The Truth of a Secret

Chapter 31

I stood in front of the grave and felt tears start to run down my cheeks. I can't believe that it had been a year.

It felt like just yesterday that we were going on road trips, having sleepovers, going on the craziest adventures.

The tear escaped my eye, but I quickly wiped it away. I turned around to make sure to that Matt was still I the car, he was.

"Long time no see." I said with a small laugh escaping. We used to always say that.

I searched my mind for the right words to say, but then I realized it was my best friend that I was talking to.

"I could go on about how school isn't the same without you, or how we don't play the same as we used to when you were on the volleyball team, or when how I turned out to be related to Nash Grier."

"I know that you are so jealous about that last part." She used to love Nash.

"But instead, I'm going to talk about something else," I took a deep breath. "Something that I haven't talked to anyone else about. Because, who gives better advice than you're partner in crime?"

I told her all about what was going on with Caleb and how he wasn't doing to well. Then I talked about the boys, she always had a thing for them.

Finally, came the hard part.

"I miss you, a lot. Greyson misses you,even thought he never would admit it,. My mom misses you, and so do your parents. We all do.

"I know that people were mean, but you never told me that it was that bad. I always thought that you could handle it, but that was only because you told me that you could.

"Why did you do it? Why? If things got that bad, why didn't you talk to me or your mom about it? Why did you have to do it?

"Did you know that I blamed myself, and still do? I keep having dreams where I would be at my house and realize that you were about to do it again, so I'd run to your house. I would get there, go to your room, and the bathroom door would be locked.

"I would try my best to open it, but it never would. Finally I would hear your weak voice. 'Zoey, it's ok. You'll be better off when I'm dead.'

"Do you know how heart breaking that was? Sure, it was only a dream, but it felt so real. After all, I was the one who found you on the bathroom floor, dead."

I felt arms wrap around me and turned to see Matt. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't find the words. "Shhh, don't speak." He whispered in my ear.

I nodded, as the tears raced down my cheeks. Soon the tears turned into sobs. Matt picked me up and carried me to the car.

He carefully sat me in the passenger seat. He started driving. He didn't say me a word, but I knew that he was worried.

"It's ok, you can ask me." I said wiping away the last of the tears. Matt nodded. We sat quietly for a few more minutes.

"Who was that?" Matt asked. "Claire Baker." "And she was?" "She was-is my best friend."

Matt simply nodded and kept driving. The silence was quickly regained.

"What happened to her?" Matt asked. I hated answering this question. Everyone always asked me. And I always felt like it was my fault.

"She was strong, and brave. She was a fighter." Was all I said. That was what I always told everyone. But I felt like Matt needed a better explanation.

"She was suicidal. She moved here from Seattle, Washington. Her parents hoped that things would be better here for her, but they weren't.

"People were worse to her because she was different. But I was different too, so I understood how she felt.

"I took her under my wing and we soon became best friends. She was way stronger than I was. She could handle so much more.

"That's why no one understood why she cut. Especially me. It took her months to tell me that she harmed herself. She was afraid that I would be mad at her, which I was.

"And one day, I guess the words got to her so bad that she cut deeper and swallowed a bottle of pills."

I felt Matt reach over and wipe away a tear. "Thank you." I smiled. "That's terrible." Matt said.

"And the worst part is that I was the one that found her. She was laid on her bathroom floor covered in blood and an empty bottle of pills laying next to her."

"Wow." Matt said after a few minutes. "I know." I said reaching for his hand. "So that's why you push people away? You're afraid of being hurt again." Matt said more to himself than to me.

"Yeah, I guess that's why."