back at home in my bedroom, i sunk into the mattress, feeling the hollowness take me whole. it had been about a week or two since Ella's imprisonment and it's been quiet, too quiet. but not to speak that soon, i wasn't surprised when i came home to a written letter..you and i both knew whom it came from.
i hadn't opened it since it's been here-which were a week or two. was i scared? no, more so nervous. i didn't know what to expect but it was always the unexpected if anything.
i sighed, reaching for the envelope as i began tearing it open, pulling out the letter.
she hated me this much and i really couldn't wrap my head around it.
Alexandra,
hi sweetheart, you already know whom this is so let's cut that bullshit. id say i hope you're having an amazing time but do i really care enough? no, not really but just because you put me behind these bars doesn't mean i cannot make your life a living hell from here. you obviously don't care enough to hear me. this will not be my first letter to you, believe me when i say you'll be getting more until you see me again. since shit isn't sweet as i was always around, im out of the picture now but believe, Alyssa will be mine rather you like it or not. i truly don't feel like writing that much so before i go, i would like to tell you this one thing-come see me. you know where i am being held so no need for the address. midnight. ill be seeing you soon. wink wink.
i read the letter a few more times over, not quite sure why and what i was doing. i sat there in silence, my eyes scanning the letter as i took it all in-again.
was i really gonna go see her? if so, why? what good would that bring to me?
but what bad could it bring me?
no, that's stupid, that's really stupid, Alex. it's Ella we're talking about, that's bad in itself.
i always asked myself; why was i allowing this to get to me..? but this was Alyssa we were talking about. she loved her job and watching that all get taken away from her because of a little baby crush was breaking my heart. i hated it so much..my heart broke the more i sat with the though of it.
i sighed softly, dragging myself out of bed, pushing forward towards my dresser. stuffing the letter inside, i went off into the bathroom, turning the water on before splashing my face with cold water.
leaning over the sink, i looked at myself in the mirror, watching the water fall down my cheeks.
running my fingers through my hair, i threw it up into a bun as i made my way out of the bathroom, exiting my bedroom as well. going down the steps, i made my way over into the kitchen.
"you've finally come downstairs," Allen's voice echoed in my ear as he rounded the corner. "are you okay?"
i nod, "mhm, i just uh needed to clear my head, that's-that's all. where's everyone?"
"dad and Reed are out but Ava is in the living room watching a comedy show. are you sure you're okay? you seems off..? you've been gloomy the past week or so."
i shake my head, grinning, "im okay, Allen. thank you for asking."
a small simple silence sat between the two of us before Allen moved closer, patting my back as he nodded, "you're welcome, im here if you need anything."
i swallowed down the lump that rose in the back of my throat, giving him a firm nod as he stepped away.
"i need to go see my mom," i mumble, hanging my head down low.
•••
walking through the graveyard, i quickly made my way over to my moms head stone, smiling as it came into view. brushing the dirty and leaves off, i smiled as my fingers ran over her engraved name.
"hi mom," i smiled, feeling a sense of happiness hit me as my eyes danced over her engraved name. "ive missed you, deeply."
"i uh-dad told me he came and spoke with you. i was blown by it because i didn't know he'd come so soon but im glad he did, i hope he come to see you more..on his time of course."
"things are hard, mom," i tuck my lip, tears begin to stream down my face as my vision grown blurry. "i don't know what going on with dad, Ava got kidnapped, and the bitch who's causing all of this is still fucking with me. i don't know what to do anymore, mom."
feeling a gust of wind, i shivered slightly, my fingertips resting gently over her name. tracing the s in Josie, i smiled to myself.
"i just want this to end. i want Alyssa to finish the year and keep her job and i want Ella to stay where she is..peace is all im asking for, ma..it's hard."
"uh, on a good note, Ava and i graduate soon. ill walk across that stage for you and dad. loud and proud. ill not only hold you in my heart but in my arms, spiritually, i always will."
"less than three months and ill be a grad," i smile at the thought, pulling myself up. "i love you so much, Josie. i shall see you soon."
exhaling heavily, i made my way out of the graveyard and over into my car, slumping down into the driver seat.
"fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," i shout, hitting up against the steering wheel as my breathing picked up just slightly.
shaking my head, i turned over my engine, pulling out quickly. flooring it done the street, i hit the corner as i pulled up to a red light.
"what am i gonna do..?" i questioned. i couldn't say i wanted answers because Ella made it clear as hell what she wanted. she gave us answers several times and now that she was locked up, i couldn't help but question everything. why was this happening to me?
as the light flashed green, i quickly floored it. driving, i let me mind wonder and instantly Ava came to mind. what would she want me to do? not what i had in mind, that's for sure.
i inhaled deeply, shaking off the thoughts as i pulled up to my destination, my eyes desperately scanning over the building. i took my time finding a parking spot, not too close to the door but never too far away.
