Dear Sophia,
I love you.
You looked more beautiful than ever today.
I know it’s stupid but I was a bit scared you wouldn’t be there today. There was no reason for me to be worried. It’s just one of those things. Sometimes when you really really want something to happen your brain starts to try and convince you it’s not going to. Being excited isn’t that different from being nervous. It’s all about what’s going to happen.
I think because I’ve worked so hard at everything it would be even more terrible if it got taken away. I think that’s why I worried a bit. The idea that I put all this work in for nothing is the scariest thing in the world. If you have nothing and you gain nothing then it doesn’t really matter. If you have nothing and you feel something great coming and then it doesn’t come it can be totally devastating.
I remember once my mum had taken the day off work and gone and got a haircut and bought some new clothes. I remember how she looked really well even though I was only little. My dad had been away for a few days somewhere. I don’t remember why. Work I guess. My mum had cleaned the whole house and was cooking a big dinner for when he got back.
I remember sitting up on a chair in the kitchen while my mum cooked. She was going around the kitchen singing to herself. I think that’s why I remember it so well. She was never like that.
The phone rang and she answered it. Then she changed. She looked like all her energy had gone. She told me my dad was staying wherever he was for another couple of days. It was weird because on the phone she’d acted like it was no big deal but when she looked at me I could tell she was really sad. She had those eyes people have when they’re trying not to cry.
If she hadn’t built it up in her head then I don’t think she would have been as sad. Because she’d done so much and expected a big response it meant when it didn’t happen she was really really upset.
That doesn’t apply to us anyway. I know it was stupid of me to worry. Everything with us happens so naturally that I haven’t really had to do any work at all. I’ve just wanted to make sure everything is extra perfect.
You looked extra perfect today. You’ll look so wonderful in your new dress.
You looked a bit fidgety in the queue and I know you’re just waiting for the next couple of days to go. I am too. It’s nearly time now Sophia. It’s so close.
When I saw you in the queue I realised you won’t ever really need to queue like that again. You can just come home for lunch. I have everything in to make whatever you want. There’s no need for us to meet at Starbucks when you can just pop home instead.
Maybe on our anniversary or something we could always go back there and remember how we met. It’ll always be the place we met. It’ll always be special.
I love you.
Yours,
Andrew