as he walks out, Ava and my dad practically ran in, "oh my gosh, you scared the life out of me," Ava said with her hand palming her mouth. "are you okay? please tell me you're okay."
"baby girl," my dad spoke, his voice shaky. "are you alright?"
i nod, "yes you two, i am fine. in pain but it'll all pass soon."
"what happened?" they ask in sync.
i shake my head, "a lot, just know that."
Ava eyes me discreetly, i knew and she knew.
"Matt, could i speak with Alex alone, please? for a few minutes," she eyes him.
he nods, "yes, yes you can."
within seconds, my dad was gone and it was now Ava and i.
"it's Alyssa, isn't it?" she folds her arms, flopping down in the chair next to my bed.
i gulp down hard, avoiding eye contact, "yes Ava."
"i knew it, i knew it, i fucking knew it-"
"but that's-i just couldn't stop crying and next minute i knew, i was here."
"i called you.." she states, eyeing me closely. "you answered but you weren't speaking-well you were just not to me."
i lift my brow, "what do you mean?"
"your mother, you were talking to her or something..? i don't know," she shrugs. "the conversation was very muffled but i heard .. most."
i sniff, feeling the rush of emotions, "it was weird, Ava, it was so damn weird. i was uh..talking to my mom and i know i know, she's dead-" i paused, feeling my voice break. "it was so real, she told me to tell you, my dad, and Allen, happy holidays."
"i-" she paused, studying me.
i sigh, rubbing my fingers through my hair, "i know i know, believe me, i know. but i-i don't know, i was really talking to her, Ava."
she runs her hands through her hair, stepping closer to me, "i miss her so much."
"believe me, she misses you so much more, she really does," i sniff, rubbing my face, feeling the wetness of my tears.
no more crying, Alex.
she cups my face, holding it gently, "i love you so much, never forget that."
i smile, placing a hand on top of hers, "i never will, ever. you know i love you, always have and always will, Ava."
"im staying here with you," she smiles, flopping down in the chair on my bedside. "wait, wait, you haven't eaten right?"
i shake my head, "no, i haven't been hungry."
she stood up, "they cleared you to have food right?"
i nod, "yes ma'am."
"good," she throws her belongings in the chair. "ill be right back."
within seconds, she was out of the room and i was now alone. the room felt colder than usual, was the window open? it was mid winter, that'll be stupid.
"im so tired," i mumbled to myself.
"go to bed," i heard Alyssa's voice suddenly, what the fuck was she doing here?
she stood in the doorway of my room, arms folded, "are you alright?"
"im fine," i eyed her quickly.
"are you really, Alex?" she stepped closer, standing off at the end of my bed. "what happened?"
"i don't remember," i shrug.
"stubborn?"
i beg your pardon?
"Alyssa what are you talking about, mane?"
"are you being stubborn and not telling me?"
i chuckle, "why does it matter? im breathing, am i not?"
"Alex, you could've died," she shouts softly, pointing a finger. "that matters, that fucking matters! if i was to come into this hospital and hear that you had died, i would've lost it, i told you this, Alexandra."
her voice was cold, straightforward.
"and here i am, Alyssa, i am here. is that enough?"
she pauses, taking a step back as she gathered her thoughts, "i-" she sighs, rubbing her hands through her hair, "i need you, Alex."
"are you saying that because i almost died or are you saying that because you genuinely need me?"
she sighs, eyeing me closely as she stepped closer, "i need you, Alexandra."
i nod, "i hear you, i do."
"has the doctor said anything? are you alright?"
i shrug, shaking my head, "they've cleared me for small foods but i honestly can hardly remember anything. i keep-well kept going in and out of consciousness. last thing i remember was someone shouting for me to wake up."
she cocks her brow, "do you remember who that someone was?"
i eye her, "not you."
she chuckles, running a hand over her face, "okay but whom? if you don't mind me asking."
"my mom," i sigh, feeling my eyes swell up with tears as i recall the moment.
"what do yo-"
before she could finish her sentence Ava walked in, "i got you apple sauce and a wa-Miss. Adams, what-what are you doing here?"
exactly.
"just checking up on Alex," she eyes me discreetly as her head hangs low. "i was uh-i was just leaving."
right?
"you're hurting her," Ava blurts, holding an angry expression. "you're really hurting her, Miss. Adams."
