Take My Hand

20 It's You I Can't Replace

I don't know what I was thinking. I can barely stand to sit for a class, and now I had to sit for literally hours on the bus until I would arrive at my destination. I didn't even have a phone or my smartwatch to play with while I waited.

The seats were not very comfortable. I shifted back and forth in an attempt to get comfortable. I tried crossing my legs, and then laughed at myself. Men should never cross their legs. I drummed my hands on my backpack while I thought of a song.

I was so bored. Why was travelling so boring? I looked out the window, but couldn't see much with the darkness of night and the speed of the bus on the highway. Just other cars and the vague outline of vegetation on the sides of the road.

I was thinking at that point that I should have bought some other entertainment for the trip. Maybe a tablet or a book or something. Then I thought it might tip my parents off and I tried to just distract myself.

I counted the seats. Then I counted the little air conditioner vents. Then I checked out the other passengers. There was about ten other people on the bus, all spaced out from each other. Most of them had some sort of bags with them, or a suitcase for one old lady.

Now I looked around to see what they were carrying. Hmm, briefcase. Duffel bag. Hello Kitty backpack and camo suitcase. I mentally gave that kid a thumbs up. Someone started eating chips and I suddenly wanted to eat.

Man, I should have brought snacks. I yawned. I slumped down in my seat and put my knees against the back of the seat in front of me to smoosh in. My arms draped protectively over the backpack and I tried to doze.

It wasn't working. My heart was still thumping a mile a minute with the excitement of my escape. I was going over everything in my mind, hoping that I didn't forget anything. Maybe my parents would just give up after a couple days?

Nah, they were too stubborn for that. At least I hadn't gone by plane or anything. Even the ticket I had for the bus didn't have my name on it. I planned to stop at the next city, and then get another bus to the next stop.

It would help throw them off if they did figure out what bus I was on. Even Ames wouldn't be able to tell where I was going, so I should be fine. I mean, they probably wouldn't even think to ask the help for any suggestions. They were too stuck up for that.

Besides, who else might know where he lived or where he was going? Slim chance that Pete or the driver knew. Not really sure who else he considered friends. In fact, I was thinking that I didn't really know a whole lot about Sasha except what he told me.

That was like anyone though, right? How much didn't I know about Ames, and I considered her my best friend? Maybe it was me who took relationships so flimsy. I never really thought about it before.

Was I so stuck up that I couldn't even ask her what her favourite colour was? Was I so oblivious that I didn't even know when her birthday was? I was a terrible friend. I was a terrible person. Maybe Sasha would be relieved to be rid of me and I was just fooling myself.

No. No, he wasn't like that. He didn't give up on people, I did. I was so used to my own parents' throw away attitude, it must have just snuck up on me. I could change though. Sasha showed me that. I could be a better person if I just made a little effort.

He knew what I should do, and showed me how to do it. If I could find him again then I just knew I could be a better person. I could. I would. He just needed to give me a chance.

If I got dragged back to that awful place from before, I wasn't sure how I would end up. I just knew it wasn't going to be what I wanted. I could end up like them. Mindless and miserable, but not even realising what was wrong with myself.

I got up and changed buses at the terminal while the sun was barely colouring the sky for dawn. The light hurt my eyes a little from being tired and in the dim lights of the other bus for so long.

I had grabbed a bite to eat from the McDonald's inside, and picked up some snacks from the small vending machines. It was greasy, but fresh and hot. I chugged my juice as the bus got onto the highway again.

It sat heavy in my gut. My thoughts weren't churning as much, but I still couldn't seem to doze. I stared at the landscape as it passed by. The people that went about their lives obliviously as I tried to find my way.

Maybe one day I would be one of them. A mindless drone that was going to work to pay the bills. An endless cycle of trying to buy happiness. Maybe that was just my parents though. Maybe some of these people had found their happiness?

I perked up as the buildings in the distance got bigger and bigger. I was excited to think that I might actually be close to Sasha again. I put on my sunglasses, but took off my hat as I exited at the busy bus terminal.

I felt sweaty and gross, so I looked around for a washroom to refresh myself. There was one at the entrance where you bought tickets, so I slipped inside and tossed my bag at my feet to wash my face.

I needed to change though. I slipped into a stall and quickly pulled my sweatshirt and stuff off. I changed into fresh underwear and my khakis first. Then I changed my shirt, pulling my jacket on and stuffing my other clothes into the bag hanging on the door. I crouched down to pull on fresh socks, careful to brace on the wall to avoid falling over.

I heard a rustling sound and watched in horror as my bag disappeared over the top of the stall door. I didn't think twice before running out after the guy in a hoodie and jeans, desperate to reach out and grab it back.

He disappeared out the bathroom door and I pounded my fist on the door in frustration. I walked back to the stall and pulled on my boots, tying them up tightly with a look of concentration.

I couldn't even report him. Not without giving my name and a contact number. That would give it all away. I stood in front of the mirror and pulled at my hair in frustration. I wanted to hit something again, but I knew I didn't have time.

Now I was on a time deadline. I had no money for food or transportation. I had to haul ass to get to Sasha's parent's house, or I was going to starve.

"FUCK!"

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