forever// 5SOS

55

Ashton

"Are you not feeling too great?" Luke asked her, frowning at her temperature.

"No,"

"What's up?"

"My throat,"

"Could I have a look?" he said. She opened her mouth and he sighed, tilting her head so he could also look in her ear.

"You've got something brewing, hopefully just a cold,"

"Give me more medicine,"

"It's hurting that bad?"

"Yes," she said, starting to cry, "make me sleepy,"

"Ava, babygirl, he can't just do that on your request," I said.

"Make me sleepy," she sobbed.

"Stop crying," Luke said firmly, "stop crying,"

"It hurts,"

"You will make it tons worse. I'm going to get you a cooling rag for your head and one for dad to hold on your tummy. I will give you some painkillers, which will make you a little drowsy, but that's it,"

"But,"

"Ava," I sighed, "He's the doctor, we have to listen,"

I wiped the tears from her face, kissing her cheek as Luke went to get the cooling rags.

It was hard to be so stern with her, and not argue back to Luke. This was my daughter, laid in a hospital bed with a cut open head and feeling so sick she was crying.

This was someone who'd hidden her pain for years, and still chose to, so I knew this was be bad.

More and more tears came down her face, and I kept wiping them, and I kept kissing her cheek, so that's she knew I was there. So that she knew I was on her side of this argument because she was hurting.

"I'll get you some medicine later, I promise,"

"Just stay here," she said desperately, "I hate this place,"

"I know, I know,"

"Why are you crying?"

"I just hate seeing you so hurt," I said quietly, "I'm okay,"

"Ash,"

I turned to see mum and Harry at the doorway, who had followed Luke. He put the cooling rags on and bit his lip, looking something up.

"Hey mum,"

"Ava," Harry said, "we missed you today,"

"I'll perhaps give you something sleepy later, okay?" Luke said, putting the painkillers in, "try not to speak,"

"Ava, why don't you let Harry sit with you for a bit so your dad can stretch,"

"Okay,"

I slid off the bed and Harry got on, helping her sit up. They took my phone and I sat next to mum, gladly letting her hug me.

"It's not your fault,"

That was the first thing she said to me, and I almost hated how much she knew about me.

"This is not your fault, it's not her fault, it just happened,"

"It sucks because now she is sick," I said, tearing up, "and she doesn't deserve this,"

"Let's go outside,"

She took my hand and led me to the corridor, wiping my tears.

"I know you Ash, and I know that you can stay strong for your little girl. However, I also know that you push yourself incredibly hard to be there for other people, and be their shoulder to cry on,"

"Mum,"

"Shush, come on, I know I'm smaller but I'm your shoulder to cry on today,"

"I've been so emotional," I whispered, falling onto the seats outside.

"And that's okay, that's good. You're smart enough to know that you can't handle your anxiety on your own, and that you can try and hide it as much as possible... but it won't work. I looked after you for 18 years at home, and I've watched you grow into the kindest human ever, so why would I stop caring now?"

"I don't make enough time for you guys,"

"Ash, you visit us a lot, you drop Harry off at school sometimes. You need time for yourself,"

"But I used to call,"

"And you have Ava, who is lovely, but needs a lot of attention. We understand. You've just got to keep your head up for me, you're beautiful,"

"Ashton!" Harry shouted, "Ashton!"

"Shit,"

I stood up and burst into the room, Ava hiding her face.

"She's having a nose bleed,"

"Oh dear," I said, grabbing tissue from the side and putting it under her nose, "sit up for me,"

"Harry, let Ash sit there again," mum said, getting me more tissue. I put pressure on her nose and tilted her head forward.

"Were you picking your nose?" I teased,  hearing a quite 'no'. Harry also shook his head.

"If you could have anything from home, what would make you feel better?"

"My bed,"

"Well I can't get your bed,"

"My nice pyjamas and a teddy bear, and some books,"

"If we ask Calum really nicely, he might bring us them,"

I took the tissue away and got a smaller piece, making her hold it instead.

"What if he won't?"

"He will," I assured, "you are not looking good poppet,"

"My face hurts, like its puffing up,"

"We need to shower and brush your teeth at some point, it might make you feel better,"

"I don't want a nurse to shower me,"

"Well someone needs to sweetheart,"

"You,"

"That's a big step Ava, a really big step, and I don't know if that's too much,"

"I don't want anyone else to see me,"

"I'm your dad though love, and I don't want to make you uncomfortable,"

"I want you to shower me. I know everything happened before, and if it makes you uncomfortable then grandma can, but I'm exhausted and I don't want a nurse,"

"If I help wash your body, we can get you wrapped up in a fluffy towel and dad can wash your hair," mum offered.

"Maybe," she said quietly, "but my IV has to come out,"

"No it doesn't, next time Luke comes he can cover it. I'll text Cal,"

"Why did everything have to change so quickly?"

"Life does that,"

She sighed heavily, laying down in the bed.

"I don't like it,"