For Dear Life

Us...?

"Justin?" I get inside the house most of the lights are off, I get to the living room, no one.

"Babe are you home?"

"In your office...." I quickly join him upstairs, he's sitting at my desk in his joggers pants, no t-shirt and only his glasses as he writes...looking very hot

"Hi hottie..."

"Hi baby" I sit on his laps, taking a look at what he's doing before kissing him tenderly

"What are you working on?"

"What could possibly be a movie, it's nothing yet...I don't know if I'm gonna keep working on it but"

"Well let me see that" I try to take the script from him but he takes it away

"It's barely started Jen-"

"I don't care" I rip it off of his hands, letting him know this is happening whether he wants it or not

"Justin...this is great...honey you've got to stop underestimating yourself, you're a really great writer...and an amazing actor"

"You like it?"

"Yes this is really good"

"Thanks..." He leans in kissing me again...and again...and again

"You're welcome...should we go eat?"

"Yessss, want me to cook something?"

"Nah I wanna cook for you tonight...I'm gonna make a very special steak...we're having Kobe beef, it's a Japanese beef...I don't know if you've ever had it, but once you taste it you won't ever eat any other meat"

"Okay then...what should we eat that with ?"

"It's very greasy so a salad should be good...now for some reason it's very rare in the US...reason why it's that expensive"

"Well perfect"

We get to the kitchen, I start seasoning the beef while he cuts some veggies for the salad "So did you call Brad? How is Mey doing?"

"About that...I'm sorry about this morning...she's been going through a phase lately and-"

"Oh no don't worry...as long as she feels better"

"I know...but she wasn't very nice to you and I'm sorry about that"

"I think she's going through a phase and she's just having a hard time with the whole separation"

"Yeah I get it...I thought it would be about that too...but it's been more than a year now right?"

"Yeah...and she seemed fine...it's just that she's very different lately"

"She's also becoming a teen, it might have to do with that you know, the whole rebellious phase"

"I need to talk with her..."

"But don't worry she'll be fine"

"Yeah?"

"Yes she will...I hope so..."

"I like the way you and Brad are dealing with co-parenting you kept a great relationship....if I didn't know you guys I would think you're still together "

"Yeah..." I take a moment thinking about it, it's true that Brad and I have kept such a great relationship...and it's still confusing to me.

We finish cooking then set up the table. I open some good wine for us and soon enough we're eating the most delicious meal

"Wow this is bomb"

"I know right! It's not something you can eat very often but it's freaking good...your salad is very good too...I like the idea of putting strawberries in it"

"Awww thanks, I promise I do better things than just salads...I'm a great cook"

"Oh I'm sure you are, can't wait for you to cook some good stuff for me"

"We'll be ready to have the best meals...maybe not as good as this but not bad at all"

We finish eating then decide to go lay in the garden, staring at the stars that have now filled the sky. The silent of kid less house takes over as we enjoy the peaceful moment

"Can I ask you something? And there's no good or bad answer here"

"Yeah?"

"Do you still love Brad? Do you still have feelings for him?"

I close my eyes, taking a minute of reflection...I don't even know if I myself know the answer

"It would be a lie if I told you that I feel nothing for him...he's my daughters father, we've shared something very special, something that cannot go away just like that...."

"Okay..."

"But I really love what you and I have, I love the way you make me feel"

"Well what is it that we have? I mean, I need to know if this is going somewhere Jen... I love you but I don't wanna do this if someone else is on your mind"

He loves me. He's telling me that for the first time. I don't know how to react, I don't know what to say...I don't even know if I feel the same way about him

"You love me"

"I do, and I don't expect you to say it back but I do love you...and I'm seeing myself with you"

"Wow...uhm-...I wasn't expecting that so soon...it's not that Brad is in my mind or anything , it's just that now you're telling me this....and I feel awful because I don't feel the same way yet"

What the fuck am I doing? Justin's such a great guy, we have an amazing time together, he treats me so well, he's so good to me and the girls...

"It's okay...like I told you, you don't have to feel it right away Jen"

"But we've been dating for almost a year, we've had fun...I should know by now...but I don't...."

"I think that deep inside, you already know..." he approaches me, gently planting a kiss on my forehead before getting up, leaving me with my thoughts alone

What is happening to me?

I love the way my relationship with Justin is...he's so nice to me, I love the way he makes me feel, the way he touches me, makes me feel special in every kind of way...and yet I'm not sure that I love him the way I should...

I feel terrible for feeling that way, I feel like something's wrong with me....and what did he mean by "deep inside you already know". So many thoughts are going through my mind at the moment, I don't know what to do, I don't know what's gonna happen...