Jeno was standing in the corner of the cabin. I was just pressing him to the wall, our fingers gliding down and up our chests, faces, sides, backs, thighs. The way he had taken me on my bed almost an hour ago was as if a tornado has crossed my inner...
It was difficult to focus enough to reach the clinic and I was one mess when I jumped out on the platform. Have I put my right foot out first. Definitely not.
Dejun looked like a ghost, his face grayish from worry and exhaustion.
"Is Ellie?" I asked running to him.
"Alive. Yes, she is alive but her body systems collapsed. It's a matter of hours, days in the best case."
"What happened?"
"It happens to most patients. They have this phase of new strength that allows them to do something they love to do for the very last time and say bye to things and people, then it's going down the hill in a speed tempo."
I bit my lips as my chin began to tremble again.
"Where's Jeno?"
"In the 'Let it out room'. I have a special room in the clinic that allows patients or family members to release the emotions they can't control or handle anymore. Anything in that room is to destroy." Dejun was speaking calmly. "I have asked you to come as I believe Jeno will really need you to be with him now."
I nodded. Freaking launching was in eight days while here and now everything was falling into pieces.
"Follow me." Dejun started to walk swiftly along long scary corridors.
We took the elevator to a basement floor, there was a huge gym like room with broken pieces and torn shreds lying everywhere. Jeno was using a big stick to beat some wooden boxes into crackled particles with such an impact the stick was threatening to break.
"I'll leave you alone and go check on her," Denjun fixed his glasses before disappearing behind the huge doors.
"Jeno." I whispered when he looked up at me.
His face was sweat covered and extremely red from effort, and crying.
"Jaemin," His lips move noiselessly when he let the stick fall running to me, falling in my arms sobbing in my shoulder.
I just pulled him closer caressing over his back and hair as there was nothing else I could do for him.
It took a long time till Jeno calmed down enough to stop crying. We sat down on a pile of mattresses watching that devastation all around.
Jeno was observing his palms that were trembling terribly.
The silence so heavy like back when me and mum had been waiting in that hospital corridor.
"It seems like something you can't survive until it happens. When it does you will be strong enough to deal with it, but before it's the worst. It's much worse to wait for your beloved one to die when there's no more hope, while you still have that stupid idea of hope than all what comes after." I spoke quietly.
Jeno looked up at me stunned.
"My father died on cancer when I have been in high school... so yes, I know how it is."
Our eyes met, Jeno's tied ones filled with so much sadness it could break me more than Dejun's words.
"The worst thing is you try everything possible and impossible to save that person but you can't, just can't and you feel so helpless. That helplessness is the worst." I continued.
"Yes it's the worst." Jeno nodded.
"So what I can do is to be here for you. I'll stay with you till the end." I placed my arm on his shoulder rubbing it.
Jeno was biting his lips as if considering something.
"If she dies I'll kill this bastard." He whispered.
"What? Who?"
"Ellie's stepfather." Jeno spat it out like a curse. "And her bitch of a mother. I'll kill them both."
"Jeno there are better ways to deal with grief and heartbreak."
"No you don't understand. I was so mad. So mad. I have gotten my dream job as a pilot, but I have never believed it will require bombarding an enemy base that turned out to be no base, but a refugees' hospital with a few thousand of children, women, elders, socially hindered." Jeno's voice was trembling. "My general said it has been a mistake, they gave me a medal to shut up. I couldn't deal with it though, started to use drugs, overdosed. Kristin found out, she saw my behavior changing, she told me she doesn't want to be with a drug addict and broke up. I lost it all, my sanity, the woman I loved. In that stupid disco bar I met Bonie, we stared to dance, we hooked up. She called me two days later. We began to hook up frequently until one day she had told me she was pregnant. We were arguing about it, she almost proceeded with an abortion, but decided otherwise. I promised to stay, to take care of her and the child, even if I didn't like that woman for life. When Ellie was born, I'll never forget that day, my misery changed, she was like a piece of light, strangely I hated her mother but loved Ellie. Still things were getting worse. The military found out about my drugs, they kicked me out. I was jobless, a wreck, Bonie was yelling and shouting at me each day. We were trying to stay together for Ellie but two years later she just packed her clothes, took Ellie and disappeared. I thought I would die, I wished to die for real. I was driving to that flat she was living in with some jerk just to see Ellie through the windows until one day I saw that bastard hitting Ellie.
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