Please take a couple of minutes to watch the awe-inspiring video above. It is honestly going to be the most well used six minutes of your time.
I hope you all have had an amazing week thus far. I wanted to quickly talk about how hard I work on every single chapter ( to which some may argue against) but nonetheless, I put a lot of effort into each and every chapter. It would mean everything to me if there was more love put towards all of the chapters. Shout out to all of the same people who actively comment and vote on my work! I want to hug each and everyone of you! You all honestly make this all worthwhile because needless to say, writing is a hobby and incredible passion of mines so it never feels like work, but it would be great if I got some more feedback!
Maybe leave a comment and share it with anyone who loves to read? Thanks for all the love! <3
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A week later and I'm standing in the mute halls of school. It's a relatively premature morning but I needed to escape the mundane of the hospital. My father is heavily medicated so his lack of conscious helped the leave. The seizures continued until this morning. Still, the happiness was stabbed by the smell of sick, so I left early. The only thing cruising me through is the doctor's promise of his leave today.
So everything is going to be okay, I promise myself.
And even with that, I attempt to thin my thoughts of Adam. Except, its impossible since everything replays to the point of driving me crazy. I hated that he did that to me, taking control of my thoughts.
That night, I cried. A lot.
I meant nothing to him.
I am torn apart, but despise it. I loathe the weakness I endure because of him. Over top of it all, it makes me bleed knowing he isn't the person of my visions. I knew I wasn't doing myself a favour by still prisoning that little ounce of hope. Hope that deep down, he is the same person.
He has to be.
I flail around with silence befriending me until I scavenge a flawless spot by the window. I revel in my novel until people start polluting the halls. Then, I just follow crowds into the main hallway, where Nura and Sophia are sitting by my locker.
"Hey," they smile in unison.
"What's up?" I ask, crouching to their level.
"Sophia was boring me with her jokes, how are you doing?" Nura inquires with a glint in her eyes. They've been laughing.
"The same," I fixate on the marble floor.
They both nod and I just sit there absorbing their fits. I try to provide my input but it doesn't make any sense. It is the first time in a long time that I feel alienated around my friends. When my jittering continues, I announce my exit.
"I'm going to go get my schedule, I'll see you guys in a bit," I speak through a black mailed grin.
"Oh, okay," Sophia sounds, searching my face with bewilderment. Nura nods in understanding.
"You okay?" Sophia asks.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"We'll see you then," Nura waves in sad.
A nod and I'm off to homeroom through barbarically crowded hallways. I grimace as I'm thrown around, this time worse than the rest.
"Watch where your going," I hear the most unwanted voice.
"Aamirah," he breaths through a grin. And as I watch his perfect face, everything from that night starts drilling through my mind, all at once. The fatal heat of colliding bodies in addition to the sight of his face, mutilates me. Within a blink, my feet begin spinning when I wander to his hand attached to manicured nails. I control the tears when the familiar brunette stands behind him.
With hand over mouth, I sprint for the bathroom and empty my insides. Then, I dictate myself to stand strong.
None of this feels good.
It hurts so much, so fast.
I enter homeroom and exhale relief when my schedule is kind. For the first two periods, I concentrate on hearing my father's voice to annihilate the fact that everything is crumbling.
The teachers are too strict and the assignments already pile. And then, I'm also very alone. But it doesn't matter because the larger part of me doesn't want to be social.
By lunch, I ignore my texts to nap in my car.
There is something overwhelmingly nerving about being alone at lunch. You just appear so vulnerable.
It's the worst.
I try but fail sleep. Sticking my eyes into trees and I am shaken by my alarm clock. I groan, not wanting to go back. Yet, my better judgment wins and I am running to my next class.
Once again, I recognize no one so I nest in the back, something I never do. I observe the students entering, my mood drowning even further. But then Adam walks with the Brunette and then I'm done. Completely.
I control the urge to crack the desk with my head by passively staring at the board. Even when they sit right in front of me, I just rock my knees.
Her purposefully loud giggles and hair whips, quickly make my fingers twitch. The hurt runs endless at the sight of Adam's full captivation by her.
I want to go home.
The relief sweeps over when the teacher finally arrives. She writes Sarah Olsen on the board before twirling around in her mint green dress. Her smile slightly takes away the anxiety I am feeling. She just seems like the warmest person.
"Seating plan" She announces so sweetly I forget to groan with the rest of the class.
I stand up like everyone else and one by one, she calls out two pairs of people to a conjoined desk. It's a slow and treacherous process with my view of hands touching Adam.
"Aamirah and Sebastian, over there," I'm awakened, being directed to the far right of the class.
I sit beside a blonde haired and blue eyed individual, who carries very prominently luxurious features. I attempt to ignore him but that deems impossible with his obviously expensive cologne.
