I want to rewrite this soon, after I finish my other book Cold and finish exams.
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Opening my eyes, I blink at the blinding light before pulling the blanket up over my face to cover it. Staying under the blanket, I close my eyes trying to fall back asleep but I can't. I wish I could, I was having a good dream.
Pulling the red blanket down, I stare at the ceiling of Jack's parent's house. I didn't suspect to be here again, it smells the same, and I can hear Jack's mom singing in the kitchen. For once I felt safe, curled up on their living room couch.
Sitting up, I cringe at the pain in my foot as I get up. I'm wearing some of Jack's old clothes, his hoodie sleeves cover my hands. "Ow." I hear a groan coming from the floor, and I look down to see my feet on Jack's stomach.
Stepping over him, I stumble for a moment before regaining my balance. Jack's sprawled across the floor next to the couch, his eyes only just open. "Good morning." I yawn, stepping past him and into the kitchen.
"Hey, Mrs Barakat." I greet, limping into the kitchen and sitting at their small table.
"Nora, you're awake." She smiles, holding up a spatula. "I thought you kids would want some breakfast, you came in quite late last night."
"Is someone cooking bacon?" Jack asks, dragging his feet as he enters the kitchen, he's still half asleep. "I love you, mom." He continues, flopping down in the seat next to me as he sees his mom cooking.
"You've always been a momma's boy," I smirk and Jack stares at me for a moment like he was only just registering I'm real.
"No."
"Don't lie," I smile and he rests his head on his hands, staring at me with big brown eyes.
"What are you two going on about?" Mrs Barakat questions, waving her spatula around again.
"Nothing." Jack cuts in, not wanting to admit it. "I had a weird dream." He continues, watching me curiously.
"About?"
"You, me, Alex, and Frank Sinatra, at this petting zoo."
"Frank Sinatra?"
"Yeah, I have no idea why, but anyway we were getting chased and there was this cliff. I don't know where Frank Sinatra went, but it's the three of us on this cliff and you and Alex jump but I can't." He continues, recalling the hazy memory of his dream.
"Did you eat cheese or something before going to bed? Isn't that meant to make your dreams weird?" I ask.
"Nope. What about you? Have a weird dream?"
"A bad dream." I clarify, smiling at him. Jack blinks at me, his long eyelashes looking particularly feminine this morning. He had a habit of getting words out of me without doing anything, I feel like I could tell him anything.
Except for I love you.
"Nightmare?" He questions, little wrinkles forming on his forehead as he frowns at me. His hair has flopped it's self over his face, and yet he still looks serious.
"No." I laugh, and I can see him think of what's worse than a nightmare.
"A sexual dream?" He whispers, raising an eyebrow, being careful so his mom doesn't hear.
"No, you pervert."
"Uh, well I'm stumped. This feels like a riddle, what's worse than a nightmare?"
"Life?"
"Wow, that's dark. It seems like a Batman quote."
"Or one of those emo quotes." I inquire and Jack smiles for a moment before remembering what he was trying to work out.
"So what kind of dream was it then?"
"Breakfast is ready." Jack's mom interrupts sitting two massive plates in front of us, before sitting down. Jack sends me a look, telling me that he won't forget the question.
I didn't want to tell him that my bad dream was one where someone loved me. A dream of someone making me smile, and wrapping a blanket around me. I hate these dreams, the ones where you wake up and realize how alone you really are.
Scoffing down the bacon and eggs, I beat Jack in finishing my food. I'm still accustomed to having the shitty rehab food, that this is possibly one of the best meals I've had in awhile.
"Do you want seconds? I have some leftovers." Ms Barakat asks me, not wavering at my huge appetite.
"Thanks, but I'm fine. This filled me up, the foods amazing." I grinned and beside me Jack whispers.
"Boot-licker."
Kicking Jack under the table, I smile at him. "So Nora how's your father?" Ms Barakat asks me, carefully eating her food.
"I don't know, I haven't seen him since before rehab. Ben and my parents got into a huge fight, and since I live with Ben it puts me in an awkward place." I explain, frowning at why she just asked about my dad.
"So they still haven't told you or your brother." She sighs, setting her fork down. "Nora, you need to go visit them."
"Okay?" I question, unsure on why she's acting this way.
"I'll take you." Jack pipes up, smiling but it seems overly fake like he knows something that I don't. "We can go after cleaning this up."
"I can do the cleaning." Ms Barakat cuts in, stacking the plates and leaving me confused.
"Should we leave then Nora?" Jack asks, standing up and holding his hand out to pull me up.
"I guess."
Taking Jacks hand, I feel weird holding it for a spit moment. All the pushed down memories resurface and I stare at him for a moment. Shaking off the feeling, I stand up, limping slowly behind Jack. "You're taking forever." Jack whines, turning around and waiting for me. His face softens as he stares at my bandaged foot.
"Slow down then," I complain, trying not to put pressure on my foot.
"Just take my hand." He offers, grabbing my hand before I could interject. I'm not sure how this helps, but I don't complain.
"Okay, Princess can you see my keys," Jack asks, searching his pockets for his car keys.
"I'm not a Princess, and you mean these?" I reply, unimpressed, danging his kegs between my fingers.
"Sorry, I forgot, you're the queen." He laughs, grabbing the keys off me, his other hand not leaving mine.
"That's right."
