The Presidents Daughter

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Aaliyah

The beginning of this season had been pretty rough for the boys. After starting the season 5-0-1 they've slipped quite a bit here in November. And with their big trip of away games coming up they wanted to be playing their best hockey before they go. But they're not, far from it. I know Patrick been struggling with this a little bit but I can't get him to talk. And it's one of those "you can't help people who don't want it" types of situations. He can be so head strong sometimes and I'm not around as much as I used to so I can't wear him down. So I give him some space and focus on doing what I need to do. I am trying to change the world after all.

Late this mid November night I return home from a meeting that ran over time. I missed going to the game tonight but we all watched it on tv. It's a mandatory at all my meetings that if I'm not there we're watching it like we are. So I walk in and expect to see Patrick watching tv like he does after every game but I don't see him on the couch. I quietly shut the door behind me so I don't disturb him if he was sleeping and go to make sure he's okay.

Instead I find him in the kitchen surrounded by empty beer bottles, at least 6 of them scattered across the island. Immediately my heart drops when I see this because I knew that if I was here it wouldn't have happened.

"Patrick... are you drinking right now" I ask him as his eyes go big. He drops the can in his hand and tries to rid of the evidence but it was too late. I already saw everything.

"Umm... no" he says like a question.

"Why are you drinking" I ask and he grows upset.

"It's not illegal for me to drink you know" he snaps. I can tell he's already had too much by the way he just reacted like that.

"I know it's not. But no drinking wasn't my rule, it was yours" I remind him.

"Well I broke it" he says and I stop. I look at him with concern in my eyes as I try to figure this out.

"Part of the reason I agreed to be with you is because you said you changed. You told me that after that night you didn't want it to happen again so you were going to change your ways. You said you weren't going to be that guy in the bar that night. But now I see you here drunken and disoriented and I'm not so sure that's true" I claim.

"This has nothing to do with you" he promises.

"Then what does this have to do with" I ask and he stops. He rests his hands on the counter and looks at them.

"Okay, it does have to do with you" he admits and my heart stops. I try to figure out what to say next but I couldn't find the words. My biggest fear was causing him trouble and here we are.

"What did I do" I ask and he scoffs.

"See... this is why I didn't want to say anything. You didn't do anything Aaliyah. It's just... who you are" he claims and I step back.

"Who I am" I ask and he shakes his head.

"I didn't mean it like that" he defends.

"Then please, explain to me what's wrong with me" I ask.

"I want to... I want to tell you but you're not here anymore. Every time I'm home you're not. You're out doing something helping people, but what about me? Am I no longer a priority to you? I go to bed and you're not there. I wake up and you're not there. And I know you're doing things that not even I understand how much it's going to change the world. It just sucks. It suck because I reach out for you and you're not there" he claims.

"Patrick I am right here. Right fucking here trying to be a solution but you're just creating more problems. Now I'm here and I can't fix it because you won't let me. I'm not changing who I am because you want me to yourself. I love you more than I love anything but that doesn't mean I have to give up on who I am for that love. I'm going to fight for us Patrick, but as soon as there's a problem you won't fight for us, you run to your drinks looking for answers when you know they're not there" I accuse.

"What would you know about my problems? Because I've been waiting up to talk to you and you're not there. You're there physically but you're asleep or on the phone with someone else. You don't even come to games anymore" he says.

"You're leading the team in points and are on pace for your best year ever. You seem to be doing just fine without me" I insist.

"You wouldn't know, would you? You weren't even there tonight when I needed you most" he accuses.

"You're a grown ass man Patrick, you don't need me" I yell.

"But I want you" he screams and I stop. He freezes once he realizes what he said and he steps back. I know he didn't mean to scream, but he can't really control that right now. "I know you're not out there on the ice with me. I know you weren't a part of my life for the first 25 years but I don't want to go another day without you" he claims.

"Baby you need to tell me this stuff, you can't just run to your beer whenever you feel like you can't talk to me" I insist.

"Apparently I can" he says.

"You're about to be gone for two weeks, is this really how you want us to part" I ask him and he shrugs his shoulders.

"I don't know. Maybe we need some time apart" he claims and I scoff.

"I thought that's what the problem was" I remind him.

"We're just in two different places emotionally. Maybe we need to be in two different places physically too" he says.

"And what does that solve" I ask.

"I don't know, I can't think straight around you. You get in my head and it's your voice I hear over everything. And I can't turn it off, it's always there telling me what to do and why. I can't take it" he insists.

"Sorry for caring about you. Sorry for wanting better for you. Sorry for putting all my fears behind to be with you. My bad" I say.

"This wasn't supposed to happen. All you had to do was just let me be and we would have never started fighting" he claims.

"The worst thing you can say is nothing, that's how we got here. And I thought we were better than this. I thought we wouldn't let life let us believe were too good to hurt sometimes. Everyone hurts, but the best people rise above that hurt and face it. I thought that was you. I guess I was wrong..." I trail off.

"I guess so" he says.

I stop pacing the kitchen floor and I turn to him. I can tell it wasn't him talking, that he doesn't really mean these things. But his words still hurt. He still needs to learn that our relationship isn't just going to be me waiting on him hand and foot.

"I just... I need to go. I need some time to think" I say.

"Wait! Don't go. Don't leave me" he begs. His eyes grow sad as he rushes around the island to be with me.

"I don't get it Patrick. You throw a fit because I'm not here, you throw a fit because I am here, then you throw a fit cause I'm leaving. What do you want from me? I'm trying, I'm trying so hard to make it all work out but I can't do it by myself" I insist.

"I just want to be with you" he claims.

"And I want to be with the man who supports me and knows that when I'm here I'm all his. Not whoever I'm talking to right now" I say.

"Where are you going" he asks.

"I'm just going to spend the night at Amanda's. I won't tell her why, just say it's a girls night. You can get me out of your head then figure out what you really want" I say.

"Please" he begs as he grabs my wrist. "Let me fix it."

"You've said what you wanted. But words aren't always enough. Actions speak louder than words" I say.

With that I grab my things and head to the door. I look back to see Patrick sitting there with his face in his hands. He looked upset, real upset, but this can help him sober up a little and realize that somethings we can't change. But the things we need does.