"Adam and Josephine, right here," she continues, directing to the seats in front of us. The brunette tries to fight it, but Ms.Olsen moves along.
"I'm Sebastian," I hear an intensely deep voice followed by a hand in my field of vision.
"Aamirah," I nod, smiling friendly in an attempt to dive the lack of hand shake.
"Adam," he appears in speed. I watch his jaw clench as he looks intensely at Sebastian, the grip of his hand tightening as Sebastian's hand pales.
Judging from the mutual stare, they give away hints of a vendetta.
I'm not sure what to feel, especially the indifference from Adam. Maybe he was too drunk.
Maybe that's good.
It breaks when Ms. Olsen begins explaining the course outline. She zooms through, wasting no time before making everyone play a mindless bingo ice breaker. I get my sheet and am halted by said brunette.
"Naomi, I am sure you remember me," She introduces, the narcissism thick.
"Aamirah" I nod before walking away.
I go around with a smile, even making small conversation with people. There is a girl who I instantly connect with. She introduces herself as Ayah and talks about her life like I am already her best friend. It's nice actually.
"You still hate mayonnaise right?" Adam questions, placing his elbows on the desk in patient.
"Aam?" he questions when I gulp.
The image of him drunk still follows me.
I sign into the slot.
"Thanks," he grins before leaving to sit down with a phone in his face.
"That was interesting," Ayah laughs, wiggling her eyebrows. I turn towards her horrified.
"Oh no, its not like that," I defend but that statement makes it worse.
"Mhm," She says with her eyebrow raised, probably absorbing my blushed face. Then she laughs. It is so contagious, I find myself joining her.
"Here, put your contacts into my phone," she points towards me. We exchange numbers.
'Talk to you soon then Aam," she waves when the activity is over. My cheeks start burning at her reference.
"I will now go around and each person can tell me one thing they learnt about another classmate," Ms. Olsen yells gently over the noisy class.
It begins on the other side of the class so I wait my turn.
"Aamirah is a bookworm," Ayah notifies.
I look through my list and internally rehearse before speaking.
"Ayah is a technological geek," I proclaim. Her eyes start smiling as I say this.
"Naomi is a good cook," Sebastian voices uneasily beside me. He sounds like he has a gun pointed to his head and I take a couple seconds to wonder if it's Adam's glare his way that causes this reaction.
When it's Adam's turn, he turns to right at me, his brown orbs amused. I wander to his empty sheet, my name the only occupant.
"Aamirah hates mayonnaise," he announces.
"Back in the day, she rudely spat a mayonnaise sand wish I was nice enough to share with her."
I look up horrified, impersonating a deer thats blinded by headlights. My cheeks inflame as I sit there sinking in Adam's humoured face.
The snickering eventually subsides with the blood punching against my ears.
And then it's Naomi's turn.
"Among his many talents, Adam is a math prodigy ," she coos, the tone making me cringe
Once everyone is done, Ms. Olsen starts listing her classroom guidelines. She transitions to offering a period for questions.
"Are you single?" regrettably, its Adam.
Maybe he's high, there is no other explanation.
I peek up at Ms. Olsen who's face reddens discomfort. She quickly composes her self with a smile. I can tell she has already familiarized Adam's personality.
"No," she voices rather awkwardly. The whistles just make me roll my eyes.
"Any more questions?" she pans around, probably hoping no one asks something personal again.
"Do we get a lot of homework in this class?" Naomi whines.
"No, not a lot per say, but you should be prepared for heavy reading."
When everyone resumes silence, she dismisses us early.
While I'm placing handouts into my folder, Adam faces me. I eye my escape but can't find any room to move as everyone else is leaving.
"How is your dad doing?" he questions and I can't tell if he is serious or not.
"Why would you care?' I snap after a couple of seconds, remembering what he said.
"I'll see you tomorrow Aamirah," Sebastian waves, catching me off guard.
"I'll see you tonight white boy," Adam directs towards him while I stand there dumbfounded.
He is definitely on something.
Sebastian looks at him with anger before exiting the room.
"Adam, you coming?" Naomi questions with haste behind him, her huge icy blue eyes on me.
"I'll catch you later," he answers, not leaving my face one bit. She huffs in silence before strolling away in her hot pink stilettos.
"What do you mean by 'why would I care'?" he continues with offence.
"It doesn't matter," I reply, attempting to bypass him but obviously, he blocks my way.
I catch sight of Ayah waving at me in worry before leaving, her eyes darting between the two of us.
"It obviously does, what did I say?" He inquires slanting his head to one side.
"It doesn't matter now," I repeat with more stress, my teeth gritted together.
