1426words.
Genre: angst
Warnings: feels, domestic abuse (it's Melanie Martinez and me it is definitely going to either make you cry, give you so many feels, or both)
Song: Teddy Bear - Melanie Martinez (lyrics in normal font)
~~~
Stitched you up, put you together
With cotton and feather
Gave you love, put my heart inside you
Your ex-girlfriend broke up with you and to say the bare minimum - you were destroyed. I drove over to your home to see you on the floor, surrounded by broken, empty bottles of alcohol by your feet and large, horrifying holes in the wall across the room.
I fixed you. I made sure you stopped drinking for a while, and when I finally let you drink again I made sure you didn't drink heavily. You became more sweet and generous, completely different from your formerly broken and violent self.
I fell in love with you, and I believed you fell in love with me. The way you wrapped your arms around my waist, the small kisses you would leave on my forehead and neck, those moments were so loving and sweet.
How could I not fall in love with you?
Oh what could I do
When you started talking in your sleep
Saying things you'd do to me
Months into - this I would often wake in the middle of night. I would hear you mumble in your sleep, making coherent sentences that I couldn't help but listen to.
I remember most of them, it's not like someone would just forget being threatened by someone they love without the other person knowing.
'I'll fucking kill you, baby'
That seemed to be your favorite. It was a compliment and a threat at the same time. It was an 'I love you' and an 'I have no concern for your life' at the same time.
I didn't care
I wasn't scared
I smiled whenever you would threaten me in my sleep, not really acknowledging the death threat that was so evident in your words.
I just kept holding you when you woke up.
I just kept kissing the you I fell in love with.
Now I'm finding knives under the sheets
Crumbled photographs of me
I'm in despair
Should I be scared?
I was cleaning our room as usual, since I did anything you asked me to do, and that was mainly the house work.
I knew you had threatened me, but I had assumed it was just crazy dreams, maybe even thoughts of your psychotic ex-girlfriend, who I now admire for good reasoning and apparently judgement.
I found a knife, hidden between the mattress and the sheets. Underneath the knife was photographs of me, seemingly cut from larger photos.
The photos had been folded and crumpled, matching the folds of the sheets for easy hiding.
I put two and two together; I wasn't an idiot.
I only wondered if you would actually hurt me.
I thought you loved me.
I should've been scared.
I still am.
Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear
You were comforting and quiet
How did love become so violent?
I remember cuddling sweetly into your side, your arms making their way around my small frame to engulf me in your arms.
You had this newly found aura about you. You no longer seemed loud and distressing. I found your presence comforting.
I couldn't ever see a time where you were nearly half as loud as you were before, you were quiet, but not a concerning kind of quiet. More like the kind of quiet that makes every word you say breathtaking, or generally interesting.
I loved you and everything you did, until our love became violent.
You threw things at me, and you hit me. Not once or twice, but nearly weekly. Fights arose and soon we couldn't go one day without arguing or having one reason or another to hate the other person.
Yet we stayed together a little longer. I believed that we could work this out.
Oh, teddy bear, you were my teddy bear
Everything was so sweet until you tried to kill me
I stayed because I longed for your arms to wrap around my waist lovingly while I cooked you breakfast, not your hands attempting to wrap themselves around my neck viciously.
I threw you out, I didn't outgrow you
I just didn't know you
Weeks went by from your attempt at strangling me. We still fought daily, I still loved you. You were still a psychopath, nothing had really changed.
I gathered your stuff one day while you were away at work. The house was in my name and my name only meaning that, legally, the place was mine.
You came home to me and Rob standing by your bags. I had Rob come over out of fear, as you probably would have killed me.
No one spoke for a long time, until I finally told you it was over. That we were over, and that there was no more us.
You nodded, mumbling something about how it was for the best and you were sorry for how stupid you had been recently. I almost took you back - but the memories rushed into my mind and I stayed quiet.
Rob never spoke as he helped you put your bags into your car. You gave me a small hug, whispering in my ear.
'See ya, gorgeous.'
But now you're back
And it's so terrifying how you paralyze me
Now you're showing up inside my home
You came back a few weeks ago, Mitch at your side and Lachlan at mine.
Soon anywhere I went it seemed like you, or a memory of you followed.
The flowers you bought me on our first date appeared in the lawn of the neighbor you were always close with.
I swear I saw you at the park underneath our old tree, or at the coffee shop sitting at the back table.
I didn't know what you wanted, but I was horrified and everything you did only got worse.
When Lachlan went out to Preston's for the day, I saw your car parked across the street. Yet I still didn't tell Lachlan to stay. I let him leave me alone, and when I came back from some grocery shopping there you were.
You were standing in the hallway of what used to be our house. Now it was just my house. You spoke quietly, and to say your presence - your words and just generally everything about you in this situation - didn't scare me, would've been the biggest lie I had ever told.
I was scared. Scared of what you would do. Scared of my life. I was so scared. Terrified. Horrified. Afraid. I felt like a little kid crying in the corner while his parents fought and threw things at one another, except I was pretty sure that I was one of the parents in that metaphor. Most likely the one having things thrown at them.
But all you did was speak quietly, still managing to give off your quiet and comforting aura after everything you had done.
'I just wanted to give you a proper goodbye, baby. 'Cause I've changed, and I'm glad I got rid of you.'
I could feel your smirk as I watched you exit the house. I watched as you walked over to Mitch, who was leaning against your car. I watched you kiss him passionately, like you had kissed me so many time before.
Breathing deep into the phone
I'm so unprepared
I'm fucking scared
You called everyday since you appeared in my house. I tried changing my number, yet you still somehow dialed my number and called me daily.
The flowers in my neighbor's yard didn't leave until the phone calls stopped.
The day the calls stopped is the day the flowers left, the day I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, the day I heard you had moved on from me, the day I heard you had really changed.
And for Mitch's sake, I really hoped you had.
Because I still remembered what you called to say every. single. day.
'How did love become so violent?'
Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear
You were comforting and quiet
How did love become so violent?
Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear
Everything was so sweet until you tried to kill me
I'm fucking scared
Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear
You were comforting and quiet
How did love become so violent?
Teddy bear, you were my teddy bear
Everything was so sweet until you tried to kill me
Everything was so sweet, until you tried to kill me.
Also, Jerome, if you ever happen to read this:
If it's love, it's not violent.
~~~
Well that was sad.
Serious Note:
If you are seriously experiencing any form of abuse please seek help and/ or get away from that person.
Even if someone is violent towards objects (e.g. walls, doors, etc.) in front of you, you could be at risk. Please don't be afraid to speak up and/ or get out of dangerous environments.
Do not protect your abuser, or other's abuser(s).
End of serious note
By the way...
Are you guys liking these songfics?
Because they're easy for me to write, and I like writing them because it's not hard for me to find a song for inspiration.