The Choice I Regret

Going Down

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Rachel’s Pov

I was trying to search Finn’s face for a reaction, but nothing. It was like he was numb, I straight away regret telling him. He probably just wants to walk away from me. All throughout high school he would always say how he always wanted kids and he wanted them with me, and now he just found out that that can never happen. And I feel terrible, it’s all my fault. I’m going to lose him again, and I don’t want that!

Looking him in the eyes I see tears start to appear in his eyes. I hurt him so much and it hurts me to see him like this. He won’t even look at me, he just closed his eyes and looked down.

“Please say something” I lean towards him, trying to get him to say at least something.

“How? When?” he panics with his eyes still closed.

“Like I said it happened when I wasn’t talking care of myself. I’m so so very sorry Finn” it was then when he finally opens his eyes and leans closer to me.

“No, don’t say that!” his hands come up to cup my face. His face inches away from mine.

“It’s the truth” I mumble

“No it’s not, when I used to walk down the hallways after we broke up, and I started dating Quinn. I could tell something was up with you, you never wanted to sing in glee club. But Quinn made me believe that you were perfectly fine. But I knew deep down that you weren’t and I did nothing about it. So it’s all my fault.” His voice is filled with grief.

“Finn no……..”  He interrupts me just as I was about to continue

“I had a gut feeling that something was going on, how many times was I going to go visit you at your house to see how you were going. But Quinn told me not too.”  

“Finn stop it, you didn’t know that I was pregnant, how could you?” it was true. He knew something was up, but the last thing he thought was that I was pregnant.

“I can read you like a book Rach” He takes a deep breath and slowly exhales.

I reach out to grab his hand in mine. I look deep into his eyes and lean closer to his face. Before I knew it his face was inches away from mine. This was probably the last time we would be this close to one another. After everything that’s happened I know Finn won’t stick around, I can’t give him what he wants. So, I may as well make the most of this moment. I close the gap between us and place my lips onto his soft ones. At first I could tell he was shocked but within seconds I feel him kissing me back. It’s been so long since we have kissed and I honestly missed being in his embrace. But I know that even though it feels so right. It would never work between us. Like I said before he wants a family and all that I’ll have is my career. I pull away from him with my eyes close. I don’t even need to check if his eyes were closed to because I know they are. We seem to have an intense connection that never seems to disappear a powerful bond between the two of us but I have to forget about it and set him free. He tries to kiss me again but I move back shaking my head.

“I think you should go” I whisper, I will never forget the look that he has on his face right now.

“Rach don’t do this” he reaches out for my hand and brings it to his lips. But as they were about to make contact with his lips I pull my hand away ignoring the look of hurt on his face.

“Finn go….” I mumble trying to hold back my tears.

“Babe please” he begs. But I just shake my head and try to focus on staying calm

“It’s for the best” I whisper, looking away from him trying to avoid his reaction.

 I hear him getting ready to say something else but he decides against it, he gets up from his place on my bed and in the corner of my eye I see Finn take one last look at me before he heads out the door and into the hallway.

Once Finn left the room he left me to cry my heart out.

Finn’s POV

My heart is physically hurting. I did not see that coming. Honestly, when she kissed me I became optimistic, I never thought Rachel would say that to me. Finchel Forever…..right? Of course I’m upset that she can’t have kids, but I don’t think she realises that that doesn’t really bother me. All I care about is that I have her. I wanted to tell her but I didn’t get the chance.

“Finn?” I turn around at the sound of my name to see spencer behind me

“What do you want spencer?” I snap in a shitty mood

“Is everything ok?” she asks grabbing my arm to keep me from walking away

“She doesn’t want me” I whisper holding in my tears. I feel like I’ve cried in front of spencer too much.

“What do you mean?” spencer scrunches her nose in confusion

“She doesn’t love me back” I mumble. It hurts to just say those words

“Are we talking about the same Rachel Berry?” her confused expression changed into a surprised one.

“Yes! She told me everything about the no baby thing and then she told me to leave.” I try to walk away but spencer tightens her grip on my arm.

“Look, I’ll talk to her I think she’s just overwhelmed with everything that’s going on right now” I know spencer was just making excuses to make me feel better but it’s not working but I still appreciate the effort.

“She’ll come around soon enough don’t worry” spencer loosens her hold on my arm and straight away I walk away without saying anything.

Walking to the elevator I try my hardest to save my tears for my pillow but I couldn’t help it. I was walking away from my soul mate. The Rachel I saw in the hospital room wasn’t the Rachel I used to know. The Rachel I know is bubbly, determined and she always had a smile on her face no matter what the circumstances. However, I haven’t seen that Rachel Berry in a long time. Actually the last time I saw her was when we were dating in high school. When we were young and stupid and we thought we would be together forever.

I find myself thinking about the ‘what ifs’. What If we continued dating? What if I didn’t break up with her? What if I didn’t date Quinn? I thought about the last one for longer. If I never started dating Quinn I would probably still be with Rachel, and more importantly she wouldn’t have lost the baby. A smile appears on my face as I start to think of the family we could have had if I didn’t make the mistake of dating Quinn again.

Stepping In the elevator and pressing the ‘down’ button I thought about where I am and realised that this elevator was a symbol of where I am in my life at the moment. The only way is down.

What do you think is going to happen to Finchel?

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