"Damn it, why do you act so stubborn?" he yells this time, making me flinch. He notices and quickly softens a bit, pulling his hair back.
"You don't remember at all?" I question after swallowing my spit.
He shakes his head, completely confused.
"How drunk were you? I inquire, aware that his eyes slightly widen upon hearing this. He exhales his disappointment before placing both hands on the desks and staring at them. Then he looks up, his eyes an overpowering hint of guilt and embarrassment.
"Aamirah, I didn't mean any of it," He apologizes, quite believingly.
"I'm sure you didn't," I spew sarcasm.
"I don't even remember what I said," he replies almost angrily.
"You brought my dad's cancer into it," I slump my shoulders, my bottom lip quivering while my eyes moisten.
His eyes blink before his sighs and turns away from me, probably registering his regret. I start to walk to the door in silence.
"I'm sorry," he exhales, his hands in the air while he stares at the floor, its detail helping him hide his emotion. He looks completely beaten.
I just nod, not wanting to cry.
Because my schedule declares free period, I head home.
While on my way to the door, I dip my head into the mailbox, grabbing multiple letters. As soon as I sight a university's letter, I freeze.
After enough anticipation, I rip it apart and hold my breath before opening the folded piece of paper. As soon as 'congratulations' leaps at me, I scream into my hand while jumping up and down. With a grin, I enter the house to Aasif seated on the couch.
"What are you doing here so early?" I inquire.
"I worked my schedule around for free period," he responds nonchalantly, blanking into the television.
"How did you get home?"
"A friend."
"Are you still upset about the dad thing?" I didn't tell him about the incident while he was at his soccer game, so it was possible he was angry.
"No."
"Do you want anything?" I ask him as I stare into the fridge.
"Nah." He mutters.
I grab some toast and make two sandwiches anyway. He eats it like I'd expected.
"So you want to go now?" I question after finishing the food.
"Yeah," he states while throwing a ball in the air, staring far too intently at it.
I disregard his silence throughout the ride. Once we make it, he slams the door before I am out the car.
"Aasif, what's wrong?" I worry, trying to jog up to his longer leg speed.
"I had a bad day," he roars over the loud howling of wind.
"Just please soften your attitude for dad at least," I beg him.
He nods and continues on walking. I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket but I ignore it. We both see mama in front of my father's recovery room and I feel a little giddy to see him. She looks at me warmly and hugs Aasif.
"How was school?" she queries as we head into a huge room with curtains covering each different portion.
"Okay." Aasif answers and I just nod.
"He just woke up a couple of minutes ago, but is still a little drowsy." She explains while covering him with the little blue blanket.
"I think he's waking up again mama," I excite through the brightest smile.
I watch his eyes opening a little. They appear to be extremely heavy to lift, as evident from the difficulty he expresses. Once they are naked of lids, they close again, and this repeats three more times before his hazel irises are completely visible. He pans around perplexed.
"We should give him some space," I instruct and we all move away.
I hold his hand and smile at his still confused state. His face has brightened up a bit, but the pain he's endured doesn't hide well.
"Hey dad it's me Aamirah, you are in your recovery room now," I whisper soothingly, trying to explain what is happening.
He shakes his hand and then removes it from mine. I feel him slide from my contact, his eyes fuming in fear. I sit their dazed.
"It's us dad," Aasif whispers.
"Ibrahim, it's me," mama continues, sitting at the head of his bed. She makes an effort to grab his hand but he quickly removes it. The anxiety shows instantly with mama's beet face.
He opens his mouth and then closes it, too weak to speak. I offer some water for him. He stares at it in hesitance as if I poisoned it.
"Whe-res m' d-octo'?" he slurs the question to the point of it being inaudible and oh so weak.
"He'll be here any minute now Ibrahim, don't you worry," mama says in a gentle voice while trying to grab his hand.
"D-d-oo-nn-t too-ouch m-ee," he attempts to scream, his face drowning red with the pressure.
Mama moves her hand away like something just stung her and stands erect. My body tremors as I stare at him in his bed, looking up at us with doubt. I'm scared.
This is far worse then the doctors anticipated.
"I don-t kn-oww yo-uu!" he roars before falling into uncomfortable fits of coughs. Mama quickly grabs the water bottle and passes it to him but he smacks it away. The water spills on her clothes and all of the sheets.
"I'll go get paper towels," I quickly stutter, wanting an escape from this.
I bite into my hand to prevent from sobbing and then once I am on a bench outside, I break down heaving loudly.
"It'll be okay" I hear the same low and heavy voice I have been regretting to hear the moment I left school. It feels kind of good to hear it. I don't want to care for his presence, but I do.
So much.
I examine him through blurry eyes, his warmth of a face nurturing my hurt.
"His memory is gone" I choke.