Pulling me down the steps of his old house, Jack seems glancing back to make sure I'm still alive. His hand is a vice on mine, my smalls hand getting swamped by his. My foot isn't that badly injured but I can sense Jack's guilt, he blames it on himself. We're both ignoring the argument, and the months of not talking, pretending it didn't happen.
We're not teenagers in love anymore.
Holding the door of his car open, I stare blankly at Jack. "I can open my own door."
"True, but I get more entertainment out of it." He smiles, and I roll my eyes as I get into the passenger seat.
"To the Gray household then," Jack announces, slipping into the driver's seat.
It doesn't take long for us to reach my parent's new house, it's a small suburban house. It's the kind of house you would find an old lady living in, not a dentist and a businesswoman. Getting out of the car, I don't wait for Jack this time inside walking up to the gate.
The house is nice, a huge garden, and a brown picket fence, but it seems wrong. "Nora are you alright?" Jack asks from behind me as I unlock the car.
"I'm fine," I reply, but I can't help but hunch my shoulders, making my body as small as possible. Leaving the gate open for Jack, I take smalls steps making my way up the gravel path. My hearts beating out of my chest, and I feel on the verge of tears for no reason.
I haven't seen my parents in a long time, I miss them. I miss them so much but I still can't forgive the neglect. They should have been at home, they should have been proper parents, I needed them.
Holding my hand up to the wooden door, I wait for Jack to catch up before knocking. It takes a few moments for someone to answer, and my breath catches in my throat.
"Dad?"
"Nora? What are you doing here?" He asks, and I can't stop staring at his pale frame. He doesn't have hair anymore, and his already skinny body seems like a skeleton.
"I-I-I came to visit you." I stutter out, staring at my dad, the man who protected me, and read me bedtime stories, reduced to a frail mess.
"I guess this is a surprise for you then, come in." He continues, holding open the door and inviting us into the tiny house. "Jack?" My dad questions, squinting his eyes to see him properly.
"Hi, Issac." He greets meekly, stuffing his hands into his pockets.
"Kara, we have visitors." My dad yells out into the house, before leading us into a living room.
"Nora! Honey! What are you doing here." My mom greets, coming out from another room. She doesn't look the same, her hairs laced with grey, she's aged a lot.
"I came to see you," I tell her, allowing her to hug me, before sitting down on the couch next to Jack. "You're sick," I say, cutting the bullshit as I stare at my dad.
"Yes." He admits, sighing softly before continuing. "I always have been, those business trips weren't actual business trips. We didn't know how to tell you, I was in and out of hospital all the time. God, forbid me. I should have told you,"
"You let us believe you abandoned us." I cry out, wiping the tear from my eyes, as Jack sits a hand on my thigh.
"It's my fault, Nora, I didn't want you to see me like this. Your mom always had to work to pay hospital bills and feed you guys, I couldn't just let you know." He explains, and my stomach drops. I hated them for so long, I thought they didn't want us, but in truth, my dad is dying.
"He's been sick since before you were born, the doctors thought he was going to die when you kids were younger. Your dad has pulled through it, but I'm afraid it's gotten too bad." My mom helps him explain, and I feel tears dripping down my face.
I don't know how to reply, I feel my world crashing down. I just want to go back to the pills, to the self-harm, anything to make me feel better.
"Then, Nora you got depressed, and he was getting worse. We couldn't tell you like that, I know it wasn't our right not to tell you."
"Does Ben know?" I ask, resting my hand on top of Jacks.
"No."
"Ruby?"
"She's known for a long time, the first time your dad got really sick. She found him passed out on the kitchen floor." Mom continues, and I don't know how to react.
"You should tell Ben."
"There's no point, he hates us."
"No, he doesn't, he's just scared," I tell them, taking a breath I continue. "Tell him, I'll go home and make sure he gets here."
"It's alright."
"No it isn't, he deserves to know. I'll come visit you later, okay?" I tell them, standing up, and waiting for Jack.
Jack's POV
I sit in silence, while Nora breaks down in the seat next to me. I'm holding her hand tightly, not saying anything, no words can make her feel better. We're in the car, but not driving anywhere, and I feel my heart dropping out of my chest.
"You're the bravest person I know." I finally speak up, and she looks up at me with red, puffy, eyes. "You can survive almost anything, remember that time when we were little? We were playing pirates and you fell out of a tree, breaking your arm. I thought that was so cool and brave, you even got a rad scar." I continue, pointing to a spot on her arm.
"I'm not brave." She sniffs, and I squeeze her hand.
"To me you are."
She stares at me for a moment, her eyes rimmed with tears, she wasn't a beautiful crier but I don't think anyone is. "Jack?" Nora asks.
"Yeah."
"Why are you so nice to me? All I've ever done gets you hurt."
"Because I love you," I admit, staring down at the car floor. "I never stopped loving you, I'm an idiot who can't move on."
"You shouldn't love me." She speaks up, and I look at her.
Leaning forward, I press my lips on hers, tasting the salt from her tears. I've missed the feeling of her lips on mine, how soft they are, and how they seem to mould perfectly to mine. Nora isn't like Sally when she kisses me it isn't full of lust but something else.
Placing her hands on my chest, Nora pushes me away, her eyes looking sadder than before. "Jack we can't do this, I won't let you just cheat on your girlfriend."
This wouldn't be the first time I did it.
"Sorry," I mumble, turning on the car, but I'm not sorry.