Unbearable (Unexpected Sequel)|✔️

42- Wine Confessions

Wine. It did amazing things to broken people. I didn't know I was broken at first.

Okay, it sounded dramatic, but that's what everyone was saying.

But as the night went on and I drank more, I was becoming an emotional mess. All my feelings were resurfacing at the same time. 

That wasn't good.

The five of us – Will, Emma, Dylan, Jaz, and I – were sitting in the theater room with alcohol of our choice. I didn't originally choose wine but Jaz wanted some and she said it was a trip wasted if only she drank it so I agreed to drink some too.

Dylan surprisingly stayed sober. I thought the others were pacing with me, but they were also slowing down while I was sipping like there's no tomorrow. I didn't really catch on until everything was fuzzy. 

On the larger couch, Dylan and I were cuddling. Jaz and Emma were cuddling on one of the smaller seats and Will was sitting by himself. We all had blankets and I had a hunch we were going to fall asleep here. I didn't mind though, I was comfortable.

We were in the middle of truth or dare when the emotions really hit.

"Bella, truth or dare?" Dylan asked, his chest vibrating with every sound. 

"Truth," I replied absentmindedly. 

"Are you friends with that Ben kid?"

And that was all it took. Tears blurred my vision and I sniffled so snot wouldn't get all over Dylan. Everyone's panicked faces met my sad one. I probably looked so dumb.

"No," I sobbed. "I did something really, really bad."

Dylan's grip tightened around me and he stroked my hair. Jaz encouragingly nodded for me to go on. 

"I attempted to fake a friendship with Ben because I wanted to hurt him." I was leaving out the whole part about the actual mission. That was too much detail. "So I tried to get closer to him, no matter how rude he was. But then," I sniffled, "then, I went to his house and it was the last straw. He was so awful. I don't wanna be his friend anymore."

"It's okay! No one's forcing you to be his friend," Emma said softly like she was talking to a child. Sober, I'd hate it, but now I appreciated it.

My lip quivered. "But there's a problem. I wanted to hurt him so bad and I should be over it, right? Then why do I wanna keep trying? He hurt me a lot but I can't help but feel bad for him."

"Because you like seeing the good in people," Dylan answered.

Jaz had a thoughtful look on her face. "Why did you wanna hurt Ben so badly?"

I took a shaky breath. This was the first time I was admitting my true intentions out loud. Hopefully it didn't sound as dumb as I thought. "Because he reminded me of Dean. I couldn't be mad at Dean so I took it out on him. But... he's nothing like Dean. He's Satan's reincarnate. I was so wrong when I thought that. God, I'm such an idiot."

"Why are you angry at Dean?" Jasmine asked softly. She wasn't accusing or demanding, just genuinely curious. 

And this is when it went down. My heart broke as I recalled everything that happened these past few months. 

"Because he broke my heart. He chose Skylar over me and that hurt. If I had known I was disposable, I wouldn't have waited around for him. And now he looks so unaffected it hurts. Was I really nothing? Did I mean nothing? Did he lie when he said he loved me? If Skylar hadn't come into the picture, I'd be fine. But no, she came in and he left me for her!" I wasn't sure if they could understand my blubbering. "It hurts so much to have him around. We argue like we're friends and that hurts more than anything. I don't wanna be his friend. I wanna be his girlfriend. I love him, for fuck's sake! Why am I always a second choice?