Hazel's Hitchhiker

20: Wisdom of the Tutor

Joey

My first granola bar had already been eaten and before me was my second one. Was I really that bad of an eater? And why did Hazel's words about breaking down complicated things sound familiar?

"Remember that day during tutoring?" began Hazel. We separated all of the candies into three groups and I told you that anything complicated could be broken down."

It all came back to me. After that day, atoms and all that related crap made sense. My grades in chemistry also started getting better. We were even bonding over a silly old cartoon that was Jimmy Neutron. I was also the envy of some of my other idiot classmates who claimed that chemistry made no damn sense. Those people needed a tutor, but they weren't getting one. My brain barely understood any of this to help tutor them. And while what Hazel said made sense, it didn't make any sense in this situation.

"Exactly how does anything of that apply to my chewing?"

"Well, you're used to the way you chew your food and you likely don't know how you could do a better job at chewing. Just like the idea of atoms didn't make sense to you, the idea of chewing doesn't make sense. But there is a way it can make sense. We can easily break down the steps to chew properly."

"And what are the steps?" Did she actually know what she was talking about?

"The first step is to take a small bite of that granola bar."

Looking at my full uneaten bar, my hand slowly moved it up to my lips. How the hell does someone take a small bite? Doing my best, a small bite was taken. What was I supposed to do now?"

"Okay, now you want to make sure that your mouth is actually closed. Make sure your lips are completely together with no space between them."

In all honesty, putting my lips together felt strange. My mouth was always opened. It was opened during gym class and especially during basketball practice or a game. Without realizing it, I would often yell at someone for a stupid reason. Bopping my mouth was also likely the reason it was hard to keep my piehole shut.

"You damn idiot Brian," I shouted after the game ended. "Why can't you dribble a damn ball? You literally cost us the game! We lost because of you! All eyes in the locker room were on us hoping that we might get into a fight. It wasn't my intention to get into a physical fight."

"At least I actually played!" replied Brian. "You barely did anything. How the hell are you even an MVP?"

"Alright, now that you have your lips together, just start chewing slowly until your ready to swallow."

That's exactly what I did. With my lips still stuck together, all my effort went to the act of slowly chewing. Part of my jaw began to hurt. The temptation to not finish my food was all too real. Maybe Hazel would like to finish it. Within thirty seconds, a swallow was made and it went down my throat.

"Good job Joey," she patted my shoulder. "If you can continue to do that, you'll become an expert at eating. Not to mention, every girl in Austin will be lined up for a passionate night with you." Her last sentence sound somewhat sarcastic. Was she being serious?

"You know, even if with my loud chewing, I'm sure I could still get laid every night."

"But think of all the nights you wouldn't get laid. Those nights where you were alone in your dorm not doing anything. You're more likely to have a girl with you during those nights?"

"Well, I guess I can take pride in knowing that you'll be in your dorm every night studying and not having sex."

She began giggling and lightly patted my leg. "Trust me, Joey, I can guarantee you that even though I might not be having wild sex every night, I'll definitely have a hot, hunky, sexy, gorgeous, and handsome boyfriend by the end of the first semester who loves the way I chew on my sunglasses. In fact, he'll beg me to continue to chew on those glasses and maybe he'll buy me new ones."

"What the hell? I doubt that's going to happen." It was impossible not to laugh.

Hazel also found what she said to be funny. "Well, to be honest, I doubt you'll get laid. In all honesty, you might get some action once this semester. But If you do get laid, make sure to let me know."

Somehow this discussion continued and it started to feel a little weird. I didn't really want to joke about relationships and sex with Hazel. It's not something that's usually discussed with a girl and nor should it be. Everything in me wanted to go back and discuss how to chew my food. Somehow this conversation needed to be put to an end.

"Alright Hazel, I'll make you a deal." Let's hope this deal would put an end to the discussion. "I'll find you a really hot and sexy boyfriend if you find me a really hot and sexy girl to have lots of amazing sex with."

She thought about it for a moment and began licking those lips. It was pretty clear that she was thinking of a hot guy. Not a moment too soon, we shook on it. "Deal. I want my boyfriend by Halloween though."

"And I want my girl by the end of September."

Once this whole conversation ended, the next several minutes were quiet and Dave Ramsey ended up filling up that silence. My mind started thinking about how I really didn't want a hookup. Yes, I wanted a girl, but not just for sex. My desire was for a real and genuine girl. A girl that time could be spent with. A girl that I could call my girlfriend and have a future with. Why wasn't a girl like that available?

Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Hopefully, Joey is a better chewer now! Don't forget to comment and vote!

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Will Hazel have her boyfriend by Halloween?

Will Joey have his girl by the end of September?