07/08/21
It's been about a month since the little misunderstanding with the media leaking photos of Jungkook and Bora. Both of their companies were able to clarify to the public that they are just colleagues and there is nothing going on between the two of them. Most ARMY and the fans of Bora's group, have accepted the announcement, but there are still others who are convinced they really are involved. But, people can believe what they want to, I suppose.
A couple nights after my mom first FaceTimed Jungkook, with me, I received the two packages he sent me. The first package was a Tinytan Mic Drop Jungkook plushie. I squealed and cracked up when I first took it out of the packaging. And, you better believe I cuddle with that thing every night. The night I received it, I sent Jungkook a selfie of me cuddling with the plushie in my bed. He wanted the picture as his lock screen photo but I told him he can at least put it as his home screen picture. I told him I'd be paranoid if he left his phone lying around and that it would be worrisome if someone random were to find it. He said that was a good point, and that since he keeps his phone locked, having the picture as his home screen is fine with him.
The other present he sent me is a necklace custom-made for me. It's a silver necklace with a silver paint palette pendant. The pendant has three stones on it to represent paint colors. There is a sapphire stone that represents my favorite color, blue. There's an onyx stone that represent Jungkook's favorite color, black. And, he included an amethyst stone which represents our shared favorite color, purple. Seeing the necklace made me so teary-eyed because I just couldn't believe he put such thought into something like this.
After I had opened the packages, I immediately tried to FaceTime him and I was thankful he was free to pick up. When he first saw me on the screen he got worried because I was crying. But, when he found out it was because I received his presents he wanted to make sure I liked them. I told him they were perfect. He explained to me that the doll is to be there in his absence and the necklace is because he knows of my love for art, which is a love he shares, and he said he had to incorporate our favorite colors.
I told him I'd wear it all the time, and honestly? Since I've received it, I wear it almost everyday to work. I adore it so much.
For the rest of July, everything went smoothly with Jungkook and I being consistent with text messages. We FaceTime each other as much as possible, but not daily, because sometimes our schedules keeps us from doing so. But, he's made it a point to try to at least speak on the phone, even if it's only for a couple of minutes, or we leave each other voicemails if the other is asleep or busy. In a way, I feel comforted by even just a simple voicemail. It shows he's putting effort and that's means a lot.
Yes, I have been one to say that long-distance relationships is something I never thought I could handle, but so far, I've been really content. Why? It's because I'm doing this long-distance venture with someone who actually really has come to mean so much to me. He's impacted me and influenced me in such positive ways, that I can safely say I'm content with what we have at the moment.
During the last weekend of July, one of our attorneys threw his annual summer soirée to show his appreciation to all the staff. This particular attorney is the one who happens to be friends with Josh. I was hesitant about attending, knowing he'd most likely be present. After the last time he had texted me, I replied to him telling him that I'm currently seeing someone. He simply answered back with a text saying that if it doesn't work out, he'll be there. After that, I deleted his number because even if it doesn't pan out with Jungkook, I don't think I'd want to go back to having random flings with Josh.
I had mentioned the party to Jungkook and decided to be open with him and told him how I used to have flings with Josh, but that the last time we did have anything was a couple months before Jungkook and I slept with each other in March. I informed Jungkook that I let Josh know that I'm pursuing a relationship, but, I was still worried about crossing paths with him. Jungkook asked me if I had feelings for the guy and I told him, with all honesty, that there are absolutely no feelings that I harbor for Josh. Let's face it, Jungkook is the only one I care about and my feelings for him have deepened.
Jungkook was the one who convinced me to go because he understands how company parties are important to attend. He said that if at any point I felt uncomfortable, to try to call him, even if I think he might be busy. I also told him my coworker, Jessica, would be there,so I would have her to feel less stressed about being near Josh.
The fact that Jungkook could trust me to attend the party spoke volumes and showed even more how much I want him in my life.
What I've realized about Josh is that there really is nothing there between us, and it's a waste of time consider ever going back to our poor arrangement of sleeping together without strings attached. During the party, Josh solidified my decision to no longer keep him in my life. And, we've severed ties since.
Flashback to the Company Soirée (July 31st)
Jessica and I arrive at our attorney's mansion, where the soirée is being held. Jessica's husband does not like to attend these events, so he volunteers to stay home to watch their son, while Jessica and I end up going together to these type gatherings.
