Autumn Leaves / Park Jimin fanfiction

30. We Can't Be Just Friends

Pistanthrophobia
Fear of trusting people due to past experiences with relationships gone bad.

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Autumn's POV

I stand dumbfounded as I watch Hobi leave my apartment. My legs feel like they struggle to hold up my weight, warning that they could collapse at any given time. I was angry and confused, but mostly upset. Hobi had explained the whole situation to me as he paced around my room, hands tugging at the ends of his hair. He'd been shouting so loud I was pretty sure the neighbours had heard as well. The entire conversation had sucked all of the life and energy out of me. It seemed just as I got things back on track with Jimin they had been thrown up in the air again.

A knock at the door breaks me out of my trance. "Who is it?" I call out through the door to the stranger knocking on the other side. "Tae," the voice yells back. I sigh quietly to myself, debating whether I should just ignore him, but my feet shuffle towards the door.

"Someone looks like they're in a good mood," Taehyung comments with a laugh as he strides passed me. I take a glance at myself in the mirror, eyes widening in horror at my tangled hair and creased pyjamas. I hear the springs in my sofa bounce as Taehyung drops his body onto it, swinging his legs up to rest his feet on the coffee table in front of it.

"Please don't be sarcastic with me right now. I'm not in the mood." I retort, walking into the kitchen to fill the kettle with some water to boil. If there was anything that was going to raise my energy level, it was caffeine.

"It's Jimin, isn't it?" Taehyung mumbled out from the living room. My hands pause briefly, before I place the mug in my hand down on the countertop, walking back into the living room to face Taehyung. He looked pleased to have received my full attention, smiling at me as we make eye contact.

"How would you know?" I narrowed my eyes at him as he shrugged. I still didn't know what connection he had to Jimin if he had any at all.

"I had a bad feeling about him from the moment I met him, all he's done so far is make you cry," he chuckled, making me want to slap him across the face but I refrained myself from doing so.

"You don't even know him." I scoff, leaving him behind to finish making my coffee. As I stir the milk into the brown-tinted liquid, I wondered why I was even defending Jimin in this situation. He'd turned his back on me, I should be hating him for it, but I'm not sure I could ever hate him. I take a seat on the sofa opposite Taehyung, knowing it wouldn't be wise to be sat any nearer to him.

"He's done this before, you know," Taehyung laid his arm out on the back of the sofa, stretching his upper body out. "Before?" I questioned, raising my eyes up to look over the mug I was drinking from. Taehyung's eyes soften as they meet mine, almost pitying me. That gaze wasn't unfamiliar, he'd looked at me like that a hundred times before when we were dating, the same one look that had convinced me he'd genuinely cared about me. I look away quickly, scared to believe them a second time.

"Yeah a friend of mine, Yiren. They dated for a while and she said the same thing," Taehyung shrugged. "What happened?" I asked, despite not really wanting to know the truth. Jimin had lied a lot about his past, and it worried me what else he was potentially hiding from me.

"He used her, that's all you need to know. You don't need to know all the details, Autumn. I just don't want the same thing happening to you. Please get over him, it's not like you were in love or anything." Taehyung pushed himself forwards so he was leaning on his knees, his dark hair falling in front of his face. I'm momentarily blinded by how attractive he looked, but I bring myself back to reality before he noticed the effect he still on me.

"Don't pretend like you know what love is." I laugh sarcastically, placing my mug down on a coaster. Taehyung frowns at my statement, an almost unnoticeable pained expression masking his features. "I know what it isn't though." He fails to conceal the annoyance in his tone, eyes narrowing a fraction as he spoke.

"How would you know when you've never even given love a real chance?" I hate myself for allowing myself to reminisce the memories of the relationship we once had. We didn't have a proper breakup, there were no heartfelt goodbyes, well wishes for the future or an apology. I left without a word the same day I'd found out he'd cheated on me and we haven't spoken about it until now.

"How did you expect anyone to love you all those years ago, when you built up these walls around yourself?" He argued, flicking a strand of hair from out of his eye. "So what you're saying is that I'm the reason you cheated on me? Nice one Tae." I shake my head in disbelief. It had been too many years since then to still get upset about it, but that didn't mean it angered me any less that he'd been so selfish.

"That's not what I'm saying," He took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly "I was stupid back then, but I'm different now. When I saw you at my party, after all those years I knew I had to get you back, and I knew to do that I had to change. I'll show you if you let me." He was pleading with me, the darkness in his eyes replaced with softness, inviting me in.

"You were the one who cheated on me Taehyung. I loved you and you broke my heart. I will always hate you for that," I speak with a clenched jaw. I stand to my feet, done with the conversation, but Taehyung doesn't let me have the last word. "I've apologised, I've said I'm sorry. You don't need to forgive me, but I don't know what more I can do to get you to give me a second chance." The desperation in his words was clear now, as he slowly inched closer and closer to me.

"If you want to be friends that's cool, but we can't ever be anything more." I move over to the front door  to let him out, but Taehyung stops me before I can open it.

"We can't be just friends and you know that." Grabbing my arm he pushed me against the wall, my hip hitting the table causing a shooting pain to travel up the right side of my body. I was trapped in his arms, I didn't have an escape route and I knew there was no point trying.

"Please stop lying to yourself. You can say you hate me a hundred times if you want, but I know you still love me. You always did and you always will. I made a mistake, that's all it was. It was a mistake, and I've regretted it ever since that day. Let me prove that to you. Let me kiss you." Taehyung leaned in, his hot breath tickling my lips. His face was just centimetres from mine as I fight the urge to close me eyes and admit defeat.

"Tae, this isn't right." I breathed out heavily, trying to combat the heat that was currently flowing throughout my body. He'd been right. My feelings for Taehyung had been locked away in a box inside my mind, but they hadn't ever truly disappeared. Maybe because I'd never gotten the closure, or I'd held on too tightly to hope, but for a long time I'd always silently prayed that the Taehyung I thought I'd known, would one day find me again. That was before I'd met Jimin, but now Jimin wanted no part in my life.

"I've always liked it when you say my name like that." He smiled, finally closing the gap between us. I had forgotten how it felt to kiss Taehyung. It was different to the way Jimin kissed me, Taehyung was rougher while Jimin had always been more gentle. I knew as soon as  my hand began creeping it's way under his shirt to feel the skin on his upper body I'd lost to him. My body was working on its own, faster than my mind could keep up. Taehyung could be my escapism, a rebound until I figured out what I wanted.

"I'll make you forget all about him. I promise." Taehyung mumbled into my mouth before lifting me up, my legs moving to wrap themselves around his torso as he pushed me further into the wall.

"What are you waiting for then?" I closed my eyes imaging the whole time that it wasn't Taheyung's but Jimin's lips on mine.