Yesterday

Chapter 32

CHARLOTTE'S POV

I'm not sure how, but I must have ended up falling asleep.

The first thing that I remember was being woken up by the sound of snoring. I sighed in comfort, snuggling deeper into the arms that surrounded me. Then my eyes shot open as I realized what was going on. My gaze drifted upwards to see Paul. My head was lying on his lap and his arms were placed on either side of me.

Slowly, I wiggled out of his embrace and planted my feet onto the floor. He grunted, but he didn't wake up, thankfully. Looking at him, I frowned. He looked very uncomfortable; he was sitting in an awkward position and his tie was tightened around his neck tightly. Underneath his tie, his baby-blue button up shirt was coming loose and had come un-tucked from his the khakis he was wearing. Looking at him, my heart melted a little bit.

I slowly removed the shoes from his feet and un-crossed his legs. Putting one hand behind his head, I lowered him until he was lying on the couch. I unfastened his tie and removed it from around his neck. Giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead, I smiled in satisfaction.

Much better.

I wandered into the bathroom, taking a look at myself in the mirror. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to scream out loud. I looked like I hadn't slept in weeks. Which, thinking about it, was half true. The bruise on the side of my head was slightly smaller, but still bulging and was now a variety of colors. There were dark circles underneath my eyes and my skin was pale. I couldn't even describe to you what my hair looked like.

Turning to the side, I lifted up my baggy shirt to reveal my slim stomach. I cringed at the sight. Each of my ribs were perfectly visible.

I could feel the tears welling up inside my eyes. How much longer was I going to have to go on like this? The drinking, the smoking, the cutting...

It was all only a temporary escape. 

An escape from what? The emptiness.

The desperation.

The feeling of helplessness.

The pain of having a broken family.

The pain of hurting Paul.

Paul...

The tears were streaming down my face now, and I knew I had to end it. I stumbled out of the bathroom, silently sobbing as I went into the bedroom and dug around for a piece of paper and pen. Finally finding them, I returned into the bathroom and began to write:

Paul,

I'm so sorry. I never thought it would come to this, but lately I've been thinking more and more about it. I can't keep hurting you like this anymore, you mean too much to me. I want my old life back, Paul. I miss Elizabeth, and my father. I miss the days when they were still around. I do long for yesterday. And the only way to get yesterday back is to go and join them. I hope you understand.

Paul, I love you.

Charlotte

The sheet of paper was stained with tears by the time I had finished writing. I had to cover my mouth with my hand to prevent the outburst of screams. I had never been more terrified in my life. All this time, I had the power to end my life and I never thought the day would come where I actually decided to use it. 

How would I even do it? I hadn't figured that part out yet. Looking up, I noticed the medicine cabinet that hung on the bathroom wall. I opened it to discover many bottles of pills. Bingo.

Grabbing a handful of bottles, I took some from each one until I had a good handful. How do I even do this? Do I take one at a time or do it all at once?

Trying my hardest not to think about it, I squeezed my eyes shut and shoved them all into my mouth. I swallowed and let out a gasp.

That was it. I did it. I was nearly bursting with anticipation. Now what? Would I just drop dead?

After nearly ten minutes I began to feel very dizzy. I staggered around, trying to keep my balance. Then, suddenly, the phone rang.

I don't know what compelled me to answer it, but I did.

"Heelloo?" I slurred into the receiver.

"Er, Charlotte? Is that you? You don't sound very well," said a concerned John on the other line. The dizziness was overwhelming now and I knew there was nothing that could be done to save me at this point.

"I'm not well, but I will be soon. I'm almost dead now," I replied simply.

John gasped. "Charlotte, did you - oh my God, Char you stay right there, I'm calling help. I'll be there in a minute. Oh my -" he was cut off when he hung up. 

I had to literally crawl out of the bedroom and into the living room. I wanted to see Paul one last time. Sitting on the floor, I gazed over at him on the couch. Well, more like two of him, maybe three. My vision was pretty unreliable at this point. I sighed. He was so beautiful.

I saw Paul as his eyes fluttered open, and he looked down at me. It was the last thing I remember seeing before I blacked out.

What happened next, I can't say for sure.