"Why am I thinking about going to this party?" I asked Shay as we rode home later that day.
She turned to me with a big grin. "Because you want to see me?"
"Obviously," I said with a snort. That really was the only reason, because we didn't look to have a lot of time together unless her family went away. "But do you think they've really changed?"
"No chance. All three of them are bitches, and I can't imagine the other girls they've invited are going to be any better. On the good side, my parents will be home and they said no to inviting any guys, so this should mostly be pizza and swimming. You can always make a break for it if they're assholes, and I can still punch Nicky."
"I still feel like an idiot for doing it though."
We rode on in silence for a bit before Shay cleared her throat a little awkwardly. "Are you going to go swimming at the party?"
My face burned at the question, and I couldn't answer for a moment. Was she wanting to see me in my new bathing suit? Nobody had yet since I hadn't worn it other than in the changing room at the mall when I bought it. The last time I'd been in her pool was also the kissing incident, and I wouldn't mind recreating that if it had a better aftermath.
But I was still waiting for her to make the first move. She was the one who said that she couldn't give me what I wanted, and until that changed, I couldn't do much. Would it be wrong to show off a little to let her see what she was missing? I wasn't naïve about how I looked, my body was filling out in a way that had caught her eye a lot, and she would almost certainly notice.
"I'll probably take a dip, yeah. Will you?"
She snorted. "Nope. I was already told by my parents that I wasn't allowed to get in the pool near all the girls. It's not my party." Shay was definitely bitter about that, but who wouldn't be? She couldn't even swim in her own pool on the 4th of July. Her parents sucked.
"Then I won't either. That doesn't seem fair at all." I didn't like her having to be the only one out of the pool.
"No, no. Don't say that. I don't want you to miss out on the pool just because of me."
I sighed as I kept pedaling along the street. The situation sucked, but even with Shay not in the pool, I had a chance to see her when I normally wouldn't. That was something I had to go for, because while I liked these bike rides, being able to be in a more relaxed atmosphere might be a good thing. "Fine. But you better be able to hang out when I'm not in the pool, okay?"
She started chuckling as she rode along next to me. "So, you're coming for me, huh?"
The innuendo wasn't lost on me, and I decided to play along with her. "You know I'd be happy to do that if you ever gave me a chance."
I thought she might steer right off the road as her head snapped to the side, and I couldn't help but laugh at her. "That wasn't nice!" she complained as she settled back down on the bike.
"Oh? And your comment was? You're not supposed to flirt with me, it isn't fair."
The sound of cars driving by and our tires on the asphalt were the only sound for a few minutes. We were almost home at this point, and she'd be turning to her street while I kept going to mine. "I'm sorry," she finally said. "I can't help it sometimes, and I really wish it were different." That was all she had time for before she turned down her street. I turned in a circle, watching her ride away as tears pricked my eyes. I really hated this situation, and I'd lost count of the number of times I'd said she was worth waiting for. But I'd keep at it, I couldn't imagine wanting to be with anyone else.
Someday, right? It had to come.
When I got home, I put my bike in the garage, and went into the house, just hoping for a night of peace and no guys over with my mom. To my surprise, I found her sitting at the kitchen table, her head resting on her hand, and her long brown hair hanging over her like she was asleep.
"Mom?" I whispered, moving a little closer. "Are you alright?"
She lifted her head slowly, then looked at me with a shockingly sober expression. "No, I'm not." She spoke softly, and I could see that she had been crying. "I've really made a mess of things, haven't I?"
"It's been rough," I admitted. "But we can work through it. Maybe we can do it together?"
"I have lost so much track of time. I had to look at my phone today, just to see what year it was. I'm losing my life to the bottle, and I want to stop." My mom sounded so worn out, and I just sat in the seat next to her, then leaned over to hug her. "I'm so sorry," she murmured. "I'm so, so sorry."
"Me too. I wish I could have done more." We were both crying now, but I didn't care. It was the first time I'd talk to my mom while she was sober in years, and I felt like things might finally be changing. "But we can make it better, you'll see."
She was silent for a little bit and seemed very frail in my arms. I had no idea how she could be so noisy when guys were over, and yet she seemed like she could blow away in my arms. "I'd like that."
"Can I make you some dinner?" I was in luck as I had a good amount of food in the house, having stopped by the supermarket the other day, so I could try to put some meat on her bones.
"Yes, that would be nice, thanks. I don't even know if I remember how to do that."
"Don't worry about it," I told her gently. "I've kind of learned to like it."
"Are you sure? You didn't do too much today?"
"Nah, I was just working, and I can handle that without a problem." I think I was one of the few people that really enjoyed my job. Most of the teachers at the gym were cool, I took free classes after hours if I wanted, and Owen really had taken the fake uncle role seriously. When Kate and Gloria were there, they doted on me like they'd adopted me. That had almost happened actually, because they had a lawyer friend named Harper that could have helped me get emancipated and then I could have allowed them to adopt me.
But I couldn't abandon my mother, and I didn't want to give up on my mom getting healthy.
Today, I felt like my choice had been validated.
"What do you mean, you were working?" She pivoted in the chair to keep watching me as I started some brown rice cooking in the little rice cooker I'd bought us for Christmas, and then got some chicken breast out and started chopping it up into bite sized pieces.
I turned towards her, showing her the logo on my tee shirt. "It's a gym up by the cinema. I got a job up there so I can pitch in a little more. If you've been keeping an eye on the bank account, you should notice that it hasn't been going down for my clothes and groceries." I turned back to the cutting board, then scraped the chicken into a bowl with some soy sauce, ginger powder, and salt then tossed it in a little corn starch. I chopped up some scallions for later before I got a skillet heating up with a little oil to quickly fry the chicken bites. It was a quick and dirty orange chicken recipe that always gave me leftovers for a few days, so this would be perfect for the two of us.
I could hear her sobbing behind me, but I couldn't bear to look at her at that moment. I knew she was feeling guilty again, and maybe she should. But I had no idea how much money she had, and I was still putting a good amount away for my motorcycle. I wasn't going to get it any time soon anyway as I shouldn't need it until college. There was a shuffling sound behind me, and then I felt her arms circle my waist and her head was resting on my shoulder.
"You're growing up so much faster than you should have to." She spun me around and hugged me tightly. "You don't need to pay for groceries anymore, okay? The account has more than enough for that, and I can try to go back to work too."
I didn't argue. I'd probably still buy some with my money, though it would be easier to use her card than have to get cash from my savings account. I'd certainly keep buying my own clothes too. I was still too young to have a checking account of my own, so I just had my student savings account. But I didn't mind that too much. If she was serious about working now that she was more sober, I could talk to Kate again about contacts.
"That's fine mom. I was just trying to help."
"You're not helping, Amber, you've been running the whole house, and I can't thank you enough. Now it's my turn to start helping again, okay?"
I gave her a little kiss on the cheek. "Yeah, okay. But let me get our dinner going, I'm pretty hungry!"
"You cook, I'll get the table set, and we can have a real meal together." She was smiling now, and it warmed my heart. Maybe I really had my mom back.