M a t t
walking through the graveyard, i hung my head down low with my hands off in my coat pocket. i won't lie, my emotions were gonna get the best of me but i had to be here, i had to come see my wife...i had to build up the strength to come see her.
"Josie," i mumble, a faint smile appearing across my lips. my insides felt all tingly, i felt like i was meeting her again, for the very first time..that day was special, id never forget that. "im here, i, i finally mastered the course to come see you..it's really hard though, ill say that."
"i um...i haven't been the best but Alexandra, something about our beautiful daughter makes my soul melt, i can't get over her. when im sad and in the dumps, she always managed to put a smile on my face. though it saddens me sometimes because i know she deals with a lot herself and her emotions are just crazy as mine."
i shut my eyes for a pure second, taking in the cold breeze as it practically slapped me across the face.
"i miss you..we all do, really. you use to light the room up, i miss that, i miss you so much."
I reached out, my fingers grazing over her engraved name, feeling the coldness shot through my body. a deep sadness washed over me as i watched my fingers trace over her name as more snow-covered it again.
"you know...i sometimes sit and ask myself how do Alex and i do it on our own. questioning what the next day holds for us and yeah it's rocky right now but you're always there with us. always. that's what kept Alex and i sane and stable..you. i love you so much, Josie."
not able to conjure up anything, i stood there in silence as my eyes danced over her stone..a warm feeling filling my body.
"i know Alex comes to see you a lot..she does most of the things concerning you and i, i just—" i pause, rubbing my hands over my face. "i couldn't put myself back into that position anymore..seeing your empty office every day and how lonely and cold it's gotten...i haven't been the same, Josie."
"i know, i know, things get better with time, and believe me, it's getting better—somewhat but i can't get over your death..it has haunted me for days on end. i can't help it anymore, it's hurting."
suddenly, i was interrupted by Reed, "i don't mean to interrupt and i apologize for doing so but there's a storm rolling in, just wanted to give you a small heads up. ill be in the car waiting for you when you're ready."
i give him a faint nod, "thank you, Reed, i appreciate your help. ill be back in the car in about five, thank you."
he nods, not bothering to reply back as he exits, making his way to the car.
i let out a soft sigh, tucking my bottom lip, "i uh," i chuckle softly, rubbing my beard. "uh i got our daughter a bodyguard, though she always went against it. it's Reed, Noa's dad. never thought id ever do that but some dumbass thought it was sweet to threaten ours. that's one i don't play about, ever."
"i love you, Josie, i always have and i always will.." i tilt my head down, my eyes falling upon her stone. "ill try my hardest to come visit you more often.. though i wish heaven had actually visiting hours."
i sigh, dragging my fingertips over her name once more, "i love you, sweetheart. always and forever."
forever and always.
taking a breath, i pulled myself together as i made my way back over to the car. dragging myself into the car, i closed the passenger door shut relaxing into the seat.
"you okay?" Reed asked, giving me a worried expression.
i nod, "i am, yes. uh, i have one more stop and that'll be all for today."
"okay, what's the address?"
giving him the address, i pulled my attention to my right, looking out the car window. i watched as the snow fell from the sky every so peacefully..it reminded me of Josie.
she lived for this season, every year id watch her soul light up as she watched the snow cover every inch of the outside from the windows.
that, that made me fall in love with her all over again.
then she gave me Alexandra, i couldn't have been more happier. those two were always my heart.. nothing changed that.
Alexandra most definitely was more like me..attitude and everything. Josie was calm, she was so happy and at peace.
i really missed my little lady..
"we're here," Reed states, pulling the car into park as he eyes me. "would you like me to wait here?"
i nod, "yes, it's just a quick run-in. give me about 20 minutes, 30 tops."
pulling myself out of the car, i took in the big building that stood in front of me. can i say i was not one but amused?
i scoff, slipping my hands into my pockets i made my way into the building, immediately greeted by Thomas.
"Lorenzo," he greeted, his hand extended. "how've you been?"
i shake my head, firmly gripping his hand as i shook it, "i told you not to call me that anymore, we don't call me that anymore. but im well, how about yourself, Thomas?"
"Legally i can because that's still your name," he states. "and im well, wife and kid killing me but im managing."
i cut my eyes at him, pointing a finger, "keeping fucking with me, Thomas."
he holds his hands up in defence, "ive known you since you were four, why can i not?"
"because my name is Matt and you of all people who've known me knows that. don't test my patient, Mr. King"
"okay, okay," he nods, folding his arms. "but there's something you need to be aware of."
i glance back at him, "and what's that's exactly?"
"there's someone's here who's been going against the grain," he says through gritted teeth, his brow slightly tightly. "ive been trying to tell you but it's been hard, and ive seen all the things you've been dealing with."
"im good," i assure him, shaking my head. i rub my hand over my beard, nodding slow. "im sure whoever it is, knows not to cross me. why are—god, yall are good—" i pause, shaking my head. "y'all are good, where's Logan?"