Ahead of time, I voiced to her how I was worried about coming across Josh, and she said if he tries anything, that's she'll be there to punch him in the sick if needed. She said, if she happens to be away from me, to just text me immediately. Jessica isn't a huge fan of Josh and didn't understand why I wasted my time with such a womanizer. I was honest with Jessica and told her it was just to pass the time and temporarily help with my loneliness.
An hour into us being at the party, and lo and behold, I see Josh walking towards me as I'm talking to three of my colleagues, Janie, Brooke, and Suki, in the garden, while we sipped on wine. Unfortunately that was the time Jessica chose to run to a bathroom to relieve herself. Just perfect fucking timing! Not her fault, but I wish she was with me when this leech approached me.
"Excuse me, ladies. Do you mind if I steal Sarah for a second?" Josh asks the two women I'm speaking to. The three ladies gave him mixed expression, but they mostly smiled, falling for his charm and letting him pull me away from them.
"Josh," I simply say, to acknowledge him, but showing I have little interest in conversing with him. He guides me to an area that is faraway from anyone to hear our conversation.
"Sarah, I've missed you," he tells me in a voice that comes off as sincere.
"I told you I'm currently involved with someone," I tell him, bluntly.
"I thought what we had going was great," he simply says to me, with a face that's trying to seduce me in some kind of way, but it's definitely no affect on me whatsoever.
"We were having flings, Josh. It was never going anywhere for us," I verbally retaliate.
"I thought you didn't want a commitment like me," he voiced out loud.
"I thought I didn't. But, I realized I wanted something more. And, I met someone who I think is worth it," I say to Josh.
"I doubt it'll last."
"Excuse me?" I narrow my eyes at him.
"You'll come back to me," he says with the utmost confidence.
"Josh, answer this- would you ever see you and me being in a committed relationship?"
"Why are you asking me that? You know what we have is purely sexual, Sarah. We agreed on that."
"So, that's a no to my question then," I answer for him.
"I'm sorry, Sarah, but I can't see myself settling down with anyone after my divorce three years ago. I don't think I want that commitment. I'm sorry, but what we have, the sex, it's fucking amazing."
"That's all you want from me?" I query.
"That's all I ever wanted from you," he bluntly confirms.
Wow, how honest can a guy get?!
"Well, I'm glad I avoided you since January. And, Josh, like I said earlier, I've met someone else. And, he means a lot to me, so could you please respect that and please let's cut our ties from now on?"
"Are you serious?" he questioningly scoffs at me.
"I'm serious, Josh."
"You're replaceable, you know that, Sarah?"
"Okay, then why are you wasting your time talking to me when you can get pussy somewhere else?" I glare at him.
"Fuck, Sarah. You know what? Take care. If it doesn't work out with whoever you're with, don't come crawling back to me," he shoves one hand in his dress pants' pocket, the other firmly gripping his wine glass. He steps back.
"Oh, I promise I won't! Let's cheers to that," I say to him, holding my wine glass up. But, instead of clinking his glass with mine, he scoffs at me and turns around, walking away.
Good riddance.
End of flashback
It is currently 9pm, on a Saturday night, and my phone starts going off while Melina's brother, Jake, and I are watching Falcon and the Winter Soldier for the second time.
I answer the FaceTime call immediately when I saw the name on my screen. I walk to the kitchen for a little privacy.
Sarah:
"Kookie!"
Jungkook:
"Hi, babe! I'm calling because I have some good news!"
Sarah:
"Um...what's this good news?! Spill!"
Jungkook:
"So, you know how we are shooting Bon Voyage in Peru at the end of this month?"
Sarah:
"Yes! I'm excited for you guys! I've always dreamt of visiting there someday!"
Jungkook:
"We could go there together, someday, babe."
Sarah:
"Sounds nice!"
Jungkook:
"Well, I'll add that to our to-do list. But, anyway, after Bon Voyage, we have about four days off after. A couple of the members already have plans to make a detour. Yoongi is planning on meeting up with Melina in New York!"
Sarah:
"Oh wow, that's exciting they'll get to see each other!"
Jungkook:
"Well, if you're free the last weekend of this month, could I come visit you for a couple days?"
Sarah:
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"
Jungkook chuckles at my reaction.
Jungkook:
"I am, babe! I want to see you!"
Sarah:
"Yes, please come visit me!"
