percabeth oneshots

as memorable as dam

hey my slightly [or very] crazy readers!

this is set in between of pjo and hoo and i got the idea from the textpost above!

in this oneshot, oracles [rach] can date, and she wants to date percy. also rachel and annabeth aren't friends in this and rachel is a practical bitch.

disclaimer - you know it. definitely not mine + I ABSOLUTELY LOVE RACHEL ALR? THIS IS JUST FOR THE ONESHOT

enjoy!

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Thalia P.O.V 

"What do you wanna do?" Percy asked.

I looked at him blankly.

Since the Hunters were here at Camp, Percy suggested that Grover, Annabeth and I should come to his cabin, like the old times.

I loved Annabeth and Percy, but I was glad Grover was there. I mean, they both were always so...relationship-y, now that they were dating. Like right now, Percy had his arm around Annabeth and she was comfortably nestled into his side, reading a book. They deserve to be happy, of course, but my hunter side came out.

Grover responded to Percy, "Eat some cans?"

Percy cocked an eyebrow, and I was about to reply snarkily, but was rudely interrupted by a door opening.

There stood none other than the oracle A.K.A the most hated person at camp A.K.A Rachel Elizabeth Dare.

Apparently, she likes Percy but he's dating Annabeth. So Rachel gave Annabeth a hard time. Actually, she acted superior to everyone at Camp Half-Blood. I swear if she was a mere mortal, everybody would take chances torturing her, starting with the Ares and Athena cabins. But, of course, fate.

Grover said, with contempt,  "Hey, Rach." Wow, he really must hate her. Normally Grover was kind, sweet and he never hated anybody. 

She glared at him, "It's Rachel. R-A-C-H-E-L, Rachel. Oh, right but I forgot you're all illegible. Except you, Percy, of course. Sorry." Rachel smiled sweetly but evilly.

She DID not. 

I plastered a fake smile over my face, "Oh, no, Rachel, I'm perfectly legible, including Miss Chase and Mr. Underwood here. I thought you'd see Annabeth was reading a book, but then I remembered you had never heard of that word. I thought you had an IQ of 22. Well, you can spell your own name, I guess that's good. I proceed to my answer, you're final IQ is 27, give or take." Holy shit, By the end, my voice and smile were as sweet as blue frosted cupcakes Percy liked. And, believe me when I say this, those are sweet. 

Percy and Grover smirked.

Rachel was trying to ignore me, I could see that. So she looked at the Son of Poseidon, "Heyyyyyy, Percy."

He looked at his lap and muttered, "Hi, Rachel. What do want?"

I added in, sarcastically, "Also, ever heard of knocking before barging in?"

"Oooh. Straight to the point." She said, ignoring me. "Well, I was thinking you should dump that nerdy girlfriend of yours and have some fun with me."

I clenched my hands. Nobody talks to 'Beth like that. I opened my mouth, but Percy cut a look my way. Damn him! I'd never agree to this, but Percy was actually really scary when he wanted to be.

"Shut up. Get a hint, bro. I don't like you. I like Annabeth, and even if we broke up - it's not gonna happen, Chase, calm down." It was true, Annabeth had finally looked up from her book. She looked like she wanted to slaughter a whole army of monsters. Percy continued after he saw his girlfriend smile widely and return to her book. "Even if we broke up, I would never date you."

In my mind, I silently said, 'I would've straight up punched her, but well played, Kelp Head.'

Rachel humphed and walked out, swaying her hips aggressively. 

But before going out, Rachel turned around and flipped her hair. She actually smiled a genuine smile, like she thought was she was going to say next was gonna change Percy's affection. "Hey, Perce! Are you wearing space pants? 'Cause your ass is out of this world." Rachel batted her eyelashes.

Percy, being the idiot he is, looked down. He saw he was wearing blue jeans. It took Percy 5 solid seconds to understand what Rachel had said, and when he did realize, his face redder than ripe tomatoes!

Grover and I on the other hand, understood immediately. While Grover looked slightly amused, but also mortified for his best friend, I had my hand over my mouth, trying not to laugh. My shoulders were shaking from the effort.

Annabeth, though, was the one that answered. She looked up from her book and answered sweetly, "No, Rach. he's actually wearing softball pants. 'Cause his ass his out of your league."

I couldn't take it anymore. I hunched over laughing my head off. I fell onto the floor, holding my stomach, laughing so hard there were tears rolling down my face. 

Meanwhile, there was steam coming out of Rachel's ears. Her face was even redder than Percy's! She tore at her hair, and stomped out, slamming the door closed for good measure.

As soon as R.E.D left, Annabeth and Grover also doubled over with laughter.

Percy was pouting. "This isn't funny, guys."

I said between laughs, "Yeah it isn't funny, it's super funny! You should have seen your face when Rachel said that." I mimicked his face perfectly.

This made Grover and Annabeth laugh even more. Even Percy couldn't resist a chuckle. That turned to full-blown laughter.

When we finally stopped laughing [which was like an hour later], Grover said, "The 'pants' joke is definitely as memorable as the 'dam' joke."

We all agreed. There was a moment of silence, all of us glancing at each other's faces, and then we started giggling again.

Yeah, it was good to be back with my best friends.

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THALS AND GROVER APPRECIATION PLEASE AND THANK YOU

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brason == japler 🤡