Elsie-Rae's Having a Baby

S̶e̶x̶ with the ex

Will was stood outside the Oriental Garden when I got there, and I wish I hadn't suggested going for a Chinese, I was still stuffed from yesterday. And you know, he actually opened the door for me, maybe being with an older woman had taught him some manners.

"You look good, I thought you'd be fatter than you are," he said after we'd sat down at the table that I'd reserved last week.

I knew it was a lie, I didn't look good and I am really fat too. Despite what Steph had said last night, the pregnancy glow definitely hadn't hit me, not even a little bit; and their efforts this afternoon to make me irresistable hadn't worked. But it was a compliment and I'd take it. And even though he looked as good as he always had, I didn't return the favour.

"So, how have you been?" he asked.

That was a stuipd question, like, really stupid. How did he think I'd been, and it wasn't as if he'd even cared all these months he'd left me on my own. 

"How have I been? Are you seriously asking me how I've been? Didn't you have months to ask me that queation? How do you think I've been?" I was about to go into a full on rant and then the waiter came to take our order. I ordered myself a massive glass of red wine even though I knew I wasn't going to drink it, I was just being prepared in case I needed to throw it in his face.

"I've been okay, considering that fact that you walked out and left me. It was shit at first, like, I thought I wouldn't be able to do this on my own, but now I know I can. I thought I needed you to go through this with me, but I don't. I don't need you."

Will was about to open his mouth, but the waiter brought our drinks over.

"You're not going to drink that are you?" Will asked, as I picked my glass of wine up.

"No; it's in case you piss me off." If he carried on asking me stupid questions, I throw in his face and all over his shirt.

"I'm sorry, I did that," he said. "I was scared, I know I should've come back to your place and told you that everything would be okay, but I didn't and I can't take it back."

He looked sad and I had to remind myself not to be too nice to him. He was the one who walked away, he was the one who got himself a new girlfriend and forgot about us. "Do your parents know? Did you tell your girlfriend you're going to have baby?"

"She's not my girlfriend!"

Really, well, what was she then? Because all the Facebook posts looked like they were more than just friends.

"We went out a couple of times. And then she wanted to get all serious and stuff, asking me to move in."

"Yeah, I forgot you don't do serious. I've heard all about you, how you worked your way though an entire office, caused people to leave their jobs because they can't stand to be around you, and almost broke up a marriage. Imagine how embarrassing it is to find out your manager has slept with the father of your child; the father who doesn't want to stick around because kids aren't for him. How do you think that feels?" I knew the volume of my voice was rising and people were looking at us, but let them look.

"It wasn't like that," he said, his voice equally as loud as mine had been.

"When multiple women have the same story, of course, it's like that. How can it not be like that? One day you will probably have a daughter and imagine how you'll feel if she meets a guy like you, if she gets shit on the way you've shit on women your whole life." 

After that little outburst, the manager came over and asked us to keep the noise down or we'd be asked to leave and I knew that was my cue to leave because I wasn't done shouting at Will yet.

"Let me walk you home?"

I didn't want Will to walk me home, it was barely five minutes away, I could walk home by myself, I didn't want him to think I needed him for anything. "Yeah, okay." We walked back to my flat in silence, I hadn't said everything that I'd wanted to say, but I didn't have the energy for an argument and anyway, I'd read that your baby can hear noises outside, I didn't want him to hear me shouting and swearing. I unlocked the front door and Will followed me in.

"Shall I make tea?" he asked and I flopped down on the sofa.

"Go on then." I didn't even want tea, not really. It was weird; it was almost how it was before all this happened, before I told him that I was pregnant. We used to go out and get wasted, come back to my flat and Will would make us both tea and then more often than not we'd end up in bed together, and that's how we ended up in this situation.

"I did tell them . . . my parents, I told them everything." Will said before taking a sip of his tea. "I thought my dad was going to knock me out, he had a right go at me; told me that I was a fucking idiot."

"My sister said the same. My mum called you worse."

Will laughed, "I have been though, haven't I?"

I couldn't disagree. "It's a boy, you know. Do you want to see the scan?"

"I didn't think it would look like that, it's weird, huh?" he said while looking at the scan photo on my phone.

I contemplated asking Will to come with me to the scan next week. Part of me wanted him to be there, but at the same time part of me didn't think he deserved to be there. I wasn't about to get ahead of myself, just because he was showing an interest for five minutes tonight didn't mean that he would care tomorrow. "They think he's a bit small, and after what happened before, they want to keep an eye on him, make sure everything's okay."So, did you tell your girlfriend?" I asked because I didn't want Will questioning me about what had happened before.

"No."

So, she was his girlfriend. Lying bastard.

"I told you it wasn't that deep. We went out a few times, we had a bit of fun and then one day she said that her biological clock was ticking. She's forty-five for fuck sake, she's already got two kids, teenagers and then she was all like, she wants a girl and that our kid would be cute, especially with my dark skin and her green eyes."

"And?"

"And nothing. She started looking on the internet at fertility clinics and I stopped answering her calls, I've managed to avoid her in the office; I've got a job interview next week though."

I felt bad for her, sort of. I mean, I'd been on the receiving end of Will's ghosting and it wasn't nice; she hadn't done anything to me, it was Will who was the dickhead and I was the jealous bitch.

"Does it move? Can I feel it?" Will asked and pointed at my stomach.

This is what I'd wanted for months and now it was happening, I wasn't prepared to have Will touch my stomach and feel his son moving. I didn't want to share this with him, well, at least I didn't think I wanted to.