"Ava," i say which pulls her attention towards me. "its okay, please, let's not do this."
"man, whatever," Ava throws her hands up, walking back over to me. "have a good night, Miss. Adams, get home safely."
she nods, not bothering to conjure up a reply as she exits the room.
Ava sighs, helping me sit up as she opens the apple sauce, "you alright?"
i eye her, lifting my brow, "what? were you listening in on our conversation again?"
"maybe," she cocks her brow as she begins feeding me. "no but really Alex, are you okay?"
"im fine, im just in a few bits of pain," i shrug. "my back is killing me."
"i mean with Miss. Adams," she sets the food aside, flopping down in the chair. "i see the way you look at her, i see it all the time and i see how badly she hurts you, i hate it."
i sigh, sitting up but stopping midway as i groan in pain, "shit."
she sits her hands on my shoulder, pushing me down gently, "please relax, please."
i sigh once more, looking over out the window, "i think i love her, Ava."
"you do, i can honestly tell, and all she's doing is hurting you. like, i understand her job and the stakes of it all but-" she sighs, trying to gather her throughs. "i don't like seeing you in pain, Alexandra, ive seen you hurt since you were like four..it pains me. so badly."
"Ava," i reach for her hand, gripping it firmly.
she pulls her attention back up to me, her eyes meeting mine, "yes?"
"please stop holding my pain, please? let it go, let it all go," squeezing her hand, i watched her eyes swell up with tears. "you've done it enough and right now, i need you to let me go."
"Alexandra, no," her head fell into my lap, feeling overwhelmed with emotions, she couldn't help but cry. "i can't do that, i can't."
"yes you can," i place my hand gently behind her head, rubbing my fingers through her hair. "you have to let it go, Ava."
pulling her head up, our eyes met, "i love you, alright?"
i smile, nodding, "i love you, Ava."
•••
"today's your moms birthday, we've gotta surprise her!" dad shouted softly. "okay sh sh sh, she should be walking into the door anytime now."
dad and i were current at the office, hours were long so he pulled me here after school. i didn't mind, i got to spend time here, and to say the least, it was pleasant.
i enjoyed the small hours i got to spend here. i enjoyed the people as well.
"dad! she's coming! hurry!" i shout, running over to him. "where's her present?!"
"she-"
"Alex!" i heard someone shout but it was very faint. "hey! hey! Alex! i know you hear me, come on, wake up."
that's Ava's voice...
"she's losing a lot of blood," a nurse spoke in panic. "we need the room, would you mind giving us the room for a minute, please?"
"yes," Ava spoke, her voice breaking.
jumping up, i groaned in pain, scanning the room in panic as every pair of eyes landed on me.
"wh-what's going on? why am i in so much pain?" i groan, tossing and turning.
"you're bleeding," the doctor spoke. "well not anymore, we stitched you up a few seconds ago. how are you feeling?"
"well i did say im in pain," i eye her. "but bleeding from where?"
she points, "rib side."
i scrunch my brows, tilting my head, "why?"
she shrugs, "we haven't found out why exactly but as long as you're stable right now, you're fine, are you okay?"
i nod, "mhm, where's Ava? my dad?"
"Ava should be around somewhere," she eyes me, holding a file against her shoulder side. "but your dad called and said he's on the way."
"Alex!" i heard Ava's voice as she ran into the room. "oh my gosh, are you okay?"
i nod, "mhm, no more crying?" i cup her face, holding it gently as my thumb wiped her tears. "no more tears, no more crying, no more."
"ill try," she chuckles, smiling. "want your apple sauce? is she cleared to eat?"
the doctor nods, "you're totally fine, you can enjoy your foods, ill leave you two alone now."
Ava flops down next to me, cracking open the apple sauce as she takes the spoon, "say ahhh."
i chuckle, opening my mouth, "ah."
"i feel like your babysitter," she chuckles, spooning the sauce from the corners of my mouth. "you're an adorable kid though."
"why thank you," i smile, swallowing the food. "this is good-seeing i haven't eaten in almost two days, i don't know."
"are you asking for another one?"
"no, not really," i shake my head. "im not feeling it no way."
"you sure? i don't mind going back and grabbing a few more for you."
"no, im okay, let's watch a movie? if we can."
she chuckles, curling up in the chair, "that's if we can."