Jungkook:
"Fuck yes! Okay, babe! I'll make arrangements and I'll let you know all the exact dates, okay?
Sarah:
"Sounds good to me, Kookie! I'm so excited!"
Jungkook:
"Me, too! You have no idea, babe! Anyway, I need to go! But I'll try and text you if you're still up."
Sarah:
"I will be. Jake and I are just hanging out watching Falcon and the Winter Soldier."
Jungkook:
"I'm jealous! I wish I was there with you guys watching that! I love that show!"
Sarah:
"I don't mind rewatching it a third time with you!"
Jungkook:
"We can when I'm in town! Anyway, tell Jake I said hi and that he and I need to play some video games online soon.*"
Sarah:
"I'll pass the message along! "
Jungkook:
"And, you better be cuddling with Tinytan JK tonight."
Sarah:
"I do every night, Kook."
Jungkook:
"Good! I miss you, babe."
Sarah:
"I miss you too, but I'm so happy we'll see each other soon!"
Jungkook:
"Me, too, babe. Anyway, I'll let you get going. I have to go back to the genius lab to work on something with Yoongi."
Sarah:
"Okay, babe! Tell all the guys I say hello!"
Jungkook:
"I will! Make sure you get some rest and dream of me."
He winks at the screen. We eventually said goodbye to each other and I ended the call, although the both of us wanted to stay on the phone longer. I put my foot down and told him he needed to go back to his work. After the call, I head back to the living room.
"Was that Jungkook's voice I heard from the FaceTime call?" Jake inquires.
"It was! He says hello and that you need to get online when he's playing video games so the two of you can play some games," I inform Jake.
"Oh, I will. I've just been busy lately. But, I totally need to get online. Anyway, you two doing well?" Jake asks me in a curious voice.
"More than well. I'm insanely happy, Jake!" I honestly answer him.
"I'm glad to hear that. Jungkook's a good dude. He seems to make you smile more," Jake tells me of his observation.
"He does."
As I sit and continue to watch the show with Jake, I get lost in my thoughts. I start to think back to my past relationships.
The first boy I fell in love with and I thought I would have a future with didn't want to stay with me because we went to different colleges, that were hours away from each other. Let's face it, he wanted new life experiences that didn't involve me. I wasn't worth staying in his life for the long haul. We were high school sweethearts and that was all he wanted.
I fell in love and almost married a man, after college, who ended up making me feel like I wasn't worth much by cheating on me.
Then, there's Josh. We were never officially a couple. But he's been present in my life for the past couple years. There were times where I hoped something could develop between us, especially during the times, earlier on in our whole arrangement, where I thought he was a catch. But, the longer he stuck around as just a fling, and him telling me he doesn't really want to settle down, the more I realized he just doesn't see a future with me.
I also think about a particular non-romantic relationship, the one with my biological father. He disappeared from my life when I was eight years old. I felt abandoned and I struggled with the thought, all my life, that I was a daughter who wasn't worth being in his life. He didn't try, after all these years.
"SHIT! THAT SCENE ALWAYS GETS ME!" Jake yells at the TV, pulling me out of my thoughts momentarily.
I am beyond content in the current relationship I have with Jungkook, but a part of me is scared that it'll be pulled away from me when I least expect it. I know I shouldn't think that way. But, after all of these years of being connected to people who ended up eventually giving up on me, it's hard to not build this wall.
I mean, Jungkook and I didn't even get off to a good start back in March, when he said he wanted to continue being friends and then ignored me until I saw him again during the Musters. I won't lie and say that didn't greatly affect me and made me feel a bit rejected, even just as friends, at the time.
But, now, he's been consistently showing me how much he wants me in his life, as more than that. And, I feel like he's been trying so much for me and I really can't be more happy.
I need to focus on the present. He makes me smile and makes me feel special and I just need to focus on that.
*********
A/N:
*In Backstage Encounters, it is properly mentioned that Jake and Jungkook got along with each other when they met in March during a big group dinner outing. It was implied they became friends who play video games together, online.
Question time!
BTS are fans of Marvel. And, since I mentioned the show 'Falcon and the Winter Soldier,' in this chapter, I thought this would be appropriate.
Who's your favorite Marvel superhero?!
Mine is The Hulk/Bruce Banner and Scarlet Witch/ Wanda Maximoff.
🎵Song to check out: "Some" by Bol4
Thank you for reading! XOXO✨
-MissD