If You Had One Wish... (Smosh Fanfiction)

11 - Checkmate

The king waited patiently. Actually, both of them did.

Five black pawns hurried across a field as fast as they possibly could. Two black rooks followed. They cleared the board instantly and just kept going. "I wish we could move faster," the one pawn whispered to the other.

The other nodded. "It's so annoying." They hopped along until an obstacle came in one's way, so that pawn cursed and couldn't move forward.

Just like a real chess game.

The rooks whizzed past building after building, and almost passed their target.

A vacuum cleaner angrily growled at the rooks. "Don't come close to me, wooden pieces," it hissed. "You will never get-"

The one rook ripped open the vacuum cleaner with a single swipe, not even having to say a word. With a blood curdling scream, the vacuum's goodies tumbled out of it. And by goodies, it was Noah, Keith, and Miss Becca all covered in dirt, dust, dog hair, anything else that despicable machine might have sucked up.

The other rook zoomed past and picked up a small poodle, who was sobbing. When she saw the three dirty human beings, she howled with joy and ran over to them.

A bishop was awkwardly walking by Damien, who was holding Mittens in his arms to keep the feline from murdering the bishop. Foul words sprayed from the cat's mouth. When he saw Keith and Noah, he ran over. Mittens cursed as he bounced up and down.

"Don't you have the sense to put me down, bi(bloop)?!" the cat spat.

"Now if I did that, you'd murder everything in sight," Damien reminded the angry black ball of fur calmly. "And then all my friends would be dead and I'd have to murder you," he had gotten used to Mitten's attitude by now, so he always answered like this. Mittens quite enjoyed it when someone else talked dirty, so it relaxed him. The cat grudgingly rubbed against Damien.

"Good, kitty," Damien cooed. Then he exclaimed to Noah and Keith, "Guys! So great to see you! I can't believe that we got separated. Do you know where everyone else is?" Damien guffawed at Mochi, who had become as still as a statue. "Is that a poodle?" he gushed. "Awww!" he leaned down to pet Mochi, who slowly allowed him to pet her. "Does it talk, too?"

"Yeah, but she's really shy," Noah said, getting to his feet. He stared at the grouchy cat in Damien's arms. "And this is...?"

"Mittens," Damien said. Keith held in a laugh, and Mittens shot him a "I'll-kill-you-in-your-sleep" look, so Keith didn't release the laugh on behalf of his life. "But he told me everything that was going on." Damien remarked.

"How? He's just a cat," Noah said, glancing at Mittens.

"He ate it on accident, and it became radioactive, showing him everything that's been going on since it was used," Damien said casually. Mittens snickered.

Noah and Keith exchanged glances. "So...? It is...?" Keith prompted.

Damien dug into his pocket and pulled out a fairly-large, dull coin. "This," he said, dramatically," is the reason for our problems." He placed it in Noah's palm.

Noah glanced up at Damien. "...explain?" he asked, confused.

Miss Becca stirred, and Damien went over to help her up. "Thank you, young man," she mumbled gratefully. She turned to look at Noah and Keith. "It appears this young man is one of your friends?" she asked them.

"Yup," Keith nodded.

"Only four more to go," Noah added. He looked over to see a rook was leering at him. "...can I help you?" Noah asked nervously.

"We're currently searching for the other three," the rook responded quickly.

Noah raised an eyebrow at the rook. Three?

Mochi jumped all over Miss Becca. "Oh, you sweet one," she cooed, "always caring."

Mochi whimpered multiple times.

Damien looked curiously at Mochi. "I thought you said she could talk," he said to Noah.

Keith replied before Noah could. "She only talks to me. Not even Miss Becca," he glanced over at the lady and poodle. "I don't think she knows."

"Mochi talks to me, too," Noah interjected.

"Really, dude? What'd she say?" Keith asked.

"'I fu(bleep)ing told you'," Noah grinned. Then he frowned at the coin in his hand.

Damien put down Mittens finally, who cursed twice before grumbling and curling up into a ball on the fortress floor. Oh, we're in a fortress! Damien finally noticed. He was pretty excited, but couldn't help wondering if it was a good fortress or a bad fortress.

So, like any good sleuth, he decided to investigate. But before that, he put together all of the clues he had so far:

The chess piece, a bishop, that escorted him there, was dark. So were the rest of the pieces, like the two rooks he saw shortly after.

He tried to remember which side of the chess board was considered evil: black or white? He didn't want to seem racist.

He wandered through the fortress, then stopped when he saw a large man draped in a long black cloak sitting on a throne.

"Mr. Haas," the masculine voice bellowed, "I've been looking forward to meeting you."