TONI POV:
"Please." I beg Cheryl. She cups my cheeks with tears in her eyes. "Toni, you need to take it off you've been wearing it for 2 days straight." She whispers. "I'm ok. Look!" I try and take a deep breath but my binder is causing me to much pain. She slowly unties my tie. "Just look at me." She says unbuttoning my shirt. "I'm fine." I say. "You almost collapsed during the dance." She says taking my shirt off. I look up. "Please." I beg. "Arms up!" She say and I do as told. She takes off my undershirt. "Look at me, don't look down." She whispers cupping my cheek with her free hand. "I'm not going to look if you don't." She quickly takes off my binder and I can finally breathe. She hands me a baggy t-shirt and I put it on immediately. She smiles. "There's my handsome boy." She whispers and pulls me into a kiss. "Do you want to go lie down?" She ask quietly. "Yeah." She takes my hand and we go to her room and lie down on the bed. She raps her arms around me.
I look at myself in the mirror. "Toni, you'll pass." Cheryl says walking up behind me and kissing my cheek. "Besides your just getting your hair cut, by Betty's mother!" She says quietly. I look at her. "Come on, we're gonna be late."
CHERYL POV:
I sit next to Betty. "Toni seems really anxious." She says as we look over at Toni. "Is he ok?" She ask concerned. "Yeah. Your mother is the only one he trust with his hair." I say quietly. "Not even you?" I nod. "Sometimes I can't even touch it." I say quietly. "Why?" I look at Toni. "Anxiety." I say quietly. "We're gonna be here a while." I whisper. "God! I have to get him in the shower after this." I say lying back. "You're babying him." I look at Betty. "I've only been able to get him to wash his hair in the sink." I say. "He almost died the other day, because he wouldn't take off his binder."
I cup Toni's cheeks. "Don't look." I whisper. He nods and slowly washes himself. He starts to cry when he goes over his arms which are covered in cuts. "It's ok." I whisper helping him. Once we're done I dry him off and sit him in the toilet. "You have an appointment with your doctor tomorrow right?" I ask quietly. He nods. I dry his hair. "It should be good news right?" He nods again. "I've been on hormone blockers for a few months, I should be able to start Testosterone." I smile and kiss the top of his head. "Let's get you changed." He looks at me. "Can you come with me?" He ask quietly. "Yeah, I was planning on it."
I roll over and see Toni tossing and turning. I try to wake him up but he shoots up in a panic. "It's just me!" I whisper rapping my arm around him.
TONI POV:
I walk into the kitchen. "I think I'm gonna throw up." I say holding my stomach. Cheryl immediately grabs the garbage and pushes it to me. I throw up. "That nervous?" I nod. She rubs my back. I look at the speaker Cheryl's using. "Can you turn that down?" I ask quietly. "Just a little bit I have a headache." She nods and turns it down. "Go brush your teeth." I nod.
I sit in the doctors office waiting for my doctor to come in. I look at Cheryl. "Babe?" She looks at me. "What's up?" She ask quietly. I reach my hand out and she takes it. "That what you wanted?" I nod. She kisses my hand. "You ok?" She ask quietly. I nod. "Just a little nervous." She smiles and stands up. "You're going to be ok." She says kissing my cheek. "Oops." She smiles and grabs a paper towel. "Why didn't you keep it?" I ask quietly. "Because it was uneven." I nod. My doctor walks into the room. "How are you doing today Toni?" He ask smiling. "I'm ok." He nods. "Good." We talk for a while. "How do your parents feel about this, I know you're 18 but I'm just curious?" He ask quietly. "My parents don't know. But my grandfather does and he's cool with everything." He nods.
Cheryl looks at me as I fix myself in the mirror. "Do I look ok? Do you think I'll pass?" I ask quietly. She nods. "Of course." She whispers. "You sure?" She nods. "You're my handsome boy." She whispers kissing my cheek. I turn around. "We're just going to meet Veronica at the Speakeasy, you really don't have to worry about it. But you do pass." She whispers. "But you should fix your packer, you look like you have a boner." I quickly fix it. "Better?" She nods.
Cheryl hands me my beer and I hesitantly takes a sip. "Oh my god Toni! You can drink what you want you don't have to drink a beer to feel better about yourself." She says. "Give it to me." She takes it from me. "Try this." She says handing me her rum. "You like it?" I nod. "Ok." She takes a sip of the beer. I hand her drink. "You take it." Veronica sits in front of us at the booth. "How are you guys?" I smile. "Good." I say. "That's new!" She says smiling. "What's up?" I sit up. "I get to start taking testosterone!" She smiles. "That's amazing." I nod. I smile. "When?" She ask quietly. "Sometime next week." I say quietly. She smiles. "That's great." She raises her glass. "To Toni finally starting testosterone." We all clink our drinks together. Cheryl kisses the side of my hand. "What?" I ask smiling. "Nothing." I lie my head into her. Veronica and Cheryl talk for a bit while I just admire Cheryl's beauty. "Right Tones?" I snap out of my thoughts. "What?" I ask quietly. "You're my handsome boy." I smile. "Yeah." I say sitting up.
