Saving The Pirate (Book Two)

32. Remembering The Past

I bit my cheek. How was I going to put this? He's all alright. I mean, after kidnapping me, I think he has a few things to think about but, but he's alive if that's what you're asking.

But I didn't have time to say that or anything else for that matter, because she spoke again.

"Before you answer, I hope you know that my husband tells me everything. I am aware of what Daniel did to you. I am aware of both my sons' lives."

Everything I had to say disappeared, and I was back to square one again. What the hell!

I shifted in my seat, uncomfortably. "Daniel is alright, my Lady, but I do worry about him."

"How so?" Oops.

I thinned my lips. Sofia was still watching me, and I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. She watched me with spider eyes. That's what she was, a spider and I, an insect caught in her web.

I wasn't sure what would happen if I lied to her or said nothing; this was her child; after all, she should know how I worry about him.

"I'm worried that I hurt him and that he can't look at me without being angry. I think..." I looked down at my hands in my lap. Was this happening? Was I going to tell her how I felt? I felt like I was going to cry. I couldn't believe it; I came into this room expecting something different. When she would bring up Daniel, I never imagined I would be about ready to cry. This woman was Daniel's mother, and I was going to tell her how I didn't feel for her son.

I felt a lump forming in my throat, and it hurt to swallow, but I had to finish the thought.

"I think um, that I made a mistake that I can't fix."

I didn't look up, not just because I was scared to see her reaction, but scared to see the same familiar eyes looking back at me, expecting to see Daniel looking back at me.

My cheeks dampened with tears that I didn't expect to fall, and my eyes burned because of it. I wanted to rub my eyes, but I was too embarrassed to do it. All I could do was let my lip quiver.

Sofia was silent before she spoke again, and when she did, it was soft and motherly, and I felt a bit better.

"You are a kind soul, Anne Rachels. I have come to know that over the years of knowing you. I know that you have the best intentions for everyone and that you care very deeply about those you love." She paused. "But, you also have the strength and the courage to think about yourself."

I looked up at her, eyes teary. Her face softened. "Before I married my husband, I was married to a man that I was madly in love with, and I had Daniel. But when Daniel was barely a toddler, his father left us for reasons I'm still ignorant to, and I had nowhere to go. I couldn't provide for us both. I grew up much the same as you. I didn't have a title, and I was hopeless, but one lucky day, I met William Taylor, a powerful lord, and businessman in a factory where I worked."

I finally found the courage to rub my eyes and sit up straighter in my chair.

"He was a good man, and he was in search of a wife to help raise his son. Perhaps I was the perfect candidate all along, but we married, and I came to live with him and his son. He gave me a title, money, but most of all, a place to raise and care for my child."

Sofia looked at me, really looked at me, and told me the thing she felt most. "I married William to survive. I did what I needed to provide for my child and myself. You are a smart woman, Anne Rachels, and I respect you very much for taking what you want, even if it meant hurting my son. And I hope you stay that way and think with your head before your heart. This world is a very unforgiving place for us women."

She clutched her fists together. "I watched Christopher grow up, and he is a good man, like his father, but remember who he is. That boy likes his women and drinks like any boy his age should. But it's men like him that I fell in love with too quickly and had a child because of it. I had a child to care for, and I had to think of him before myself. You have only yourself to think of, dear girl, so think wisely."

Sofia looked at the burning fire, and I watched as the embers danced in her eyes. She was still, but you could tell she was tense, clutching her dress in her lap.

"I love my husband just as you love Daniel, and William knows it. He knew it when I first met him, but he is a good man, a great man, even for letting me become his wife and have this life. I am very fortunate to have him, but this is not what I would have chosen for myself if things were different."

We both watched the fire for a few minutes, silence hovering between us. All the while, I played out Sofia's life in my head, and I wanted to cry all over again.

"I envy you, Anne Rachels."

I turned my head to look at her, but she continued to stare at the fire, still clutching her dress.

"I envy your youth and your head. Before I had Daniel, I wanted nothing more than to have the fairytale life, now, " she looked at me, tears streaming down her face. "I want nothing more than to have my freedom."

***

I spent the remainder of the day exploring the manor. Eventually, I ended up in Christopher's old bedroom, looking over his past and childhood, all while thinking about what Sofia had said to me.

I thought about her and couldn't stop picturing her helpless face. I ached for her, and I wished there was something I could do to help, but I knew there wasn't. I could only sit and listen.

I opened the wardrobe door and ran my hands across Christopher's old clothes, laughing to myself as I realized that they probably didn't fit him anymore, but then something caught my eye. It was a wooden ear.

I pulled back the clothes, and sitting in the back of the wardrobe was a wooden rocking horse. It was small in size, obviously made for a child. Its color had faded, and the paint had chipped some on the saddle, but I suppose it was supposed to be a white horse, the type you read about in storybooks.

I lifted the horse out of the wardrobe and placed it down, looking at it. I ran my fingers through its mane, feeling the knots tangled after so many years.

I walked around the horse and there, painted on the other side of the saddle, was the name 'Lucky.' It was in red, and it was messy, but there was the name plain as day.

I wondered how old Christopher was when he painted it and rode on his trusty steed. I wondered what adventures he had in his mind, and I wondered how old he was when he put his friend away in his wardrobe when Christopher decided he wanted to grow up and become a man.

I thought the hell with it and sat on top of it, my knees bending as I rocked back and forth. I wished I could see Christopher when he was little. Was he as kind, intelligent, and confident as he was now? Did he want to see the world? Did he wet his bed?

There were a million questions I had, and I hoped Christopher would answer all of them. I wished to know Christopher's past and his innocence. I wanted to know who he was.

I rocked back and forth, hearing the creaking of the old toy, and I was back when I was a child, imaging the worlds I disappeared to on lonely days. The dragons I slew, the places I discovered, the brave knights I kissed. It all came back as I rocked on that horse.

And for a moment, I was free, just me and my dreams again, until I heard a knock on the door. It was Tristan.

"Ah, there ye are. I see ye found Lucky, " Tristan said, smirking, and brushing the red hair out of his eyes.

I've been trying to avoid him after hearing that he was Lord Taylor's spy because I kept thinking about even Tristan, Christopher's best friend knew where and what he did over the last couple of years. How much did he know about me?

I smiled. "Yes, I did."

"Ye know, he didn't stop playing with that thing until 'e was eh, I would say fifteen? I made fun of him for it."

I giggled, making Tristan laugh. "Ye, past times. Say, dinner is ready. Ready to eat, or would ye rather I leave ye to play with that horse?"

"No, I'm coming, " I said and put the horse and all my old dreams away, right back into the wardrobe in the dark where they belonged.