Autumn Leaves / Park Jimin fanfiction

59. Loss

Razbliuto
The sentimental you have about someone you once loved but no longer do.

-

Autumn's POV

"I need to leave." Yoongi dead panned, looking me in the eyes.

"What? But we just found you," I shouted getting up from the bed. This was unbelievable, how could he have the nerves to leave me again.

"I can't be around you Autumn," he shifted his eyes down to the floor, fumbling with his hands.

"Are you joking Yoongi" I laughed in desperation, "what do you mean you can't be around me? What makes you think you can just leave whenever you feel like it." I grabbed his pillow in my hands, lifting it above me head getting ready to launch it at his face. I was beyond angry at this point. My ex boyfriend was just murdered by my best friend and he thinks it's an acceptable time to spring this up on me.

"It's too difficult seeing you with Jimin," he mumbled. I scoffed, "Oh grow up, would you. This is pathetic. I know you don't like him but this is just -"

"I love you," Yoongi blurted out, cutting me off mid-sentence.

"What?" I lowered the pillow in my hand so it fell by my side. My legs started to shake slightly and I felt a sick feeling in my stomach. "I love you Autumn and I can't just sit back and watch you with another man." Yoongi looked up at me, his eyes sad and full of regret.

"Why didn't you say anything before?" I sat back down next him, mostly because I was finding it hard to keep myself up.

"What difference would it have made?" he shrugged.

"I'm sorry," it came out as a whisper. "No, I'm the one that should be sorry, I'm the one who fucked things for us the moment I left," Yoongi spoke, almost in anger. "I'm not leaving you forever, but I need time. A lot of time," he added.

"Where are you going?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Back to Incheon. I want to pursue my love of music," A faint smile appeared on Yoongi's lips.

"I understand but you also have to understand how difficult this is for me." I'd promised myself I wouldn't let him leave a second time, but that's exactly what was happening and it was out of my control.

"I know and I'm sorry, but this is what's best for the both of us." He took hold of my hand and began rubbing circles on the back of it.

"When are you leaving?" I questioned trying to stop the tears from falling again. "Tomorrow," he sighed.

"What about Jungkook?" The last time Yoongi had left he had been distraught. I couldn't bear to watch him breakdown again as he found out he'd lost his brother a second time. "I want him to come with me." I little wave of relief flooded through me, followed by nausea at the realisation that I would also be loosing Jungkook. All I could do was nod my head in response as I freely let the tears fall down my cheeks.

-

Today was the day.
Taehyung's funeral.

It had been planned by his family, who'd apparently been absolutely overcome with grief with the news of their sons death. It was bullshit. His parents had divorced some years ago, his dad spent most of his life behind bars and his mum was a raging alcoholic. I stood in all black from head to toe with my hair tied back off my face. Jimin hadn't wanted me to go, neither had Hobi, but a part of me felt obliged too. I had more history with Taehyung than the others, no matter how much I wanted to push it too the back of my mind he would always still be there, even if it was just as a memory.

There weren't many people here, the church only half full at most. I recognised a few people, family, some friends and others I'm sure I've seen before but can't put a name to their face. The sun shone brightly outside despite the wintry breeze. I'd always thought of funerals on dark, gloomy days but today contrasted that completely. Birds sang in the trees and flowers bloomed outside the church. Life went on.

I was sat in a pew towards the back, no one near enough to be able to talk to me, just as I had wanted. The service began. Prayers read and hymns sung, no speeches, no reminiscent happy memories or favourite songs. They didn't exist in Taehyung's life. It was sad really, what he had left behind, give it a month perhaps and he'll be just a distant thought of everyone in the room. I walk through the churchyard behind the others with my head bowed, trying to remain as unnoticeable as possible. Everyone stood with their heads down as the coffin was lifted down into the ground that had been dug just for Taehyung.

It was crazy how someone can just leave this planet and then they're gone. No matter who it is, if they played a big enough part in your life they take a part of you with them, Taehyung being no exception. Everyone watched on silently as they covered the dark polished coffin with dirt. I briefly had to look away, unsure whether I wanted to cry out of sadness or happiness that this was it. He was really gone.