CHERYL POV:
I walk into the living room "Can we talk?" I ask quietly. Toni sits up. "The other night really scared me. I know you're not a big fan off your chest and that's perfectly ok, but I really want you to take better care of yourself." He looks down. "Like I want you to feel comfortable around me at least, I won't judge if you're showing or or not!" I sigh. "What I'm trying to say is, I really don't like when you wear that binder 24/7! You need to take it off after you get home from school!" I say sitting in front of him. "I-I can't." I nod. "I know, but it's just me. You can wear the Baggiest sweatshirt if you need to! Even if it's the middle of summer! We can crank the AC! I just don't want your lungs collapsing on you." He looks at me. "What if we have guest over?" He ask quietly. "Than it's ok if you wear it, just not all day everyday and you take it off the second that person leaves!" I tell him. "Also you're not inviting someone over everyday!" He sits back. "You're no fun." I nod. "Happily!" I say before kissing his cheek. "You're gonna grow out a beard the second you can aren't you?" He nods. "Do you miss having sex?" He ask quietly. "Do you?" He shakes his head. "Toni, I'm ok with never having sex again. It's not what makes us a relationship! You were so uncomfortable when we were having sex before and you tried to tell yourself it was because we weren't the best at it which isn't wrong neither of us new what we were doing!" He laughs quietly. "But I don't know why you didn't stop me." I say quietly. "Because I wasn't sure how to tell you." I nod. "I'm sorry." I shake my head. "Don't be, you couldn't put your feelings into words and it's ok. Do you want to go upstairs and watch a movie?" He nods. I take his hand and we go upstairs. I go into the drawer and grab a sweatshirt. He looks at it and takes a deep breath. "If not for me for yourself." He nods and takes off his shirt. I take a deep breath. It's always a little shocking when I see his cuts. He takes the sweatshirt and puts it on. "Come on." He takes off his binder and hands it to me. "You're my handsome boy no matter what!" I say quietly. "With or without a binder. With or without a packer! Passing or not, you are my boyfriend and my handsome boy." I tell him. He pulls me into a kiss. "I love you." He whispers. "I love you too." He looks at me.
I walk into the bedroom. "Toni, it's time to get up." I say throwing one of his fake dicks at him. "No." I sigh and go over to him. I grab it. "Get my dick out of my face." He says pissed. I put it on the nightstand. "You ok?" I ask stroking his hair. "No." I nod. "Dysphoria?" He nods. "I don't actually get it but my body is telling me I'm supposed to be getting my period." He says quietly. "What do you want to do?" I ask quietly. He looks at me. "Anything that'll make you feel better." I whisper. "Anything?" I nod. "Within reason. We're not going skydiving or anything." I say quietly. "I don't want to leave the house." I nod. "Ok. Do you want to play some Mario Kart?" I ask. "No." He whispers. "Ok, sit up." I say quietly. He slowly sits up. "What triggered this?" I ask quietly. "Reggie and before you get mad or anything he realized what happened and apologized." He tells me. "Do you want to talk about it or be distracted?" I ask. "Can we just watch Friends to get my mind off of it?" I nod. "From the beginning?" I smile. "No, episode 7 season 4!" I look at him. "No actually that's where we left off last time my brain decided that it was a good time to remind me me that I'm never going to be a man." He says quietly. "Is it me calling you my handsome boy?" I ask. "No." He says. "That actually really makes me feel a lot better." He smiles a little. "Come on. Let's go downstairs." I say quietly.
I rub Toni's back as she lies on my stomach. "Ross is such a dick." He whispers. "That's what you have to say about the show?" He nods. "Ok." I whisper. He sits up. "You ok?" I ask quietly. "Yeah, but my stomach was starting to hurt. I'm ok it's not craps or anything it was just lying on my stomach." He explains. "So lie on your side." I say. "But I don't want my shoulder in your crotch." He says quietly. "So lie on your back." I whisper. He nods. "Ok." He smiles. He lies across my stomach on his back. "Are they showing?" He ask quietly. I look. "No. You're ok." He nods. I play with his hair but he quickly stops me. "Sorry babe." I whisper. He looks up at me. "I love you." He says quietly. I smile and kiss his forehead. "I love you." I say quietly.
"Cheryl can you do it?" Toni ask quietly. I sigh. "Fine! But you need to learn to do it." I say quietly. He nods. I take the syringe. "Did you wipe the spot down?" He nods and shows me. I stick the needle in his thigh. "It's ok." I say quietly as he grabs the table behind him. I inject the testosterone into his body, I take the needle out and put the bandaid over the spot. "All done!" I smile. "This is only your second shot so I get how you aren't ready. But I'm not going to be here when you do your next one, so have fun!" He looks at me. "Where are you going to be?" He ask. "You! Are going to be in LA for the film festival with Fangs and Jughead." He nods. "Right!" He smiles. "Fangs is pretty weird, he'll probably do it if I pay him enough." I roll my eyes. "As long as you're getting the shot." I say quietly. "How are you feeling today?" I ask changing the subject. "About what?" I look at him. "Oh! You know, not great but I think the testosterone is definitely making me feel a lot better about myself even though it's not much of a difference." I shrug. "You sweat through everything you own, your natural body scent has changed a bit, your voice is a bit lower and you're definitely feeling some Gender Euphoria!" I say quietly. "Can't wait for the next 3 months when I get really frustrated really quickly." He says. "Yeah. Just don't hit me or threaten to kill me and we'll be good." He nods. "My voice hasn't changed at all." He says sadly. "I just said it has." I whisper as I take his hands. "You'll get there, I promise." He nods. "Besides, you're my handsome boy and nothing can change that." He smiles.