Take My Hand

30 Get Me Down On My Knees

Three nights were spent in the sleeping bag. I didn't sleep well for any of them, and I was starting to feel overly tired from it. Sasha was quiet for those days. He gave me a hug when he came home and the kiss at the door, but...

Otherwise I might as well have been his pet. He patted my hair to calm me, and still made me eat on the floor when he was home. It wasn't ideal. Actually it was worse than it had been, which still was less than I wanted.

I had been thinking about it the whole time I was being punished. I came there to live with him, but what exactly did I expect? It sure wasn't the current situation. It wasn't enough for me the way it was before either though.

He would just tease me with his occasional gestures of affection and intimacy until I felt crazy with lust. I wanted him to throw me down and fuck me some days. I wanted to play with him all night.

Hand jobs, blow jobs, making out on the couch... why couldn't we do that all the time? I was so freaking horny from him just sitting next to me and breathing in my ear while we watched television... I could scream with it!

I heard the door opening with a key and glanced in the direction of the doorway. I didn't bother to get up this time. I was annoyed and tired to the extreme. Instead I stared at my laptop and continued scrolling through the job postings.

I had applied to about four jobs so far, and heard back from none of them. I was depressed. I was lonely. I was tired and pent up. I guess I was like a volcano just waiting to blow.

"Hey. Are you alright Lukas?" His warm voice ran over me with tired concern and his fingers sifted through my hair gently. I wasn't in the mood. I moved my head out of the way and ignored him.

I heard him sit next to me with a sigh. It just pissed me off. What was he sighing about? I was the one who was being ignored and treated like a dog. I should be the one who was upset. I was upset.

"We need to talk Lukas. Put that aside." His stern voice commanded. I slammed the laptop shut and put it on the coffee table.

"Fine. Talk Sir." I crossed my arms and sat back on the armrest to face him.

"Watch your tone. We are talking, not arguing. If you want to argue, then you can just go to bed." His eyes were cold and sharp as we stared each other down.

"I don't like this." I felt tears a bit and sniffed a deep breath to keep them from coming out. His gaze softened a little and he nodded.

"I know. Your punishment is over as of tonight. I understand it was hard for you. I think you did well." He told me in a gentler tone.

"I'm not doing well. I'm not just talking about the punishment, Sasha. I don't like this." I looked down at my lap, unsure what else to say. Or maybe how to say it without sounding like a petulant kid.

"What? You don't like our relationship? You don't like living here? What don't you like, Lukas?" His voice sounded sad, even a little defeated and I looked up to see him rub a hand over his face.

"I like being with you, and I don't mind living with you. It's just... It's not what I expected. I want more." I fumbled as I watched his tired face. He shook his head.

"What did you expect Lukas?" He looked over at me with sad eyes that I also wasn't anticipating.

"I thought... I thought that we'd do more together. I want to..." I felt a little ashamed for making him make that face at me. I didn't want him to feel bad. I just wanted him. I felt him take my hand in his and stroke it gently.

"Lukas... It's not that I don't want to. I am just tired. I have to work extra hours to keep you here with me. There is extra food and utilities while you stay." He explained patiently. I gulped and looked at the lights I had on.