Autumn Leaves / Park Jimin fanfiction

22. Bury A Friend

Thantophobia
The phobia of losing someone you love.

-

So Jimin had lied to me about not being friends with Hobi. Why? I didn't know, but it had only lead me to wonder what else was he hiding from me? He had told Hobi everything, from our first conversation in the coffee shop to our first kiss in London. I threw my bag on to the couch, closely followed by myself. The floor was littered with dozens of pictures from the trip to London. Some of them were regular touristy photos of the famous landmarks, but the majority were of me and Jimin. Amongst the pictures were some of Yoongi, some recent some old. I still hadn't seen or heard from Yoongi in a couple of weeks and I was beginning to worry, I had never gone this long without seeing him.

I hear a loud knock at my door, but I ignore it, instead pretending that I wasn't at home. There was a second round of knocking, this time louder and more frantic. I sit, forcing my body to not move an inch in hope they would finally leave. "I know you're home." My eyelids shut and a heavy sigh escapes me at the familiar voice. I wasn't in the mood to converse with anyone today. Especially Jimin. Yet, I knew he wouldn't leave until I answered the door. Cursing to myself, I got up and made my way over to the door. I slowly open it, letting out a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for what was about to unfold.

"We need to talk," was all he said as he pushed his way into my apartment, not giving me the opportunity to say no, even if I wanted to. His eyes scan my apartment before coming to rest on the photos thrown across the carpet. He pauses for a moment, before walking over to the photos, reaching down to pick several up in his hands. He displayed a weak smile as he looked back on the memories we'd created in the photos. Among the photos he'd picked up was a photo of Yoongi, which he immediately places back down.

"I'm sorry," I chew at my lip, knowing I was in the wrong as much as Jimin was. My conversation with Hobi earlier had made me realise I was, indeed being stubborn. I'd been planning on apologising to Jimin, but I didn't know it was going to happen so soon. "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have lashed out at you like I did." He shuffled his feet anxiously, looking down at the floor in what I assumed was a deliberate attempt to avoid eye contact with me.

"I wasn't lying, about accidentally finding your medication. It was a genuine mistake, I've felt guilty ever since, that I hadn't said anything about it earlier." I look up at Jimin through my eyelashes, his head still bowed. "I know. I was just embarrassed you had to find out about it like that. I should have believed you when you said you and Yoongi were just friends. I was overly jealous and worried that he was actually more than that and you were just leading me on." When he finally looks up at me, his eyes are glossy with tears and his lip trembles slightly as he fights back the urge to cry. "The medication you found, I don't take them anymore. At least, since I met you." He takes a cautious step closer to me, a small smile beginning to form on his face.

"Why?" I question, knowing exactly what he meant, but needing to hear it from him if I was to fully believe it. "Because I wasn't lying when I said you make me the happiest man alive." He reached out to brush back a loose strand of hair behind my ear. His touch warm and loving. as I let him carry on. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my past, but you aren't one of them, and I'm sorry if I made you feel like you were." He hugged me tightly, as if he was worried I would disappear into thin air. I'd come to the realisation awhile ago that I needed Jimin in my life, no matter what. I couldn't continue to shut him out because I was afraid to be hurt again.

"When did you become so cheesy?" I laughed hugging him back with all the love I could give. "Hey don't ruin the mood, I've been planning this apology in my head all day." He lightly pushes my arm, laughing into my neck. "I truly do love you, Autumn."

"I love you too Jimin."

-

Jimin had wanted to stay the night, but I'd noticed the dark bags that made their home under his eyes and instead insisted that he went back to his. "Who was that?" I jump up in fear, spilling the glass of water in my hand all over the front of me. My head whips around to face Yoongi leaning back against the kitchen countertop.

"How the hell did you get in?" My mouth is open, eyes widened in shock. "I asked my question first." He crosses his arms across his chest looking over at me with hurt in his eyes. I try to respond, but my throat fails me, instead an eerily tense silence falls between us. "You'd never be able to replace me, that's what you said, but that's exactly what you're doing," he continues. As Yoongi moves towards me, I step back, but he was pushing me into a corner with no routes of escape.

"I'm not replacing you," I plead, tears threatening to fall down my cheeks for what seems like the hundredth time this week, but that doesn't stop Yoongi advancing towards me once again.

"I've not seen you in weeks. You've completely stopped trying to make any contact with me since you met him." Yoongi jabs his index finger into my upper chest so harshly I wouldn't be surprised if it resulted in a bruise the next day. Yoongi never argued with his fists, he abstained from any form of physical violence, but his words were just as powerful as a punch to the ribs. His words were carefully thought out, ensuring they had a finality to them so no matter what, he always won in the end. If there's something Yoongi is a master at, it's getting under my skin.

"Because he doesn't make me feel worthless like you do, he doesn't mentally abuse me to the point that I start wondering whether I actually mean anything to anyone. I only had you and you knew that, you took advantage of me knowing I would come running back because I had nowhere else to go." The words flew out of my mouth and I knew instantly from the look in his eyes they'd hit hard. In an instant, our friendship had become just shattered glass lying on the floor.

"So what about when he leaves you, huh? Just like everyone else has. How can you not see that I'm the only person who has ever stayed by your side through everything." By the end of his sentence, Yoongi was shouting. A loud, booming voice that could probably be heard throughout the entire apartment block. I blink back the tears that now cascaded down my reddened cheeks. He was trying to guilt-trip. Like he always did whenever he felt threatened.

"I don't need you anymore Yoongi. I've realised I am worth loving, that I am capable of being loved and I hate you for making me think that I wasn't." The pictures of me and Yoongi laid across the floor messily. I didn't want to see them anymore. This was the end of any friendship we shared, if you could even call it that. I picked the photos up looking at them one last time before I grabbed hold of the lighter on the table. I held it to the corner of a picture of me and Yoongi laughing.

"You don't mean that." Yoongi began backing up from me, worry on his features that the chains he once had around me were snapping. "You need me, Autumn. Stop trying to pretend like you don't." Flames licked at the corner of the photo before it went up in a fury of fire, ashes creating a carpet under my feet. To be truthful I don't know why I was doing it, but watching the photo disintegrate in my hands took a weight off my shoulder. I felt free.

"What are you doing?" He shouted trying to take the lighter out of my hands. I elbowed him hard in the chest. He went stumbling on to the ground in a crippled heap. He watched in silence as I burnt through the photos, destroying the memories we had together. I held up the lighter to the last picture of Yoongi. It was a photo of us smiling, his hand draped around my shoulders as the wind blew our hair back. It was taken the same day I found out Taehyung was cheating on me. I used to think it was a cute photo but now I looked at it closely I noticed the sadness hidden within both of our eyes.

"Don't do it, please." Yoongi pleaded on his knees. I watched as the last photo went up in flames, disintegrating into ash below me as Yoongi left.