it across the room causing it to shatter against the wall.
"Fuck you Grayson Dolan!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I gripped my hair ferociously ask I hit the ground on my knees sobbing lightly.
"Fuck you for making me love you, making my life complete hell, making me get pregnant, not being there for me, not remembering me." I spoke to myself.
I pulled my shirt up looking at the scar that would be there forever remembering me of the worst day of my life. I wish I had my babies with me right now. We had a small funeral for them which was the very last time I saw Grayson. He stayed far away from me as I did him.
I let him choose the girls name while I chose the boys. He named our daughter Bailey Grayce Dolan as I named the boy Grant Cameron Dolan.
We had them buried in the cemetery which I visit as much as I can but lately I haven't been going as much. I couldn't find the strength to anymore. I was laying on my carpet in the living area as I still felt the hot tears roll down my face every once in a while.
I reached for another bottle I had on the side table from last night one last time bringing it to my lips and chugged as much as I could. Once I finished chugging it I tossed it to the side falling back down to floor. My body grew completely numb and broken just like it has been for almost three years.
All because of him.
Here's to you Grayson Dolan.