"im really doing this," i groan, dragging myself out of my car. slowly, i walked towards the front as i held my head up high, my arms resting in front of me crossed.
entering the building, a loud noise of chatter filled my ears. gulping down, i took in my surroundings and noticed how empty the sitting area was..shit.
"hi, how can i help you, love?" i heard suddenly from my left. shifting my head, my eyes landed on a security guard whom sat behind the desk, her eyes never leaving mine. "are you here to see anyone..?"
"i-i-uh yeah.." i nod, embarrassed by my stutter.
"okay," she nods, reaching for a folder, opening it. "who would that be?"
"El-Ella," inhale sharply, trying to keep air in my lungs. "Ella Rosemary."
"now why would the infamous Alexandra Lance be visiting someone like her?"
i shake my head, grinning dully, "uh she's just a friend of mine..old friend of mine."
"okay," was all she could say as she nods. closing the folder, she pulled herself from behind the desk. leading us to the visiting area, i immediately noticed how different the area looked.
the area was more dirty than the outside. the seats look like they held more dust particles than my ceiling. hell, it was jail.
"you can have a seat, she'll be out soon," the officer stated before exiting the room.
taking another breath, i stood there instead as i waited patiently. not even a second later did the door from the other side open as an officer escorted ella out and into a seat.
"you don't have to shove me, fat ass pig," she shouted, hissing at the officer.
"shut up, inmate 207," the officer groaned back, folding his arms.
not bothering to say anything back, she shifted her eyes to me and i felt an unwanted chill run down my spine. shivering discreetly, i felt my glares on her as i stepped closer before taking a seat.
"hi beautiful," she mouth from the other side as she grabbed the phone, pulling it up to the side of her face. "how are you?"
grabbing the phone, i rested it on my face gently, "what do you want, ella?"
she smirks, running the tip of her finger over the glass, "you know what i want, love. you know exactly what i want. why do you keep asking me this?"
"because obviously you're not getting what you want and yet you still push for it like it's gonna happen."
biting down onto her bottom lip, she scoffed softly, "and you believe that? after everything that's happened..? i took Ava from you, baby. jails nothing but a place, best believe i could do it again."
"really? you not getting Alyssa's attention calls you to take Ava from me? calls you to cross lines like that? really?"
"hell yeah," she scoffs, running the tip of her tongue over her bottom lip. "hey look, when i get out of here, we'll squash-"
"no," i blurt, shaking my head. "fuck that and fuck you, Ella. i hope you never get out, i hope you rot in this fucking place. the shit you've done and caused, i hope you never get out."
"geez sweetheart, why so harsh?"
"harsh? you call that harsh, bitch?"
"watch your mouth," she tilts her head, grinding her teeth.
"no, you watch yours," i point a finger at her, keeping my eye sharp on her. "you keep fucking playing with me, you won't have a mouth to watch. fuck you, Ella."
slamming the phone back, i pulled myself up as i stepped away.
"aye! i wasn't done talking to you!" Ella shouts, holding her hands in the air as she watches me.
"i don't care, im done talking to you. we're done here."
making my way out of the room, i wasted no time as i made my way back out to my car. practically throwing myself inside the car, i turned the engine over before pulling off.
flooring it, i hit a corner as my mind began to wonder. why did i go there? what exactly did i get out of that? not to say i was frustrated or anything in that manner, just what did i get from it? more bullshit as always..?
i didn't know what ella was capable of but god i just wanted peace, that's all.
please.
hitting one more corner, my house finally came into view. pulling up into the lot, i parked before dragging myself out of the car. pushing forward, i made my way into the house and immediately i was greeted by Reed.
"ah, here she go," he stated, a smile upon his lips.
i smile, slightly tilting my head, "did you guys miss me or something??"
"of course we did, your father asked about you after we had got back but Allen and Ava said you weren't here."
i shake my head, "no, no i was not. i went to see my mom."
"hm, okay. how did that go? how are you feeling?"
"i don't know Reed, i really don't. everything's happened so fast and it's like as soon as i blink, more shit is down pouring and im just overwhelmed."
he nods, resting his hand on my shoulder, "i understand completely, kid. look, all you need to do is just breathe. understand that you woke up this morning and that, that sometimes is enough. okay? relax and take a breather. rather it be one or several. you're not obligated to give someone an explanation but yourself. you own no one but yourself. keep your head high and your hope higher."