"he should be in the back with Leo, if not then he's not here doing his rounds today."
"find him for me," i cut my eyes towards him, sliding down into my chair. "make it quick, i have things to do."
he nods, exiting the room soon leaving me alone. i scoffed to myself, pulling my coat open a bit as i rested my head against the back of the chair.
"who's the lucky one?" i asked myself, my mind racing with every thought imaginable. i hadn't been the one to throw an assumption around but my bet was on Leo or Logan..they were distant. "my bet goes to Leo."
pulling myself up onto my feet, i turned my back to the door, standing in front of a portrait of Josie and Alexandra..i kept these two everywhere.
suddenly, the door flew open and immediately Leo spoke, "wanted to see me, boss?"
"not really no," i shake my head, folding my arms. "i wanted to see Logan but you're here so have a seat, Thomas close the door."
i turn, facing them both but my eyes stayed sharp on Leo, "you know..we had an agreement....if i recall, right?"
Leo nods, "ye—yes, yes we did. what is this about? what did i do?"
"what did you do? what did you do.." i scoff, tilting my head just slightly as i watched him. "what—you're really gonna ask me—you are."
"Boss, im—im confused," he says nervously. "i don't understand the meaning of this."
"i didn't either until i read the room," i smirk, pacing around Thomas and Leo. "you know, i never thought it would be a day that you would be the one but here we stand, right? right.
"Matt," Thomas calls out, eyeing me nervously.
"oh, oh, now it's Matt? i thought it was Lorenzo." i whisper against the back of his neck, shoving him forward. "you know, Thomas you've known me for years and you've never stepped out on me..ever."
"right, why would i do that?"
"because you wanted more," i say slow, my eyes never leaves Thomas's. "you wanted out and you wanted freedom and i gave you that! i fucking gave you that and you took advantage of it! right in my face!"
"Matt—mat—no, no, no," he holds his hands up in defense. "i promise it was never like that."
i shake my head, rubbing my forehead with my fingertips, "ive never seen a grown man beg."
"im not," he says, trying to give me a straight look.
"oh you will be," i say and immediately the door flies open, police now surrounding us all. "you can stay here, yeah, yeah, you can stay here. just 25 to life. i won't even think about moving up your trail, keep me posted."
"you don't get to do this! this isn't fair!" he shouts, trying to pull himself out of the cuffs. "ive been nothing but good to you!!"
"a good one don't lie," i shrug, cutting my eyes at him as i brush past him. "i gave you a chance and you did nothing but take advantage of it, as i knew you would."
not bothering to wait around for him to say anything else, i made my way out of the building as i made my way to the car. throwing myself into the passenger seat, i relaxed, "take me home please, i am exhausted."
"well damn, you said exactly thirty minutes and you meant exactly that," Reed chuckles, turning the card engine over before pulling off.
"im about my business and my word," i shrug, chuckling softly. "have you heard from Alexandra?"
he shakes his head, "not since this morning, no. why? is there something wrong?"
"no, no. i was just asking in case she was in need of something or whatever. i miss my little girl."
"you know they're not little anymore, Matt?" Reed say, glancing over at me quickly.
"i do, yes but Alex will always be my little girl..i can never get over that. she's grown so much and im so damn proud of her."
"she has, yes," he nods. "and you're an amazing father, i don't know if you've been told but we sometimes don't get told that enough."
"i appreciate that, Reed, thank you. you are as well, never forget that. i remember when Noa was just a little tiny baby," i chuckle, smiling at the thought. "she was so damn bad."
"she was, yes, oh my goodness. i sometimes would chase her around the house just to change her diaper..lord the times."
"that sounds like something Alex would have done but she was a decent child, i can never forget that child in her."
he shakes his head, pulling up the house, "we never can and we never will. especially when they're all we have left, it's something that's engraved."
i sigh, "absolutely."
"well here you are, im gonna go and grab lunch, would you like anything?"
i shake my head, dragging myself out of the car, "no but i appreciate the offer anyway, be safe."
making my way up the porch, i unlocked my doors as i pushed the doors open. i small wave of sadness washed over me as my eyes scanned the empty and dim house.
lord, this never gets old..
softly shutting the door behind me, i pulled off my coat and slid off my shoes. pushing forward, i made my way over into the kitchen, grabbing a water as i leaned over the island.
"Ava, where are you, sweetheart..?" i asked myself, shutting my eyes for a split second before a knock at the door was heard. "Reed..? no, can't be him, he just left."
making my way back to the front door, i unlocked it as i yanked it open. coming face to face ugh Ava, my heart sank as the look of worry but happiness sat on her face.
oh my goodness.
"Ava?" i whispered and not wasting any time, she jumped into my arms, hugging me tightly. "oh my, are—are you okay, sweetie?"
she nods into my chest, holding onto me tightly, "yes, yes—im fine..im okay."
A/N: thank you all for taking the time out of your day to read my book—i love you all. there will be more to come. <3.
if you enjoy the book, a like, comment, and a simple share would mean a lot, thank you again.