LUCK

July 10-14, 2017 - part 2 *

Catherine's POV

It's 4 am... I'm wide awake and my brain is running... Looking at a peacefully sleeping Hoseok I can't help but smile. I try closing my eyes again, but it's no use. I get out of the bed, and grab my phone and a hoodie then head out to the balcony. The fresh air is nice.

I look down at my phone and see a bunch of calls from Bridget. She also sent me some messages, so I open those.

[Did you make it alright?👋>

[Hello? Bitch are you ignoring me?🤬>

[Ok... I get that your Hobi is a literal snack,😋 but a quick text to tell me you're alright wouldn't kill you, would it?😔>

I giggle at her cuteness and shoot off a reply.

<🙏 Please forgive me... I was caught up with my snack... 😎]

<How are things there? I miss you!]

Setting my phone on the table, I grab a cigarette and look out over the bay. It's beautiful here, but I'm uneasy. I had a really good time with Hoseok yesterday, but I'm nervous about losing him. Why am I like this? All my friends have had sex, so what am I really waiting for?

I finish my cigarette and grab another... Thinking back to the day my mother told me the words I've lived by, tears prick my eyes..

Flashback

"Catherine... Someday you're going to meet "the one". You'll know when you do, and that is when the time will be right. Your virginity is something you should hold dear. It's the last gift you get to give to the person you love with all your heart. In the meantime, you can explore your sexuality in healthy and enjoyable ways without the final step."

I remember asking questions because I was insecure. "But what if someone I really care about leaves me because I won't do "it"? I mean, what if I think it's leading to love, and I lose them because I won't..."

"Oh daughter... The right one will wait for you forever if that's what it takes for you to realize your feelings. Remember that. Respect yourself, and they'll respect you too. I love you Cath. You'll know when the time is right. Don't doubt your instincts ever. Promise me you'll remember to do this..."

"Yes Mom. I promise. I'll wait for true love. If it even exists..."

"My beautiful girl... Of course it does. Someday, you'll know."

Those words ringing in my memory, I sigh... 'Mom... I don't think I'll recognize it in time... You had too much faith in me...'

I watch the sky begin to lighten, and smoke another cigarette. I am feeling out of control right now... I can feel the nerves and anxiety building and it scares me. I work on my breathing, and the positive "self talk" my therapist taught me... It's not helping... Pulling my knees up under my chin, I let my tears fall. I'm a mess... Why would anyone want to be with me???

Hoseok's POV

As I wake up to sunlight hitting my face. I reach my arm out towards her... but she's not there. The sheets on her side are cool and I sit up. Where did she go? Did I take it too far last night? Did she feel pressured? I thought she enjoyed herself, but was it an act?