66- I Did It First

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"Bella, you need to eat something."

The voices were all laced with pity but I couldn't respond. I felt numb.

Everything was distorted. From the moment I heard the scream of the waitress to the ambulance ride to the hospital. I lost all sense of time. All sense of direction. It felt as if I was just floating; being pushed around by the wills of other people.

Somehow, it was exhausting.

I didn't know how much time passed, but I was approached by a different person. This time it was someone unexpected, making my gaze snap up to him in an instant.

Dylan crouched in front of me, grabbing my hands that rested in my lap. He looked troubled, as if seeing me like this caused him physical pain. "Bella," is all he said.

It was enough to make me crumble.

The next thing I knew, tears were streaming down my face. He looked absolutely pained as he stood up and took me in his arms. His hands soothingly rubbed my back as he whispered words I couldn't hear over my own sobs.

I cried for what felt like hours. Before, the tears were flowing in steady streams, but now I was snot-nosed and heaving. By the end of it, my brain felt dry and my eyes were heavy.

"Come on, let's get you something to eat," he whispered when the tears ran out. His hands continued to run up and down my back in a comforting manner. I would've appreciated this more if I wasn't in this situation.

I shook my head. "I- I can't. I need to stay here."

"Bella, he's not going anywhere."

He wasn't, physically, but...

His words were enough to have me cry again. Somehow, my dehydrated body was able to release more tears, even though I couldn't remember the last time I drank water. Dylan hugged me harder and gave up trying to argue. He wasn't the first and he wouldn't be the last.

We sat together, squeezed on a hospital bench. He hugged me for a long, long time. I cried into his chest, soaking his entire shirt. He didn't care one bit.

"Here, I brought her something from the cafeteria. They were closed but I forced one of the nurses to hook me up," a new voice said. It sounded hollow, just like I felt.

I looked up to see Damien sympathetically smiling down at me. In his hand was a tray with a sandwich and juice. I shook my head. I couldn't stomach anything right now without puking it up. He sighed and handed Dylan the tray before settling on the seat from across the room. This wasn't a new ordeal. Everyone had been trying to get me to eat all night. I just... couldn't.

His eyes zoned in on the person laying on the bed. He looked so devastated. Suddenly I felt bad that I was being so difficult but I couldn't help it. I couldn't think about anything but Dean. He looked so lifeless in that bed. His skin was pale, his eyes were shut for way too long, tubes connected into random parts of his arms. The only indication that I had that he was alive was the beeping monitors.

Fresh tears welled up in my eyes. "This is all my fault."

"Bella, don't be ridiculous," Dylan said softly.

"It is!" I furiously wiped at my face and sat up straighter. "If he wasn't so concerned about someone breaking into my car, he would've never gone back. We would've been happily eating in the diner." Suddenly a new thought occurred to me – one that had my eyes widening. "Oh my god, he didn't even want to go there! He only went because I did."

Saying the words put a crushing weight on my shoulders. Before I could go into full-on panic mode, Dylan soothingly stroked my arms up and down. "Hey. There's a chance he can hear you. Do you think he'd be happy that you're blaming yourself? No. You need to ease up on yourself. Anything could've happened. It could've been when you were at the movies or eating dinner. Hell, it could've been at his own house. I need you to take a breather."

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