Saints are idiots who see hope in a deep well.
~
Nevin was a saint.
But even saints, do unholy things.
~SD
~
I was exhausted when I sat in the seat in the coffee shop across Nevin.
"Hey, Nev."
"Hi, Lovelle."
Usually, I would snap when someone would call me that. But I didn't lie to Gharette that night. Only saints are allowed to call me Lovelle. And no. I don't think you are a saint agent Wilmslow.
You see we hold high standards for saints. Be a virgin, help others, save a country, destroy an unpopular country. But no matter what a saint will have a shot of vodka. A saint will be cackling when someone cracks a cruel joke. A saint will do something wrong in their life.
The difference between saints and sinners is, saints change. Sinners do not.
Sinners are cowards afraid of change and happiness.
Saints are idiots who see hope in a deep well. They believe that at the bottom is water and not just cold stone that would smash their heads.
Nevin was a saint. Although, she was a bit shallow. But that wasn't her fault.
"Do you think this top suits you?" she looked at me with a tilted face and a doubtful expression.
I looked down at the t-shirt with the neighbourhood album on it and shrugged.
"I don't know. I just threw it on. It's cosy." I sipped the coffee, Nevin ordered for me. Bleh. Too much milk.
"I mean. It's pretty long and you are already short."
"I am not short."
"Yes, you are."
"Maybe you are just too tall."
Nevin laughed and sipped her drink. She was a stylish person. Feminine clothes, high heels, just enough to look nice but short enough to not look too tall, short yet styled hair and make up ready for a runway.
If I knew this lifestyle was making my best friend happy, I would have appreciated every thread on her tight and elegant dress.
But even though Nevin was a saint, she wasn't happy. And I didn't have the heart to tell her that.
"How have you been anyways?" Nevin asked with a genuine concern you only received after years and years of friendship.
"Well, it could be worse... Well, I mean I guess I'm great." I smiled back and Nevin blinked in surprise. Her face lit up and I just loved the way she looked like a child again when she nodded furiously with barely contained happiness.
"That's good. That is very, very good."
"And how have you been, Sugar?"
"Well... I met a guy-"
Nevin went on and ranted about some guy she met at her grandmother's restaurant. And how she met him in the hospital again, not knowing he was a new doctor there. Nevin went to the hospital a lot for checkups. She used to have problems with nutrition. I was there when she went in and out of the hospital. I sat with her grandma on those uncomfortable seats shaped for your ass (which never fucking helped anything). Nevin saved me when I was a teen. It was the first time I felt like a human. Worrying about a friend, I, until then, didn't know was a friend.
I waved over the waitress. I couldn't drink that coffee no matter what. I wasn't choosy but coffee was... well, coffee.
"May I get another cup with less milk, please?" I looked up at the waitress and she nodded with that professional smile that seemed like she could be a psychopath about to murder me or a condescending kindergarten teacher.
"I am listening Nevin." I turned back to her.
Her gaze was unfocused. She was silent and her eyebrows were furrowed.
"Nevin?"
I remember, at the time, I thought she was having a seizure. I was about to touch her when she pointed to her neck with that unfocused, numb gaze that disturbed me so much.
"You have a hickey on your neck."
I instantly covered it with my hand and straightened up. I forgot to cover it. Damn you, Demont, I thought.
Nevin had a blank expression and I was confused. I didn't know what the big deal was. And I was relieved she didn't have to go to the hospital for brain damage.
"Is that why you are feeling great?"
"And what if it is?" I shrugged.
Nevin flinched. She thought I was being patronizing, thinking it is an attack on her part. It was just a challenging question. But I forgot I wasn't speaking with Demont.
"Right."
She was very silent after.
I don't know if she thought our time will be limited and I will soon be to my old miserable self or if she was jealous or if she simply didn't like the idea of selling myself, as she liked to say. But from that point we became strangers.
Nevin was a saint.
But even saints, do unholy things.
~
~
Demont was an exception to everything I have ever known from the moment I laid my eyes on him. Because somehow I let him touch me. I let him be with me when I wanted to be alone. I let him call me Lovelle because I liked the way it sounded on his tongue. But the only exception I could not grant was being with me.
Demont was right. The main reason I didn't date was, I didn't let anyone like me let alone love me. I was alright with that. You don't find monsters in caves with other abominations. You find them alone because that is where they are better off being.
I thought getting him out of my system was going to work. It didn't. I was zoning out more than before. Sheila hit me twice already.
I spit out the blood and ripped the gloves off with my teeth.
"Are you okay?" Sheila rushed to me. I grabbed her head and threw her on the mattress like a child. Oh well. You probably wouldn't do that to a child.
"Yeah, kiddo."
"Does this have to do something with the fact you didn't come home until this noon?"
"Are you asking me how I spend my nights?" I raised my eyebrows in challenge. Sheila blinked, cringed and backed away with raised hands.
"Forget I asked something," she said with a disgusted expression and walked away.
I laughed bemusedly. I knew Sheila would do that. Any kind of intimacy intimidated her and I felt bad for taking advantage of that.
"I would like to know."
I flinched and looked over my shoulder. Elora was standing down at the side of the rink with arms crossed over her chest. She was looking at me with those judgy eyes.
"I wasn't stealing anything." I don't know why I needed to defend myself. Elora despised the Sincity. She never truly accepted the fact, she is stuck in this forever. She was clever enough to know what it all means. But she was stupid enough to think one day she will escape.
Is hope stupid to you?
Yes. Because in Sincity things like hope, kill you.
You said you wanted to preserve that hope... What? You don't have an answer for once?
"I don't believe you." the little brat said.
"I don't need you to believe me, kiddo." I bent over and stuck out my tongue. Elora's grey eyes flashed and she didn't even move a muscle when she frowned with them.
"Yes, you do."
I gulped. I straightened and jumped out of the rink.
"Little shit," I mumbled. Elora was still staring at me and I was staring back, unwrapping my hands. I opened my mouth with a curse on my tongue.
"She really wasn't stealing anything Miss Elorie." Demont walked around the corner. As convenient as always. I threw the bandages away, my eyes on him. He was wearing that sinister, smug smile I wanted to wipe right off his face. Elora was staring at him now but it didn't seem to bother him. He beckoned his finger to me.
"Can I talk to you?"
He looked hot, I'll admit that. But he looked so serious it almost disturbed me. Almost.
I nodded.
Sheila and Elora watched us with those thoughtful eyes that made them so similar and annoying when I followed Demont to the lockers. He opened the door for me and I turned around and tried to turn the switch on. Nothing.
"Not again. Fuck." I muttered under my breath. Demont didn't seem to mind. He walked past me like he intended to remind me of his scent. Of how I breathed it in when we were fucking in his sheets the other night.
Demont determinedly walked through the gloom, the light from the small windows below the ceiling occasionally showing his strong back I scratched the hell off last night. My hand touched the fading hickey I covered up with concealer. And with an intake of breath, I followed him.
He turned left behind the last row of lockers. Where he found me when I was only wearing a towel. Where I treated Sheila the day I met Demont.
He didn't say anything. He didn't complain about the limited light. I leaned on the lockers as he paced in front of me.
"You wanted to talk."
He turned to me. He got so close my back hit the lockers. My heart started beating a little too fast. I started sweating a little too much and my body felt a little too hot. He smelled like heaven. The earthy one with mint in the clouds and waves in the sky. He burned me with how close he was. His golden eyes melted my icy heart and his rage glistened on his neck.
"I want to fuck you again," he said lowly.
~
Hehe. Hehehehehehehe. He. He.
Nah I'm good.
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