Set You Free (CANEM)

LIX

There is freedom waiting for you on the breezes of the sky.

And you ask, "What if I fall?".

Oh but my darling, What if you fly?

- Erin Hanson

-

The wind blew in a brewing storm and darkness cascaded along the hills of the land. The rain would come and it would come fast. As far as the eye could see, clouds bulged where empty blue sky resided and they darkened with the passing of time.

He felt his footsteps pull him out of that dusty road as other people did too. The street vendors, the tourists, the locals. His body pulled him in the direction of a near open door and he pulled up his hood for the duration of the walk.

The hot baking sun soon disappearing behind the clouds.

Stepping inside, the rain fell behind him, down onto the concrete. He was now safe and dry. Shaking off the droplets of water, his mind felt awfully spaced out, gazing around the room in interest. The tall beams and columns of the interior and the wood that accentuated every wall kept catching his eye. Lowering his hood, he decided it was best to remain inside and continued in his exploration. There were posters on every wall and only now was it clear that it was a theatre of kinds or an old type of cinema. 

Approaching the booth, he waited for an individual to purchase their ticket before he bought his own. There seemed to be only one movie screening at that point as it was the middle of the day. 

"Kötü Kral"

He almost laughed at the irony of it. Another bitter reminder of something he had to relive and endure. 

Sighing a little at the slow speed of the transaction in front of him, he leaned slightly to sneak a peek of the cashier behind the woman who stood before him. He stepped back a little when she adjusted herself and he returned to admiring the room.

All at once, like the crash of a ship, his head snapped to her.

Sanem?

The familiar smell that drifted through the air. Like the sea breeze or a summer day. She walked the earth freely but her feet never made contact with the ground. She could not be anchored. It was as if she belonged to no one, to nothing, to nowhere. Watching her, he could only see her for who she was - a free spirit, a wandering star.

It couldn't be. Not there. That is impossible.

At the same time as the wonder serenaded him with the most beautiful song of longing and love, the ignominy flooded through his core, as if just to think about her again was a crime. A crime that would result in a never-ending polemic that was to follow him wherever he may go.

Holding himself back from touching her, he closed his eyes for a moment and remembered how it all was. She used to fit into his arms like she was made to be there. And now she would show him what it meant to hold onto something he could never hold onto.

She smiled, thanking the old man in the booth for his cooperation and the ticket, and with the swift suddenness of the wind, she was gone.

He had never moved so quickly before but he purchased a ticket with haste. He told the man to keep the change and headed in the direction of her spirit.

Turning the corner, his heart thudded like the dropping of a stone and he grew motionless. The woman, graceful but confident in her movements, sat down in the middle of the theatre. 

He could not pinpoint it. She was the antithesis of what he had ever expected, that was if he was ever to see her again. Life went on, it had done. It was not the same, but it went on. Admiring her now when she thought she was alone was something different.

Walking to the back of the hall, he sat down.

It was just her and him.

Soon, the movie began to whirl as old films did but he was not looking at the screen. Engrossed in the plot, she smiled and laughed proudly. She was happy. It was clear now. She lived for herself and nobody else. She lived for herself and enjoyed her own company.

There was no care in the world.

His head leaned to one side in fascination as he watched the woman, a grin rising his cheekbones. he watched her beauty and her pride.

Oh god, I love her.

With cheeks rosy and round like peaches, she grinned and expressed all she felt. To be happy but alone; what a strange yet powerful concept.

And only with the love she had grown herself, for herself, she was able to brighten the entire room.

-

Can awoke, the blinding lights of the mid-morning shining directly at him from a nearby window. It took him a little while to settle but gradually, he remembered where he was.

Everything around him appeared as though he was looking through an old polaroid. From the sky to the dusty soil, everything held a hue of summer; it looked like everything was saturated in warmth. The shutters stood propped open and the drapes blew slightly against the gentle breeze that came in from the coast. Despite this, Can looked down to his bare chest and his torso was covered in a thick layer of sweat; his tanned skin shining, damp against the sunlight. 

He creased his forehead between his eyebrows and rubbed his glabella, groaning in his consciousness. Another day where he was not back at home. Another day where he was instead, away on business. Reaching over to the bedside table, he clicked on his phone and checked the day.

He sighed gruffly.

It had been four days, and that had already felt like forever.

Stretching his arms outwards, Can got up from his bed. He knew he should be grateful. In a week or so, he would be sleeping in tents of gazebos. So it was clear that this infrequent time should be appreciated but it was difficult when he had so much on his mind, especially when he had just gotten up.

Can leant against the window frame and looked out onto the landscape. He had expected a different outlook if he was being honest. Usually when he was given a new area to photograph and examine, the surroundings would appear unsanitary and barren of life but what he could see were some greenery and cattle. Even though this was the case, he knew it may change as he moved from the outskirts to the cities.

Onto a different topic, his mind focused on Sanem.

That dream had been telling him something but whatever it was, it was nice to have that memory again, to relive that brief moment in their parting. To feel that love, shock, guilt and sadness all at once. It only made him miss her more. He longed to hold her and tell her what had happened. Even she did not know that this meeting ever took place.

He sighed, feeling the breeze against his rough skin.

It was now only to be two months, less than that if he could help it. The moment he knew he had finished what he went there to complete, he would return to her and they would be together again. For now, the longing and sickness lay at the pit of his stomach, reminding him that all was not well when she was away. 

He reached down into his pocket and felt the soft fabric of her token, the scarf of hers that always kept him company. He felt its softness between his fingertips and closed his eyes, trying to personify this inanimate object, trying to conjure her into being. He sighed gently and put the fabric back deep into his pocket, keeping it safe. 

This plan of his better work, he had discussed it many times with Metin, Akif and their other representatives. He would do just what was necessary, ensure that everything they predicted would occur and as soon as it did, Can would return to her side again. For now, he needed to guarantee the other characters played their part.

Combing through his beard with his fingers, he nodded to himself.

He would do this for her.