Mr Bitter meets Ms Proper

NINE

Pero pinigilan niya ako.

"May extra seats pa naman sa likod."

"Pero---.."

"Ikaw na ang magpreresent. Galingan mo." I tried my very best na hindi umiyak sa moment na yun.

And before I started to play, I looked for my dad. At wala siya.

I closed my eyes and I played my song. Hindi ko napigilan at napaiyak ako.

Pagkatapos kong tumugtog. They applauded kasi nga daw I really felt the music at napaiyak pa ako.

I bowed and ran sa backstage.

My yaya was waiting for me.

"Uwi na tayo!"

"Pero Jura, hindi pa tapos ang recital mo."

"Para san pa? Wala naman si Dad!"

"Darating yun, may final song pa naman. Makakaabot yung daddy mo."

"I don't wanna play! Gusto ko na ngang umuwi ehh!" Umiyak na ako. Another promise na hindi tinupad.

Mabuti pa ang parents ng mga kaklase ko, sinupurtahan yung anak nila. Samantalang ako?! Wala talaga!

Pumayag si yaya na umuwi kami at habang nag aantay kami ng taxi dumating yung katrabaho ni Daddy.

"Jura!"

"Tito Bryle? Bakit ka nandito? Kung you are looking for Daddy, hindi mo siya mahahanap dito. He's having a meeting daw kasi."

"I am not here for your dad. I am here for you."

"For me? Why? Ikaw yung pinadala ni Dad para tumingin sa recital ko? Well, bumalik ka na dun and tell him na tapos na akong mag perform. Late ka!" Tumalikod ako.

"Jura, its about your dad." And I felt a sadness in his voice. Lumingon ako ulit sa kanya.

"What about him? Where is he?" Kinabahan ako sa posibleng sabihin sa akin ni Tito.

"Here." He handed me dad's phone.

"What's this?" I sensed na something was wrong. Iba na ang nararamdaman ko.

"Nagmamadali yung Daddy mo kanina. He left the meeting. Tinanong ko siya kung saan siya pupunta na kaya niyang iwan ang meeting na pinagtrabahuhan na niya ng matagal. That meeting was so important para sa dad mo. He worked for it. And he is willing to give it up for you. The exact words he said to me nung tanungin ko siya kung saan siya pupunta was, "I am going to see my daughter perform. Dapat nandun ako, paniguradong nireserve niya ako ng seat. I would cheer the loudest cheer kapag siya na ang tutugtog! Gusto mo sumama? Let's support my baby." At ayun, sumama ako. I was using my car and he's using his. Ang bilis ng pagpapaandar nang daddy mo. I texted him kung bakit nagmamadali siya and he replied na malelate na daw siya. He can't afford not to see his daugher up on stage. Kaya, he continued driving so fast. Hindi niya namalayan na may sasakyang tatawid sa intersection. And then, he crashed. At yan, he left a message na supposedly para sayo, pero hindi niya natapos at hindi niya na ipadala. Just read it for yourself."

I couldn't believe what my Tito just said. Sobrang direct to the point niya. Ni hindi ko pa maintindihan nun ang mga pinagsasabi niya. I was eight. Pero one thing was clear, I lost my dad.

I cried so hard while reading his message.

Yaya, please let Jura read this.

Sweetie, papunta na si daddy. May nakareserve pa rin bang seat si Daddy? I can't wait to hear you play in front of many people. Alam ko na madaming beses ko na sinira ang mga promises ko and I am so sorry for that. Pero eto, I will keep my promise this time. You wait for me, okay? I promise you na I will be cheering the loudest. Proud kaya ako. I made a right decision a long time ago, because you grew up to be just like your Mom, I bet she is proud of you too. I lov

Hindi natapos ni Dad ang message niya. Pero I know na he is going to tell me that he loves me.

"Pero Tito, Dad's okay right? Nasa hospital naman siya di ba? And the doctors are doing their best para magamot si daddy, right?"

"He's gone Jura."

"WHAT?! You must be joking! Dad wouldn't left me. He wouldn't!" Tumakbo lang ako ng tumakbo. Ni hindi man lang ako nabigyan ng chance na bawiin yung sinabi ko sa kanya.

Ni hindi ko nasabi sa kanya na mahal na mahal ko rin siya.

He said he loves me so many times, yet I failed to answer him back.

And now, its too late.

No matter how hard I try to let him know, to let him hear what I am going to say. He just can't hear it. He wouldn't feel it.

Dad, I love you. I really really do.

end of flashback

Nathaniel is hugging me now. Hindi ko lang talaga kasi mapigilan ang umiyak. Parang feeling ko kay tagal ko ng itinago ito mula sa kaloob'looban ko. At masaya ako na sa wakas, nailabas ko rin lahat. 

"Bi, bakit ngayon mo lang toh sinabi? Why did you keep this as a secret sa akin? You did not even mention this nung nag'usap tayo with my Mom."

"Kasi, sabi mo na ayaw mo pakinggan ang mga problema ko. And I don't want you to pity me."

"Pero di ba, we changed the rule. Sabi dun na we would be open sa each other, di ba? Then why did you keep this secret?"

"Because, I thought na tatawanan mo lang ako for crying over something and someone na naging bahagi na ng nakaraan ko. Maybe you would think na mahina ako, because I kept on holding unto the hurt I felt and I just can't let go of it. At gusto ko na kasing kalimutan ang sakit, kaya when you asked me noon about my family, hindi ko sinabi. Ayoko naman kasing umiyak sa harapan mo."

He brushed the hair that covered my face.

"Sorry for making you feel that way, bi. I promise to try my best to be kind to you, to understand you and to be there for you."

I smiled at him.

Sana this time sincere na siya.

Pero kahit alam kong walang kasiguraduhan ang mga pangako niya, gusto kong paniwalaan siya.

"Punasan mo na nga yang uhog at sipon mo! Tumutulo na!"

Urghhh! Ang galing lang talaga niyang badtripin ako.

I think he will just be who he really is.

At paniguradong walang makapagbabago sa kanya. Well sana may dumating para pantayan ang kademonyohan niya, pero malabo eh. He likes wild ladies nga kasi. Yung tipong kaugali din niya. Kaya, baka wala na siyang pag'asa.

**************************